by Penny Wylder
Together we walk out of the gym and Carter holds my hand. He really doesn’t care what people think about the two of us. His confidence gives me confidence, and I slowly relax into it, like it could be normal. I’m not really paying attention to where we’re going until we’re already there. “The library?” I ask.
“You said when you were young that the library was your favorite place. Your best memories. I know it’s not the same library, but I thought maybe just being in one would make you happy.”
It’s unbearably sweet, him remembering that. It’s exactly what I needed, not even being at the library but just someone else looking after me. Being there for me. I feel tears rising again and I don’t want to cry anymore, so I just hug him instead. “Thank you.”
“I also think I saw Kara go this direction when she left the gym,” he says softly into my hair. He pulls back. “I’ll wait here, read a newspaper. You let me know when you’re ready to leave.”
I shake my head. Just when I thought he couldn’t get any better, he does. I tug on his shirt so he leans down to kiss me. “Don’t go anywhere.”
“I won’t.” His voice is so sure, I have the sudden feeling he’s not just talking about today, and I keep glancing back at him as I head into the stacks of the library.
Kara and I always hung out in the children’s section of our library. We don’t have a children’s section since it’s a college library, but I think I know where she’d go. There’s a place on the second floor with reading nooks that look out over the campus. She’s always loved cozy spaces.
I know I’m right when I’m walking along the row and hear the telltale sounds of post-cry sniffing. Considering it’s what I was just doing, I’m familiar with the sound. Each alcove has a couch and cushions, and sure enough, Kara is tucked into the corner of one, knees up to her chest. She’s still in her cheer uniform and her face is blotchy from crying. She doesn’t look at me as I slip into the alcove, settling down on the other side of the couch.
“Haven’t seen you in a library in a long time,” I say.
“Yeah.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes. I know that Kara will speak when she’s ready. She needed to be alone but she’s not afraid of confrontation.
“I don’t understand,” she says, her voice sounding teary. “Why would you do that?”
“I’m sorry.” I bring my own knees up, mimicking her posture. “I never meant to hurt you. I was going to tell you, but I’d barely seen you. I wanted to tell you when you were comfortable and would have time to process. Not rushing off to class or practice or something else.”
Kara sniffs again. “Tell me what happened then.”
“We met at that party. The one before school.”
“I saw you dancing with someone. Was it him?” she asks.
“Yeah. I went upstairs to look for you and then we ended up making out. I heard you come looking for me, so I left.”
She straightens up a little bit, and I see her interest rise. She’s beginning to forget her sadness in favor of gossip. Always a good sign. “So you didn’t sleep with him that night?”
“No. But I thought about him. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. And I didn’t know he was the coach. I didn’t even know he was supposed to be assistant coach.”
Kara groans a sound of recognition. “So when he came out at tryouts you were surprised. I saw your face. I thought you were just stunned by how hot he was.”
“No, I just couldn’t believe that the guy I’d made out with was suddenly there and he was the coach! I just…and then when he asked me out, I couldn’t say no. I wanted it, still want it. So I said yes.”
“And you slept with him last night.” Her voice is quiet again.
I don’t say anything, just nod.
“Do you love him?”
The question makes my stomach drop. Love? This soon? That’s impossible. Yet something in my gut twists at saying no. “It’s really soon for me to say that…”
“But?”
The smile won’t stay off my face. “But I think I definitely could.”
Kara launches off her side of the couch and wraps me in a hug. “I’m sorry. I know I went on and on about the pact. I just wanted us to stay safe and be happy. And since we don’t really talk about books anymore, it was one of the things we still had together. I think I was afraid of what might happen if we didn’t have the pact anymore.”
“You thought we’d stop being friends if one of us had sex?”
“When you put it that way it sounds really dumb,” she laughs. “Though I’m glad you met him before. I thought that you went out with him after meeting him at tryouts. I was worried he was using you.”
I blush. “Well, yeah, it did look that way.”
She shoves back to her side of the couch. “How did Marian even know?”
“She somehow saw us together when he dropped me off at the dorm last night. And today, she realized we were connected.” I think I can leave out the part about us fucking in the shower. Some things are too much too soon, even for best friends.
“What a bitch.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
We both crack up laughing, and that’s when I know everything’s going to be okay.
“So,” Kara leers at me dramatically, “how was it?”
The blush that blooms on my face is so bright that she starts laughing immediately. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“That good, huh?”
“He’s actually waiting downstairs. He saw you heading in this direction when you left the gym.”
She smiles. “And you want to go?”
“Will you hate me if I do?”
“I could never hate you,” she leans over and hugs me again. “But if I’m going to fully forgive you, I need dates with all of Carter’s hot friends. And we’re having pizza and binge night tomorrow. No exceptions.”
My laugh is way too loud for the library. “Deal.”
16
“You know,” I say, laying across Carter’s bed, “you didn’t let me finish today.”
“Finish what?”
Carter took me out to dinner again, this time simply pizza. It was delicious, but now there’s a different flavor I’m craving.
“You didn’t let me finish tasting you.” He freezes like I’ve tasered him. “Unless that’s something you…don’t want.”
“No,” he says quickly. “Believe me. I do. I just would never force that on you.”
I strip my shirt off, and then my bra. “You’re not asking. I’m offering. Now get over here before I change my mind.” I hope he can tell from my grin that I’m not going to change my mind.
I’ve never seen clothes disappear so fast. He joins me on the bed, and I push him back. His cock juts up from the bed like a beacon, calling me. But first, I kiss him. “This time you’re going to let me finish.”
“Yes, ma’am.” His voice is almost reverent.
I start like I did before, stroking him with my hands, and teasing him with my tongue. It’s much easier to explore him like this, so I do. I let my mouth roam from the head of him all the way down to the base and kiss the skin there. I lick him up and down, feeling his muscles tremble underneath me. Then I suck. His cock is already leaking and I taste that rich and salty flavor. Earlier today he said I was going to make him come with my rhythm, so I plan on doing just that.
I seal my lips around him, bobbing up and down, each time taking him a little deeper. He’s so big that I can’t take all of him, but I take what I can. I love the sound that he makes when I take him deep, a guttural groan that makes me wet. Sucking as hard as I can, I pull along his length back to the tip. That makes his cock jerk, and if my mouth wasn’t full of him, I’d smile. Instead, I dive down onto him again.
Carter’s hand weaves into my hair, and for a second I think that he’s going to stop me again, but he doesn’t. He guides me. Gently leading me in the rhythm he wants. Shorter, faster. There’s an immediate change in
his breathing and I go for it. I take the cue from him, sucking him as fast as I can in short strokes, using my tongue to tease him when I pull back. “April,” he says, and I know he’s close. I plunge down onto him, taking him deeper, and he’s there. “I’m—”
He doesn’t get the chance to finish speaking. His words turn into a groan. He comes. Salt and heat flood my mouth. More than I thought. I swallow instinctively and there’s still more. He comes long and hard, muscles jerking with each release. Finally, it slows, and my mouth is empty. I release his cock from my mouth and smile up the bed at him. “Another first,” I say, winking.
Carter’s eyes are dazed, so he doesn’t answer right away. “What first?”
I climb up his body, kissing his skin as I go. “You’re the first man to come in my mouth. And the first man whose cum I swallowed.”
Just like that, he’s back. He strokes my face, thumb wiping away something left by my mouth. “I like the sound of that.”
“I thought you might.”
He reaches for me, pulling me upward. “Here’s another first for you. I’ll be the first man who eats your pussy while you sit on his face.” Carter lifts me like I’m nothing, and suddenly I’m settled over his lips and his tongue is inside me.
“Oh god,” I say, grabbing the headboard. I suppose I should thank god, because if there is one, he’s the reason that Carter has such a talented mouth. He circles my clit and slides back down, the slick friction making my hips thrust down onto him. My skin heats, and I have to close my eyes. It feels too good, pleasure ringing through my nerves with every flick and slide. He stiffens his tongue and begins to fuck me with it, reaching deeper than I thought possible. And when he licks inside me, I almost come. I moan, and my pussy gets wetter, flooding his mouth. Carter drinks me in, almost growling with pleasure.
I’m shaking now, heat burning in my core, and I want to finish. He moves to my clit, sucking it in short fast bursts, just like I did with his cock, and I find my breathing is in time with him. His hands, which have been holding me in place, leave my hips, and I feel him move, reach for something, though I can’t seem to care. I hear a tearing sound. Condom. Oh god he’s getting ready to fuck me. I want him to fuck me. Sucking deep again, I cry out. I’m so close, right there on the edge. I just need one little push.
Carter knows that, and he doesn’t give it to me, instead, he lazily teases me with his tongue, never giving me quite enough to get there. “Don’t come yet,” he says.
“Please,” I throw my head back, closing my eyes. My knuckles are white on the headboard, and I’m grinding down onto his mouth, anything to get me just a little closer to that sweet release. He lifts me up again, moving me back and down, away from his delicious mouth. But then I feel him, his cock at my entrance, and Carter smirks at me. “Now.”
He pulls me down onto his cock, sinking all the way in one stroke, and I come. It’s an inferno. Pleasure explodes from my pussy and clit, spreading up my spine and through my chest. It seizes me, and for a moment, I’m lost in it all. And then it’s swept away by new pleasure, Carter fucking up into me. Now that I’ve started coming, I can’t stop. Every thrust takes me higher, and I don’t know if I’m screaming or singing and it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that it feels so goddamn good.
Carter slams into me, grunting his release and he sends me over again. I know I scream this time, collapsing onto his chest. Every cell in my body is on fire with it, and I think that I might be burned alive by it. Hell, right now I wouldn’t mind as long as it feels like this. I’m left panting on his chest, his cock still inside me.
“God, I hope it’s always going to be like that,” I say.
“It will if I have anything to do with it.”
I laugh, though it’s breathy. “Yeah.”
After a minute, when I’m feeling more steady, I look up at him. “Just so you know, Kara knows where I am.”
“Oh?” He flips us over so that he’s pressing me into the mattress. “Does that mean you can spend the night?”
“That’s exactly what it means.”
“Good.” His voice is dark, and he teases my neck with his tongue. “I have a lot of ideas.”
17
One Month Later
I hate this bus. I mean I really hate this bus. I don’t like buses in general, but ever since I got on this morning, I’ve felt queasy. I’m supposed to start my period soon. Maybe that’s it. I don’t know. All I know is that I can barely keep myself from throwing up, and we still have at least an hour to.
“Hey, you okay?” Kara asks. She’s sitting behind me and I think she can see that I’m not exactly looking the best.
“Right now or in general?”
In general, things are going well. Marian chilled out when she realized she was being an idiot, Kara and I love our classes, and Carter and I…
Carter and I are perfect. I practically live at his apartment, which Kara doesn’t mind because it’s like she has her own private room. We still make time for binge-watching and pizza, though. Some time-honored traditions can’t change.
“Right now, smartass,” she says.
“I think I might throw up.” I lean against the window, the coolness of the glass a nice distraction from the roiling in my stomach.
Kara’s hand snakes around and feels my forehead. “Do you think you’re coming down with something?”
“Honestly I don’t know. It could just be the great gift of PMS.”
She snorts. “I don’t think so. I know your PMS symptoms better than my own. You don’t throw up.”
Just hearing her talk about it sends another lurch through my stomach and I groan. “Maybe not, but it seems like a real possibility right now.”
“Hang on. I just saw a sign for a rest stop.”
Kara runs up the aisle of the bus and I faintly hear her ask the driver to pull over. Something about an emergency. I want to tell her it’s not that bad, but the nausea that rolls over me right then tells me otherwise. I feel the bus slowing, and I manage to focus on our surroundings long enough to see that we’re pulling into a rest area. He’s not even stopped before I’m waiting at the door because it’s coming now and I can’t stop it.
Carter sees me and his face is suddenly full of concern. “Are you—”
The rest of his question is cut off because I don’t have time to stop. The doors are open and I’m running to the grass. I barely make it before I’m vomiting my guts up. There’s not much. I haven’t been hungry in days.
Kara’s hand is on my back and she hands me a bottle of water so I can rinse my mouth. “You okay?”
“Better.” I take the time to wash my mouth and lips. Kara’s always thinking about stuff like that.
“I just don’t understand, you like…never get sick.” She has a point. I don’t get sick. Even colds are rare for me, and I can count the number of times I’ve thrown up on one hand. Kara freezes like she’s been turned into a statue, her face filled with a sudden recognition. “Do you think you could be…”
Pregnant.
My mind fills in the blank for her. Oh my god. Is that possible?
The word rings true in my brain, like my body has recognized it before my mind has. That one time in the shower we didn’t use a condom. It felt so amazing I didn’t even think about it until now. And that was the day that Kara walked in on us, and I totally forgot we had done that.
“You are,” she says. “You’re pregnant.”
“I don’t know.”
The look on her face is priceless. “Yeah, you do.”
“April.” Carter’s voice comes from my left and I feel myself go pale. I’m so used to blushing around him, it’s weird. What is he going to say? Did he hear? “Is it true?”
My hand instinctively drops to my stomach. “I think so.”
He closes the distance between us, crushing me against his body and taking my mouth in a powerful kiss. My mind goes blank and my body warms, relaxing into his embrace. This past month has been nothin
g but perfect with him and I don’t want that to end. But this kiss doesn’t feel like an ending. My brain clicks back on and I realize that he’s kissing me in front of the entire team. In spite of not being a secret anymore, we haven’t flaunted our relationship. Until now.
But more than that, he kissed me after hearing I was pregnant… “You’re not upset?”
He laughs, but his voice is full of an emotion that I can’t name. “Upset. How can I be upset about this? A baby. Our baby.” He sounds in awe.
The words hit me and I tear up. I’m not sure why. Everything is so sudden and I’m not sure how to feel. This wasn’t what we had planned—what I had planned. Does that mean it’s a bad thing? Another wave of nausea hits me and I lean into Carter. “What about the competition? If I feel like this, I’m not sure I’ll be able to compete.”
Carter’s laugh rumbles in my chest. “I know you have like six books in your bag in case you have a chance to read them. You can cheer us on.”
“But—”
Kara cuts me off. “April.” I look at her and see that there are tears streaming down her face. “How can you even care about that right now? You’re having a baby!” She hugs me even though I’m still being held by Carter and the result is a group hug that’s way more comforting than it has any right to be.
Suddenly that joyous feeling in my chest appears, filling me up with love and light and the knowledge that this is perfect. That it’s supposed to happen this way. “Okay,” I say to April, “but everyone better step up their game. I expect you to win even without me.”
“You got it.” Kara runs to the bus, probably to tell everyone the news.
I look up at Carter, who’s still looking at me like I’m the only thing in the world. It’s my favorite of the ways he looks at me.
“I know we haven’t said this yet,” he says, “but it seems like the perfect time. I love you, April.”
My breath disappears, and I feel like just for a second, the earth stops moving.
“You know that, right?”
I think my smile could light up the world. “Yeah, I know that. I love you too.”
