J: I have told them that I think perhaps this could be something special. Is that too much info?
Adam’s breath caught. That wasn’t really what he was expecting to hear. He didn’t really know what he thought or felt about her. Their first meeting had been quite intense, and whilst he did find her very attractive, he hadn’t really considered where it was going. But he had asked the question after all, so only he was to blame for opening that can of worms. He hit reply.
A: No that’s fine. Look I have to go out. He lied. Will text you later. Try to have some fun with your friends!
Okay, time to let this thing breathe. Too much, too soon, perhaps. He threw his phone on the sofa and switched on the TV. She would be back at the weekend, but it would be too late for them to meet up, and so the next possible time for him to see Jess would be over a week from now. Plenty of time to let her think about the implications of what she had said. Plenty of time for him to get his head around the idea that she clearly thought this was going somewhere. No pressure. None. None at all. Hmmm.
Chapter Thirty
Achilles Heel (Toploader)
October 2010
Jess had contacted Adam on the Monday after she had arrived back in the UK from her girl’s holiday. She seemed keen to meet up with him again and they arranged a second date. Adam invited her to come for dinner. He had always enjoyed cooking and had wowed Eve on more than one occasion with his culinary delights. He felt confident that cooking Jess a nice meal was a good plan. Also he felt that being on his own turf might ease the anxiety he felt at seeing her again.
He really liked Jess. She was pretty and had a nice enough figure, if a little thin. She was intelligent and they seemed to have a fair bit in common. The only stumbling block seemed to be Lily. Jess asked a lot of questions about her, and his reassurances, whilst they seemed to work initially, had been failing a little in the build-up to the second date. Her questions had been less subtle and more frequent. Hence the anxiety. He didn’t feel like explaining his relationship with Lily to this woman every time they met. If a relationship became such hard work, then surely it wasn’t worth pursuing.
Everything was prepared. Jess would be here at seven thirty, and so Adam ran up the stairs to shower and dress for her arrival. It felt strange inviting a woman here. It was something he hadn’t envisaged himself doing, but it felt like the best thing to do. He felt like he needed to be at home. Perhaps Eve would be there, in spirit, to give him strength.
He stopped, mid scrub, as that particular errant thought preyed on his mind. What would Eve think of all this? Of course it was a moot point really, but what if she was still able to watch over him? Would she be angry? Upset? Would she feel betrayed that he was trying to move on with his life after only just over a year? Sometimes he swore he could smell her perfume wafting by him, and he would close his eyes to do his best to capture the moment, to try to feel her presence. But these moments were fleeting. Clinging to a ghost was not how he wanted to spend his life. Eve was gone. He had to start to accept it.
Just after seven thirty, there was the anticipated knock at the door. He checked his reflection in the mirror over the fireplace. His hair was getting a little long and unruly but he kind of liked it. He had shaved and dressed in a grey T-shirt and jeans as Lily had suggested.
“You have to look more relaxed, Adders, she’s coming to your home. Let her see you as you in your own environment.” Lily’s words rang in his head. She talked as though he was some kind of study and she was David Attenborough or something. He laughed and shook his head. As long as she doesn’t jump out of the under-stairs cupboard speaking in hushed tones with a camera crew in tow. Although knowing Lily, anything was possible and she actually did have access to the camera crew. He made his way to the front door and tentatively opened it.
“Hey, Jess, come on in.” He stepped aside to allow her to pass.
“Hi Adam.” She leaned up to kiss his cheek, placing her hand on his chest. He helped her off with her coat and hung it on the peg at the bottom of the stairs. She too had dressed more casually in black trousers and a lilac v-neck sweater. It reminded him of something Eve would wear. A pang of sadness stabbed his heart. He’d begun to feel guilty for bringing Jess here.
She handed him a bottle of wine. “I thought maybe I could get a taxi home…if that’s okay with you?” She looked concerned.
He did his best to smile. “Oh…yeah, sure.” But you will be going home! He took the wine through to the tiny kitchen with its table for two neatly set out at one end.
“Something smells wonderful, Adam. What have you made?” She closed her eyes as she inhaled.
He reached for a couple of glasses. “I made beef in a red wine sauce. Is that okay?” Shit, I never even checked if she eats beef. Shitty shit.
“Mmmm, sounds wonderful.” The sound she made was almost erotic and Adam swallowed hard. Phew.
“So you had a good holiday then?” He tried to keep his voice breezy and failed miserably considering she had just orgasmed over the smell of bloody beef in red wine.
“It was good. But I was glad to be home.” She sidled over to where he was draining a pan of vegetables.
“Oh? Why’s…why’s that?”
She was touching his arm now. “Oh, Adam…because I was looking forward to seeing you again.” She took the colander from his trembling hands and placed it on the drainer beside the sink. Reaching up onto her tiptoes, she pressed her mouth against his, flicking her tongue out to taste his bottom lip. He stood frozen to the spot. “Adam…it’s okay…you can kiss me back now,” she whispered against his lips.
Forgetting himself for a moment, his hands snaked around her waist, and he kissed her back, sliding his tongue between her parted lips. She groaned quietly as their tongues joined in a mutual dance. The kiss became deeper and more passionate as Jess ran her hands through his hair and he slid his hands down to her bottom. She moaned again. Shit, what am I doing? He suddenly pulled away. This was a little too much, too soon in the home he shared with Eve. It felt wrong.
He stepped back. “Erm, I’d better serve the food up or it’ll be ruined,” he stuttered. Jess smiled and took her seat at the tiny café style table.
“You’re really sweet, Adam.” She giggled as he served the food onto plates and placed them on the table.
He felt the heat in his cheeks rise. “It’s just a little hard for me…this…here.” He gestured around the room.
“Why’s that?” Her brow creased and she tilted her head.
She should have figured that out for herself. “You’re the first woman I’ve invited back here…since Eve passed.”
Her face dropped and her cheeks coloured. “Oh gosh, of course, I’m so sorry… I should have realised what you meant. I feel foolish for kissing you like that.”
He shook his head. “No…no it’s fine. It was a…a nice kiss.”
She looked up at him from under her long lashes. “Well I thought so.”
♥♥♥
Adam’s phone began to ring. The ringtone that Lily had programmed in under the nickname Cheesy was Queen’s Your My Best Friend, and it was calling to him from the lounge. He placed his knife and fork down.
Jess watched him. “Can you just ignore it?”
“Oh…yes, yes sure.” He didn’t like ignoring Lily, but she would understand. Hopefully. The ringing stopped and Jess sighed with what Adam surmised was relief. Two seconds later it started again. He placed his cutlery down again.
Jess’s eyes darted to his. “Adam?”
“Look Jess, it’s Lily’s ringtone—”
She huffed. “I guessed as much. Can’t she leave you alone for one night?”
“Jess, I’ve told you it’s not like that with Lil and me. But she knew you were coming for dinner tonight so—”
“So no doubt she thought she would spoil it for us!” Jess slammed her cutlery down.
He stood, pulling his brow inward. “Take it easy, Jess. God, I was going to say that she
wouldn’t ring unless it was important. I have to answer it.” He began to walk over to the lounge when the ringing stopped. He paused but the house phone began to ring.
He vaulted over the sofa and grabbed the receiver. “Lil?” He heard sobbing from the other end of the phone. “Fuck, Lily what’s wrong? Where are you?”
“I’m at the hospital, Adam…”
His heart thundered in his chest. “Shit, Lily what’s happened? Are you okay?”
“I’m sorry to bother you, Adam, I know you’ve got—”
“Lily? Tell me what’s wrong, please?”
“It’s my dad. He’s…he’s had a heart attack.” She sobbed down the line.
“I’ll be right there. Hang tight, Lil, I’m coming.” He hung up and ran his hands through his hair. He turned to find Jess standing, arms folded in the doorway with a sour look fixed in place.
She shook her head. “So you’re going to her then?”
He scrunched his face at her incredulous question. “Of course I’m going to her. Her dad’s had a heart attack, Jess. Surely you can’t begrudge me going to her for that?”
Her cheeks coloured. “Doesn’t she have other friends? Or family?”
Anger bubbled inside him, and he did his best to keep his tone calm. “No, she doesn’t. She has her mum and me…that’s it. So excuse me for wanting to be by my best friend’s side when she’s going through this. She was there for me all through losing Eve.”
Jess snorted derisively. “So you feel you owe her, do you? When all she wants is to keep you away from me!”
He gaped open mouthed for a few seconds as he tried to process Jess’s accusations. She was acting like some scorned lover. It was their second date, for goodness sake. Eventually, through gritted teeth, he managed to speak. “I think you need to leave, Jessica. I owe Lily everything. But this is not obligation. This is what real friends do. And regardless of what fucking mixed up, twisted idea you have in your head, this heart attack was not a fucking conspiracy! Now, please leave so that I can go to my best fucking friend when she needs me!” His voice became louder as his anger rose.
She grabbed her bag from the sofa and stormed to the bottom of the stairs to get her coat. “I’m not going to compete with her, Adam.” She smiled sardonically. “So your Achilles heel wins out. I won’t be seeing you again. This is your last chance!”
His laugh was humourless. “You think I would want to see you again? After this? Sorry, lady, but Achilles heel or not, I’d choose Lily every time…no competition.”
Jessica slammed the door behind her. Adam stood, chest heaving. How dare she? She has no fucking clue!
♥♥♥
Thirty minutes later, Adam ran down the hospital corridor toward the Intensive Care Unit. He asked at the nurses’ station and was pointed to the family room. He burst through the door and saw Lily in a crumpled heap on a corner sofa. She looked so small. So young and fragile. Immediately he went to her side and pulled her into his lap. She latched onto his neck and let out a pain filled groan.
Adam stroked her hair. “Hey…shhh…I’m here…it’s okay…shhh.” He rocked her gently as she poured her anguish out onto him, clinging on for dear life. Eventually when her sobs had subsided, she looked up into his eyes. He was doing his best not to let his own tears fall, but seeing Lily like this was too much to bear. A tear escaped and he rubbed his cheek on his upper arm.
She held his face in her hands. “Thank you…thank you so much for coming. I know you were—”
He rested his forehead on hers. “Shhh. It doesn’t matter what I was doing, Lil. It never matters what I’m doing. I’ll always come to you when you need me. You know that.”
She closed her eyes, forcing more tears to trail down her face. She pressed her mouth to his. “Thank you…thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
He felt a jolt of electricity when her lips touched his, which startled him. Trying not to show it, he pulled away and looked into her bloodshot eyes. “Hey, you don’t have to worry about that, Lil, coz it’s never going to happen.” He buried his face in her hair as her tears came again.
♥♥♥
Having Adam near was such a comfort for Lily. She clung to him and he let her. He hadn’t flinched even when she had stupidly planted a kiss right on his mouth. What the hell was I thinking? Actually, that’s the problem…I wasn’t thinking. Mind you, why should he flinch? It wasn’t as if it would have had any effect on him. Friends kiss friends. And anyway, that was irrelevant right now. She felt so guilty at interrupting his date with Jess.
She vowed to herself that she would make it up to Jess in some way, especially if Adam really liked her. She would have to try to be friends with the woman. Even though she had the very thing that Lily wanted more than anything. No…no…right at this moment what she wanted more than anything was for her dad to be okay and for him to come out of this alive. It had been a huge shock.
As she sat curled up on Adam’s lap, her mind whirred around with a million different things. Most of them silly. It was strange how, as a child she had always thought of her dad as a hero. He hadn’t fought in wars or defended the helpless. He was just a normal man. But he was a good man, a strong man, and a wonderful father and husband. He had always put Lily and her mother first before everything else. Their happiness was paramount. That alone made him a hero. But she had always thought of him as invincible. It was only now, as an adult, that she realised how fragile he was. Just like everyone else. He was no hero. Not in the true indestructible sense of the word. What he was was irreplaceable. Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. Faced with her dad’s mortality, she suddenly realised something.
She pulled away and looked straight into Adam’s dark brown, troubled eyes. “Adam…I’m so sorry.”
He looked confused. “For what?”
She took a deep breath and searched for the courage to continue. “For trying to get you to move on.”
“Sorry? I don’t get—”
“The dating site, Adam. I can’t believe I was so stupid.”
He still looked confused. “Lily, help me out here coz I’m not sure—”
“Eve can’t be replaced, Adam. Just like my dad can’t be replaced. Eve was an amazing friend, an amazing person, and I should never have interfered.” Her lip began to tremble again.
Holding her face in his hands, he smiled at her. “Lil, you can’t make me do something I don’t want to do, so stop worrying, okay? I’m an adult, remember? And I’m not trying to replace her. She was one of a kind. We both know that. But you were right. I don’t want to be alone. I know I have you but…well, one day…you’ll meet someone…then you’ll get married and I’ll be all alone. I do want to meet someone. I do. And all of this has made me feel hope. But maybe I need to stop forcing it, eh? I think I’m done with dating websites and singles nights.”
“Things not going well with Jessica?”
“Let’s just say I won’t be seeing her again and leave it at that, eh?”
♥♥♥
Lily’s mum walked through the door, halting the conversation. She appeared broken. Lily climbed off of Adam’s lap and enveloped her mum in her arms. The usually fiery and feisty woman was pale and drawn. Adam joined the mother and daughter as they sobbed together and clung to each other as if doing so would take away the pain they were feeling. With an arm around both women, Adam fought back his own tears.
“They asked me to leave, Lily. I don’t know what is going on.”
Adam had always loved to hear Lenora speak. Her Spanish accent had become tinged with a mild Scottish lilt as time had passed. It had always brought a smile to his face. Today, however, he hated to hear her so heartbroken when there was nothing he could do to ease her pain.
“It’s probably just so they can check his vitals, Mama. Try not to worry, okay?”
“Tengo miedo…no puedo perder.” Lenora sobbed. She had a tendency to revert to Spanish when she was upset.
“Mama, I know you’re
afraid. So am I. They’re doing all they can so that we don’t lose him. We have to stay positive.” Lenora nodded but Adam could see that staying positive was something she was struggling to do.
Chapter Thirty-One
My Immortal (Evanescence)
November 2010
Lily watched as Adam walked into the kitchen of her mother’s house. Another funeral over. She stood with her back against the work surface. The whole situation was painfully reminiscent of the previous year when Adam had buried his wife. She lifted her gaze to meet his with a sad smile.
“Hey,” she whispered.
“Hey.” He stood beside her. “How are you doing?”
“Funny, I was going to ask you the same thing.” She nudged his shoulder.
Adam scrunched his brow. “Why?”
“Well because here we are at another bloody wake together. We really shouldn’t make a habit of this, Adders.”
He smiled and slipped his arm around her shoulders. “You’re right. Let’s make a pact, eh? The next function we go to together should be a wedding or a christening or something. Whaddya say?” He squeezed her and kissed her hair.
She snapped her gaze up to him and narrowed her eyes. “Why? Is there something you’re not telling me?”
He huffed. “Absolutely not. I don’t think I’ll get married again if I’m honest, Lil. If and when I meet someone, I reckon I’ll live in sin. I’ve had my happy marriage.”
Her lip began to quiver. He pulled her into a hug. “Hey…hey I’m sorry. Did I say the wrong thing?”
She sniffed. “No…I’m just so sad, Adders. My poor lovely mum. She’s heartbroken. Dad was her world. Apart from you and Eve, I’ve never seen two people more in love than they were.”
Adam kissed the top of her head. Her words made his heart ache. “I know. I’m so sorry, Lily. Nothing I say can make things better. But just know that I’m here, okay?”
She nodded into his chest. “I know…thank you.”
“I honestly wouldn’t have got through losing Eve if you hadn’t been there. You were my rock, do you know that?”
The Girl Before Eve Page 20
