They now walked to that Part of the Hill which looks to the North-West, and which hangs over a vast and extensive Wood. Here they were no sooner arrived, than they heard at a Distance the most violent Screams of a Woman, proceeding from the Wood below them. Jones listened a Moment, and then, without saying a Word to his Companion (for indeed the Occasion seemed sufficiently pressing) ran, or rather slid, down the Hill, and without the least Apprehension or Concern for his own Safety, made directly to the Thicket whence the Sound had issued.
He had not entered far into the Wood before he beheld a most shocking Sight indeed, a Woman stript half naked, under the Hands of a Ruffian, who had put his Garter round her Neck, and was endeavouring to draw her up to a Tree. Jones asked no Questions at this Interval; but fell instantly upon the Villain, and made such good Use of his trusty Oaken Stick, that he laid him sprawling on the Ground, before he could defend himself, indeed almost before he knew he was attacked; nor did he cease the Prosecution of his Blows, till the Woman herself begged him to forbear, saying, she believed he had sufficiently done his Business.
The poor Wretch then fell upon her Knees to Jones, and gave him a thousand Thanks for her Deliverance: He presently lifted her up, and told her he was highly pleased with the extraordinary Accident which had sent him thither for her Relief, where it was so improbable she should find any; adding, that Heaven seemed to have designed him as the happy Instrument of her Protection. ‘Nay,’ answered she, ‘I could almost conceive you to be some good Angel; and to say the Truth, you look more like an Angel than a Man, in my Eye.’ Indeed he was a charming Figure, and if a very fine Person, and a most comely Set of Features, adorned with Youth, Health, Strength, Freshness, Spirit and Good Nature, can make a Man resemble an Angel, he certainly had that Resemblance.
The redeemed Captive had not altogether so much of the human-angelic Species: She seemed to be, at least, of the middle Age, nor had her Face much Appearance of Beauty; but her Cloaths being torn from all the upper Part of her Body, her Breasts, which were well formed, and extremely white, attracted the Eyes of her Deliverer, and for a few Moments they stood silent, and gazing at each other; till the Ruffian on the Ground beginning to move, Jones took the Garter which had been intended for another Purpose, and bound both his Hands behind him. And now, on contemplating his Face, he discovered, greatly to his Surprize, and perhaps not a little to his Satisfaction, this very Person to be no other than Ensign Northerton. Nor had the Ensign forgotten his former Antagonist, whom he knew the Moment he came to himself. His Surprize was equal to that of Jones; but I conceive his Pleasure was rather less on this Occasion.
Jones helped Northerton upon his Legs, and then looking him steadfastly in the Face, ‘I fancy, Sir,’ said he, ‘you did not expect to meet me any more in this World, and I confess I had as little Expectation to find you here. However, Fortune, I see, hath brought us once more together, and hath given me Satisfaction for the Injury I have received, even without my own Knowledge.’
‘It is very much like a Man of Honour indeed,’ answered Northerton, ‘to take Satisfaction by knocking a Man down behind his Back. Neither am I capable of giving you Satisfaction here, as I have no Sword; but if you dare behave like a Gentleman, let us go where I can furnish myself with one, and I will do by you as a Man of Honour ought.’
‘Doth it become such a Villain as you are,’ cries Jones, ‘to contaminate the Name of Honour by assuming it? But I shall waste no Time in Discourse with you—Justice requires Satisfaction of you now, and shall have it.’ Then turning to the Woman, he asked her, if she was near her Home; or if not, whether she was acquainted with any House in the Neighbourhood, where she might procure herself some decent Cloaths, in order to proceed to a Justice of the Peace.
She answered, she was an entire Stranger in that Part of the World. Jones then recollecting himself, said he had a Friend near, who would direct them; indeed he wondered at his not following; but, in Fact, the good Man of the Hill, when our Heroe departed, sat himself down on the Brow, where, though he had a Gun in his Hand, he with great Patience and Unconcern, had attended the Issue.
Jones then stepping without the Wood, perceived the old Man sitting as we have just described him: He presently exerted his utmost Agility, and with surprizing Expedition ascended the Hill.
The old Man advised him to carry the Woman to Upton, which, he said, was the nearest Town,2 and there he would be sure of furnishing her with all Manner of Conveniencies. Jones having received his Direction to the Place, took his Leave of the Man of the Hill, and desiring him to direct Partridge the same Way, returned hastily to the Wood.
Our Heroe, at his Departure to make this Enquiry of his Friend, had considered, that as the Ruffian’s Hands were tied behind him, he was incapable of executing any wicked Purposes on the poor Woman. Besides, he knew he should not be beyond the Reach of her Voice, and could return soon enough to prevent any Mischief. He had moreover declared to the Villain, that if he attempted the least Insult, he would be himself immediately the Executioner of Vengeance on him. But Jones unluckily forgot that tho’ the Hands of Northerton were tied, his Legs were at Liberty; nor did he lay the least Injunction on the Prisoner, that he should not make what Use of these he pleased. Northerton therefore having given no Parole of that Kind, thought he might, without any Breach of Honour, depart, not being obliged, as he imagined, by any Rules, to wait for a formal Discharge. He therefore took up his Legs, which were at Liberty, and walked off thro’ the Wood, which favoured his Retreat; nor did the Woman, whose Eyes were perhaps rather turned towards her Deliverer, once think of his Escape, or give herself any Concern or Trouble to prevent it.
Jones therefore, at his Return, found the Woman alone. He would have spent some Time in searching for Northerton; but she would not permit him; earnestly entreating that he would accompany her to the Town whither they had been directed. ‘As to the Fellow’s Escape,’ said she, ‘it gives me no Uneasiness: For Philosophy and Christianity both preach up Forgiveness of Injuries. But for you, Sir, I am concerned at the Trouble I give you; nay indeed my Nakedness may well make me ashamed to look you in the Face; and if it was not for the Sake of your Protection, I should wish to go alone.’
Jones offered her his Coat; but, I know not for what Reason, she absolutely refused the most earnest Solicitations to accept it. He then begged her to forget both the Causes of her Confusion. ‘With regard to the former,’ says he, ‘I have done no more than my Duty in protecting you; and as for the latter, I will entirely remove it, by walking before you all the Way; for I would not have my Eyes offend you, and I could not answer for my Power of resisting the attractive Charms of so much Beauty.’
Thus our Heroe and the redeemed Lady walked in the same Manner as Orpheus and Eurydice marched heretofore:3 But tho’ I cannot believe that Jones was designedly tempted by his Fair One to look behind him, yet as she frequently wanted his Assistance to help her over Stiles, and had besides many Trips and other Accidents, he was often obliged to turn about. However, he had better Fortune than what attended poor Orpheus; for his brought his Companion, or rather Follower, safe into the famous Town of Upton.
CHAPTER III.
The Arrival of Mr. Jones, with his Lady, at the Inn; with a very full Description of the Battle of Upton.
Tho’ the Reader, we doubt not, is very eager to know who this Lady was, and how she fell into the Hands of Mr. Northerton; we must beg him to suspend his Curiosity for a short Time, as we are obliged, for some very good Reasons, which hereafter perhaps he may guess, to delay his Satisfaction a little longer.
Mr. Jones and his fair Companion no sooner entered the Town, than they went directly to that Inn which, in their Eyes, presented the fairest Appearance to the Street. Here Jones, having ordered a Servant to shew a Room above Stairs, was ascending, when the dishevelled Fair hastily following, was laid hold on by the Master of the House, who cried, ‘Hey day, where is that Beggar Wench going? Stay below Stairs, I desire you;’ but Jones at that Instant thun
dered from above, ‘Let the Lady come up,’ in so authoritative a Voice, that the good man instantly withdrew his Hands, and the Lady made the best of her Way to the Chamber.
Here Jones wished her Joy of her safe Arrival, and then departed, in order, as he promised, to send the Landlady up with some Cloaths. The poor Woman thanked him heartily for all his Kindness, and said, she hoped she would see him again soon, to thank him a thousand Times more. During this short Conversation, she covered her white Bosom as well as she could possibly with her Arms: For Jones could not avoid stealing a sly Peep or two, tho’ he took all imaginable Care to avoid giving any Offence.
Our Travellers had happened to take up their Residence at a House of exceeding good Repute, whither Irish Ladies of strict Virtue, and many Northern Lasses of the same Predicament, were accustomed to resort in their Way to Bath. The Landlady therefore would by no Means have admitted any Conversation of a disreputable Kind to pass under her Roof. Indeed so foul and contagious are all such Proceedings, that they contaminate the very innocent Scenes where they are committed, and give the Name of a bad House, or of a House of ill Repute, to all those where they are suffered to be carried on.
Not that I would intimate, that such strict Chastity as was preserved in the Temple of Vesta can possibly be maintained at a public Inn. My good Landlady did not hope for such a Blessing, nor would any of the Ladies I have spoken of, or indeed any others of the most rigid Note, have expected or insisted on any such Thing. But to exclude all vulgar Concubinage, and to drive all Whores in Rags from within the Walls, is within the Power of every one. This my Landlady very strictly adhered to; and this her virtuous Guests, who did not travel in Rags, would very reasonably have expected of her.
Now it required no very blameable Degree of Suspicion, to imagine that Mr. Jones and his ragged Companion had certain Purposes in their Intention, which, tho’ tolerated in some Christian Countries, connived at in others, and practiced in all, are however, as expressly forbidden as Murder, or any other horrid Vice, by that Religion which is universally believed in those Countries. The Landlady therefore had no sooner received an Intimation of the Entrance of the above said Persons, than she began to meditate the most expeditious Means for their Expulsion. In order to this, she had provided herself with a long and deadly Instrument, with which, in Times of Peace, the Chambermaid was wont to demolish the Labours of the industrious Spider. In vulgar Phrase, she had taken up the Broomstick, and was just about to sally from the Kitchin, when Jones accosted her with a Demand of a Gown, and other Vestments, to cover the half-naked Woman above Stairs.
Nothing can be more provoking to the human Temper, nor more dangerous to that Cardinal Virtue, Patience, than Solicitations of extraordinary Offices of Kindness, on Behalf of those very Persons with whom we are highly incensed. For this Reason Shakespear hath artfully introduced his Desdemona soliciting Favours for Cassio of her Husband, as the Means of enflaming not only his Jealousy, but his Rage, to the highest Pitch of Madness; and we find the unfortunate Moor less able to command his Passion on this Occasion, than even when he beheld his valued Present to his Wife in the Hands of his supposed Rival.1 In fact, we regard these Efforts as Insults on our Understanding; and to such the Pride of Man is very difficultly brought to submit.
My Landlady, though a very good-tempered Woman, had, I suppose, some of this Pride in her Composition; for Jones had scarce ended his Request, when she fell upon him with a certain Weapon, which, tho’ it be neither long, nor sharp, nor hard, nor indeed threatens from its Appearance with either Death or Wound, hath been however held in great Dread and Abhorrence by many wise Men; nay, by many brave ones; insomuch that some who have dared to look into the Mouth of a loaded Cannon, have not dared to look into a Mouth where this Weapon was brandished; and rather than run the Hazard of its Execution, have contented themselves with making a most pitiful and sneaking Figure in the Eyes of all their Acquaintance.
To confess the Truth, I am afraid Mr. Jones was one of these; for tho’ he was attacked and violently belaboured with the aforesaid Weapon, he could not be provoked to make any Resistance; but in a most cowardly Manner applied, with many Entreaties, to his Antagonist to desist from pursuing her Blows: In plain English, he only begged her with the utmost Earnestness to hear him; but before he could obtain his Request, my Landlord himself entered into the Fray, and embraced that Side of the Cause which seemed to stand very little in need of Assistance.
There are a Sort of Heroes who are supposed to be determined in their chusing or avoiding a Conflict, by the Character and Behaviour of the Person whom they are to engage. These are said to know their Men, and Jones, I believe, knew his Woman; for tho’ he had been so submissive to her, he was no sooner attacked by her Husband, than he demonstrated an immediate Spirit of Resentment, and enjoined him Silence under a very severe Penalty; no less than that, I think, of being converted into Fuel for his own Fire.
The Husband, with great Indignation, but with a Mixture of Pity, answered, ‘You must pray first to be made able; I believe I am a better Man than yourself; ay, every Way, that I am;’ and presently proceeded to discharge half a dozen Whores at the Lady above Stairs, the last of which had scarce issued from his Lips, when a swinging Blow from the Cudgel that Jones carried in his Hand, assaulted him over the Shoulders.
It is a Question whether the Landlord or the Landlady was the most expeditious in returning this Blow. My Landlord, whose Hands were empty, fell to with his Fist, and the good Wife, uplifting her Broom, and aiming at the Head of Jones, had probably put an immediate End to the Fray, and to Jones likewise, had not the Descent of this Broom been prevented,—not by the miraculous Intervention of any Heathen Deity, but by a very natural, tho’ fortunate Accident; viz. by the arrival of Partridge; who entered the House at that Instant (for Fear had caused him to run every Step from the Hill) and who, seeing the Danger which threatened his Master, or Companion, (which you chuse to call him) prevented so sad a Catastrophe, by catching hold of the Landlady’s Arm, as it was brandished aloft in the Air.
The Landlady soon perceived the Impediment which prevented her Blow; and being unable to rescue her Arm from the Hands of Partridge, she let fall the Broom; and then leaving Jones to the Discipline of her Husband, she fell with the utmost Fury on that poor Fellow, who had already given some Intimation of himself, by crying, ‘Zounds! do you intend to kill my Friend?’
Partridge, though not much addicted to Battle, would not however stand still when his Friend was attacked; nor was he much displeased with that Part of the Combat which fell to his Share: He therefore returned my Landlady’s Blows as soon as he received them; and now the Fight was obstinately maintained on all Parts, and it seemed doubtful to which Side Fortune would incline, when the naked Lady, who had listened at the Top of the Stairs to the Dialogue which preceded the Engagement, descended suddenly from above, and without weighing the unfair Inequality of two to one, fell upon the poor Woman who was boxing with Partridge; nor did that great Champion desist, but rather redoubled his Fury, when he found fresh Succours were arrived to his Assistance.
Victory must now have fallen to the Side of the Travellers (for the bravest Troops must yield to Numbers) had not Susan the Chambermaid come luckily to support her Mistress. This Susan was as two-handed a Wench (according to the Phrase) as any in the Country, and would, I believe, have beat the famed Thalestris herself,2 or any of her subject Amazons; for her Form was robust and manlike, and every way made for such Encounters. As her Hands and Arms were formed to give Blows with great Mischief to an Enemy, so was her Face as well contrived to receive Blows without any great Injury to herself: Her Nose being already flat to her Face; her Lips were so large, that no Swelling could be perceived in them, and moreover they were so hard that a Fist could hardly make any Impression on them. Lastly, her Cheek-Bones stood out, as if Nature had intended them for two Bastions to defend her Eyes in those Encounters for which she seemed so well calculated, and to which she was most wonderfully well inclined.
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br /> This fair Creature entering the Field of Battle, immediately filed to that Wing where her Mistress maintained so unequal a Fight with one of either Sex. Here she presently challenged Partridge to single Combat. He accepted the Challenge, and a most desperate Fight began between them.
Now the Dogs of War3 being let loose, began to lick their bloody Lips; now Victory with Golden Wings hung hovering in the Air. Now Fortune taking her Scales from her Shelf, began to weigh the Fates of Tom Jones, his Female Companion, and Partridge, against the Landlord, his Wife, and Maid; all which hung in exact Ballance before her; when a good-natured Accident put suddenly an End to the bloody Fray, with which half of the Combatants had already sufficiently feasted. This Accident was the Arrival of a Coach and four; upon which my Landlord and Landlady immediately desisted from fighting, and at their Entreaty obtained the same Favour of their Antagonists; but Susan was not so kind to Partridge; for that Amazonian Fair having overthrown and bestrid her Enemy, was now cuffing him lustily with both her Hands, without any Regard to his Request of a Cessation of Arms, or to those loud Exclamations of Murder which he roared forth.
No sooner, however, had Jones quitted the Landlord, than he flew to the Rescue of his defeated Companion, from whom he with much Difficulty drew off the enraged Chambermaid; but Partridge was not immediately sensible of his Deliverance; for he still lay flat on the Floor, guarding his Face with his Hands, nor did he cease roaring till Jones had forced him to look up, and to perceive that the Battle was at an End.
The History of Tom Jones (Penguin Classics) Page 57
