Ad confligendum venientibus undique Pœnis,
Omnia cum belli trepido concussa tumultu
Horrida contremuere sub altis ætheris auris:
In dubioque fuit sub utrorum regna cadendum
Omnibus humanis esset, terraque marique.
Of which we wish we could give our Reader a more adequate Translation than that by Mr. Creech,
When dreadful Carthage frighted Rome with Arms,
And all the World was shook with fierce Alarms;
Whilst undecided yet, which Part should fall,
Which Nation rise the glorious Lord of all.2
Now it is our Purpose in the ensuing Pages, to pursue a contrary Method. When any extraordinary Scene presents itself, (as we trust will often be the Case) we shall spare no Pains nor Paper to open it at large to our Reader; but if whole Years should pass without producing any Thing worthy his Notice, we shall not be afraid of a Chasm in our History; but shall hasten on to Matters of Consequence, and leave such Periods of Time totally unobserved.
These are indeed to be considered as Blanks in the grand Lottery of Time. We therefore who are the Registers of that Lottery, shall imitate those sagacious Persons who deal in that which is drawn at Guild-hall, and who never trouble the Public with the many Blanks they dispose of; but when a great Prize happens to be drawn, the News-Papers are presently filled with it, and the World is sure to be informed at whose Office it was sold: Indeed, commonly two or three different Offices lay claim to the Honour of having disposed of it; by which, I suppose, the Adventurers are given to understand that certain Brokers are in the Secrets of Fortune, and indeed of her Cabinet-Council.3
My Reader then is not to be surprised, if, in the Course of this Work, he shall find some Chapters very short, and others altogether as long; some that contain only the Time of a single Day, and others that comprise Years; in a Word, if my History sometimes seems to stand still, and sometimes to fly. For all which I shall not look on myself as accountable to any Court of Critical Jurisdiction whatever: For as I am, in reality, the Founder of a new Province of Writing, so I am at liberty to make what Laws I please therein. And these Laws, my Readers, whom I consider as my Subjects, are bound to believe in and to obey; with which that they may readily and chearfully comply, I do hereby assure them, that I shall principally regard their Ease and Advantage in all such Institutions: For I do not, like a jure divino Tyrant,4 imagine that they are my Slaves, or my Commodity. I am, indeed, set over them for their own Good only, and was created for their Use, and not they for mine. Nor do I doubt, while I make their Interest the great Rule of my Writings, they will unanimously concur in supporting my Dignity, and in rendering me all the Honour I shall deserve or desire.
CHAPTER II.
Religious Cautions against shewing too much Favour to Bastards; and a great Discovery made by Mrs. Deborah Wilkins.
Eight Months after the Celebration of the Nuptials between Captain Blifil and Miss Bridget Allworthy, a young Lady of great Beauty, Merit, and Fortune, was Miss Bridget, by reason of a Fright, delivered of a fine Boy. The Child was indeed, to all Appearance, perfect; but the Midwife discovered, it was born a Month before its full Time.
Though the Birth of an Heir by his beloved Sister was a Circumstance of great Joy to Mr. Allworthy, yet it did not alienate his Affections from the little Foundling, to whom he had been Godfather, had given his own Name of Thomas, and whom he had hitherto seldom failed of visiting, at least once a Day, in his Nursery.
He told his Sister, if she pleased, the new-born Infant should be bred up together with little Tommy, to which she consented, tho’ with some little Reluctance: For she had truly a great Complacence for her Brother; and hence she had always behaved towards the Foundling, with rather more Kindness than Ladies of rigid Virtue can sometimes bring themselves to shew to these Children, who, however innocent, may be truly called the living Monuments of Incontinence.
The Captain could not so easily bring himself to bear what he condemned as a Fault in Mr. Allworthy. He gave him frequent Hints, that to adopt the Fruits of Sin, was to give Countenance to it. He quoted several Texts, (for he was well read in Scripture) such as, He visits the Sins of the Fathers upon the Children; and, the Fathers have eaten sour Grapes, and the Children’s Teeth are set on Edge, &c.1 Whence he argued the Legality of punishing the Crime of the Parent on the Bastard. He said, ‘Tho’ the Law did not positively allow the destroying such base-born Children, yet it held them to be the Children of No-body: That the Church considered them as the Children of No-body; and that, at the best, they ought to be brought up to the lowest and vilest Offices of the Commonwealth.’
Mr. Allworthy answered to all this, and much more, which the Captain had urged on this Subject, ‘That, however guilty the Parents might be, the Children were certainly innocent: That as to the Texts he had quoted, the former of them was a particular Denunciation against the Jews, for the Sin of Idolatry, of relinquishing and hating their heavenly King: And the latter was parabolically spoken, and rather intended to denote the certain and necessary Consequences of Sin, than any express Judgment against it. But to represent the Almighty as avenging the Sins of the Guilty on the Innocent, was indecent, if not blasphemous, as it was to represent him acting against the first Principles of natural Justice, and against the original Notions of Right and Wrong, which he himself had implanted in our Minds; by which we were to judge, not only in all Matters which were not revealed, but even of the Truth of Revelation itself. He said, he knew many held the same Principles with the Captain on this Head; but he was himself firmly convinced to the contrary, and would provide in the same Manner for this poor Infant, as if a legitimate Child had had the Fortune to have been found in the same Place.’
While the Captain was taking all Opportunities to press these and such like Arguments, to remove the little Foundling from Mr. Allworthy’s, of whose Fondness for him he began to be jealous, Mrs. Deborah had made a Discovery, which, in its Event, threatened at least to prove more fatal to poor Tommy, than all the Reasonings of the Captain.
Whether the insatiable Curiosity of this good Woman had carried her on to that Business, or whether she did it to confirm herself in the good Graces of Mrs. Blifil, who, notwithstanding her outward Behaviour to the Foundling, frequently abused the Infant in private, and her Brother too for his Fondness to it, I will not determine; but she had now, as she conceived, fully detected the Father of the Foundling.
Now, as this was a Discovery of great Consequence, it may be necessary to trace it from the Fountain-head. We shall therefore very minutely lay open those previous Matters by which it was produced; and for that Purpose, we shall be obliged to reveal all the Secrets of a little Family, with which my Reader is at present entirely unacquainted; and of which the Oeconomy was so rare and extraordinary, that I fear it will shock the utmost Credulity of many married Persons.
CHAPTER III.
The Description of a domestic Government founded upon Rules directly contrary to those of Aristotle.1
My Reader may please to remember he hath been informed, that Jenny Jones had lived some Years with a certain Schoolmaster, who had, at her earnest Desire, instructed her in Latin, in which, to do Justice to her Genius, she had so improved herself, that she was become a better Scholar than her Master.
Indeed, tho’ this poor Man had undertaken a Profession to which Learning must be allowed necessary, this was the least of his Commendations. He was one of the best-natured Fellows in the World, and was, at the same Time, Master of so much Pleasantry and Humour, that he was reputed the Wit of the Country; and all the neighbouring Gentlemen were so desirous of his Company, that, as Denying was not his Talent, he spent much Time at their Houses, which he might, with more Emolument, have spent in his School.
It may be imagined, that a Gentleman so qualified, and so disposed, was in no Danger of becoming formidable to the learned Seminaries of Eton or Westminster. To speak plainly, his Scholars were divided into two Classes. In the upper of which
was a young Gentleman, the Son of a neighbouring Squire, who, at the Age of seventeen, was just entered into his Syntaxis;2 and in the lower was a second Son of the same Gentleman, who, together with seven Parish-boys, was learning to read and write.
The Stipend arising hence would hardly have indulged the Schoolmaster in the Luxuries of Life, had he not added to this Office those of Clerk and Barber, and had not Mr. Allworthy added to the whole an Annuity of Ten Pound, which the poor Man received every Christmas, and with which he was enabled to chear his Heart during that sacred Festival.
Among his other Treasures, the Pedagogue had a Wife, whom he had married out of Mr. Allworthy’s Kitchin for her Fortune, viz. Twenty Pound, which she had there amassed.
This Woman was not very amiable in her Person. Whether she sat to my Friend Hogarth, or no, I will not determine; but she exactly resembled the young Woman who is pouring out her Mistress’s Tea in the third Picture of the Harlot’s Progress.3 She was, besides, a profest Follower of that noble Sect founded by Xanthippe of old;4 by means of which she became more formidable in the School than her Husband; for, to confess the Truth, he was never Master there, or any where else, in her Presence.
Tho’ her Countenance did not denote much natural Sweetness of Temper, yet this was, perhaps, somewhat soured by a Circumstance which generally poisons matrimonial Felicity: For Children are rightly called the Pledges of Love; and her Husband, tho’ they had been married nine Years, had given her no such Pledges; a Default for which he had no Excuse, either from Age or Health, being not yet thirty Years old, and, what they call, a jolly, brisk, young Man.
Hence arose another Evil, which produced no little Uneasiness to the poor Pedagogue, of whom she maintained so constant a Jealousy, that he durst hardly speak to one Woman in the Parish; for the least Degree of Civility, or even Correspondence with any Female, was sure to bring his Wife upon her Back, and his own.
In order to guard herself against matrimonial Injuries in her own House, as she kept one Maid Servant, she always took Care to chuse her out of that Order of Females, whose Faces are taken as a Kind of Security for their Virtue; of which Number Jenny Jones, as the Reader hath been before informed, was one.
As the Face of this young Woman might be called pretty good Security of the before-mentioned Kind, and as her Behaviour had been always extremely modest; which is the certain Consequence of Understanding in Women; she had passed above four Years at Mr. Partridge’s, (for that was the Schoolmaster’s Name) without creating the least Suspicion in her Mistress. Nay, she had been treated with uncommon Kindness, and her Mistress had permitted Mr. Partridge to give her those Instructions, which have been before commemorated.
But it is with Jealousy, as with the Gout. When such Distempers are in the Blood, there is never any Security against their breaking out; and that often on the slightest Occasions, and when least suspected.
Thus it happened to Mrs. Partridge, who had submitted four Years to her Husband’s teaching this young Woman, and had suffered her often to neglect her Work, in order to pursue her Learning. For passing by one Day, as the Girl was reading, and her Master leaning over her, the Girl, I know not for what Reason, suddenly started up from her Chair: and this was the first Time that Suspicion ever entered into the Head of her Mistress.
This did not, however, at that Time, discover itself, but lay lurking in her Mind, like a concealed Enemy, who waits for a Reinforcement of additional Strength, before he openly declares himself, and proceeds upon hostile Operations: And such additional Strength soon arrived to corroborate her Suspicion; for not long after, the Husband and Wife being at Dinner, the Master said to his Maid, Da mihi aliquid Potum:5 Upon which the poor Girl smiled, perhaps at the Badness of the Latin, and when her Mistress cast her Eyes on her, blushed, possibly with a Consciousness of having laughed at her Master. Mrs. Partridge, upon this, immediately fell into a Fury, and discharged the Trencher, on which she was eating at the Head of poor Jenny, crying out, ‘You impudent Whore, do you play Tricks with my Husband before my Face?’ and, at the same Instant, rose from her Chair, with a Knife in her Hand, with which, most probably, she would have executed very tragical Vengeance, had not the Girl taken the Advantage of being nearer the Door than her Mistress, and avoided her Fury by running away; for, as to the poor Husband, whether Surprize had rendered him motionless, or Fear (which is full as probable) had restrained him from venturing at any Opposition, he sat staring and trembling in his Chair; nor did he once offer to move or speak, till his Wife, returning from the Pursuit of Jenny, made some defensive Measures necessary for his own Preservation; and he likewise was obliged to retreat, after the Example of the Maid.
This good Woman was, no more than Othello, of a Disposition,
——To make a Life of Jealousy,
And follow still the Changes of the Moon
With fresh Suspicions———
With her, as well as him,
——To be once in doubt,
Was once to be resolved———6
she therefore ordered Jenny immediately to pack up her Alls, and be gone; for that she was determined she should not sleep that Night within her Walls.
Mr. Partridge had profited too much by Experience, to interpose in a Matter of this Nature. He therefore had recourse to his usual Receipt of Patience; for, tho’ he was not a great Adept in Latin, he remembered, and well understood, the Advice contained in these Words:
— Leve fit, quod bene fertur Onus.7
In English,
A Burden becomes lightest, when it is well borne.
Which he had always in his Mouth; and of which, to say the Truth, he had often Occasion to experience the Truth.
Jenny offered to make Protestations of her Innocence; but the Tempest was too strong for her to be heard. She then betook herself to the Business of Packing, for which a small Quantity of brown Paper sufficed; and, having received her small Pittance of Wages, she returned home.
The Schoolmaster and his Consort pass’d their Time unpleasantly enough that Evening; but something or other happened before the next Morning, which a little abated the Fury of Mrs. Partridge; and she at length admitted her Husband to make his Excuses. To which she gave the readier Belief, as he had, instead of desiring her to recall Jenny, professed a Satisfaction in her being dismissed, saying, She was grown of little Use as a Servant, spending all her Time in Reading, and was become, moreover, very pert and obstinate: For, indeed, she and her Master had lately had frequent Disputes in Literature; in which, as hath been said, she was become greatly his Superior. This, however, he would by no Means allow; and, as he called her persisting in the Right, Obstinacy, he began to hate her with no small Inveteracy.
CHAPTER IV.
Containing one of the most bloody Battles, or rather Duels, that were ever recorded in Domestic History.
For the Reasons mentioned in the preceding Chapter, and from some other matrimonial Concessions, well known to most Husbands; and which, like the Secrets of Free Masonry, should be divulged to none who are not Members of that honourable Fraternity, Mrs. Partridge was pretty well satisfied, that she had condemned her Husband without Cause, and endeavoured, by Acts of Kindness, to make him Amends for her false Suspicion. Her Passions were, indeed, equally violent, which ever Way they inclined: For, as she could be extremely angry, so could she be altogether as fond.
But tho’ these Passions ordinarily succeed each other, and scarce twenty-four Hours ever passed in which the Pedagogue was not, in some Degree, the Object of both; yet, on extraordinary Occasions, when the Passion of Anger had raged very high, the Remission was usually longer, and so was the Case at present; for she continued longer in a State of Affability, after this Fit of Jealousy was ended, than her Husband had ever known before: And, had it not been for some little Exercises, which all the Followers of Xanthippe are obliged to perform daily, Mr. Partridge would have enjoyed a perfect Serenity of several Months.
Perfect Calms at Sea are always suspected by the experienced Marine
r to be the Fore-runners of a Storm: And I know some Persons, who, without being generally the Devotees of Superstition, are apt to apprehend, that great and unusual Peace or Tranquillity, will be attended with its Opposite. For which Reason the Antients used, on such Occasions, to sacrifice to the Goddess Nemesis; a Deity who was thought by them to look with an invidious Eye on human Felicity, and to have a peculiar Delight in over-turning it.
As we are very far from believing in any such Heathen Goddess, or from encouraging any Superstition, so we wish Mr. John Fr———,1 or some other such Philosopher, would bestir himself a little, in order to find out the real Cause of this sudden Transition, from good to bad Fortune, which hath been so often remarked, and of which we shall proceed to give an Instance; for it is our Province to relate Facts, and we shall leave Causes to Persons of much higher Genius.
The History of Tom Jones (Penguin Classics) Page 13
