by M Helbig
Special Attributes: none
Weaknesses: none
“I’m going to make a rug out of your skin, ugly,” Alizia said as she slammed her club down toward its head. “A partially bony, hard rug made of scales . . . OK, that doesn’t really work, but the point is you’re going to die.”
“I’m already dead, idiot!” The gray energy from the High Shaman’s hands finally shot out. Alizia covered her face with her club in preparation for the coming blast. However, the energy stopped halfway and instead spread out to form a circular barrier roughly a foot away from his body.
“Quickly,” Decrona said as her sling bullet flew past my head. “The barrier will only get stronger as he pours more energy into it. Hit it now when it’s at its weakest!”
The rest of the group followed her example and unloaded with our strongest blows. Our shots bounced off the barrier and deflected back at us, the red damage numbers almost merging together as they floated from our shiny, new wounds. Undeterred, Alizia and Decrona attacked again and were rewarded with more damage. Olaf and I wisely stopped. I was the one who had done the best and was only down to 60%, while Alizia had fared the worst at 25%. Fortunately, like his competitor the High Shaman didn’t seem to be able to attack while maintaining the barrier.
Decrona shouted back at the doorway. “You never did tell us how to knock down the barrier, snake. If you want us to win, you’ll tell us now.”
“Who’re you calling a snake?” the High Shaman said. “I’m a proud member of the undead, and even if I weren’t, I used to be a lizard, which are decidedly not snakes, so that makes you both a racist and ignorant. You, igno-racist!”
Decrona sputtered something incomprehensible before calming down enough to form complete sentences. “I wasn’t talk—you’re right, I’m an igno-racist, whatever that means. If someone could offer a suggestion on how to get through this barrier, it’d be appreciated. Perhaps someone outside the group?”
Our group, with the exception of Alizia, turned to stare at the doorway, hoping our guide would offer us some help. Alizia was too busy tossing what looked like grubs from a nearby bowl off the barrier and giggling as they bounced around the room. The only sound from the doorway came when one of the grubs flew through it and sizzled upon landing in a brazier.
“Let me guess,” the High Shaman said, “one of my rivals sent you here. Now come out so I can see you, traitor! I’m going to kill you anyway after I dispatch these warmbloods. You might as well show your face and save what little dignity you have left.”
“I’m perfectly fine with the level of dignity I have right now,” the doorway said.
The two of them began hurling insults at each other, but we ignored them as Decrona called us into a huddle. “We can’t attack him with that barrier up,” Decrona said. “Any ideas?”
I tried pressing my sword against the barrier, but as soon as I applied the smallest bit of pressure, my sword flew away, almost impaling Alizia. Olaf tried using his silver dagger as a battering ram, but only managed to go catapulting across the room. The crash took him down to 5%. Alizia pulled out a shovel in the hopes of digging under the barrier, but without the Mining skill, each shovelful didn’t move the floor in the slightest.
“We could just wait him out,” Alizia said. “He can’t attack us while he maintains it, and he’s going to run out of mana eventually.”
“I like this plan,” the High Shaman said. “While you do that, I’m just going to go outside and murder the traitor.”
“Yeah, sure,” Alizia said. “He hasn’t been much help to us anyway. We’ll take a snack break while we wait.” She pulled out another healing potion and sloshed half of it on the floor. As the High Shaman moved forward, she realized she was in his way and offered a mumbled apology before moving to the side. Olaf downed a potion as well.
Decrona bolted toward the High Shaman. “What? No! Alizia, stop him. He’s going to either run away or drop the barrier and regain all of his mana.”
Alizia scratched her forehead for a few seconds before her mouth dropped. “Oh yeah.”
Unfortunately, the High Shaman was too far away for her to reach. He was laughing so hard, I hoped he’d lose his concentration and drop the barrier, but it didn’t happen. My hopes that he’d slip on the pool of discarded healing potion were similarly dashed when his bony left foot landed firmly on the red liquid. His next step was just as firm, or at least it seemed to be, until he began screaming. Smoke poured up from his sizzling foot and he hopped back, barreling into the chest of the pursuing Alizia. Fortunately, the barrier dropped a second before the collision or else Alizia would’ve been firmly planted in the wall.
Decrona yelled for us to attack, which was completely unnecessary. I caught the High Shaman in the thigh for 5 and Olaf twisted around me to barely catch his wrist for 7! The High Shaman’s wrist sizzled as the silver dagger struck. With the rest of us in the way, Decrona must have decided not to risk it, as no pebbles whizzed by.
“Keep at it,” Decrona said. “Don’t give him a chance to raise the barrier again.”
The High Shaman hissed as Olaf’s next blow landed on his bony hand for 9! preventing him from raising it to cast another barrier. Alizia had regained her wits and joined in. We soon had the High Shaman down to 45%. After his third failed attempt to raise his left hand, the High Shaman gave up and went to his green, scaly right hand.
Olaf rolled around me to poke the hand, barely catching the High Shaman’s index finger. While he did do 1, there was no sizzling; the only effect produced was a tiny droplet of blood, which wasn’t enough to stop his casting. Blue-gray energy shot out in an arc in front of him, knocking everyone to the ground. As I regained my wits, another burst knocked us back again.
Free from assault, he raised his hands, quickly formed a barrier, and charged. Olaf landed against a wall, Stunned and down to 3%. Decrona crashed into a brazier and gained Burning when her armor caught fire. I hit the opposite wall and was down to 9%.
Alizia regained her feet and swung her club wildly on the other side of the room. “Hey, ugly! I’m back to full now, thanks to my best-friend healing potion. Just try and hit me. I’ll bet you can’t.”
“Yeah,” the High Shaman said. “I’m not dumb enough to give them time to heal up while I chase you around. Come back when you have the Shout skill, Tree Boobs.” The High Shaman raced in the opposite direction, directly at Decrona, who was too busy hopping about in an effort to put out the numerous small flames on her armor to notice.
Alizia’s distraction wasn’t a complete failure, as Olaf and I had managed to get healing potions out of our bags. Olaf quickly downed his to get back to 38%. I was about to down mine too when I remembered the new use for potions Alizia had discovered. After popping the cork, I aimed to the spot right in front of the shaman. The arc was perfect as the bottle left my hand, but right before I literally patted myself on the back, my eyes widened in shock as I noticed the low-hanging stalactite in the potion’s path. The vial shattered directly over the High Shaman, splattering thick, red liquid on the gray barrier. I tried to summon another potion, but none came. I was all out.
Decrona finished putting out the last tiny flame on her forearm, but her relief turned to horror when she finally noticed the coming shaman. She yelped and crossed her arms futilely to brace for the impact, but a second before the collision, the gray barrier miraculously evaporated with a pop. A red 1 floated up from Decrona as the small and now unprotected shaman bounced off her forearms. A white 7! followed as he crashed to the floor.
The High Shaman was literally Stunned, while the rest of us were only figuratively stunned. Ours was shorter, and we charged forward to take advantage of the situation. 5, 4, 9!, 6, 3, 4, 12!, 6, 8, and a kidney shot from Olaf of 26! rained down on the prostrate High Shaman. He was down to 17% before Stunned wore off but still on the ground. I knew we had him. Decrona stayed back and didn’t join in on the assault with her weapon, instead she waited until the shaman attempted to cast a
spell and stomped on his hands with her thick boots.
With the High Shaman down to 1%, we all backed off as Olaf put his dagger high over his head and let out a scream, plunging down with all his weight toward the High Shaman’s skull. To his credit the lizardman kept his eyes open and stared defiantly. The blade landed right in the middle of his head and the undead half immediately began to sizzle.
“Nooooo!” The High Shaman thrashed wildly, throwing Olaf off as a white 50! flew from his skull. The smell of burning rotten flesh filled the air as he rose.
If he’d been any other mob, I’d have wondered why he wasn’t already dead, but I knew from my years playing video games that boss mobs often get an elaborate death. The Vice-Shaman even shook off his cowardice as the noise reached a crescendo and came through the door. Alizia took out some popcorn.
“What type of loot do you think he will drop, friend Decrona?” Olaf asked.
“It better be worth more than the five silver I spent on that dagger,” Decrona said. “With all of that smoke coming off it, I doubt it’s in a usable state.”
The High-Shaman Ssssteve waved his arms as he paced back and forth aimlessly, screaming the whole time.
“Speaking of loot,” the Vice-Shaman said. “Can I have my Tiny Garnet now?”
Decrona held the gem high, well out of the diminutive Vice-Shaman’s reach. “When we get out of here safely.”
Alizia tipped over her bag of now empty popcorn in the hopes of shaking out one last piece. “How much longer is this going to take? The inn stops serving dinner at nine.”
“Give me my Tiny Garnet!”
Ssssteve stopped pacing and raised his hands over his head. The group craned our heads forward as one in anticipation of him finally dying, but instead gray energy flowed from his hands to form another barrier.
“What kind of gyp is this?” Alizia said. “We killed you and we demand our reward, which after that stupid, long death scene better come shooting out of you piñata style.”
The Vice-Shaman kicked Decrona in the shins, causing her to drop the gem. The rest of the group was too focused on the still very much alive—sorry, very much still undead and moving Ssssteve to prevent his underling from reaching the Tiny Garnet. Ssssteve stomped forward, the smoking dagger still stuck between his eyes. Before I could yell for Alizia to toss another potion at Ssssteve, a dark red light shot out from behind me. I turned to find the Vice-Shaman holding the garnet over his head.
Ssssteve stared in horror. “Nooo!”
Alizia snorted. “You already said that. Or were there more Os on it last time? Was anybody recording?”
When the red light finally stopped getting brighter, the Vice-Shaman lowered the gem and set it on the ground. Ssssteve dropped his barrier and sprinted toward it. Before he got halfway, his rival brought his tiny moccasin down on the garnet and smashed it into a thousand pieces. Ssssteve clutched his heart for a second and dropped to the ground dead (un-undead?).
You have gained 1 skill point in Inspect! 8/25
You have unlocked the Improved Dexterity skill!
You have gained 4,400 (4,000 +400 Group Bonus) Experience Points! 5,456/15,000 to next level.
You have received -100 Faction with The Lizard King. Total: -1,225 The Lizard King (Hated).
Several weak, nearly breathless mumbles of joy sputtered out of the group despite both Olaf and Alizia gaining a new level, followed by Alizia collapsing to the ground in exhaustion. Olaf slowly made his way behind the Vice-Shaman in case he tried to make a run for it. The Vice-Shaman was too busy doing a celebratory dance to notice him. Decrona immediately stopped holding her shin, the thought of loot proving to be a highly effective pain remedy, and knelt over the fallen boss.
Decrona has looted Ssssteve, the Lizardman High Shaman.
You have received 4 silver and 2 copper as your share of the loot (out of 25 silver and 3 copper).
As group leader, Decrona has been granted the loot: High Shaman’s Headdress and The Ring of Love.
Item: High Shaman’s Headdress
Slot: Head
Rarity: Extraordinary
AC: 4
Stat Bonuses: +1 INT +1 WIS + 1 STA +3 CHA
Weight: 5 Pebbles
Description: It’s not the hat that makes the man (or woman or sexually ambiguous lizard); it’s the person who makes the hat. At least that’s what we’d normally say about any other hat, but in this case, the hat does make the person. Look at the stats!
I let out a quick, “No,” and Olaf shook his head.
Alizia shot up off the ground like someone had tossed a bucket of water on her. “I want. I want!”
Decrona stared at Alizia incredulously. “Intelligence and Wisdom are the primary stats of spell casting classes, and I plan on becoming our healer. I think this would benefit me and therefore the group more.”
“But it has way more Charisma, and I’m going for a Charisma build.” Alizia towered over Decrona and leaned down to poke her in the chest.
Decrona pushed Alizia’s finger off and stood her ground. “There is no such thing as a Charisma build.”
“Just because nobody’s ever done one, doesn’t mean it’s not a viable build!” Alizia stomped hard, causing a nearby stalactite to crash to the ground a few feet away.
Decrona let out a harrumph and glared harder. “When one gets in a situation where something like a build can make or break you, and you find that nobody in the decades-long history of that thing has done that build, it’s probably wise not to pursue that course. Now, for once, could you please do the sensible thing and let me have this?”
“When one gets in a situation where a pompous jerk can make or break you, and you find that nobody in the millennium-long history of that thing has been this pompous of a jerk, it’s probably wise not to be such a pompous jerk. IN!”
Decrona backed away. “Fine. Then I’ll just go to my spreadsheet to find who’s the most deserving.”
“Oh, no. I’m not letting you go to some mysterious spreadsheet that no one besides you can see. We roll on this.”
Decrona turned to look for support. Olaf shrugged helplessly from behind the Vice-Shaman. I tried in vain to hide behind a foot and half tall brazier. Realizing that Decrona could see me through the barely perceptible smoke cloud in front of me, I coughed out a pathetic, “I’m new?”
The Vice-Shaman stopped his victory dance to wave his tiny claws in the air. “I helped, so I want a roll too.”
After a thirty-second-long glare at Alizia, Decrona realized she had no other recourse, so she pulled out a one-hundred-sided die and rolled a sixteen. She grabbed the brazier in front of me and tossed it hard against the bedraggled mat that the High Shaman used for a bed. The mat caught fire instantly distracting me from seeing Alizia’s roll, but her “Woot!” told me she’d outdone Decrona’s paltry sixteen.
The Vice-Shaman reached down in front of me to pick up the die. “Don’t count your hatchlings before they’re hatched.”
Olaf shrugged from behind the lizard and smacked him in the back of the skull with the hilt of his dagger for 9! The Vice-Shaman collapsed in a heap and the die rolled out to land at Decrona’s feet.
Alizia snorted. “Olaf, I figured you liked me, but this is too much. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you had a crush on me. Say, what is your opinion on giving pretty girls healing potions?” She batted her eyelashes while holding her hands over her heart.
Olaf flipped his dagger, tempted for a brief moment to finish off the Vice-Shaman before putting it away. “That my wife would not approve, and that they are a gateway to worse things.”
Alizia fluttered her eyelashes more before wiping off a non-existent tear. “What would these worse things be, exactly?”
Olaf sighed and turned to the rest of the group. “We should probably get out of here before he wakes up. If he was not going to sound the alarm before, he certainly will now.”
“How are we going to get out of here without him?” I asked.
>
“The headdresses we’re all wearing, remember?” Alizia held her hand out to Decrona. “Speaking of which, may I please have my new one that I won fair and square?”
Decrona held the die out instead. “A one hundred. You weren’t the winner after all.”
A loud explosion rocked the cavern, knocking us all to the ground. Shouts from the passageway and the sound of falling rock followed as we rose to our feet.
Olaf sprinted off through the doorway and peered around the corner. “All the lizards appear to be running to the surface. I suggest we follow their example.”
Alizia and Decrona were in too deep of a staring contest to hear him. Olaf moved next to Alizia, and I moved next to Decrona. We grabbed them and hauled them through the door. Right before they each offered their, I’m sure, brilliant arguments for why we should let them go, another loud explosion rocked the passageway from below. Bits of ceiling tumbled around us. Feeling Decrona’s resistance to my pull evaporate, I let her go. As we rounded the corner, a second loud crash of rubble followed by the Vice-Shaman’s scream came from the direction of the room.
You have gained 2,200 (2,000 +200 Group Bonus) Experience Points! 7,656/15,000 to next level.
You have received -25 Faction with The Lizard King. Total: -2,250 The Lizard King (Hated).
When we came back to the place where the tunnel split, we could tell that most of the noise seemed to be coming from the tunnel down. Fortunately, we weren’t going that way anyway, so we pushed our way past several heavily armored Lizard Elites and Lizard Wizards to go the other way. I swore I could see Nyytro’s balding head in their midst. Before I could get a second look, the tunnel shook violently and collapsed on top of them. Olaf pulled me back as I foolishly tried to dig through the rubble. We resumed our course up, following the mass of lizards, and made it out in half the time it took to go in.
As we pushed our way through the crammed entranceway, the lizard people spilled past us in what seemed to be a nearly impossible number, making me wonder how far the tunnels actually went. Panicked as they were, I doubted we even needed to keep the headdresses on to avoid a confrontation. Most of the fleeing lizards were heading through the village to the east, so as soon as were able to break from the press, we headed south.
