by Unknown
I walk through the isles, grabbing some ingredients to make spaghetti and other easy dishes. I debate getting coffee but decide against it. I’ll just grab some at the coffee shop that way I can go and visit Riley. I’ll have to hang out with her soon. I have a feeling that I’ll be going solo now that Leslie and Lucas have something going on.
I grab everything I need and after I pay, I make my way to the entrance. I look up, noticing that Lucas and Leslie haven’t moved, not even an inch from where I left them. They’re both smiling and laughing and Lucas is being kind of affectionate. He keeps touching her arm and I smile secretly.
Fuck yeah, Emma! You should get a salary for your matchmaking abilities. I mentally pat myself on the back, pretty impressed with my mad skills. It’s like I’m Lucas’s secret wing-woman. When I walk up to them, he’s still touching her, a smile on his face.
“You guys ready? I bought everything I could think of,” I smile.
“Yeah, we’re good to go. Is it cool with you if Leslie comes back to the apartment with us and we all just chill and watch some movies?” he asks, like I’m going to say no or something.
“Of course. Sounds good to me.”
“We’ll meet you there in bit then,” he says looking coyly at her.
“Okay, bye guys,” she says, equally demure.
What is going on with them already?
We get to the car and I tell him that he can drive back. I want to be able to fully focus when I drill him for more information about Leslie. Before I can start the interrogation, I hear another ping on my phone.
Shit! I forgot to read the last one. I might as well look at both now and kill two birds with one stone.
I open my text message inbox and don’t recognize the number. That’s weird. Maybe I have somebody’s old number and people are still texting it.
I open it, reading both messages.
I love you
I miss you, baby
That text can’t be for me. The only person who would say anything like that to me would be Aiden and he doesn’t have my number. I’ll have to text the person back and tell them they have the wrong number.
Sorry, you have the wrong person. I just got this new phone number :/
Before I can put my phone away, I hear another incoming text message.
No, I have the right number, brat
Chapter 6: Kiss Me Through the Phone
My eyes widen in shock. Is it really him? Is it really Aiden texting me? Who else uses that wonderful endearment? I glance quickly over at Lucas, wondering what I should do.
Oh, fuck it, Emma! Just text him back and ask how he’s doing. I don’t know, be casual.
How are you?
Another text comes back as I quickly read it.
Barely coping with everything. I hate that you’re not here next to me
Shit! How do I even respond to that? Of course I feel the same way but I can’t let him know that I’m practically heartbroken and hanging on to my sanity by a thread. I want him to focus on finding his son. He doesn’t need to worry about me. I’m not his responsibility anymore.
Before I can respond, he texts me back.
I miss falling asleep next you. I miss waking up to you. I can barely function without you, baby
I try to think of what to say to that. I guess honesty is always the best thing. He might not want to hear it but that’s all I’ve got.
Don’t say those things. It hurts when you talk like that
He replies almost instantly.
I can’t help it. I love you so fucking much and it kills me not be with you. I hate that we’re apart and I just want to be with you again. I want your love, I want all of you. I thought if I loved for both of us it would be enough. It’s not. I just want you to feel a small fraction of what I feel for you. Wishful thinking, I guess…
Fuck, Aiden! Why do you have to make me feel like an emotionless asshole? Does he honestly think that I don’t give a shit about him? How could he think that? I know that we didn’t part on the best of terms but still. I want to admit my feelings to him but I’m scared. I’m scared that once I do, it won’t matter. There are too many obstacles that are preventing us from being together, too many outside forces tearing us apart.
I stare at his text, trying to process it. Another incoming text pings.
I’m sorry I said those things, baby. I didn’t mean to put pressure on you. I’m just hurting. I really just wanted to talk to you and make sure that you’re okay. If I can’t be with you, then I want to at least talk to you. I was worried you wouldn’t answer if I called…
I sigh, happy and simultaneously depressed by his comment. On one hand, I would love to talk to him and find out more of who he is. We still have a lot to learn about each other. On the other hand, what if talking to him just makes things harder? What if it makes me miss him even more? I’m not sure if I should get even more attached to him than I already am. My reasoning is far from logical but it’s still a fighting force within me.
“Are you okay, Em?” I hear Lucas ask.
I blink, clearing my throat.
“Um, yeah. I just got a text from Aiden, actually,” I say.
“How did he even get your number,” he asks confused.
“I have no idea. I didn’t even have his number, so…” I say trailing off.
“How’s it going with him?” he asks, sounding genuinely concerned.
I think he realizes that Aiden really isn’t the asshole he thought he was. When I explained the unfortunate situation Aiden was put in, I think he understood.
“I’m not sure, actually. He pretty much just said that he missed me and that’s it,” I say shrugging.
“Well, if you want to call him and talk when we get home, you can. Leslie and I will just be on the couch,” he says smirking.
“Well, how convenient for you then,” I laugh. “I swear, if I end up walking into the living room and you guys are butt naked, I will have to pour acid in my eyes.”
“You could do that or you could just join in,” he says laughing. “But seriously, I’m not going to molest her. I’m still trying to get over the fact that you broke my heart,” he says touching his chest dramatically.
“I’ll make sure to take it slow with her and see where it goes. I’ve always thought she was hot as hell but I also thought she hated me, so I didn’t push it. I realize I was a little too forward with you and I know I need to settle down. I want a relationship and I’m going to at least try to get one. If Leslie is the woman for me, I’m not going to fuck that up.”
“Is it just me or have you matured right before my very eyes?” I ask grinning.
“Yeah, well, don’t get used to it. You’re rubbing off on me, Em. All that commitment and relationship ship shit got planted in my head when I met you,” he says.
Leslie is one lucky woman. I see the determination in Lucas and I envy her. They have so much ahead of them, unlike Aiden and I do. They don’t have the demons that haunt then, the endless barricades that block them from being together.
I smile at him and realize how close we are to the apartment.
“New single by Miley Cyrus coming up next. Hope you guys like it,” the radio DJ announces.
“Oh, fuck. Not more bullshit from her,” Lucas mutters at the radio.
I laugh at his evident disgust and decide to give the song a chance. I’m not one for pop music but mortifyingly liked Party in the U.S.A. back in the day. Ugh, so embarrassing!
I listen to lyrics, cringing at its meaning. She sings about a wrecking ball and what not, knocking down someone’s walls and being wrecked in the process. Hmmm…is this some cruel, weird coincidence? Because this sounds like the anthem to my life right now.
I chuckle, hating the irony and how the song describes me so much. Damn you, Miley! You just captured my exact feelings and packaged them into a cute little teen pop song, practically shoving it down my throat. You’re good, bitch. Too good.
We finally get to the apartment and Lu
cas insists on carrying all of the groceries inside.
“Should I tip you or something?” I ask him playfully.
“Just being a gentleman, Em. The old Lucas would definitely require a tip but not one involving money,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Ok, gross. Point taken. I’ll just accept the chivalry then,” I laugh.
“Wise choice,” he says smirking.
We reach the apartment building and notice Leslie waiting for us by the door, looking happy to see us. Well, when I say us, I mean Lucas in particular. I smile at her enthusiasm, mentally high-fiving myself.
“So, I’m going to go and put away groceries and maybe join you guys later. I have some stuff to do,” I say casually.
“Okay, girl,” Leslie says, still eyeing Lucas.
I probably could’ve said that I was going to go into my room, slit my wrists and bleed to death and she still would’ve said, “Okay.” Ah, young love. So cute and sickening.
We all head inside and I make my way over to the kitchen, putting away my meager purchases. I glance over at them and notice that they’re whispering and giggling. I shake my head, realizing that going into my room for a while is definitely a good thing.
I make my way into my room and flop down onto the air mattress. I take my phone out of my purse and see no new texts from Aiden. He probably wanted to give me space due to the last few messages. I’m sure he thinks that he’s turned me off, which is the furthest from the truth. I realize that I want him to flood my phone with texts. I want him to say that he loves and misses me. I want to know that he’ll never give up on me, on us.
I mess with my phone, debating whether or not I should call him. I don’t even know if I can talk to him without my voice shaking. Talking to him on the phone scares the shit out of me and I have no idea why.
Jesus Christ, Emma! You’re not giving a public speech for fucks sake. Calm your ass down! Just breathe and mellow out.
I blow out a few large puffs of air, desperately wanting to hear his voice on the other end of the phone. To hear him speak against my ear is what I need more than anything right now. If that’s the only thing he can give me, I’ll take it.
My fingers freeze over his phone number and I quickly press talk. C’mon, please answer, Aiden. I need you.
The phone rings a few times and just as I’m about to hang up, he answers.
“I’m sorry I didn’t answer sooner, baby. I just got out of the shower,” he says deeply.
“Oh, um, that’s okay. I shouldn’t have called. I know that you just texted me, so if you want to do that instead, it’s cool,” I say nervously.
“No, of course not. I love the fact that you called me, Emma,” he chuckles. “You sound so cute and nervous on the phone. Is that how you are with everyone or just me,” he asks amused.
“Just you, for some reason,” I say, laughing now too.
“I know when we last saw each other it was….fuck, complicated, I guess. You definitely had to deal with a lot of shit and I wasn’t in the best place when I told you. I’m so sorry, baby. Can you ever forgive me?” he asks, his voice slighting wavering.
“I can try, Aiden. I jumped to conclusions and you were angry…all because of me and Lucas. I was stupid and childish and I deserved what I got,” I say to him.
“Don’t say that, Emma. Nobody, you especially, deserved to be screwed up against a wall behind a bar. I was an asshole and I hate myself for behaving that way. I let my anger and frustration take over. The way I behaved…that was the old me, Emma. I never wanted you to see that side of me. You deserve the very best side of me and I’m working on giving you that. I’ll be whatever you need. I just need all of you to do that, baby,” he breathes out.
“Aiden, I…I don’t know if I can do that right now. Things are so fucked up right now and we aren’t the most important thing right now. Finding your son is,” I say truthfully.
“Fuck, Emma. Don’t you think I don’t know that?! I hate that I feel like I’m choosing everything else over you. I just don’t trust Jessica. I feel like if she knew how much you mean to me, she’d drag you through the mud. She’s even more vindictive than I originally thought. I underestimated her and now I’m paying the price. She may have the upper hand now but she won’t for much longer.”
“Do you have any leads on where your son might be,” I ask, praying that he does.
“Maybe. I’m in California right now and the P.I. that I hired found out that Jessica’s parents moved to Washington recently. They had moved down to California with her shortly after she left me. The most likely probability is that he’s with them or with another family member of hers,” he breathes out.
“Well, I hope you find out more soon, Aiden. I…want you to come home,” I say, my voice cracking.
God, of all the times to have waterworks, now is not the time.
“Emma, baby, please don’t cry. You have no idea how much I’ve imagined hearing you say those words. I didn’t know if I killed any feelings you had for me when I left. I hoped, I fucking prayed that my love for you would be enough. That it would be enough to give you hope. I will never, ever give up on us. I know that you’re worth it and I’ll risk whatever I have to get you. You need to decide if I’m worth it. You’re the other half of me and I will do anything to prove that. Just be patient with me,” he says.
“I want us to work, so fucking much. You are worth it, it’ just…it’s not that black and white. I’m not sure if I have hope. I’ve always been the pessimist, expecting the worst out of everything. We didn’t get off to a good start and it just seems like things are only getting worse. Our relationship is like quicksand, Aiden. It’s fast paced, dangerous, and we’re both sinking within it. What if we go under too far and can’t get out? I’ll wait for you, but I won’t let you consume me. I’m sorry,” I say dejectedly. “I just can’t get past the fact that you lied to me, Aiden. I can forgive you, I think, but I can’t forget. Knowing that you were, are married is difficult to swallow.”
I’m lying, flat-out lying to him right now. He already has consumed me. I wish that I was untouchable but I’m not. I’m susceptible to anything he does and I hate it. I hate that he can break me, build me. I should be in control of me, not him.
You moved to Astoria to live for yourself again. Well, congratulations, Emma. That idea never even left the ground.
“I’m not asking you to risk everything, baby. I just want you to hold on and wait for me to fix everything. You might not have hope but I do. We’ve both had so much shit happen to us. You think that the cycle will continue but I don’t. I think that our time of pain will end soon. Don’t you think that both of us finally deserve happiness?” he says.
“Of course I think we do. But thinking it and having it actually happen are two different things. I won’t delude myself into thinking otherwise,” I breathe out.
“Fuck, Emma. I can tell that we won’t reach an agreement on this and that’s okay…for now. I don’t even want to think about this shit anymore, to be honest. If I have to prove it to you, then I will. I really just want to talk and text you while I’m away. No heavy shit. Just whatever you want to talk about, baby. It’s up to you,” he says.
“Well, I guess we could talk about normal stuff. We only know select information about each other. We probably should have done that when we first met though,” I chuckle, wiping away nearly dried tears.
“That being true, I wouldn’t change the order of events. That’s just how we are with each other. We don’t do things the normal way, Emma. Accept it,” he laughs.
“Fuck you, Aiden. I know you’re right, so just shut it,” I say laughing.
“I’ve missed that smart mouth, brat. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it,” he sighs.
“That mouth can do way more than just be smart,” I retort.
“Oh, I have proof of that fact. I wish you could prove it to me again, right now,” he says huskily.
“Well, I’m pretty sure I can’t do that thr
ough the phone and Skype isn’t that advanced. Wait a few years for the technology and maybe I can help you out,” I chuckle.
“I’m pretty sure I can’t wait that long, baby. I’ve had to make do with cold showers lately. I was celibate before you came along, and you pretty much blew my remaining willpower to pieces. I can’t help wanting you all the fucking time. You’re addictive, Emma,” he groans.
“Go online and watch porn or something. I’m sure you did that before you met me,” I suggest.
“You honestly think I can watch that and be satisfied? It would be pointless, plus, I wouldn’t even want to see another woman like that. You’re it for me, baby. You’re the only one I want to see and I’m the only man you should want to see,” he says gruffly.
Shit! He’s probably wondering about the whole Lucas thing. I should tell him the truth and put him at ease.
“Aiden, I just wanted to say that Lucas and I came to an understanding,” I say quickly. “We decided to just be friends and roommates, no physical contact anymore. I told him about you and me and how I couldn’t lead him on anymore because that’s exactly what I was doing. I didn’t even do it to make you jealous. I did it to show you and myself that I didn’t care about you. I wanted to prove that I was okay with the fact you were married and I was replaceable. Obviously my opinion changed when I found out the truth and I had to set him straight. He took it hard at first but then he recovered. He’s a young guy who bounced back and dusted himself off quickly. I kind of set him up with Leslie from work,” I chuckle. “They seem into each other and it’s promising so far.”
“Fuck, Emma. I’m so relieved you said that. I still don’t like the fact that you live with him because I know he must still want you but…I guess it’s good to know that it’s one-sided and he’s moving on already. Although it’s probably better that you live with someone. I don’t want you by yourself. If something ever happened to you, I would fucking lose it, baby. I don’t know how I would go on,” he breathes out roughly.
