“We just worked out! We need to eat something light and healthy.”
“Thai is as light and healthy as I’m going to get. Want to try that place on the next block?”
“Okay, so long as you fill me in starting right now on what’s happening with you and the office hottie. It must be interesting because you look like you haven’t slept in days.”
At the mention of sleep, Yasmine suppressed a yawn. “I’m just not sleeping well. I’ve started feeling like someone’s watching me again.”
“Oh, sweetie. I swear that’s all just the residual effect of having been the object of an FBI investigation once in your life.”
“But maybe they’re investigating me again.” Maybe they’d picked up on her little foray into crashing the terrorist Web site and had decided to make some crazy example of her again.
Or maybe Cass was right.
“Haven’t you ever been in a crowded room and felt like someone was watching you, and when you looked around, you found out someone really was watching you?” Yasmine asked.
“Sure, but of course people would be watching me. I dress to impress. I think you just need to get your mind focused on something positive. Like giving me the scoop on your hot and heavy weekend, ASAP.”
“Well…” Where to start? “We spent one long, blissful weekend together.”
“And?”
“And lots of sex happened. Lots of talking happened. Some eating happened. More sex happened. It was fun.”
“You are so not getting away with the Reader’s Digest version.”
They stood in front of the mirror touching up their hair and makeup, and Cass gave her a look through the mirror that let her know she meant business.
“Okay, fine,” Yasmine said as she wrestled her hair into a new ponytail. “I’ll give you every boring detail if you want.”
“Just the important stuff.”
What was the important stuff? The question had barely formed in her head when she had an answer. A big, all-caps answer that she totally hadn’t wanted to admit to herself. She might have been able to lie to herself, but she couldn’t lie to her best friend.
“I know this is going to sound crazy,” Yasmine said, “but I’m totally falling for him.”
“Falling, as in, falling in love?”
Hearing the word spoken out loud gave her butterflies, but it certainly didn’t ring false. “I don’t know if I’d go that far, but I’m definitely falling into some heavy emotions with him.”
“You should write greeting cards. ‘I’m falling in heavy emotions with you.’”
“Don’t be a smart-ass.”
Cass had stopped applying her mascara and gave Yasmine an appraising glance. “Okay, I’ll admit that for you—the one who’s sworn off taking risks—to be confessing to heavy emotions already? It’s a big deal.”
“It’s scary.”
“I think it’s awesome.”
For Cass, who generally wasn’t prone to such enthusiastic exclamations, to make such a statement meant something was up. Yasmine would have wagered a bet that it had to do with her own feelings for Drew.
They left the fitness studio and headed toward the Thai restaurant, but Yasmine couldn’t wait anymore for the details. “So I told you mine. Now you tell me yours.”
Cass sighed. “You’re so impatient. I guess I can spill now that we’re away from prying ears. Drew and I have seen each other every day since Monday.”
“Wow, so you’re a thing, then?”
“I don’t really want us to be, but I don’t know. I mean, I’m starting to feel like I’m back in junior high school.”
“How so?”
“I’m afraid I have that whole giddy thing going on again. I could spend all day and all night with him and still not feel like telling him to go entertain himself.”
“What have you two been doing? Gazing into each other’s eyes?”
“Probably a similar schedule to yours and Kyle’s. Sex, talk, sex, eat, more sex, et cetera. The only reason I’m not seeing him tonight is he had to work late.”
“Oh, right,” Yasmine said, remembering the after-hours meeting she didn’t have to attend.
“The thing is, though, I dread getting involved again, and you know why.”
“I know you’re happy without a guy, and that’s great, but why can’t you be happy with a guy, too? What’s so bad about that?”
“Been there, done that, sweetie. Happy quickly leads to miserable.”
“Maybe all those other guys were just practice for the real thing.”
“Haven’t we already had this talk? I don’t want the real thing. I just want an occasional itch scratched, so why should I buy a whole tree when I can just go outside and rub up against any old branch anytime I want?”
Yasmine blinked at Cass’s wacked logic. “If you really just want sex, and that’s what makes you happy…then, I guess you’re right.”
“Thank you for understanding. Now the problem remains that I like Drew and don’t really want to get rid of him.”
“Told you you’d like him!”
“No need to be smug. He’s a sweet guy. I’d hate to break his heart.”
“You have to tell him what you’re looking for. Maybe he’d be okay with just being your, um, branch,” Yasmine said, looking left and right as they started to cross the street.
She was trying to sound supportive of Cass’s choices and all, but it struck her then how different she and her friend really were. Cass might have been totally happy living alone and without a partner, but Yasmine wanted the opposite. She’d been trying to live a life without close ties, without emotional entanglements, for fear of getting hurt, and it wasn’t working. Her weekend with Kyle had given her a taste of what she was missing.
“I guess you’re right. I’m just afraid of hurting his feelings. I never would have thought I’d go for a computer geek…. But the sex—oh mama, the sex is to die for.”
“That’s all the info I need, thanks.”
“I mean, the man eats pussy like it’s filet mignon—”
“Whoa there! Lalalalalalala—I don’t want to hear any more. I’ve got to work with Drew, and I’d like to remain friends with both of you.”
“Oh, you’re such a prude.”
“I just think certain facts about a relationship need to remain private. But regardless, maybe he’ll be happy to be at your service. You never know.”
They reached the restaurant, went inside and found a table as the Seat Yourself sign instructed.
Once they were seated, Cass leveled a look at Yasmine that made her want to slide under the table.
“What?” she hazarded to ask.
“We’ve been friends so long, I’m starting to sound like you with all these worries.”
“You don’t sound like me. You sound like a very confused woman.”
“Exactly. Your problem is, you’re afraid of everything, and I think you’re starting to rub off on me.”
“That’s crazy. What am I afraid of?”
“You might think you’re Miss Thing with your bad attitude and your rebel-without-a-cause posture, but you’re not fooling me.”
Yasmine’s lips parted, but no words came out. She wanted to argue with Cass, tell her how wrong she was, but deep down a little nagging voice said her friend might be right.
“What does this have to do with anything?”
“I’m the one with the irregular emotional wiring, not you. I’m the one who’s perfectly happy alone. You, on the other hand, are afraid that if you fall in love, you’ll be the one who gets hurt later. You’re afraid to put yourself out there.”
“So what’s wrong with not wanting to get hurt?”
“You’re not living! It’s like ever since you got out of that kiddy prison, you’ve decided to keep yourself locked up in a prison of your own making.”
Yasmine’s instincts went on alert. Cass had seen a part of Yasmine she’d been keeping so guarded, she hadn’t even remembered it exi
sted. “That’s crazy.”
“My point exactly,” her friend said, nodding in triumph.
“No, I mean, it’s not true. I can’t believe you’d think that about me.” And Yasmine couldn’t believe she was lying to her own best friend, but she felt as though her dirtiest little secret had just been announced to the world, and she’d been caught completely unprepared.
Cass’s eyebrows quirked, a telltale sign that she didn’t buy a word of Yasmine’s story. “Okay, let’s do a little ‘decade in review’ then.”
“Let’s don’t.”
She ignored Yasmine and continued. “First, Yasmine is released from juvenile detention. Then she forgoes her plans to attend Stanford and instead goes to Cal State. While there, she lives a low-key existence, studies hard and graduates a year early. Nothing else of note happens in her life—no torrid love affairs, no unkempt treks through Europe, very little drunken excess to speak of. All of her relationships are with safe, emotionally unavailable bad boys, meaning no commitment required. Upon graduation, she takes the first job she can find at a sex software company, of all places, and she continues working there, with no notable events occurring in her life, until now.”
Yasmine frowned. “You make me sound so boring.”
“That’s just it. You’re one of the most interesting people I know, and yet you’re living the most boring life. Don’t you ever stop to ask yourself why?”
“I just want to stay out of trouble.”
Oddly, unexpectedly, Yasmine was struck with a wave of sadness. It was as if she felt that she needed to mourn the life she’d been failing to live. All this time she thought she’d been a bad girl trying to be good, when really she’d tamed herself to the point of being no kind of girl at all. Just an empty shell, devoid of all the stuff she hoped people would see in her. No wonder guys focused on her outward appearance—there wasn’t anything left inside to appreciate.
She felt her lower lip quivering, which was possibly the most idiotic thing she’d done all week.
“Oh, sweetie, what is it? I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Yasmine took a sip of the water a hurried waitress had placed on the table before rushing off. The drinking gave her a chance to regain her composure.
“How did this go from your Drew dilemma to a dissection of my life?”
Cass made a little half smile. “You know how I hate being under the microscope. I’m sorry I upset you.”
“You were hoping I’d jump for joy at the news that my life is dull and meaningless?”
“I just thought you needed to hear the truth. I don’t want you to throw away your life trying so hard to stay out of trouble. You’re a good person who made a mistake.”
“No, I’m a bad person who’s learned how to control my impulses.”
“You just keep telling yourself that.”
“And what?”
“You can grow old bored and alone. Is that what you want?”
Yasmine downed the rest of her water as she stared across the room at the restaurant full of couples and friends smiling, talking, looking happy. When was the last time she’d sat in a restaurant looking happy with a guy she was in love with?
The awful truth slapped her in the face. She’d never been in love. She’d dated, she’d had lovers, and she’d sat in restaurants with them, probably on the outside looking as though they were a happy couple. But in the end, those affairs had always fizzled out, fueled by nothing more than the quick burst of passion that faded as quickly as fireworks.
“Of course not. I don’t want to be alone.”
“So do you think you’ll be ready to tell Kyle the big L word anytime soon?”
Yasmine couldn’t help it, she smiled. “Who knows. Anything’s possible, right?”
“Like maybe…On New Year’s Eve, as you ring in the new year?”
“Ohh, that’s way too soon. But it would be romantic. Assuming he feels the same way.”
And what if he did? What if he felt some kind of heavy emotions, too? She had to know for sure, so she decided right then and there that yes, she’d see Kyle again soon, and she’d take a risk. She’d tell him how she really felt.
She couldn’t think of a better way to start off the new year.
14
ALEX RUBBED HIS EYES and leaned back in his desk chair, tired of working and tired of being alone. Avoiding Yasmine sucked. Not having her around sucked, not making love to her sucked, and leaving all his lies hanging between them sucked most of all.
He couldn’t focus on work until he told her the truth—that much was becoming painfully apparent. He needed to call her, go see her, find the guts to tell her everything and ask her forgiveness. Maybe once she finished being pissed off at him, they’d have a chance. Or maybe not, but he had to tell her regardless of the consequences.
He had just picked up the phone and started dialing her number when the doorbell rang. Alex put down the phone and went to the door, his heart pounding in his chest when he saw that it was Yasmine.
As if she’d been reading his mind.
“Hey,” he said when he opened the door.
“Hey, yourself.” She smiled and reached for him, stood on tiptoes to give him a long, hot kiss.
“To what do I owe this pleasure?”
“I hate not seeing you at the office, and I was in your neighborhood for an exercise class and thought I’d stop in.”
“I’ve missed you,” he said as he closed the door behind her.
She shrugged off her green leather jacket, and he took it and hung it on the coat rack. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
“No, I was just sitting here thinking about you, actually.”
She flashed a smile. “You were?”
“Yeah,” he said. “We need to talk.”
She slipped her fingers into his belt loop and pulled him toward her. “Did I mention that I’m really, really horny?”
This was where he should put some distance between them, stay his course….
“I’ve been thinking of you all day.” She slid her hands around his waist and gripped his ass, massaging as she talked. “Thinking about what I’d like to be doing with you.”
“Oh, yeah?” His cock went erect against her, and when he recalled her peep show performance, he wanted, more than anything, to have her again.
He’d never met a woman so hot, so right for him, so absolutely tempting….
He summoned his deepest reserve of willpower, but a voice inside his head said this was his last chance with her. That the one thing that could best remind her how right they were together was to make love to her.
He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t stop himself from this wanting that wouldn’t be controlled. Not when the woman he wanted more than air was right here in his arms, warm and willing.
He gave in and kissed her, a kiss that was all wanting and hunger. He dragged her over to the couch, and they fumbled with buttons and zippers, undressing in a frenzy until it was just skin on skin. Yasmine pushed him back onto the couch, climbed on his lap.
The pent-up desire of the past few days apart had them all over each other like starving people, and Yasmine’s naked body was his feast. He devoured her breasts, savoring her hard nipples in his mouth, but he needed more—needed to drink her juices, taste her all over.
He stretched out on the couch and urged Yasmine on top of him with her legs straddling his neck, but she turned around, found his cock as she offered him her pussy. And as he thrust his tongue into her, she took him into her mouth, giving him twice the pleasure he’d imagined, twice the intimacy.
He drank her in until she was quivering against him, but if he let her continue pleasuring him, he’d explode. And so he had to stop. Had to work his way inside her. He lifted her off and sat up, then pulled her onto his lap. In his wallet was a condom, and Yasmine found it before he did, slid it on him, and he eased into her slowly, savoring her sweet tightness.
Cupping her ass, he set the rhythm of her rocking
hips, and he watched the pleasure play across her face as he quickened their pace.
Her flesh against him, his flesh inside of her, their shared pleasure—it was perfect. It was what he’d always imagined sex could be with the right woman. This was as good as it got, and more than he should have taken.
Banishing the truth edging in on his fantasy, he pulled her closer and held her face in his hands as he kissed her through the last delicious thrusts. Her body tensed, tightened around him, and she cried out in release.
His own orgasm came on the heels of hers, almost violent as it shuddered through his body. He clung to her, spilling into her, wishing this closeness wouldn’t end.
When they’d both caught their breath, he kissed her deep and slow, then eased her onto the couch beside him, tucking her against his body, where she fit all too perfectly.
“I’m glad you stopped by,” he said.
She smiled. “I noticed. I like the way you say hello.”
“I didn’t mean for us to get carried away like that, but we seem to have a certain effect on each other.”
“What’s wrong with getting carried away?” she asked, nudging him with her hip.
“Normally, I’m all for it. But I need to talk to you, and I’ve been putting it off too long.”
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you, too,” she said. “I was going to wait until New Year’s Eve, but after what just happened, I think now is as good a time as any.”
She turned her body toward him and sat up on her elbow, looking him in the eyes.
“What’s up?” he asked, fear churning in his gut. What if she was already on to him, and he didn’t get a chance to come clean first…?
“This might sound crazy, but you and me—us, this thing that’s happening between us.” She sighed, smiling as she traced a finger along his lower lip. “I think I’m falling for you.”
The fear in his stomach turned to stone, and suddenly he couldn’t remember how to breathe. The words, spoken aloud, made perfect sense, and he knew in that instant he was falling in love with her, too. But she didn’t even know his real name, or the impact he’d had on her life.
He’d never meant for it to happen this way.
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