He cleared his throat and shook his head. “Sorry, sorry… Oh God, I keep staring, don’t I? I was just going to ask if you had made any more friends since the other day. You’d said that you had arrived later than everyone else and had only met Lil and me.”
“Oh right. Yes, yes I’ve made a few more friends now… Do you mind if I ask you something?”
Adam swallowed a mouthful of his beer and his eyes watered as some tried to descend down his wind-wipe. He coughed a little and with a croaky voice he said, “Not at all…fire away.”
Eve tilted her head again and narrowed her eyes. “You and Lily…is there a…you know…a history there at all?”
Adam almost choked again. The question was unexpected. He cleared his throat and laughed. “Me and Lily? Oh lots of history…nothing but bloody history. We go way back. We’ve been best friends forever. Inseparable since primary school.” He leaned back in his chair to consider it further. “We’ve just never seen each other that way. Why do you ask?”
Eve shook her head. “Oh no reason really…it’s just… Well, she’s so pretty and highly intelligent… I suppose I’m just surprised that you and she never…”
“No. We were always needled about it by others at school, but it never bothered either of us. We just never had the attraction thing. We’re just best friends.”
She nodded, seeming to accept the explanation he had given. It was the truth after all. He’d told it how it was.
They had another couple of drinks whilst they talked about family, home-life, music, and cinema. They left the pub, stepping into the chilled autumnal evening air.
As they walked back to campus, they passed revellers whose night was just beginning. He tentatively reached out and took her hand in his. He knitted his fingers with hers and wondered if she would pull away. When she didn’t, his smile widened. He looked over to her and discovered that she was smiling too. They continued their walk in silence until they reached her dorm room.
She was the first to break the silence as they arrived at her door. “I hope you didn’t think I was being nosey.”
He scrunched his face and looked upwards as if trying to decipher what she meant. “Nosey? About what?”
“You and Lily.”
“Oh that? No it’s totally fine. We’re just friends. She’s very important to me and she’s usually the first one I tell about…well…you know…” He gestured between them. “This kind of stuff…but if that’s weird—”
She shook her head. “Oh no, not at all… No, I think it’s sweet that you have such a good relationship… It’s just that I had to ask. I didn’t want to be stepping on her toes.”
Adam smirked. How did people really see his relationship with Lily? “Well yes, it must have looked a bit odd.”
She stepped a little closer. “No, you don’t understand… I had to check.”
She was so close, he could smell the wonderful rose fragrance she wore, and he closed his eyes briefly as he breathed her scent deep into his lungs. “Check what?” he whispered.
“Check if you were an item…because if you were…I wouldn’t have done this.” Placing her hands on his chest, she reached up and kissed him gently on the lips. He inhaled sharply and stepped closer, his hands moving up her arms and into her hair. Her lips were soft and warm, and she made a little contented sound that just about melted his heart. Her hands gripped the lapels of his jacket.
When the kiss came to its natural end, Adam fluttered his eyelids open and looked down at the beautiful girl in front of him. She smiled up at him in return.
He blew out a puff of air and it clouded between them. “Wow.”
Eve giggled at his reaction and then her face became serious. “Oh heck…look, I don’t go throwing myself at men. That’s the first time I’ve ever done anything like that. I don’t want you to think I’m—”
He stopped her mouth with another heart melting kiss. When he opened his eyes this time he rested his forehead on hers. “I think nothing of the sort. I think that’s the best first kiss I’ve ever experienced in my life.” He brushed his thumbs gently over her cheeks. “Please say you’ll let me see you again.” His voice was a whisper.
“Adam, I would love to see you again. I was hoping you’d ask.”
Chapter Five
Loud Love (Soundgarden)
October 2000 – Edinburgh University
Elliot kept a firm hold on Lily’s hand as he pulled her through the writhing bodies in the dimly lit house. Her heart pounded in her chest as they stepped over and around people. As she glanced around the unfamiliar surroundings, she gulped. Couples were making out in full view of everyone else. Some were indiscreetly groping each other’s privates, which shocked Lily to the core. The room smelled of alcohol and other things that she didn’t wish to acknowledge.
Elliot had informed her that his friend, Jacko, was holding the party at the house he shared with several other young adults. None of them were students and she wondered how on earth Elliot knew them. Apparently the parties were notorious for their raucous music and free flowing alcohol. Lily felt rebellious. If Adam could go out and find someone, so could she. And Elliot was gorgeous, thin and sinewy, but muscular at the same time. His long curly mane and his resemblance to her biggest crush were helping her attraction in spades. When he kissed her, she felt a rush of heat to places as yet untouched by men. He made her feel good. But she didn’t love him. She doubted she ever would. This was purely a physical attraction.
Eventually, they made their way through to a kitchen where a stocky, tattooed man greeted them.
“Elliot, my man!” Jacko slapped him on the back and then set his eyes on Lily. “Who’s your gorgeous girl?”
“Jacko this is my girlfriend, Lily. Hot isn’t she?” Elliot squeezed her into him and kissed the top of her head. She felt a little strange about his actions, and his words for that matter.
“She certainly is, my friend.” Jacko reached out and shook Lily’s hand. “It’s a pleasure, Lily. Any friend of Elliot’s is a friend of mine.”
She shook his hand. “Likewise, Jacko. Busy place you’ve got here.” She laughed as she was jostled forward by beer hungry folks, who were all clambering for the keg, which sat upon the kitchen countertop.
“Certainly is. My parties are always popular. Can’t think why.” He laughed as he handed out plastic cups filled with what smelled like cheap ale or home brew. Lily liked him immediately. His warm eyes made her feel at ease and his ink fascinated her. She would one day have a tattoo, she decided.
Elliot led her, beer in hand, through to a lit lounge with low wattage lamps covered in red scarves, which gave the room a strange glow. There were bodies all over the place just like the rest of the house. She sipped the beer and winced. Eugh! Not going to be drinking much of that stuff. Elliot turned to her and took her beer. He placed it with his own on the cheap-looking, nineteen seventies sideboard that was situated just inside the room. Soundgarden’s Loud Love boomed out over the sound system. Not breaking eye contact, he leaned and kissed her. At first the kiss was gentle, but as need coursed through her veins, she grabbed for him to deepen the kiss. He eagerly reciprocated, fisting his hands in her hair. She felt a familiar throbbing between her legs as she did every time their lips locked.
Leaning into her ear he spoke huskily, “Want to come upstairs?” She did. She really did. But she thought perhaps her first time shouldn’t be in a house packed full of other people doing the same thing. She scrunched her brow and thought on it. She looked up into Elliot’s eyes. He leaned into her again. “Look, I’m not going to pressure you or anything… I just… God, I want you. That’s all. You have an amazing body and…well, I really want to be inside you. I hope that doesn’t sound too crude?” He cringed. “I know you’re not that kind of girl. And I’m not actually that kind of guy. You’d only be my third. I…I just really want you.” He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand, his eyes hooded with lust.
It wasn’t the most romantic t
hing she had ever heard, and she didn’t quite believe that she’d only be his third, but hearing his words did spike something inside her. She pulled him down for another deep kiss and felt her legs weaken. She was under no illusions that this was anything more than lust. Feeling that way made things a little easier. She knew her heart was safe. Well, actually her heart was in a millions pieces already thanks to the small matter of her unrequited love.
Elliot took her hand and led her toward the stairs. Again, they clambered over couples on the staircase deep in the throes of groping and openly kissing with tongues. At the top of the stairs, they were presented with several doors. He seemed to know where he was taking her as he opened the second door to the right along the corridor. He poked his head around the door and flicked on a light. The room was tidy and looked remarkably clean considering where they were. Posters of heavy metal bands adorned the walls and a black fake fur comforter lay stretched at the end of the double bed. Nervously, Lily stood glancing around as he closed the door and slid the bolt across.
He turned to face her and smiled warmly. “Hey…you look nervous.”
“Elliot, we’ve only been seeing each other a short time and I’ve never done… Look, this may sound crazy, but I’m still a virgin.”
He approached her and took her face in his hands. “There’s no pressure. Let’s just take things slow. If we don’t go all the way, then that’s fine. I just wanted to be alone with you for a while.” He leaned and kissed her again. She knew exactly what he wanted and she thought she wanted it too. She was over twenty now after all, an adult capable of making her own decisions. Most of her friends had been having sex for ages. She’d been waiting, but all the waiting in the world wasn’t going to get her the man she actually wanted.
She kissed him back deeply and felt the throbbing between her thighs again. He slid his hand up her top and fondled her breast, making her moan in pleasure. He pressed himself against her, and the firmness of his arousal pushed hard against her thigh. She breathed in sharply as he kissed her neck. Her eyes closed as she relished the sensations taking over her body.
He walked her backward over to the bed and pulled her down with him. When they were lying down, he slid his hand down and pulled up her skirt until his fingers were pressing her sensitive spot. She wantonly pushed herself against his hand as he circled her over her panties.
He gazed into her eyes. “Lily…please let me. I’ll be gentle, I promise.” His pupils were dilated and his eyelids were heavy. Without really thinking it through, she nodded her head. After fumbling around in his pocket for a condom, he pulled his jeans down slightly and rolled it on. He tugged her panties down her legs and off, and in a moment he was moving inside of her. She felt a searing pain and cried out. He swore under his breath and stopped moving. “Sorry, Lily, are you…are you okay? Should I pull out?”
“No, I’m fine…keep going…it’s fine.” She gasped, keeping her eyes closed. She bit down on her lip. It was awful. Not at all how she had wanted things to be. She had dreamed of sharing this moment, her virginity with Adam, but she knew that realistically it was never going to happen. Elliot kissed her and stroked her face. Lily opened her eyes and looked up into his lust-filled gaze. He came with a final thrust and repeated her name over and over, peppering her face with tender kisses.
She felt numb.
Once his breathing had calmed, he pulled himself away and rid himself of the condom. He rolled over to her again and kissed her. “Lily…I…I know it’s really soon and I know I’m going to make a total idiot out of myself, but I think I should tell you something. I really, really like you…a lot… I think there’s a good chance I’ll fall for you if we keep doing that.”
Lily gulped. A stray tear trailed down her cheek and into her hair. She wasn’t sure she wanted to do that again with him. He had been sweet and as gentle as possible when taking someone’s virginity, but she felt disappointed with herself for giving it so willingly.
She rolled to face him. “That’s really sweet, Elliot. I’m just…I’m not there yet. I’m getting over someone—”
“Don’t explain. It’s fine. I get it. Do you think there’s any chance your feelings might change though?”
She forced a smile. “Maybe,” she lied.
A grin spread across his face. “That will do for now. I can wait.” He kissed her again. “Come on, we’d better get back to the party. The bathroom is just next door if you want to…you know…clean up. I’ll wait outside for you.”
She made her way into the bathroom and found a pack of moist wipes. She cleaned herself up and looked at her flushed reflection and messed up hair in the mirror above the toilet. “You idiot.” She chastised herself, feeling angry and even more disappointed now that she could look herself in the eyes. “You stupid, stupid idiot.”
She had just handed her virginity over to someone she didn’t love, just so that she could rid herself of it like she would discard an old item of clothing she no longer liked, as if it meant nothing. Elliot had been lovely but the earth didn’t move. There had been no orgasm for her. And now the throbbing of desire between her legs had been replaced with something she didn’t want to acknowledge. She dragged her fingers through her wild curls and took a few deep breaths hoping to fend off the tears that were stinging her eyes. No point regretting it now. What’s done is done.
When she opened the bathroom door, Elliot pushed off the wall and circled her in his arms. “Thank you, Lily. It meant a lot to know I was your first.” He kissed her and she let him. “I hope we can do it again and maybe that you’ll enjoy it more. You didn’t really enjoy it, did you?” He cringed.
“It was…nice.” It was her turn to cringe now. Elliot shook his head at her words and looked upset. “Elliot, honestly, it was never going to be mind-blowing for me, was it? Not the first time.” She took his cheek, trying her best to be reassuring.
“I guess…I just hate that your first time was…just nice. I’m sorry, Lily. It should have been better. You didn’t even…you know.” He looked awkward as he hugged her tight. That’s because you didn’t even try. She searched for the right words, but none came, so she just hugged him back. “It’ll be better next time. I promise.” There won’t be a next time.
♥♥♥
Saturday morning arrived and presented Lily with the throbbing head usually associated with the over indulgence of alcohol. Elliot had dropped her off at her room at one o’clock in the morning after she had ended up consuming too much of the rancid tasting, brown liquid that Jacko was passing off as beer. She had drunk the vile concoction solely to rid herself of the memory of what she had done.
After giving up their bar work for the summer, she and Adam had vowed to go job hunting again, and Saturday was supposed to be the day. It had been arranged for a while, but they hadn’t confirmed things, so she was surprised when there was a knock on the door while she lay there feeling like someone had carpeted her tongue with shag pile as she’d slept. She clambered out of bed dressed only in an old, faded, oversized Ramones T-shirt that had once belonged to Adam.
“Morning!” he trilled as she opened the door. His greeting was quickly followed by a sharp intake of breath. “Shit you look rough. What happened?” He pushed in and plonked himself down on her unmade bed.
“Beer and loud music.” She yawned and stretched her arms over her head.
Adam suddenly averted his eyes. “Er, Lily, I know we’re best friends and all, but all you have on under that T-shirt is a pair of flimsy knickers. I am a bloke you know.”
She dropped her arms quickly and felt the heat rise in her cheeks. “Whoops, sorry.” She cringed, grabbed a pair of yoga pants, and pulled them on as quickly as she could. “So, how did your first official date with Eve go?” Not that I actually want to know.
A grin spread across his handsome features. “Oh, Lil, it was fantastic. We kissed.”
Her heart sank a little but she forced a smile. “Oh great. That’s really…great.”
H
e frowned, causing a familiar crease between his brows. “How was your night? Did you go to that house party?”
“I did…it was really…yeah…good. Elliot’s really sweet.”
He laughed coldly. “Sweet? That’s not a word I would’ve associated with him. Just be careful okay? He’s the kind of guy who you don’t want to be handing yourself over to. I…I don’t trust him.”
She pulled her brow into a frown and gasped. “You don’t even know him, Adam. You can’t say things like that.” She folded her arms across her braless chest defiantly.
“Look, like I just said, I’m a bloke. I know what he’s after. And I just don’t think you should go giving it to him.”
She felt the heat rising in her cheeks again and her hands fisted on her hips. “Yeah…well…that’s…you…it’s…it’s none of your business who I…” She shook her head as she stumbled over her words, the right ones evading her completely.
His mouth fell open and his cheeks coloured. “Please tell me you didn’t?”
She turned her back on him and folded her arms once again. “Didn’t what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He blew out a long breath as if he was trying to calm a rage. When he spoke again, his voice was quiet and controlled. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. Tell me you didn’t sleep with him.” They had always agreed it was better to wait until you were in love before you gave yourself to someone. Adam was very old fashioned that way and Lily had always thought it very sweet. She could almost feel his eyes boring into her back.
Her cheeks warmed as though they would burst into flames at any second. She had never been able to lie to Adam. Not successfully. She swung around to face him and narrowed her eyes. “Well, Adam, what I can confirm is that there wasn’t any sleeping involved.” Shutupshutupshutup! Not helping yourself!
He stood and walked over to her, his fists clenched at his sides, and a pained look had taken over his usually warm eyes. “You didn’t?” She remained stoic. He dragged his hands through his hair and groaned as if she had kicked him. “Oh fuck, Lily, why? What did you do that for? Do you have feelings for him? Seriously? Fucking Pippy Longstocking?” The pain in his eyes turned to disappointment and he shook his head.
The Girl Before Eve Page 4
