by Caitlyn Blue
And wouldn’t Emma love that. “Sorry, I don’t have a guest room.”
“That doesn’t sound like much of a problem.” She gives me a sly wink that is strictly for Paul’s benefit.
When I was fourteen, Riley’s were the first breasts I ever put my hands on. She is two years older than Paul and me and developed a sense of her sex appeal earlier than most. She wasn’t the first girl I kissed, but she sure helped me perfect my French kissing technique. At least until the day Paul caught us together.
“He’s involved,” Paul says, his brows coming together in a frown.
I’m not sure if he’s said this to put off his sister or because he’s picked up on what’s going on between Emma and me. “Yes,” I murmur. “I’m seeing someone.”
Riley’s brows go up. “The way I remember it, you used to see a lot of someones.”
“Times, they are a changin’,” I say and hope she won’t ask whom the lucky girl is. “I’m going to grab some more food. Can I get anyone anything?”
“I’ll come with you,” Paul offers. He looks at his sister, “Are you hungry?”
“I prefer to drink my dinner.”
Muttering curses beneath his breath, Paul turns toward the exit and I follow. “Can you believe her? She’s worse than ever. She and Julie will be at each other’s throats in less than a day.”
“Was this visit planned?” I ask, following Paul into the cool night air, feeling only slightly guilty for playing dumb.
“No, she emailed me last night and said she was coming.”
“Typical Riley.”
We get in line and I expect Paul to continue to bash his sister, but instead he says, “I hope it was okay that I mentioned you are seeing someone.”
“Sure. The last thing I need is to worry about fending off your sister. Although, the way she was looking at Jayce, I don’t know if that would have happened anyway.”
“You know how Riley is. She might chase after you just to stir up trouble between you and Emma.”
“Emma…” I try to sound surprised.
“You don’t seriously think I haven’t noticed.”
“Noticed…?” When Paul shoots me a give-me-a-break look, I cave. “Yeah, we’ve been hanging out. We didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.”
Especially since we don’t really agree on what it is.
“Watch yourself,” Paul says. “Julie says she had a huge crush on you in high school.”
“A huge crush, you say.” I like the sound of that.
“Yeah, so please do me a favor and don’t break her heart before the wedding.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
Why does everyone think I’m the one who’s taking this lightly? The feelings I have for Emma are different than anything I’ve ever known. I’m just not sure from the things she’s said if she’s feeling the same way. And if that’s the case, the only one whose heart is going to get broken is mine.
22
Emma
Zach suggests we go together to Paul’s Evolution Brewery three-year anniversary party, but I haven’t told Julie about us yet and I think it’s better if we arrive separately. But as Julie pulls me aside an hour into the party, I realize I may have been wrong to think she wouldn’t pick up on the attraction between us.
“What’s going on between you and Zach?” Julie asks a little too casually. “Because if you’re hooking up with him, it’s a really stupid move on your part.”
“Stupid?” I flash to what we were doing the night before at his place. The way his kisses start out soft and tender. How fast they evolved into something hot and deep and unforgettable. My toes curl just thinking about it. “Why stupid?”
“It’s not going to last and you’re going to be all upset at the wedding when he brings a date.”
Julie’s words are a lash against my skin. We’ve never talked about going to the wedding together. Before Zach and I hooked up, I assumed I’d be going solo. As Julie’s maid of honor, I’m surely going to have my hands full. I figured Zach would be doing the same.
“First of all, if we are hooking up, it’s none of your business.” My tone is a little more aggressive than I mean it to be, but Julie really needs to mind her own business.
“It is my business,” Julie says, taking on the manner of superior older sister that I hate. “You forget I know exactly how Zach can be. He’s not interested in a relationship.”
Her warning strikes at the heart of every doubt I have. “You think I don’t know that?”
“I’m just trying to look out for you.”
I want to believe that’s true. On second thought, I don’t feel like giving Julie the benefit of the doubt. She’s not meddling for my sake. If I flirted with Sam, Paxton or Jayce, she wouldn’t try and talk me out of it. And they could be just as likely to hook up with a bridesmaid and never call. Julie doesn’t want me involved with Zach.
“So what are you,” I ask flippantly. “Jealous?”
My question provokes an unexpected response.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about Zach lately,” she says, looking and sounding miserable. “I keep wondering what I did wrong and why he cheated on me.”
“Where is this coming from?”
Sure, she was crazy depressed for six months after they broke up, but when she and Paul started dating, they were really happy together. And in three months they’re getting married. This is not the time for her to be thinking about a high school boyfriend. Especially not one who treated her as badly as Zach did.
“I don’t know,” Julie says. “I can’t stop thinking that I pushed too hard as graduation approached. I saw us being together forever. We’d been dating for a year and a half and I thought he was the one. But Paul said he wanted to go off to college unencumbered by a girlfriend.”
“He likes playing the field,” I say. That’s part of why I know I’m not going to get hurt by him. I see him for what he is and that’s really all I can handle right now with what’s going on with the store and everything.
“But what if he’s changed?” Julie’s hopeful expression stirs my anxiety. “Gabby says he doesn’t pick up women at Coastal Vibe the way he used to.”
“Sure, but he’s not there every night. Maybe he goes there on his off nights to rest and get ready for the next round of debauchery.” I try for humor, but I’m pretty sure she’s not hearing me. “Anyway, what does it matter? You and Paul are getting married in three months and you’re going to be super happy and everything is going to be perfect.”
“I think I may have settled for Paul.”
My mouth opens but nothing comes out. My brain is Swiss cheese, full of holes where sage advice should be.
“It feels like something’s missing,” Julie continues, twisting her engagement ring around and around. “I want a man who makes my heart race and my knees weak.”
“Doesn’t Paul do that?”
“Not anymore.” She frowns. “And I’m not sure he ever did. We were friends for so long before we started dating. It was comfortable and familiar, but I’m not sure it was ever exciting. Zach made my heart pound every time he walked into a room.”
I know exactly what she’s talking about. “I’m sure he makes a lot of women feel that way. As Brynn puts it, he’s panty-dropping hot. But that doesn’t make him reliable or husband material. This is the rest of your life,” I remind her, warming to the subject. “Paul is going to be a great guy to spend the rest of your life with. He’s going to make a great dad and you are never going to question that he loves you.”
“But is it enough? What if I wake up a year from now and I hate the way he chews, or I go ballistic because he’s left the toilet seat up or squeezed the toothpaste from the middle of the tube?”
“Buy one of those toilet seats that automatically goes down when you flush and each of you get your own toothpaste.”
“You are missing the point.”
“I don’t think I am. You have cold feet. Put on warm socks and stop�
�” I want to say stop acting like an entitled brat, but years of being the one who never got my way keeps me from finishing that thought. “Worrying so much. The wedding is going to be beautiful and perfect. You and Paul are meant for each other. It’s going to be wonderful.”
“Are you saying that because you want Zach for yourself?”
I gape at her. This is taking pre-wedding jitters to a new level.
“I’m saying that because you and Paul are meant to be together.”
“Promise me you will keep thing strictly platonic between you and Zach.”
Too late for that.
“You can’t ask me to do that,” I say. Seeing that my words have stirred her up further, I force a calmer note into my voice. “Why don’t you focus on Paul and not worry about me.”
“He’s going to hurt you.”
With every statement that comes out of her mouth, my confidence takes a hit. “How so?”
“You know what he did to me.”
Broke her heart, that’s what. Because he cheated on her. But that was back in high school and surely he’s matured into a better man.
“That’s not going to happen to me.” But even as I say this, I think about all the women he’s briefly dated and can’t help but recall my long-standing opinion that he’s not relationship material.
“You seriously think he’s not going to pull the same shit on you?” Julie persists as if she can hear my thoughts. “It just better not interfere with my wedding.”
“It won’t.”
“I don’t want my day ruined because you’re upset with Zach. I’m the star. I want my wedding day drama-free.”
Julie’s unfair expectations leave me speechless. While she’s right that it’s her day and it goes without saying that she’ll be the center of attention, I have never upstaged her in my life.
“That’s what I want for you too,” I assure her. Never would I put my emotional upheaval on display for the world to see. I might confide my heartbreak to Brynn, Sarah, and Gabby, but I certainly wouldn’t burden Julie with it.
Wait, when did I start thinking in terms of my relationship with Zach ending? Is this because of Julie? Or has this belief been lurking in the back of my mind all along? We’ve been going out for a couple weeks. How much longer can it last?
“You say that now,” Julie says. “But I’ve seen the way you are with him. You’re already crushing on him bigtime. Just like you did in high school.” Her tone intensifies. “He knew about that, you know. We used to laugh about it all the time. You and your puppy dog eyes.”
Each word she speaks lashes at me. Zach thought my crush on him was funny? Humiliation races over my skin in a hot rush until I burn with mortification.
“I can promise you that whatever goes on in my love life will not impact your wedding in any way.”
“Love life?” Julie’s brows rise. “Tell me you aren’t falling in love with him.” Her mockery rakes my exposed nerves.
“Like I’d be stupid enough to fall for Zach,” I say, forcing a laugh. “We’re just hanging out. No big deal. Having fun. Thinking it’s anything more would be a huge mistake.” I exhale heavily. “Can we please go back to the party now?”
“Of course.” While I spoke, Julie brightened considerably. “Let me duck into the bathroom and I’ll meet you out there.”
Relieved, I turn to face the taproom and spy Zach standing five feet away. My pulse skips in delight as it always does when he’s near before my mind awakens to the implication of his proximity to the conversation I just had with Julie.
He takes a step closer. “So, falling for me would be stupid.” His tone isn’t mocking or amused. In fact, it has no inflection at all.
He knows I had a ridiculous crush on him in high school. I don’t want him thinking I’m going to fall for him all over again. And looking back over my behavior these last few weeks that might be exactly what he thinks I’ve done. I’ve thrown myself at him over and over.
“Do you really think there’s nothing more going on between us besides sex?”
Yes. No? I’d like to believe there is, but going down that road will only lead to me getting hurt. “I said that to get Julie off my back.”
“That’s not the only reason you said it,” he says. “You don’t expect things between us to go anywhere.”
“I don’t.” Does he expect me to? It’s terrifying how fast my hopes rise. I squash them flat. “How can I?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“You’re a fling, not forever.” I’ve thought the words a hundred times over these last few weeks and now they just slip out.
His brows come together. “I’m a fling?”
“Um, yeah.” Shit, I’m in for it now. “A wedding fling. You know. You’re the best man. I’m the maid of honor.” My voice trails off as he stares at me. A muscle jumps in his jaw. “What we’re doing is fun, but I know it’s not going anywhere.”
“Because…?” he prompts coolly.
“You don’t…date.”
“I don’t date?”
“Well, I mean, of course you date…a lot. Just not any one woman for very long.” My heart is clenching in misery as I say this.
“And that’s why you think of me as a fling rather than a guy you could see yourself with forever?”
“Exactly.” I try to smile, but my throat aches.
“I guess it just goes to show you don’t know me as well as you think you do.” And with that, he turns around and heads back toward our group of friends.
23
Zach
I’m halfway back to the bar before I remember the only reason I stumbled into Julie and Emma’s conversation is because I was heading for the bathroom. Dammit. I turn around and retrace my steps toward the hallway where I overheard the sisters talking. Emma is no longer standing where I left her.
But as I turn into the narrow space, Julie is coming out of the ladies’ room. Her self-satisfied smile crashes into my surly mood and I’m hungry for confrontation.
“Where do you get off telling Emma to stay away from me?” I begin without preliminaries. “It’s none of your business what happens between me and your sister.”
“I’m just looking out for her. I don’t want you to break her heart.”
“What makes you think I’m going to?”
She gives me a look that says it all. “That’s what you do. You make a girl fall in love with you and then you cheat. Or dump them after they’ve slept with you. I don’t want that happening to Emma.”
“Your sister isn’t an impressionable teenager,” I say, knowing my remark will hit close to home.
We never talked about that night. I never apologized. My aim was to be the bastard so she’d run to Paul, and I did my job well. It took her months after she and Paul started dating before she spoke to me again. And for years afterward our encounters were stilted.
“My sister has had a thing for you since she was a teenager. She doesn’t understand what you’re like.”
“I think you underestimate her.” Our brief exchange replays in my mind. “Where I’m concerned your sister has her guard up. She’s not going to let herself get involved with me.”
Julie tosses her head. “Good.”
“Not good. I happen to really like her.”
“If you like her, then you should leave her alone.”
“Maybe you don’t know her as well as you think.”
“The same could be said for you. She doesn’t jump into bed with someone thinking the relationship is going nowhere. But Emma also has a big heart, and when she cares about someone, she gives them what she thinks they want.”
I replay our encounters, remembering how eager she is to please. Because I wanted nothing more than to bring her pleasure as well, it never occurred to me that the reason she seemed like the perfect girl for me was due to her acting the way she thought I expected. To become a sexual partner who doesn’t expect romance or fidelity or a future.
I knew that wasn’t
her and yet I let myself get swept up in our chemistry.
While I assimilate these truths, Julie’s rant continues. “The only person you care about is yourself. It’s inevitable that you are going to hurt her.”
“The last thing I’m going to do is use her and cast her aside.” I may be a selfish jerk when it comes to most women, but I never once considered making Emma a notch on my bedpost.
“It’s what you do.” Abruptly, Julie drops her antagonism and puts a hand on my arm. Her voice softens as she says, “Be a good guy and leave my sister alone.”
Feeling more than a little shell-shocked, I let her go past without saying another word. For the first time in my life, I regret what has led me to being painted as a bad guy. I see myself through Emma’s eyes and I don’t like what I see. Maybe I should tell her the truth about why I pretended to cheat on her sister. Then I’d be a hero in her eyes instead of a bastard. Except that wouldn’t change her perception of who I’ve been these last eight years.
No. Fuck that.
I refuse to let anyone make me feel bad about my uncomplicated life. I work hard. Party with friends. Have sex when it strikes my fancy. I don’t hurt anyone.
Why the hell should I be cast in the role of villain because up until recently I never even considered getting tied down with one woman for the rest of my life? What’s the fun in that? It would be like eating steak and potatoes in an endless succession of meals, never to have pizza or seafood or Thai. I would go crazy without variety. With a revolving door of women, I can tell the same stories, make them laugh at the same jokes. It’s simple, mindless entertainment. And what’s wrong with that?
On my way back to my friends, I gaze around the taproom, looking for a possible target to lavish some of my attention on. Riley catches my eye. There’s no way I’m going there with my best friend’s sister, but she knows how to have fun and I’m in the mood to stir up some trouble.
I sidle up to Riley and expertly cut her from the group of guys she’s talking to. “Feel like getting out of here?”
