As someone who could walk into just about any venue in the country, or the world, and be recognized, Erin had never been more alone in her life.
There was a reason she kept people at a distance, turned them away with a glance and a sneer.
No matter how she looked at it, she always ended up with nothing to show for her life.
However, with the way Drew returned, they got reacquainted and the way their lives merged, everything had meaning. She wished she would have known her life had been in a holding pattern while she waited for the love of her life to reclaim her. Deep down in her heart, she knew he would always come for her.
At a stoplight, she lowered her head to her steering wheel, her tears dripping onto her legs. After everything, he couldn’t trust her, didn’t believe she wanted him. If she had any advice to impart to anyone on this planet, it would be to watch what you say. One sentence she said twenty years ago ruined her life.
The second the words were out of her mouth that night, she wanted them back. She wanted everything back. The games she played with Drew, the way she put him off, the stupidity. For the first time in many, many years, she allowed herself to relive the moment where she destroyed herself.
“What do you see happening between us?” She had known it was the night. The film had been wrapping and now was the moment to lay it all on the line. Could she do it? He was going to want to make love to her, tell the world. What would happen when he realized she was nothing but a whore in actress’s clothing?
“We’ve talked about this. You’re going to act, I’m going to go to college, and we’ll be together.” Hopeful, his eyes sparkling at getting what he fought so hard for, he sat up.
“Do you want me or just the thought of me?” Too many men, Logan, Ryder and Brian included, only wanted her for how she looked, who she became, not because they wanted her. It had to be different with Drew.
“Erin.” He got up off the bed and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I know the real you, not the one you play for the cameras. If neither of us ever took another role, it would be fine with me.”
“I have to act.” She pressed her hand to his chest, not sure if she was trying to push him away on purpose. In truth, she didn’t know how to do anything but act. Maybe that was the problem.
“That’s fine, so what’s the problem?”
“I want to be the woman you deserve, but I don’t think I can be.” Her eyes clouded with tears. Drew deserved someone who would be home and take care of him. He needed a woman who would make dinner and take care of the laundry and do all those things she wanted to do, but never learned.
“What does that mean?” He sat down in a chair across the small hotel room.
“I’m never going to be the woman you truly want. I tried for the last two weeks, and it was all an act.” She wanted to go out, experience life. Yet when she was partying with Ryder or Logan, she longed to be back with Drew. Everything about her was an act. She didn’t even know who she was. Neither of them deserved that.
“What do you mean you tried?”
She stared off at nothing, trying to visualize her life with Drew, without him. Was she ready for what he wanted? Already offers were starting to come in for her. If they were together, it would be forever, and she would have no room to do what she wanted without feeling guilty all the time. “It would be so easy to be with you.”
“What does that mean?” His tone hardened.
“You would give me everything, but I would only hurt you in the end.” All day she’d toggled on what she needed to do. At making her decision, her body felt weak, and she sat at the edge of the bed.
“You’re hurting me now.”
“Drew, did you really think that tomorrow we were going to show up on set and be in love?” She had to do this for both of them. They were destined for disaster with her leading the pack. Now she just wanted to get out of there.
“Actually, I did.” Again, he stood.
Of course he did, why shouldn’t he? It was easy for him. “When people are on set, it’s like a wonderland, an island where no one can get in. Next week we’re going to be back to our normal lives. We won’t work there.” She got up and went to him, but stopped.
“After spending every night with me, after confiding in me, after making plans with me and telling me you wanted to be with me, you’re now telling me it was nothing but some movie making spell and poof, tomorrow we’ll be cured?”
She stepped closer. “You’ve changed so much these last few months.” They would both change, but would they change together? What happened if she became a has-been? Would he want her then?
“Obviously not enough.” He tensed.
“Drew, I do love you in my own way, but no one will ever believe the two of us could be together. In the real world we don’t fit.” She swallowed back a gasp at her words, but she had to break it off or forever be caught in the safe haven of one Drew Fulton. They would stifle each other and it would end in nothing but pain.
He stomped to the door and opened it. “Go.”
Wait. Her body heated. She didn’t mean it. Actually, she didn’t know what she meant. Maybe they just need to take a breath and see what happened. “We have tonight.” She ran to him and put her hands on his shoulders.
“You took tonight away. You took it all.” He shook her off him and jerked his head to one side, telling her to get out.
He gave her permission to leave. Before she had a chance to chicken out, she rushed out of the room.
The door slammed behind her, and she jumped then wrapped her arms around herself. She had to go back, beg for him. The hurt she caused him was evident in his eyes. Could she do this? Maybe she just needed some time to sort it all out.
Again, she had looked back at the door. Everything good was on the other side. Safety, her best friend, the man she loved, more accurately, the man she fought not to fall in love with.
They just needed some time. In tears, she had run back to her room.
A horn honking jolted though her. She blinked and hit the accelerator.
What had they done to each other? Would it have been better if they would have just left the scarred over wounds remain, never opening them to find out what was on the inside?
Again, tears wracked her body, and she was overcome with exhaustion. Her whole life consisted of being with Drew or waiting for Drew. Now she was nothing.
Knowing she needed to stop driving around with no destination, she forced herself into survival mode. Her mind reeled, and she considered her options. Her go-to mop, Brian, was out of the question, as well as her sort-of new agent. If she could find Ryder, they would only end up in bed and the thought of sleeping with someone else caused her stomach to churn.
In search of her phone, she dug through her few possessions. The communication device was nowhere to be found. On auto pilot, she headed to her only other option in this world, and drove into the back lot of Logan’s brother’s bar.
Most likely, her next move would land her both in a psychiatric ward and the tabloids. Maybe her new agent would think it was great for publicity. Either way, she forced herself out of her vehicle, walked the few yards to the back door and knocked.
The door opened.
“Erin? What’s wrong?”
The backlight didn’t allow her to see him, but she knew that voice. It was the voice of the man who fixed things. Only this time she didn’t have anything to offer him in return. Still, she collapsed into Logan’s arms and burst into tears. So much for Hollywood endings, she could only hope this whole part of her life would end up on the cutting room floor.
HOLLYWOOD STARBURST
INT. INDIANAPOLIS, IN – SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY.
Students scurry to their respective classes. Books clutched to her chest, Roxy stops dead in her tracks when she sees William and Steven coming her way.
Roxy glances around, but the hallway clears out leaving the three of them alone as the final bell rings.
STEVEN elbows William.
STE
VEN
I told you Roxy still went to our school.
WILLIAM crosses his arms.
WILLIAM
I wasn’t sure, since she left so many loose ends all over the place.
ROXY takes a step back.
ROXY
Sometimes loose ends are hard to tie up. Things continue to become unraveled.
WILLIAM
Well, I suppose it’s better than getting everyone involved tied up in knots.
STEVEN steps forward.
STEVEN
Did you ever find what you were looking for? I’m happy to be of service anytime you need to conduct more research.
ROXY lowers her head.
ROXY
Would it help at all if I said I was sorry?
No one speaks and Roxy raises her head.
ROXY
You know, the two of you came into my life when I needed you most. We all made mistakes, I made the most mistakes, especially the mistake of thinking I could somehow have you both.
William uncrosses his arms and Steven steps back.
ROXY
How do you choose?
ROXY motions between them.
ROXY
How do you choose?
STEVEN
Did you ever think it shouldn’t have come down to that?
WILLIAM
I think you just wanted it all.
The three of them stare at each other.
ROXY
Yeah, I wanted it all.
ROXY runs down the hall.
Chapter Thirty-One
A BOTTLE OF PORT, a broken necklace, a broken phone, a lipstick, a pair of panties and a video camera.
Drew’s life consisted of these six items.
He took a gulp of the port then lifted the necklace, taking in the damaged links. After downing another glass of his elixir, he put down the jewelry in its designated spot on the coffee table and picked up the phone. Though the screen was cracked, it still illuminated. Last night, he did what no person should do and entered the password on her phone and looked at her texts, hoping to find some incriminating evidence on Erin. All he discovered was the last text she sent was to him saying she loved him with a kiss face emoticon. He answered with a heart. Everything else was talking about Hollywood Glow or him. Oh, her password to get into her phone was her birthday and on everything else it was still Hollywood Stardust.
The lipstick was her favorite shade. A classic designer red she wore since the Hollywood Stardust days, and he ran his fingers over the black case then took in the next piece in his sad collection, the panties. He tried not to think about the panties and how they ended up with him and not on her person. How they christened his lab in the most amazing way. No, he didn’t need to think about it because he had it all documented on the camera she left behind when she ran out.
As if asking where the mistress of the house was, Beaker came over and looked between him, the front door and the stairs.
Drew ran his hand through his hair and gazed over the remnants of their night once more.
Where was she?
With no phone, no panties, and no lipstick, her options were limited. He tried calling Logan, but he didn’t answer yet. After driving around aimlessly, he chose to wait at the house. Eventually, she would need her possessions.
Last night, when he finally came home, he half expected to find her either in their bed under the covers asleep or in the guest room hiding.
She never came back, and he deserved the fact he stayed up all night waiting for her. Then again, she filmed them with the intention of selling them and never said a word, a violation in every way.
When she ran out, he knew his job was to follow. One wasn’t with an actress such as Erin and not know the plot to the movie in her mind.
This was the second time he ruined her script. The first time was the day she found him at Brian’s office.
Logan taking the rap for Erin and Ryder’s indiscretions had been the end. Drew had applied to Oxford and got in, and he was going across the pond to get away from all of it. He was done with astronomy, no more stars for him, instead, he was going to major in chemistry, create actions, reactions and a brand new name for himself.
They were just about through tying up all the loose ends, and he leaned in to collect his papers when he heard Brian utter her name.
“Erin!” Brian jumped up out of the chair from behind his desk.
Drew turned toward the door. There she was. His weak point was personified in the form of the most beautiful woman on the planet. Would he ever be able to look at her and not react?
“You’re early,” Brian growled.
“I think I’m exactly on time.” Rather than looking at their agent, Erin kept her focus squarely on him.
They stared at each other.
“Drew, may I speak to you please?”
For a moment he paused, his gaze traveled over her, and he opened his mouth. He knew she continued to ask about him. Both Logan and Brian told him she wouldn’t let it go. Could she truly care, or did she want something else? He didn’t even want to know the answer.
No, he couldn’t know the answer. Again, she would ruin his plans, and he didn’t have time for a do-over. He spun back around to Brian. “Is our business done?”
His now ex-agent nodded.
Though she still blocked his exit route, he refused to react to her or let her suck him in as he approached.
She held out her hand. “Please, Drew.”
“Let me go.” He stared into her eyes hoping she heard the not too subtle message in his words. She was right, no one would believe they could have ever been together, he didn’t even believe it anymore.
Erin didn’t move. She just stood there with her big beautiful eyes glossing over and begging him.
Brian joined them, took her by the shoulders and corralled her away from the door. “Come on Erin.”
The second there was enough room to pass, he shimmied by her and rushed out.
As he left, he heard her yell and start crying, setting off every one of his alarm bells. Still, he forced himself forward toward freedom and sanity.
He got into his car and shook his head. All he had to do was make it through the next forty-eight hours and he was off. Away from her, away from acting, away from Drew Fulton. He needed to pull away. Just go and be done. She didn’t return his feelings. No, he was nothing but a warm blanket for her. He never even got a kiss while everyone else slept with her.
Suddenly, she appeared, and knocked at his window. He half expected it. Hell, he’d had time to pull away.
“Drew!” She pounded on the window. “Drew!”
He didn’t look at her. One look would be his downfall, but somehow he was unable to leave.
“Drew!” She continued to pound on the window. “Please, let me just say something, then you can leave.”
No, he never had any resistance when it came to her. Almost beyond his control, he rolled the window down a crack.
“I love you, Drew.” She sucked in her breath.
For one brief second, the world stopped. She finally said the words he dreamed about hearing come from her lips.
He allowed himself an extra moment to relish in her confession. Not sure if it was an act or not, or if she even knew the answer, he didn’t want to hear anything else from her.
In his final role as an actor, he rolled up the window and drove away.
Yes, he ruined the grand ending of her story, but for him it was perfect, and now he could leave.
As he had driven away from the woman who would always represent his heart, he bid a final farewell to Drew Fulton. Too many times he had asked why it had to be her, but it was and he had known he would never love anyone like that again.
A knock on the door reverberated through his home, just like her knock on the window that day. “Erin?” Would he roll down the window today?
He stood and glanced out the peephole, grinding his teeth together before opening the door.
> “I expected you to look less like crap, but I was wrong.” Holding a large brown paper bag, Ryder let himself in.
“Where is she?” Drew watched the man make himself at home, first by taking a dog bone out of the bag, and handing it to Beaker, then by sitting slap-dab in the middle of the couch, legs spread, taking up as much room as humanly possible.
Ryder held up his hand. “Don’t worry, I brought you a present too.” Once more, he reached in his bag, this time revealing two bottles. “Some excellent scotch and a bottle of alkaline water.”
“Why?” Drew crossed his arms and leaned back on the door. The man deliberately didn’t answer his question. Though technically he didn’t have any say in the matter, but if Erin went running to Ryder, it would be the ultimate betrayal.
“I’m figuring you need the scotch, especially since I pictured you downing that syrup that thinks it’s wine. The water is because whenever you get good and drunk, you should really rehydrate.” Ryder took two of the empty port glasses on the table, opened the scotch and poured them each a glass and pushed one toward him.
“Where is she?” He refused to move until Ryder answered, though in his gut he knew.
“For someone who broke up with her last night, I don’t know why you care.” Ryder sat back and spread his arms out wide over the back of the couch.
Wait. For the first time, he didn’t have to play nice with Ryder. There wasn’t a movie, there wasn’t Erin, and he didn’t have one tie to this shyster. The anger, frustration and irritation about everything finally bubbled to the top and burst. In a surge of energy, he ran across the room and grabbed Ryder by the collar. “Get out of my house.”
Limelight (Hollywood Stardust) Page 38
