Kyle.
She screamed and trembled as tears over-spilled her eyes and she dropped to her knees. “No! Kyle…no. Oh please no.”
One of the paramedics dashed over to her and placed his arm around her shoulders. “Miss, you shouldn’t be out here. Come on, let’s get you back inside…come on now.” He helped her to her feet and walked her back into the restaurant as her legs shook and she wretched, her empty stomach aching with the spasms. After placing her in a chair, someone, she didn’t see who, handed her a steaming mug of tea. She could smell the sugar.
Someone squatted beside her. “Lily.” She lifted her head and looked into Mack’s distraught face. “Oh God, Lily, Kyle’s dead.” He sobbed.
Lily nodded. “I know…I can’t believe this has happened.” Tears escaped from her eyes once again. He removed the hot drink from her grasp, placed it down on a nearby table, and enveloped her in his arms. They both clung to each other and succumbed to their mutual grief.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
If I Lost You (Travis Tritt)
August 2011
Lily arrived back in the UK four days after the devastating hurricane had almost taken her life and had succeeded in taking her friend’s. Adam picked her up from the airport and clung to her in the arrivals lounge whilst she sobbed into his chest. Her relief was immense. He held her up as her legs weakened, then grabbed her suitcase and helped her to his car. Once they were both seated, she glanced over to him. His head was back and his eyes were closed.
He gulped and opened his red-rimmed eyes. “I thought I’d lost you, Lil,” he croaked as he reached over and squeezed her hand. “I don’t know what I would’ve done.”
She forced a smile as she squeezed his hand back. “Shhh, it’s okay. I’m here. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
“You’re so important to me, Lil. You do know that, don’t you? I can’t lose you, too. I can’t.”
“Stop it or you’ll make me cry again.” She sniffed.
“No, I mean it. I hope you know how much you mean to me… What your friendship means to me.” His eyes were intense as they bored into her. She desperately searched for something hidden in there. A tiny shred of hope that maybe something good would come of all this. That he had realised he loved her.
He inhaled deeply. “You’re my family, Lil…you’re my family. Me and you against the world.” Her heart sank. Family. “I’m so glad you’re back and that you’re okay.” Squeezing her hand one last time, he smiled and then turned to start the engine.
Once she was deposited back in her own home, he rushed around making tea and taking her case upstairs. He eventually worked off his nervous energy and sat at the opposite end of the sofa, holding his steaming mug.
She cleared her throat. “So…what have you been up to while I’ve been away?”
He scratched his chin. “Erm…well I went on a date but I don’t think it went too well.”
She frowned. “A date? Really? Who with? I thought you were giving up on the dating sites.”
“Yeah…yeah I have. I met her through Diane at work. She’s a friend of a friend.”
“Oh? What’s she like?” She feigned interest.
He huffed. “She’s really pretty, Lil. Blonde hair, green eyes, slim. She’s called Emily. She’s…really nice. I’m supposed to be seeing her again.”
She snorted. “Can’t have been that bad if she’s agreed to see you again.”
He pursed his lips and his forehead creased. “I suppose not.”
She leaned forward. “What made you feel it wasn’t a success last time?”
“I was…a little distracted.” He dropped his gaze.
“How come?”
“Well, you’d gone to Florida and the hurricane had hit. I couldn’t rest. I was really out of my mind with worry. I explained, and she said we should call the night off early so I could get home and wait for news. She offered to come with me, but I didn’t think it was fair, so we agreed to see each other tomorrow instead.”
“Oh…tomorrow? Well, that’s…promising then. You’ll be fine.” She did her best to encourage him.
“Yeah…yeah, probably. Just wasn’t that sure.”
“Look, I’m here and I’m fine. Normal services can now resume. Your wardrobe assistant is back.” She held up her hands and smiled breezily, but inside her stomach was knotted.
A stunning grin appeared on his face. “Lily, you’re the best.”
“And don’t you forget it.”
♥♥♥
Lily had yet another restless, nightmare-filled night following her arrival back in Scotland. Adam texted regularly, but she had assured him she was completely fine and that he shouldn’t worry.
It was the morning after his second date with Emily. Lily had showered and decided to make the most of the compassionate leave that had been thrust upon her by her superiors. She had spent a little time pottering in the garden and then had been to the local newsagents to buy the Sunday papers. After brewing a fresh pot of coffee, she had the newspapers spread across the kitchen table and was reading all about the further devastation caused by the hurricane in the south of the United States as it had continued to move on wreaking havoc whenever and wherever it hit land.
She paused when she heard Bring Me to Life by Evanescence on the radio. The song stirred emotions inside her and sent shivers down her spine as she absorbed the lyrics. The powerful love story told within the song was something she’d hoped would have happened to her and Adam. She longed for him to feel that way about her. To have his eyes opened in that way. When she felt her eyes stinging, she reached over and turned the radio off.
The doorbell rang, snapping her back to reality. She could see the tall shape through the glass panel and in daylight it was obvious who it was.
“Adders, to what do I owe this unexpected displeasure?” she teased as she opened the door.
He huffed. “Sod you, then. Last time I bring you a bloody cream cake.” He turned to walk away.
“Adders, I was kidding!” she shouted after him, feeling panicked.
He turned back to her with a wide grin on his face. He pointed at her. “Haaaa! Got you!”
“Shit head.”
“Oh shut up and get the kettle on.” He flicked her head as he walked past her.
“So mature, Adders, so mature.” She made her way through to the kitchen and washed out the cafetiére.
“So…do you want to hear about my date?” he asked enthusiastically.
Nope…not in the slightest. Can’t think of anything worse at the moment. “Sure…how’d it go?”
“Weeeell, I’m seeing her again.”
She turned to face him and put a smile on her face. “Great…see…oh ye of little faith.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, yeah it’s great. We had a lot to talk about, you know? No awkward silences. She flirted with me a lot and kept touching my leg… I think…I think she really wants me, Lil.”
Placing two mugs of freshly brewed coffee on the table, she said, “Why do you sound so surprised?”
He pursed his lips. “Oh, I don’t know. I think it’s been so long since I’ve fancied a woman it’s all a bit bizarre.”
Fiddling with the edge of the newspaper, she asked, “So…you do fancy her, eh?”
He laughed. “Lil, there’s nothing to not fancy. She’s sexy, she’s intelligent, and she laughs at my jokes.”
She snorted. “Well then I’d ditch her immediately. Finding your jokes funny is a good reason to avoid her, I’d say.” He threw a dishtowel at her. It landed on her head and he burst out laughing, almost falling backward off his chair. She pursed her lip. “Funny man.” She tried her best not to laugh.
“Yeah, well, she loved the shirt you picked out. I’ve never liked stripes. That’s why it still had the tags on, but she commented on it straight away. Said I looked very handsome.”
“Ha! The woman is clearly delusional. She thinks you’re handsome and laughs at your jokes. P
oor, poor woman.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, well, just you wait until I get my own back.”
Her heart skipped a beat and her mouth dropped open. “Meaning what?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.
“Funnily enough I have access to the Internet and photos of you, too. I could always return the favour and set you up on a dating site, so be very, very careful, Lil.”
She threw the dishtowel back at him. “Don’t you bloody dare. It’s different for me.” Heat rose in her cheeks and she suddenly felt flustered.
He chuckled for a few moments. “Seriously though, Lil, you should date. In fact, remember Doug Jenkins from our Science Department?”
She pursed her lips. “Yesss?” she said cautiously.
“Weeeell, he always asks after you. He’s asked me for your number before, but I never gave him it because you were always overseas when he asked. Now you’re back for a while, you should go out. He’s a really nice guy. And I’m told he’s considered quite attractive.”
She scrunched her face up. “He’s…alright. But he’s not my type, Adders.”
He looked frustrated. “Why won’t you allow yourself to be happy, Lily? And who the hell is your type? Does the thing even exist? Or is he some kind of mythical fucking creature? Coz I’ll be damned if I can tell!”
Feeling insulted by his comment she folded her arms over her chest, the heat rising in her cheeks again. “That’s a lot of questions, Adders. Not really necessary. And of course he exists…somewhere…but I’m not going to dive into a relationship with someone I don’t fancy just because I’m lonely.” She folded her arms over her chest.
“And what? You think that’s what I’m doing?” Anger flashed across his features and his cheeks coloured.
She sighed. “Of course not, you pratt. I didn’t say that, did I? I just want to find my own man. When I’m ready.”
“Oh? But you couldn’t leave me to do that?”
“What? Find your own man?” She stifled a giggle.
He pulled a face at her. “Funny. Come on, Lil. Why were you so hell bent on setting me up when you won’t accept the same help? You’ve pretty much just admitted that you’re lonely. So what’s the problem?”
“For fuck’s sake, it’s like the Spanish Inquisition. Can we just change the subject?” she snapped.
After an uncomfortable silence, he asked. “So do I tell Doug no then?”
“You do.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
I Can’t Make You Love Me (Bonnie Raitt)
September 2011
Being back in the UK was a strain. This permanent change did not sit well with Lily. Okay, so she was a little traumatised from the situation she had found herself in while she was in Florida, but what do they say? You have to get straight back on the horse. Unfortunately, that horse had been allocated a new rider. Her bosses just didn’t feel she could cope with being out there again. Who were they to make such a life changing decision for her without consultation?
The only marginally good thing was that she got to spend more time with Adam. Sadly, that was a double-edged sword that might just finish her off better than the hurricane’s attempts. She was tired of setting him up and helping him get ready for dates, emotionally drained in fact. Surely, he was capable of finding his own woman? She had started this whole thing off with the best intentions, but as always, her intentions had backfired.
This latest woman, however, was a tad different. She was, to all intents and purposes, perfect for him. Blonde (just his type), pretty (from the photo on his phone that he had shown her), intelligent (ran a business training school), and slim. This was his third date with her. Yes. Third. He was, as ever, nervous as hell, he told her on the phone. He had begged Lily to come over and help him get ready. Tonight, it was the last thing she wanted to do. He was a grown man for goodness sake.
She finished off the last dregs of her cold coffee and climbed into the shower. Having been for a jog to try and clear her head, the last thing she needed was to go around to Adam’s stinking and give him yet another reason not to love her. No, this was it. This was the last time. She was thirty-one years old.
Time to let go.
She let the hot water cascade over her body and face as the tears came. She had spent so much of her life in love with this man. This wonderful, protective, handsome, sensitive, caring man. But she had to let go now. She had suffered in silence for far too long. Never having the right opportunity to tell him how she felt. Not that it would make any difference. She would always be Lil—the best friend. Family. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.
Enough was enough.
Solemnly, she dressed in her favourite jeans and sweater. Applied a little makeup and did her best to tame her wild brunette curls. With a sigh, she climbed into the car and headed for Adam’s house. The bare chested man opened the door before she had a chance to knock.
She stifled a gasp. His body never ceased to affect her. “Someone’s eager.” She tried to smile.
“Oh God, Lil, thank goodness you’re here. I’m a wreck!” He panted as he stepped by to let her in. “I’ve tried on five different shirts and three different pairs of trousers.” He ran his hand through his luscious, thick dark hair.
Her chest ached.
She forced a smile. “Good grief, you’re such a girl, Adders.”
“I am…I am, aren’t I? Oh shit, Lil. She could be the one and I’m acting like a teenage fucking girl.” He paced the room.
The one? “Look just calm down, okay? So she’s perfect…but so are you.” Lily bit her lip.
“Huh? Oh yeah, I’m perfect alright. I’m sweating like a pig, I have emotional baggage, and I crumble under pressure. Perfect!” He threw his hands up, clearly exasperated.
Sighing and rolling her eyes as she always did, she went over to the wardrobe door where all the shirts were waiting like washing hung untidily out to dry.
“This is your third date, Adders. You haven’t put her off yet, so there’s no reason you will now. Right, where are you going?”
“I’m taking her to Bella Roma. It’s quite a nice place but not exactly posh as such.” Lily had only been once with a date. It was rather lovely. She remembered the owner was a sweet Italian man called Arlo.
“Okay. You won’t need a tie and you can wear jeans. These are the ones that make your backside look…I mean…erm…that…erm…these are the best ones.” Stumbling over her words as her cheeks heated at her almost-slip-up, she held them out to him.
He scrunched his face and then shook his head. “Okay…okay…shirt?” He ragged his joggers off and stood there in just his boxers. She tried to avert her eyes. But God, he really was perfect. In every possible way. She gulped as she felt the sting in her eyes. She would have to tell him soon. Tell him that she could no longer do this. He was on his own. He had overcome his grief with her help, but he had to go it alone now. She bit the inside of her lip. “Lil? You okay?” She glanced up at the beautiful, half naked man who now looked very concerned and just nodded, unable to form words.
She breathed in a long, calming breath. “Right…shirt. Well, personally I’ve always liked the pale blue one with the button down collar. It’s…you look…it makes you look…a little less repugnant.” She teased in the way she always had but didn’t really feel the joke.
“Gee thanks, Lil. With friends like you…” He grabbed the shirt and slipped it on his muscular torso. His sculpted back muscles flexing as he moved. She swallowed hard again and turned away.
“Okay…will I do?” He turned around on the spot in his bedroom. She couldn’t help but smile. He looked stunning. This Emily woman would fall for him tonight, if she hadn’t already, and that would be it. The end. Taking a deep breath she stood before him and put her hands on his arms.
“Adders, she would be crazy not to fall head over heels in love with you right then and there.” Her voice was almost a whisper. He locked his gaze on hers and unreadable emotions flashed across his fac
e. She dropped her arms still looking into his eyes, willing him to see the truth. But instead he shook his head as if to rid himself of some confusion or something.
He cleared his throat and said, “Awww, thanks, Lil. You’re such a…wonderful friend.”
She bit down harder on the inside of her lip. “And don’t you forget it.” Repeating her well-used phrase, she punched him lightly on the arm. She went back over to the bed and sat down.
He paced again. “I’m scared shitless though. Tonight might be…you know…the night.” He chewed on his thumb. “She’s made it very clear that she wants me. But…it’s been so long, you know?”
Her heart sank. The last shred of hope left her body. Once he made love to Emily that was it. No going back. She wouldn’t let him go and who could blame her.
Finding a little courage from somewhere, Lily took a deep breath. “Look, Adders…I need to tell you something… I may struggle to get the words out, so just let me speak, okay?”
He sat beside her, a look of concern on his face once again. “Sure…anything…what’s up, Lil? Are you…are you alright?”
“I’m…yes I’m fine…it’s just that… I can’t do this anymore…this…this—” Adam’s phone interrupted them.
He glanced at the caller ID. “Oh God, it’s Emily. What if she’s cancelling? I should take this.” He looked apologetic but Lily just smiled and nodded. “Hey, Emily…how are you?… Yes…ahuh… oh right…that’s fine…no problems… I’m looking forward to seeing you again, too.” Lily stood. Feeling that the moment had passed, she walked toward the door. “One sec, Emily… Lily? Lily where’re you going?”
She turned and smiled at him as breezily as she could. “Don’t worry…we’ll talk later. Have fun tonight…and…good luck, eh? Let’s hope she’s the one.” She turned and walked down the stairs as she heard Adam continue his enthusiastic conversation.
By the time she reached the car, Lily’s tears were relentless and she felt like someone had reached in and pulled out the very heart of her. Well, what was left of it anyway. There had been no closure like she’d hoped. But she had to make her own now. She had to let go. Finally. He would never love her back. Not in that way. Not in the way he had loved Eve. Not that she wanted to replace her friend in his affections. No, she just wanted him to love her in a way that wasn’t just friendship. She took a deep breath and opened the car door. She wiped the tears from her eyes and stood for a moment with her head hung down, trying to compose her emotions and willing herself not to look back. She couldn’t look back. She would just get into the car and go home, drawing a line under everything. He would get the message eventually.
The Girl Before Eve Page 25
