Gods! Aaah! I was drowning.
I woke up. I was in bed. The Junias were making me drink something warm. I pushed them away, but they must have dodged. Crafty!
Head buzzing. Going to sleep now.
*
The thirst woke me. My head was spinning as I searched for water. I leaned over to throw up, but I didn’t. My head was falling off. A deep sadness washed over me and I wept.
‘Here, drink this.’ Junia’s voice. The smell of ginger and malt. I gulped the delicious drink down. Nectar. A sharp pinch in my upper arm as she gave me a shot. I fell asleep again.
The next time I woke it was daytime. The drapes were half drawn back. I reached over for the glass of water in front of the clock. Gods. Half one! I groaned. My back and legs were stiff and trembly. I hardly had the strength to press the housecom screen. Ten minutes later, Junia came through the door with a plate of sandwiches and, thank the gods, a workman’s mug of strong tea.
She pulled up a chair, watched me eat and waited.
‘Bad?’ I said between mouthfuls.
‘I’ve seen you worse.’
Yeah, fourteen years ago when I’d gone off the rails after I’d thrown Conrad out for deceiving me.
‘I apologise, Junia. I didn’t want to cause you such trouble.’
‘Please, don’t worry, lady. It’s finished.’
‘Yes, this time I really think it is.’
I turned my head away and sniffed.
I apologised to Helena. She shrugged it off.
‘Hey, not a problem. Want to tell me about it?’
‘Well, I don’t have to go into work anymore.’
Her eyes widened, ‘What?’
‘I quit.’
‘You are joking? Aren’t you?
‘No. I did.’ I took her hand, but couldn’t look her in the face. ‘It became unbearable. He’s become vindictive. No, that’s the wrong word. It’s as if he can’t help himself.’
‘Making excuses for him, now?’
‘Not really. I think he’s losing it. You know, an emotional breakdown.’
‘What? Going off his head? Conradus?’ She shook her head. ‘Not possible.’
‘Helena, he’s changed so much. It’s not natural. He’s cut off, like withdrawn from everything.’
‘Well, I haven’t seen him for ages.’ She fastened her eyes on me. ‘So why did you quit? I mean what triggered it?’
‘I can’t tell you the details, but I want you to ensure that none of the children has any contact with Nicola Tella—’
‘Juno, no!’
‘Or Stella Apulia.’
*
Swimming had always been my retreat. As I glided up and down the pool in the basement, I attempted to settle my thoughts. Firstly, I had to see Silvia; there was a conversation I really didn’t want to have, but it had to be done. As head of the senior of the Twelve Families, I reckoned I could throw my weight around enough to fix an appointment with her at short notice.
I couldn’t march into the palace any longer unchallenged like any PGSF officer. That privilege had gone. I hadn’t worked through that yet in my head. It wasn’t as if I didn’t have enough to do; the family, the businesses, let alone the children. At least I’d have more time to spend with them now. But my life would lose a whole dimension; the spark of the chase, stopping the bad guys, the privilege of serving, of making a difference. Worst of all, there was no doubt at all that I’d lost Conrad, literally the other half of my mind and body, my heart and soul.
I drove myself on for countless more lengths but gave up when my legs shook with exhaustion. In the hot shower afterwards I remembered the times we’d played, laughed, made love under the falling heat. I know I sobbed, but the salt tears mingled with the shower and washed down the drain in one flow.
*
Allegra and Helena were quiet at supper, Helena knowing and Allegra sensing my distress. I gave Allegra the short version. She stood up, wound her arms around my shoulders and hugged me. I laid my head against her and squeezed her hand.
‘On a more positive note,’ I said, ‘I’ll be able to get a bit more involved with your school activities and maybe we can have more girl-time together.’
She looked at me, love, tact and dread fighting it out. Her eyes betrayed her internal wince.
‘Ah, no. Sorry,’ I said. ‘Fifteen out of ten for stupid.’
‘Mama, don’t. Of course, I’d like that. A lot.’
‘No, don’t you, Allegra. Sorry, I’m a little rusty—.’
‘For Juno’s sake, stop acting like two tarts in a soap opera,’ Helena interrupted. She held her wineglass out in Allegra’s direction ‘Give me a top-up, Allegra, before I choke on all this emotion.’
After dinner, I passed a quiet half-hour alone in the atrium, thinking of nothing in particular, glancing through the paper without reading it. I folded it, laid it on the coffee table and was depressed to find I was considering an early night when Junia’s son, Macro, interrupted me. Was I at home to a Senior Centurion Marcus Flavius from the Praetorian Guard? I considered refusing to see him, but that would have been truly petty.
‘Show him into the small back study, please, Macro.’
Macro looked surprised, but bowed and went off.
I made Flavius wait a full ten minutes. I kept looking at my watch, not allowing myself to go before then. This was childish, but I was taking my small revenge.
I crossed the atrium and entered the narrow corridor. At the end, I took a deep breath, drew myself up and grasped the brass door handle. The back study had a desk and chairs, a bureau but not a lot else. Flavius jumped up as I entered. We stared at each other for several minutes. I made damn sure he broke first.
He cleared his throat. ‘I brought a couple of boxes with your stuff.’
‘I’m surprised internal security let you.’
He said nothing.
‘Oh, I suppose they ransacked everything first. Nice.’
A painful silence hung there, refusing to relent.
‘I see it was a mistake to come here,’ he said. ‘I’ll go.’
‘Why did you come?’
‘To see if you were okay.’
‘I’m okay. Satisfied?’
He looked away, staring at the plain wall. His fingers kept flipping his car key shaft open and shut.
‘Why did you do it, Flav?’
‘He made it a formal order. He even printed it out and signed it. I can’t remember when I last had a hard copy order.’ Flavius paused. ‘He knew I was the only one who had any chance of tracking you without being spotted.’
He looked miserable, desperate, caught in an impossible choice.
‘I’m sorry, Bruna, really sorry.’
I couldn’t make it any worse for him. I put my hand out and touched his forearm.
‘It’s okay. Come on, come and have a drink and talk with me. I need all my friends right now.’
XVI
Flavius and I chatted for another half hour, but I didn’t bring Stella and Nicola into the conversation. If, as Conrad said, Flavius hadn’t seen the girls dealing, then I wasn’t going to tell him. He’d feel bound to take it further and get himself enmeshed in the mess between Conrad and me. But we agreed to keep meeting, falling back on the old Pulcheria security protocols of changing times and places to a numerical pattern. It brought our old comradeship back. Strange, I’d been the catalyst fourteen years ago for him joining the PGSF and now he’d been the trigger for me leaving.
The next morning, I put on my black business suit, Nonna’s heavy gold necklace and had Marcella dress my hair formally. Disguised as a big shot, I had the chauffeur drive me up to the palace in Nonna’s cream Mercedes. We managed to pass through the two security checks, mostly by me doing what my old New York friend, Amanda, called ‘the gracious stuff’. I’d hardly ever used my social rank; I’d been so embarrassed by it when I’d first arrived. My military status I’d earned. Now I was cut adrift from that.
Favonius Cot
ta, the head of protocol, came out himself to greet me. Nothing about him had changed since Washington apart from a little grey in the luxuriant black hair. His green eyes still challenged, but in a very careful way.
‘Countess Mitela, we are honoured. A pleasure to see you, as always.’
Smartass.
‘Salve, Favonius Cotta. I see you’re well. How’s Aelia?’
He smiled, but not warmly. ‘She’s working in the Paris Argentaria Prima office. I understand from her mother that she’s doing well.’
Gods, he was a cold bastard. Didn’t he follow his own daughter’s progress?
‘In a bank? Aelia?’ I said. She’d been a rebellious teenager and a regular smartmouth when she’d helped me learn street Latin back in the Roma Nova legation in Washington. ‘Well, good luck to her. Please pass on my warmest regards when you speak next.’
‘Of course, Countess,’ he murmured.
‘Now, I’ve come to see my cousin on an urgent family matter, so I’d appreciate it if you’d announce me.’
Anger at being treated like a servant flared in his eyes, but died quickly enough as he started on his payback.
‘The imperatrix has a very busy schedule today, so I’m not sure that’ll be possible.’
‘Oh, I think I’m already in her schedule under private time, so let’s get on with it.’ I’d short-circuited the official channels and texted Silvia last night. She’d allocated me a twenty minute slot in which I would ruin the rest of her life.
In her private drawing room, Silvia and I did the safe thing and kissed cheeks. She smiled and gestured me to sit.
‘You look very formal today, Carina. Something important?’
‘Silvia, just remember the thing about not killing the messenger.’
Her jokey manner vanished; she’d seen the stricken look I knew was in my eyes.
‘This isn’t about your resignation, is it?’
‘No, that’s insignificant in comparison.’
‘Of course, I was very sorry to hear about that. Are you sure? It’s selfish of me, but I’ve always felt safer having my own cousin protecting me.’
Juno. I’d never thought of it like that.
‘No, no, that’s finished. I’m sorry if you feel I’ve let you down, but it was becoming impossible. In fact, it’s connected to why I’ve had to come and see you.’
The studied professional look she kept pinned on her face for most of the time melted away as I recounted everything that had happened since we spoke at her birthday party. She brought her hand up and covered her mouth with it. She bowed her head and tears fell over the smooth surface of her made-up face. She got up swiftly and dabbed her face with a delicate lace handkerchief. She kept her back to me while she tried to recover, her shoulders bent with tension.
‘And where is this recording now?’
‘It should have been filed on the system, probably security passworded by Conradus. Only the minister can override it.’
She strode over to the phone, plunked herself down in front of the screen and tapped out a number. A nervous private secretary put her through to the defence minister.
‘Salve consiliaria, I hope I am not interrupting you?’
Silvia gave the minister date and time and we waited. And waited. To break the tension, I went out and called for some coffee. Halfway through drinking it, the commset beeped. I just caught Silvia’s abandoned cup as she rushed over to the screen. I kept out of camera range, but could see and hear everything. Silvia switched her calm face back on and smiled pleasantly like they were about to discuss the weather report.
From the minister’s embarrassed face, I knew it wasn’t good.
‘I have to report, Imperatrix, that we can find no trace of this surveillance recording. The search has been carried out with thoroughness and utmost discretion as ordered.’
Silvia’s neutral face didn’t change as she thanked the minister and switched off.
Shit.
Now it looked like I’d made it all up. My fingers curled into my palms.
‘Silvia, I—’
‘Don’t bother, Carina. I believe you.’
‘I know you wouldn’t say anything this serious unless it was true.’ She looked away for a few seconds. ‘I’m disappointed with Conradus, but that’s nothing compared to how you must feel.’
I was too choked up to say anything.
‘Now, you must be my advisor on this. Last time you asked me not to say anything to Stella. I think I must now.’
She poured me another cup of coffee and the hot liquid cleared my throat.
‘Let me go talk to her, Silvia, if you wouldn’t mind. If there’s trouble, she can let me have it. You’ll still be there to comfort her when evil Aunt Carina has finished with her.’
‘Oh, gods, Carina, I can’t let you take the flak like that.’
‘I’ll choose my moment, of course.’ I got up and walked around. I glanced at my watch. ‘Your schedule must be shot to Hades. Look, can you give me a pass to come and go here? I won’t abuse it.’
She snorted. Inelegant from her but expressive. She jabbed her commset and her private secretary was in within ten seconds to receive instructions.
As she leaned towards me as we exchanged kisses, she said ‘Come back later. After lunch?’
I nodded, bowed and left. After a few minutes, the secretary came out and escorted me back to Favonius and my clearance was arranged within the hour.
*
I found Stella in her room, lying on a couch, white wires running from her ears to the tiny square in her hand. Her head bounced side to side and her hand tapped her leg rhythmically. She didn’t hear me shut the door, but her eyes bulged as I walked around in front of her.
‘Aunt Carina! What are you doing here?’ She pulled the earphones out, sat up and looked at me suspiciously.
‘I need to talk to you, Stella.’
‘Oh, yes?
I sat down and said nothing. I just looked at her as neutrally as I could.
‘Sorry, that was rude,’ she muttered.
‘Yes, it was, but I’m not here to talk about your manners. It’s more about who you’ve been hanging with.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I think you’ve been seeing Nicola Tella quite a lot recently.’
‘So?’
‘She’s not exactly the best friend you could have.’
‘I like her. She’s fun and quirky. She doesn’t tell me what to do. Anyway, Mama invited her up here the other day, so she’s happy about it.’ Her eyes narrowed. ‘Is this because of Dad? Are you jealous? Losing it, are you?’
Gods, she was so contemptuous. I’d always found Stella difficult. Her personality was as slippery as her moods, but she was worse than usual.
‘Don’t go there, Stella. You don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. And this is about you, not me. You’re getting into very dangerous territory with Nicola Tella. Don’t forget, she nearly got Allegra killed. She’s the type to use people and then throw them away without a second thought. Be very careful.’
She was trembling. Tears sprang from her brightened eyes, her face became red and flushed as her voice rose in pitch.
‘You can’t talk to me like that.’
‘Stella, calm yourself.’ I got up and fetched her a glass of water. As she grabbed it, I smelled her breath. She gulped the water down, looking down at her knees. She choked and I went over to tap her back to ease it. I was struck by how pale she looked. Mixed in with her defiance was anxiety. And fear.
I gave Silvia my report and recommendations when we met later. Her face shut down after I’d finished. At last she nodded and said ‘Do it,’ in a low voice. I don’t think she liked me one little bit at that moment.
*
I met Pelonia and her team at the staff door and signed them through. She and her two assistants pulled on plastic suits and gloves, unpacked baggies and evidence boxes and took Stella’s room apart. Silvia watched the whole thing with me and f
linched when the taller man upturned Stella’s laundry hamper and brandished a baggie with pale green plant remains and a part-opened pack of rolling papers. Her hand covered her mouth as Pelonia pulled the lid off a shallow plastic box she found inside a speaker and revealed around a dozen yellow pills with a stylised E impressed onto the surface. I pulled Silvia away, back into her sitting room and gave her a small brandy.
She looked like any other wounded parent, despairing about how she’d gone wrong.
*
I felt sorry for Stella when she came back from her tennis practice and was escorted straight to her mother’s office. Silvia didn’t give Stella the warm smile she normally greeted her daughter with; the ruler had replaced the mother. On the other side of Silvia’s desk, Stella hesitated. Her eyes widened when she saw the evidence tray on Silvia’s desk. She ignored Pelonia and glanced once at me. Her skin was mottled with red patches as if she’d been making a superhuman effort and had run out of breath.
‘Sit down, Stella.’ Silvia indicated the chair the other side of her desk.
‘Mama, I—’
‘Be quiet and listen to me.’
Stella narrowed her eyes; her mouth drooped.
Silvia waved her hand over the drugs. ‘These items were found in your room. What is your explanation? The truth, please.’
‘What’s the use? You won’t believe me.’ Stella tipped her head in my direction. ‘You always do what she says. I don’t count.’
I heard a tiny gasp from Pelonia who glanced at me, then stared at Stella.
‘Cut the “woe is me routine”, Stella,’ I said, ‘and answer your mother. Politely.’
Silvia waited, a grim expression on her face, I stared down at Stella, Pelonia looked unhappy and awkward, but stood silently. Stella started coughing, the red blotches on her face getting worse, highlighting the pallor of her skin. Nobody moved. The hacking subsided. Stella swallowed, but said nothing.
I went to crouch down by her chair. ‘Look, Stella, you’re in a difficult place,’ I said, ‘but if you tell us everything, it’ll go so much easier for you.’
She continued looking straight ahead, but not meeting her mother’s eyes, instead looking over her shoulder at the display filled with ancient glass.
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