by Rachel Lee
He wanted a woman again. He wanted to make her laugh, bring her a rose and do all that sappy stuff. Oh, man, he was headed for trouble, and he didn’t know how to stop it. This train had left the station.
So he thought about Matthew. He needed to protect his son, and since Matthew seemed to really like Vanessa, he needed to be careful that the boy didn’t start hoping she’d be a permanent fixture.
He stifled a sigh, wondering how his mostly smooth life had suddenly become as roiled as a river during spring flooding. Unwanted thoughts and needs were messing everything up, and it was a losing situation. The only thing he stood to gain from this was creating another crater in his life. Not fair to Matthew.
Think with the big head, he told himself with some humor.
Then Vanessa proved she had more gumption than he thought. She shocked him by asking, “Could we try that kiss again sometime?”
His head spun. What the hell? She’d fled. But maybe knowing she had to go home made her feel safer. To hell with that, he thought, as a burst of anger hit him. “I’m not a science experiment,” he said shortly.
“No, you’re not. I didn’t mean...” She trailed off, then eventually said, “I’m sorry, Tim. Good night.”
He watched her leave, and for long moments didn’t care that she was gone. Try it again? Why? So she could go home and not fear being kissed again? Screw that.
But as his anger ebbed, he sat alone in his kitchen, suddenly feeling lonely, and wondering if he’d misinterpreted her intention.
No, probably not, he reassured himself. After all, she had run away. If she was getting ready to try her wings, then she ought to try them with some man back home.
Not with him. God, why had he ever kissed her in the first place?
Glumly he regarded his own behavior and wondered about himself.
Chapter Eight
“How do we get this off?” Vanessa asked on Tuesday, her voice startling Tim.
Sunday had passed quietly. Vanessa and Tim seemed to have reached a silent agreement to maintain a mutual distance. Vanessa played video games with Matthew and joined him while he did his homework. Matthew’s bubbling conversation was all that kept dinner from being utterly quiet.
Monday the inspector arrived and after a number of hours gave them good news. The air was fine, and if there was any lead in the house, he couldn’t find it. There was some asbestos in the corners of rooms where drywall had been taped, so it was probably in all the drywall mud, but nothing to worry about as long as it was painted. They got the go-ahead for renovations, the only warning being to wear protective masks if they decided to pull down drywall.
Tim could live with that. But now Vanessa was staring at sagging paint in one of the bedrooms, and she’d been quiet for so long he’d almost forgotten she was in the house.
This version wasn’t going well, either, he thought. Bad when they’d danced too close, possibly worse now that they were dancing away. Dang, he wished they could find a decent middle ground. He seemed to have ruined that by kissing her.
He came to stand beside her, eyeing the wall. “Latex paint can be cool.”
“Meaning?”
“It’s full of latex. A lot of that will come off in sheets.” To show her, he pulled one edge, and the paint didn’t resist. Down it came, all in one sheet, leaving little patches behind here and there. When it was done, it looked like he was holding a huge piece of Swiss cheese.
Vanessa surprised him by laughing. “I didn’t know it could do that.”
“Age and exposure to temperature changes helped us here. Don’t try this at home.” Her laugh pleased him, and he hoped she was loosening up a little.
But not every wall boasted sagging paint. He’d need to check it to make sure it was adhering well enough to paint over. Then there was the wallpaper. The paste had begun to dry into dust, pieces had left the wall, corners were falling down, but there was still a lot that would need heat to release it.
“I hate removing wallpaper,” he remarked. “Tedious. But this stuff has to go, so we’re going to do a lot of steaming and scraping. You’ll be glad to know I have a couple of guys to help, so you won’t be stuck with too much work.”
She looked at him. “You never mentioned employees.”
“Ah, but I have them. If this were my own place, I could take my sweet time. Customers wouldn’t like that too much, so yes, I have help. The guys have been working on another job, but they’re just about done, so we should see them soon. We’ll make quick work of this for you.”
“I don’t mind helping.”
“I didn’t say you couldn’t help,” he reminded her. “Just that the two of us aren’t going to try to complete this job before you have to leave. Plus, I’m sure you want to get this place off your back as quickly as possible.” He returned to his examination of the wallpaper.
* * *
Well, that had certainly been her intention when she arrived here, Vanessa thought. Find the quickest way to dump this house and put this unwanted piece of the past completely behind her.
Oddly, now that she’d been in here so many times, and was now helping to change the entire space, she didn’t feel the same hatred toward it. She was getting used to it.
So while it wasn’t weighing on her the way it had been, and her desire to be done with it quickly was fading, she felt the wall growing slowly between her and Tim.
Worse, she knew whose fault that was: hers. She was the builder of walls, and he was merely respecting what he sensed from her.
She left the room without saying anything, needing a few minutes by herself. She’d been afraid of coming back here, but apparently for all the wrong reasons. Except for Larry—and what was with him, anyway?—the people she’d met had been kind and friendly. They didn’t hold her responsible for something that had happened when she was a child. Amazing that she had ever thought they would.
The fact that her father’s fears had become so deeply embedded required her to look into her heart and mind and find the rest of the mistaken thinking she might have soaked up.
Her response to Tim was a great example. She was drawn to him as she’d never been drawn before. He awoke sexual feelings in her that she’d buried years ago out of fear. Why not let them blossom? Why was she shoving him away?
Regardless of the desire she felt, she had to admit he’d been a cheerful, friendly guy when she arrived, welcoming her into his home so she wouldn’t have to sleep alone in the nightmare house or at the miserable motel. His son had already won a place in her heart.
So here she was giving that wonderful man a good look at her moat. That wasn’t nice. At the very least, considering all that he was doing for her, she needed to be friendly. Not distant.
What’s more, she wasn’t only disturbed by her cool behavior to a man so helpful. She was disturbed that he seemed to want her to be gone quickly. Now she wasn’t the one in a rush—he seemed to be. Of course, he attributed that to her own expressed desire, but she didn’t quite believe that.
No, she had offended him. She’d just about hit him in the face with her weirdness. Why wouldn’t he want her gone as quickly as possible? She was living in his house, making friends with his son and treating him coolly, if not rudely.
Man, she was messed up. And when she’d tried to reach past her barriers and suggest another kiss at some future date, of course he hadn’t leaped at the chance. She could understand his behavior after her reaction, but what the heck was she thinking?
She’d gone from a self-contained professional into a dithering jerk in an instant. The path was clear. Avoid entanglement and go home. So why did she keep chasing that around in her head? Why couldn’t she settle? One way or another, make up her mind about what she was doing here and what she wanted to do. Become again the person who had arrived here with very clear goals.
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br /> “I’m getting very tired of myself,” she said aloud. She stood in the empty living room by herself, and faced the fact that everything inside her had somehow gotten very mixed-up in less than a week. But being unable to make decisions wasn’t like her. Wandering around thinking the same thoughts over and over wasn’t like her.
“There you are,” she heard Tim say behind her. “I thought I heard you say something.”
“Talking to myself.” Slowly she faced him. Then she blurted something she shouldn’t have. A thought that emerged only as it passed her lips. “You’ve messed up my head.”
He froze, then put his hands on his narrow hips. “And just how the hell did I do that?”
Good question, she thought, horrified that she’d spoken such a thing. He wasn’t responsible. She was. “Sorry. I’m responsible for my own mess.”
He released a breath. “You know, it was never my intention to mess you up. But if you ask me, you were already messed up when you got here. A nicely organized mess, but still a mess. That’s not blaming you, by the way. I heard enough from you to guess you were seriously hammered by your youth. We all live with the leftovers from that, and you have more bad than many. So what the hell is pushing you over the edge, Vanessa? You can pack up and go home right now if that’ll make you feel better. I can finish out this job now that I know what you want. I just thought you might feel better by doing a little destruction on Bob’s house. Maybe not. Your dinosaur bones are waiting.”
He turned and took a step away before she called out his name. He stopped but kept his back to her.
“Tim... I’m sorry. I’m not blaming you, and I shouldn’t have made it sound like I was. Coming here has rattled me. You rattle me. But that doesn’t mean I should inflict the fallout on you. I need to get my head straight. I need to sort some things out. Just ignore me. It’s my problem. Things I haven’t realized, things I haven’t faced—they all seem to be coming to a head. I need some counseling, but that’s not your job.”
“No, and I wouldn’t know where to begin.” He turned and looked at her again. “Let’s just rip this place up. Take out your frustration and confusion on this house. God knows it could benefit from it.”
Then he walked away, teaching her in an instant that she still knew how to feel lonely.
Yup, she was a mess.
* * *
Wednesday afternoon, the express package she’d requested arrived from the museum. Matthew watched eagerly as she opened it, but the first thing she noticed was the condition of her hands. Nicked, raw knuckles, three bandages...they hadn’t looked this bad since she’d been digging up the fossils. The thought made her smile as she cut the tape with a box cutter Tim had given her to use. He, too, watched but from a greater distance. Matthew was practically on top of her.
After she removed the padding from the huge box, she began to remove items. “Posters,” she said, reading the labels on three cardboard tubes. “Great, I can leave these for the classroom.”
“Can you open them now?” Matthew asked.
“After I check the other stuff, okay?”
He settled back, watching.
An envelope contained stacks of several kinds of colorful pamphlets suitable to the age group. Then a bigger box that revealed three larger dinosaur models that someone must have cannibalized from individual boxes on sale in the gift shop. The kids could handle them and pass them around. Another box was clearly labeled—it contained a skeletal model of the T. rex, everyone’s favorite. The students would absolutely love that.
And finally, at the bottom, were the two boxes she’d wanted for Matthew.
“These are for you,” she told him. “One is a triceratops, and the other is a T. rex. They’re wood puzzles so you can build the skeletons.”
He took the boxes one after the other, studying the pictures on the front and repeatedly murmuring, “Thank you. Wow, oh, wow.” Then he looked up at his dad. “Can I open them and start?”
“Homework?” Tim asked.
Matthew’s face fell. He rose from the floor then hugged the boxes to his chest. They were almost too big for him to hold both at the same time. “After homework,” he agreed.
“And don’t rush it,” Tim said. “I’m going to check it over. Then we can open your presents and see what’s in there.”
“He’s amazing,” Vanessa said, watching him walk toward the dining room. “Not many kids would have even asked.” Not that she had all that much experience.
“We all have to learn about delayed gratification sooner or later,” he answered. “Would I like to let him open them now? Of course. But then he’d never get to his homework. And I want to thank you, Vannie. Those are a really great gift.”
“I hope he gets a kick out of them. And I guess I should call Ashley and ask her when she wants me to come in.”
He leaned against the doorjamb, folding his arms and crossing his legs loosely at the ankle. “So you’ve decided to do that?”
She nodded as she began to replace items in the box. “Kids go nuts for this stuff. I’ve given talks like this before. Why deprive Ashley’s class just because of where I am?”
“Still have bad feelings about this town?”
She gave a small shake of her head. “Not as much, but I have to admit I’m kind of looking out for Larry. Which is silly, I guess. He had his say. What more is there?”
“Well, if he tries to say any more, I’ll be nearby. The guy has at least one small screw loose, to judge by that display. But I wouldn’t worry about it, Vannie.”
“I’m not, really. Just occasionally uneasy. I’m not used to people shouting in my face these days.”
He paused then asked, “Did they used to?”
“My dad, of course. He was the last one.”
“I hope the only one, although that’s bad enough.”
She shrugged one shoulder as she placed the poster tubes back in the box. “I didn’t like it at all, but I’m still here.” Then she tossed him a smile. “I have to admit I can hardly wait to see Matthew open those boxes. I hope he’ll enjoy 3-D puzzles.”
“He still plays with Legos, and he has a big bucket of them. Is this different?”
“It doesn’t fit together as easily. It also includes a washable glue for putting the pieces permanently into place. But I recommend he put them together once before gluing.”
Tim laughed. “Amen to that. Like, measure twice, cut once. A good practice with most things.” He straightened. “I need to get that chicken ready for roasting. Oh, and Ashley’s number is ASHLEY G.”
“Seriously? How’d she do that?”
“Not on purpose. She laughed about it for years, but someone else pointed it out to her. She’d never noticed.”
“I can see why. I hate having to dial letters.”
“I run into trouble because the numbers are backward on the telephone from what they are on an adding machine or on my computer keypad. I still wonder why they did that.”
“Because most people weren’t using adding machines?”
He laughed. “Maybe so. Off to the kitchen.”
Vanessa’s first call was to Glenn at the museum to thank him for pulling together that wonderful box so fast.
“Hey, I’m all about education,” he reminded her. Given that he was in charge of the museum’s educational programs, there was no arguing with that.
Vanessa laughed. “True that. But I really appreciate it. I didn’t think you could get it here so fast.”
“Like I had to dig that stuff out of an ancient burial mound? Come on, you know we have stacks of it. It only took me a few minutes to pull together what you asked for. Still planning on going skiing?”
She hesitated. “No,” she answered finally. “I’m working on the house with the contractor. It’s kind of cathartic.”
Glenn knew only snatches of her story, but he seemed understand her meaning. “Go for it. Sometimes I wish I had something to demolish.”
After Glenn, she called Ashley, who sounded delighted to hear from her.
“You’ve been gone so long,” Ashley said. “But you know, I think of you from time to time and I wondered where you’d gone. We used to be thick as thieves. So...any chance you could find time for lunch while you’re here? I could ask Julie to join us if her husband can watch the baby.”
Baby? For some reason the idea took Vanessa aback. Julie had a baby? Wow, some time had surely passed. Still, she hesitated. “I was just calling to tell you I got the materials to do a presentation for your class.”
Ashley paused noticeably, and her tone changed slightly. “That’s super. When do you want to do it? Just let me know.”
Vanessa almost laughed. “You’re the teacher with the lesson plan. I thought you’d tell me.”
“Friday, then? In the afternoon, say, one? Because we’ll be done with the necessary lessons and you’d be just what I need to settle them down a bit—they’ll be getting antsy for the end of the day and the weekend.”
“That’s perfect,” Vanessa agreed. “I’ll be there.”
Then Ashley said one more time, “Lunch on Saturday? I’d love to catch up.”
Vanessa felt once again her own internal resistance to relationships, to this town, to all the bugaboos of her childhood. This time, however, her spine stiffened. “I’d enjoy that. What time and where?”
Oh, God, she thought as she hung up. A public diner. How many other Larrys might there be out there? Unless she could get ill before then, it appeared she was going to find out.
* * *
Tim proved to be as interested in the puzzles as Matthew. They opened them after dinner in the dining room, and Matthew went over the first sheet of directions carefully, asking for help when he didn’t understand something. Tim did the answering. Vanessa would have gladly jumped in but restrained herself. She knew those models inside and out. Matthew—and Tim, apparently—was delighting in a journey of discovery.
