I shook my head, trying to shake away these feelings. “Kevin, I’m leaving.”
I was a different person now. I had a life. I had a store.
“Molly.” He took my arm and pulled me into him.
I pushed away. “Stop.”
He pointed up. “Look, Gus has the lights on.”
I stopped walking and peered up at the tree. Gus and another worker were standing by the lit tree; they both waved at us and smiled.
“We have to get it decorated.” Kevin grinned at me.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket. It was only two o’clock. I sighed. “We don’t have anything to decorate it with.”
At that exact moment, the double door to the hospital opened and a young girl ran toward us. Her black hair and green eyes gave her away. She was a Snow. “Uncle Kevin!” She leapt into his arms with complete faith that he would catch her.
And he did, swinging her around. “Lacey Bacey!”
She laughed with the freedom of a child.
After putting her down, he turned to me. “Molly, you remember my niece, don’t you?”
I half-smiled, nodding. Of course I remembered Lacey. “H-hey.”
Lacey flung herself at me. “You’re finally here!”
Stunned, I held her. “You’re so big now.” I reflected that kids changed a lot from five to seven.
When she pulled away, she grinned, her two front teeth missing. “Are you coming to the fireworks tonight?” Her hands clapped together. “I love fireworks. We’re going to watch them right here next to the beautiful tree.”
“I won’t be able to make it.”
She pulled back, looking me up and down. “Your mom told me you would be coming home. I guess the hospital is a shock at first for most people.”
I cocked my head to the side and frowned back. “Yes, I guess it is.”
Kevin cleared his throat. “Um, Mol.”
I glanced over at him.
He nodded to the hospital. “I want to show you something.”
A nervous flutter went through me. “Okay?”
He took Lacey’s hand. “C’mon, Lacey Bacey, let’s go in.”
Chapter Eight
WE WALKED INTO THE WING of the hospital that was the ‘care center’ wing. Where my grandma had been the last year of her life right after the ‘new’ hospital had been built.
“How is your dad?” Lacey moved beside me, putting her hand easily into mine.
I peered down at her and smiled. “He’s doing better, thank you for asking.”
She nodded, seeming to think. “Your mom was really afraid at first, but I told her that God has a plan and that someday we would all die.”
God talk. Not expecting this from her, I nodded.
Kevin stopped in front of a room. He turned back and he rapid blinked. A memory assaulted me. The first time he’d shown me his artwork. The first time he’d walked me into the barn and shown me his canvas. He was nervous. “Lacey, go in and talk to your mom for a minute, we’ll be right in.”
This was where her mother was? Janet. Immediate surprise and worry rushed through me.
Lacey obediently dropped my hand and then turned back and winked at me. “Remember, it’s okay, that’s the important thing.”
I didn’t know why I unexplainably wanted to cry.
Kevin moved next to me, not looking directly at me. “Janet was diagnosed two years ago.” He paused.
I sucked in a breath. Not Janet. She was five years older than us. She babysat me when I was growing up. Janet spent hours with Kevin and me; helping us build a tree house, teaching us how to fish. She had always been my idol; tall, the Snow family black hair, and pure kindness. I loved her. I put my hand to my chest, feeling the painful crush of it. I remembered her husband had left her a year into their marriage after she’d just had Lacey. She had been so strong, though, working and raising Lacey by herself.
“It was already stage four. Breast cancer. But now it’s through her whole body.” He shrugged. “I’m sorry.” His lip trembled and the emotion in his eyes made me want to reach for him, pull him into me, take some of this pain.
I touched his hand.
He grabbed mine back, like he would soak up my touch. “I’m sorry, Mol. I—should have told you then. I just…it was like it wasn’t real if I didn’t tell you. Plus, she didn’t want everyone to know. We really only started telling people outside of the family a year ago. She’s been living at home until…” He stopped. “Well, now the fluids fill her lungs daily and she needs to be here to get the maintenance treatment.”
Kevin leaned into me, the Irish Spring scent of him surrounding me. “Shh.” He squeezed my hand.
“Not now, Mol. She needs happy. She needs Christmas, fireworks, a decorated tree.”
Chills washed over me.
He pulled in a breath. “She loves to make Christmas stars. She and Lacey have made a whole grundle of them. I think we could fasten them to hooks.” He pulled some wire ornament hooks out of his pocket. “What do you say?”
I pushed down the torrent of emotion that had been loosened inside of me. I swallowed. “Okay.”
He moved for the door, keeping my hand in his.
I pasted on my best retail smile.
Hospitals always had a smell to them. Sterile cleanliness. But her room had that smell and the ‘old person’ smell, like death was near.
Janet was in the bed, her head wrapped in a neon, purple wrap. A smile lit up her sunken in face. She looked—old. Tired.
“Hey!” I went straight to her and tried to give her a hug. It ended up being impossible, because she was on oxygen and had an I.V. in her arm.
Janet reached for my hand. Hers was cold, but tender. She smiled. “Snow Valley hasn’t been the same without you, Mol.” Her green eyes were like sunshine to my heart.
I paused and the lump of emotion in my throat grew. “I’ve missed you.” And I had. I hadn’t realized how much until this moment.
She dropped my hand. “I heard that Addy’s slacking on her Christmas tree decorating.” Her eyes fluttered, signaling that she didn’t want to do the cry thing.
I nodded and pulled in a short breath. “Total slacker.”
Lacey held up two silver paper stars. They were bigger than her head. “Mom says it must be destiny because we’ve been making stars for the last week.”
Another rush of chills. I took one from her hand and looked down at my ring. They matched. It was weird. The stars actually matched. The top spike longer, the two side ones smaller. It was one of those coincidences that you couldn’t even tell people because it would sound made up.
Lacey touched my ring. “It’s pretty, who gave it to you?”
Put on the spot would be the term for how I felt. I let out a laugh and looked to Janet and Kevin to be rescued.
Both of them stared back at me with expectation on their faces.
“Um, just a friend.”
Lacey was determined to get answers. “A boyfriend?”
“Umm, a friend that’s a boy.” I didn’t look at Kevin.
Janet held out a pair of scissors to me. “Well, let’s get started, I’ve been looking forward to seeing how the stars would look on this tree since last week.” She winked at me.
“Since last week?” I questioned.
Janet gave me a slow smile. “Pastor John assured me that he would find a way to make that happen.”
I swerved to Kevin and he put up his hands. “I didn’t know about any of it until today, I swear.”
I took the scissors from Janet and grinned. “I see Pastor John hasn’t lost his touch.”
***
After an hour of cutting out stars, Kevin carefully puncturing and hooking them and lots of talk with Lacey about Santa and presents and God and His plan for us, Kevin and I walked down the hallway toward the front doors.
I saw the clock on the wall. Almost four-thirty. “I’m going to go check in with my parents.” I knew I needed to leave in about an hour to get to
Billings and make my flight.
Kevin stopped, searching my face. “Look, I want you to know how much I appreciated you back there. I know it’s not easy to see Janet and listen to Lacey rattle on about religious stuff. It’s been something she has held onto through this whole thing.”
“No.” I waved a dismissive hand through the air. “I didn’t mind at all.” I hadn’t. In fact, it had been quite refreshing. “Janet and Lacey are amazing.” I blinked back my emotion. Janet had been so strong when Lacey’s dad had left her…and now she had to face all of this alone.
Kevin licked his lips. He’d pulled back on his Carhartt. He flipped his hair out of his face and pushed out a breath. “Yeah, you were always good like that.”
Even though I didn’t want to be in this stupid town. The fact that we were both standing here, in the middle of life junk, made me second-guess everything.
He let out a breath and his eyes went to mine. He looked like he wanted to say something.
“Spit it out, Kevin.”
His tongue went to the inside of his lip.
“What?”
He still hesitated then shook his head. “Why didn’t you come back, Mol?”
I hesitated. “Whatever.”
“I told you to stay in touch when you came back to town.”
I was flabbergasted. “You said that as a mercy shot. A pity shout out to the girl next door that had a crush on you.”
He stumbled back, almost dropping all the stars he held. “I never gave you pity.”
The scarred part of me reacted. “Right, you’re right, Kevin. But, you never asked me to come home, either. You never Facebooked or wrote or sent an email.”
His eyes widened. “You told me you were leaving and starting a new life. You always wanted out of this town. I let you go... and then I waited for you to come home.”
My brain couldn’t handle the information coming out of his mouth. He thought that he was letting me have my life. He thought that he was doing some favor by not contacting me? I stood there. Completely without words.
Everything was jumbled inside me. My dad telling me he loved me. My mom saying she hated the store. The snowball fight. The almost kiss. Janet.
My phone buzzed. I ignored it. “You were leaving, too. You had that scholarship to Washington State.”
He shrugged, looking miserable. “Whatever.”
My phone buzzed, again.
I pulled it out. It was a text from Stan.
COULD YOU PLEASE WALK SALLY THROUGH THE COMPUTER INVENTORY SYSTEM, IT’S NOT WORKING? WHAT TIME IS THE RADIO SPOT TOMORROW?
My hand shook. I didn’t know what to react to. The fact the store was going up in flames or the fact that everything I thought about my life was not the way I’d thought.
“Kevin!” A voice yelled down the hall.
Both of us turned.
Lacey flew toward us, panic on her face. “Uncle Kevin, she can’t breathe!”
Chapter Nine
I STOOD WITH KEVIN AND LACEY, outside of Janet’s room, the sound of doctors and machines and people rushing in and out all playing a picture in our minds, even though they’d insisted on closing the blinds to her room.
Lacey was in Kevin’s arms. A painful expression on his face. He grimaced every time he heard the machine warming up to shock her heart.
It was like a bad dream. The worst movie in the world. It was the second time I’d watched and I wanted my money back.
“Kevin.” I touched his arm.
He shrugged back, his jaw pulsing in and out. I knew he wanted to hit something.
Twenty minutes later, the doctor came out of her room, going for Kevin. “She’s okay. It…” He looked tired, like any man would look that fought off death every day. “You know what it is.” He gestured back to her room. “Best to let her rest right now and come back tomorrow.” His lips turned up when he looked at Lacey. He patted her back. “Your mom’s a fighter.”
Gone was the jabbering of the earlier Lacey. She didn’t look at the doctor, just buried her face into Kevin’s neck.
The doctor turned and gave Kevin a sympathetic look. “See you tomorrow.”
My mom ran down the hallway. She stopped next to us, her eyes on Kevin. “Your mom just called me and told me what was happening. She’s coming right now. How is Janet?”
The mask of anger on his face broke for a second. “She’s holding.”
My mother put her hand on his back and rubbed little circles. “Oh, I’m so sorry.” She reached to take Lacey.
Lacey wouldn’t let go of Kevin.
Kevin lifted his eyebrows. “I’m going to take her to the front of the hospital and meet my parents.”
Lacey’s head flew up. “But I’m coming back for the fireworks, right Uncle Kevin?”
Kevin’s face softened. “I don’t know if your mom will be up for it.”
Lacey wiped at her eyes. “But, you’ll be here.”
I could see the inner struggle wash over Kevin’s face in two seconds. Then all concern was erased and a smile covered his worry. “Of course, I’ll be here. We’ll sip hot chocolate and watch fireworks by the tree, it will be epic.”
Lacey nodded, her body relaxing, again. She put her head back down. “Maybe mama will be able to come out in her wheelchair?”
Kevin’s eyes began to blink and he moved down the hall. “Maybe.”
“Okay.” My mother’s hands had that gentle shake.
I watched Kevin walk away and felt emotion bubbling into my throat. Without thinking, I took my mother’s hand.
She turned, her guard down. All of a sudden, she fell into me and cried.
***
We stood next to my father’s bed. He seemed much more lively. The wrinkles around his eyes creased as tears flowed down his cheeks. “That Janet. She doesn’t deserve this. She’s been a soldier.”
My mother held his hand, her own face wet. “It’s so tragic when you’re so young.”
I sat next to my mother, my hand on her back. “How come you didn’t tell me?” I quietly demanded.
She lifted a helpless hand. “You told me not to speak of the Snows.”
I had. The fact I didn’t know about Janet was my own fault. My chest constricted.
My mother turned to me. “You just never know when something in your life is going to take away the people that love you.”
Even though I recognized the hit for what it was—I took it, turning away from her. Not saying what I wanted to say.
“My Molly.” My father said it softly.
I blinked and turned to him.
“Tell us why you never came home.”
Chapter Ten
THE FUNNY THING ABOUT BEING hurt by someone you loved with all your heart, was that admitting that hurt and dealing with it—felt even worse than the hurt itself.
So I didn’t.
I brushed off the direct question and muttered something about how hard it was to get ahead in this world.
Neither of them had pushed me. I’d given both of them short hugs before leaving.
There.
It was done. I’d done my ‘duty’ for no other reason than the fact that they had given me life.
I rushed out of the hospital and checked my text messages. Four more from Stan and two from Sally. For some reason the system was even more messed up. Sally couldn’t find all of the purchases on the computer. Stan was asking if I wanted his father at the radio spot, too.
Then, I saw him.
Up on the ladder. The sun going down because that’s what happened in the winter in Montana, the sun went down early.
There were five stars already up. He was wiring the side of another.
I went to the bottom of the ladder and stared up.
“You better go before it gets even slicker on the roads.” He didn’t look down.
“Where’s Gus? Or that other guy that was here before?” It would take him awhile to secure the stars onto the tree by himself.
“Gus went home and th
e other guy is attending to my sister.”
Of course. Small towns. Everyone was utilized.
I looked at the stack of stars on the cement next to my feet. “It’s going to take you forever to finish this.”
At this, Kevin looked down. “It’ll be worth it – for her.”
Lacey’s face popped into my mind. All she’d wanted was to watch the fireworks by the tree with her mother. They’d been making stars for a week. All her work. My heart tugged with sadness. It would most-likely be Janet’s last Christmas.
My phone buzzed.
I thought of my dad’s tired face. My mother, telling me that we never know when the ones we love will be taken from us.
Another round of buzzing.
Kevin came down the ladder. “Is that Stan freaking out?” He finished getting off.
I took a step back. “How would you know that?”
The side of his lip went up. “I don’t have a rule about not hearing about your life.”
I stood there, motionless. He knew about my life? He knew about Stan? For the third time, I was blindsided by Kevin Snow. “My mother told you about my life.”
He smacked his lips together and bent to get two more stars. “Excuse me.”
I moved back and he moved the ladder to another part of the tree.
“I know all about Christina and her cooking.” He gave me an up and down look. “You’re too thin, by the way. She must not be that great of a cook if you come home fifteen pounds lighter than when you left.”
He’d noticed my weight. Thoughts of how many times my mother had started to say the name Kevin and I’d cut her off, rushed through my mind. “You know about Christina’s cooking?”
He hooked the stars to his jacket and began climbing the ladder. “And the fact you run too much. And Sean.” He stopped and gave me a pointed eyebrow raise, then kept climbing. “Is that who gave you the ring? Are you supposed to vow that you’ll buy bonds from him?” He chuckled, a deep, rich chuckle.
It was unbelievable to me that I knew nothing about Kevin’s last two years. Nothing. Yet he knew everything about my pitiful life.
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