by Bart King
Just to make sure that nobody from Carthage got suspicious, the Romans beat one of their slaves right in front of them! Naturally, nobody paid attention to the Roman slaves as they carefully memorized everything they could about the size and layout of the camp. After the meeting was over, the Romans went home. Then they came back and conquered the camp. (Oh, and the Romans won the war, too.)
Secret Communications
Once you start using HUMINT, you’ll need to find ways to secretly communicate with your fellow spies and contacts. Yes, you could just send them a tweet from your Twitter account. But what if an enemy agent intercepts it? Do you have any idea of the horrible things they might do to that poor innocent little tweet?
Using other electronic communications might not be the answer either. In 2010, a suspect in a case regarding a bomb in Times Square was caught as soon as he used his cell phone. But if your phone or computer might be monitored, how can you send a message? There are countless options! For example, most spies learn how to leave rocks and sticks in a pattern that only the trained eye of another spy could possibly read. For example:
Speaking of “trained eyes,” there was once a German spy with one glass eye. (Hey, that rhymes!) He had his eye custom made with a compartment in the back. There he would hide microfilm and other information. What an ingenious place to hide information—in his own skull!
There are lots of other non-electronic signals that you can use to communicate with others. A spy could go out in public scratching the back of her head. Sure, this LOOKS like an innocent natural gesture. But it turns out that hardly anyone ever actually scratches or rubs the back of their head! So it’s a good “tip-off” signal for any friendly spies watching that the spy has information to share.
Something as simple as a baseball cap can also carry a hidden message. Is the cap’s bill to the front? That might mean “Keep your distance; I’m being watched.” Is the bill to the side? Perhaps the agent doesn’t want to get a sunburned ear. You can see the possibilities. For example, another clothing technique could involve shoelaces. It’s all in the way the shoelaces are laced!
Dead Drops
“Dead drops” are spots where a spy leaves cash, messages, or snacks for another spy. These dead drops might be indoors but are most commonly in outdoors locations. Just HAVING a good spot isn’t good enough. The items left behind must still be camouflaged.
An example: American agents once set up an “audio dead drop” inside of a tree in a park. They placed a hidden microphone and a recording device completely out of view. So, a friendly spy or a diplomat would walk up to the tree, talk to it, and then walk off, trying not to look insane.
For spies operating in Russia, a Moscow park was the dead-drop spot. At an out-of-the-way location, they placed a custom-made hollow rock with a small computer inside. Spies would approach the rock and wirelessly download or upload information with their own handheld computers. This dead-drop rock system worked like a dream until the stone was discovered in 2006. Up until then, it was a great mix of 21st-century technology and the Stone Age!
Secret Toilet Papers! German spies sometimes used a custom hollowed-out toilet paper holder for dead drops.
Please do not confuse a “dead-drop spot” with a “drop-dead spot.” These can be fatal. (That’s a joke.) And speaking of fatal, spies have used the dead bodies of small animals to hide messages, memory chips, or film. Of course, the dead animal was first “stuffed” by a taxidermist, but the more disgusting it looked, the better. That’s because even an enemy agent is unlikely to pick up a squished squirrel or rotten rat to see what’s inside of it!
However, agents found that one problem with hiding secrets inside of dead animals was that cats sometimes ran off with the bodies! To foil the felines, agents began sprinkling their “host carcasses” with hot chili sauce. The cats (who may have been agents themselves) left the dead animals alone after that.
While we’re in the animal kingdom, agents agree that if you need to do some dead drops, you should get a dog. That’s because a dog gives you endless excuses to leave the house and then go on odd little trips where you can easily make dead drops and pick up dog dookie. Wait—I guess the dog dookie isn’t that helpful, is it?
Or you could follow the example of Chinese spies a thousand years ago. They would write a secret message, seal it in wax, and then swallow it. Within 24 hours, they’d be dropping some secret dookie themselves!
How to Dead Drop!
Imagine that you’re ready to set up your own dead drop. You’re going to leave something important (like a doughnut) for your contact at an indoor location. (Better yet, imagine that you are leaving a doughnut for yourself!) For this dead drop, you’ll need a plastic container with a lid (like the ones that hold leftovers in the fridge) and a few strips of Velcro.
Attach one strip of Velcro to the bottom of the plastic container. Now attach the other strip to the underside of a table or desk that is your dead-drop spot. Pop the doughnut into the container and put the lid on. Turn the container upside-down and stick it up to the other side of the Velcro strip! (If the container doesn’t hold, just use more Velcro.)
When your contact comes along, he doesn’t have to worry about ripping the Velcro apart and making a noise. All he has to do is quietly pop the lid and let the doughnut fall into his hand. Ta-dah!
What else? Well, you’ve probably seen those “Hide-a-Key” containers before. These little containers with a magnet can be hidden or stuck to small, out-of-the-way spots. (Agents call these “clam dead drops.”) And if you have a pond, lake, or stream nearby, consider getting a waterproof pouch that you can hide underwater for a later pickup. Make sure to anchor the pouch under a rock, though. Otherwise, your secrets could float downstream and wash up ashore!
Brush Contacts
The time will come when you need to actually pass information to a contact in person. As this is more dangerous than a dead drop, you need to be careful, and practice how to do a “brush contact.” Here’s how:
While walking down a sidewalk or school hallway, you see one of your contacts. If he isn’t already expecting to receive something from you, give one of the signals that the two of you already have. This signal should be something subtle, like rubbing your nose or doing the chicken dance.
Now, as you approach each other, put the item you’re going to pass in the palm of your left hand. Don’t look at each other. As you pass on the right, secretly slip the item into your contact’s left hand. This is a thing of beauty when it works, but it looks kind of dumb if one of you drops the item, sort of like a bad baton handoff on a relay team.
Smuggling
As you’re out on missions, you may need to carry some things with you that you don’t want others to know about. One way to disguise the items is with an old, outdated hardcover book. Encyclopedias from the 20th century are perfect for this. Your best choice is to go to the library and find out when and where they sell old books that are no longer considered useful. These books usually cost less than a dollar; look for a thick old hardcover and buy it.
When you get home, put on some heavy work gloves and get an Exacto knife. Be careful, an Exacto blade is sharp—razor sharp. (That’s because it is a razor.) Better yet, get an adult to use the knife. Now, take a piece of cardboard and slip it into the book about twenty pages before the end. (Trust me.)
Now turn to pages 20–21, near the front. Using a pencil, outline a rectangle that is about an inch inside the edges of page 21. Have your adult helper cut deeply along these lines with the Exacto knife. It might take a bit of cutting to get all the way through to the cardboard at the back side of the book, so carefully push down. Once you’ve cut a hollow rectangle into your book, trim the edges, recycle the cuttings, and you’re in business! You can hide any dastardly item you want in the book, like deviled ham, a digital camera, or digital ham.
Now, why did I have you go to the library to get this book? Because in the history of humankind, nobody has ever looked s
uspicious carrying a library book! That book cover makes the perfect cover. Best of all, your book makes the perfect item for dead drops as well. Just go to the library, make sure your contact sees you, and then leave the book on a shelf. Handoff complete!
Another great way to leave a message for someone is with a newspaper. Take a paper and turn to the crossword puzzle. Write your message, one letter per square, across the puzzle. Then fill in the rest of the squares with random letters. Refold the newspaper and hand it off with a brush contact or leave it at a dead-drop spot.
A Final Warning on Trust
In 1917, there was a revolution in Russia. A new Communist government was set up, and many Russians who feared for their lives fled the country.
Assuming that anyone who had left was an enemy to the “new” Russia, the Communists created an agency nicknamed “the Trust.” Its mission was to persuade the Russians who had run away to RETURN home. Using a variety of methods, the Trust did entice a number of former Russians to do just that.
After all, if you can’t trust the Trust, whom can you trust? Nobody! Once these Russian emigrants were back, they were usually imprisoned. (Or worse.)
* * *
[8] Known as the Yale Report.
[9] This isn’t to say that no men are trustworthy. *checking notes* Strike that. No men are trustworthy. Avoid them at all costs!
Dishonesty—It’s the Best Spy Policy
Anyone becoming a professional spy knows she’s going to have to break some rules. By rules, I mean laws. Think about it! The CIA has about 5,000 full-time spies. That means it has 5,000 lawbreakers.
Like me, I’m sure you are very disturbed by this. But here’s one way to look at it: laws in your country are broken every day by spies from other nations. So it wouldn’t be fair if your country’s spies didn’t do the same thing back![10]
Maybe calling a spy a “criminal” is too harsh. How about if I describe what spies do as “cheating”? That still sounds judgmental? There must be a better word! Let’s see, I could use deceive, trick, scam, dupe, hoodwink, double-cross, gull, con, rook, finagle, bamboozle, flimflam, sucker, hornswoggle, pull a fast one...hmmm, on second thought, “cheating” is just fine.
Anyway, every country has a sma*ll army of professional cheaters who are good at sneaking around to get secret information. What kinds of tricks do these rascals use? I’m glad you asked!
Tricks of the Trade
1. Look Dumb!
Yes, highly trained spies try to look stupid. That is, spies really don’t want to look alert, smart, or in any way genius-like. Let me put it this way: no one thinks a nitwit can come up with a clever plan. And no spy wants to be thought of as clever by the people he’s trying to spy on. (This is why I often drool; it lulls people into a false sense of security when I’m around.) After all, which of these people are you going to be more suspicious of?
2. Stick and Move!
Another key to trickery is to simply keep moving! This is especially useful in social situations. Let’s say you sneak into a party to gather information. A suspicious woman comes over to you.
“Who are you?” she asks.
Thinking quickly, you say, “I’m Joe’s boss.”
“And who is Joe?” the woman continues.
“My employee,” you answer. Good one! But you’re not going to be able to keep this up much longer, so get moving.
“And there he is now!” you add, walking briskly out of the room with a smile.
3. Go to the Right Schools!
Before World War I, British intelligence agents could take classes in the “Technique of Being Innocent,” the “Will to Kill,” the “Technique of Lying,” and something called “Dr. McWhirter’s Butchery Class.” (Yikes!)
Check with your local schools and libraries to see if they have any courses that teach spy skills. If not, ask any neighborhood kids wearing trench coats if they know of any good classes. (Those kids are so suspicious, they have to know something.)
4. Cheap Tricks Are Better Than Genius Plans!
Don’t think that because you’re a spy, your plans have to be masterpieces. Sometimes a simple plan is the best plan.
For instance, if you need to get someone away from his desk for a moment, tell him that you think you saw his car get hit in the parking lot. Actually, it’s even better if you can get someone else (like building security) to pass the word along.
5. Get a Kid to Do Your Dirty Work!
Adults naturally think that all kids are innocent. And kids think that any kid younger than them is also dumber than them. This makes children the perfect accomplices, but only if you can keep them from sticking gum in each other’s hair. The Russians used this to their advantage (see beginning of next chapter), and you can too!
Dear Warlord: You’re Dumb!
Over 2,000 years ago, a Chinese peasant named Liu Ji worked his way up to being a rebel leader and, eventually, emperor. Not bad! One of Liu Ji’s strategies was sending messengers to enemy leaders. The messengers had simple messages, like “You suck!” and “You’re a moron!” And these would often enrage the enemy leaders to do stupid things...like leading their troops into ambushes!
6. Be a Smooth Operator!
British spy Richard Tomlinson once explained the challenges he had to deal with during his training. For one exercise, Tomlinson and his fellow students had to approach a perfect stranger and find out the person’s name, job, birth date, and passport number.
Tomlinson pretended he was the captain of a yacht and invited two women for a cruise the next day. Since they were going to sail from England to France, Tomlinson told his “passengers” that he’d need just a little information from them: their names, jobs, birth dates, and passport numbers!
Tomlinson was smart by pretending to be a ship’s captain. As soon as someone sees you as an expert, you become an authority figure. You see, people don’t question authority figures like professors, police officers, or the authors of spy books.
7. Distract a Target by Getting Him to Talk About Something He’s Interested In!
People LOVE to talk about themselves...so, find out what your target’s interests are and find a way to work it into the conversation. Let’s say that you know your target likes to can pickles. At some point, work that into the conversation.
“Canning pickles is one of my favorite hobbies. What’s that? You like to can pickles too?”
Now is the perfect time to use flattery:
“I’m sure your pickles are way picklier than mine.”
And finally, make some small mistake that gives your target a chance to show off his or her knowledge:
“As you know, pickles come from cucumbers harvested by fishing boats—Huh? They grow in gardens? Wow, it’s lucky that I’m talking to you.”
And now you’re ready to smoothly pick your person’s mind.
“Have you ever noticed that pickles are shaped like nuclear missiles? I wonder how many nuclear missiles YOUR country has?”
8. Copy the Con Men!
Like spies, professional con men are good at tricking people (a.k.a. “suckers”). Unlike spies, con men then take their money! And a study on these criminals found that con men often follow these two rules:
Appeal to a person’s greed. Once you know what the target wants, you can easily manipulate him.
Try to get your target to do something dishonest. If you can get him to do something wrong, it will be harder for him to ask for help once he’s been conned, scammed, tricked, suckered, or otherwise ripped off!
9. How Many Times Do I have to Tell You? Use Magic!
In the 1950s, the CIA hired professional magician John Mulholland to write a manual of trickery and deception for its agents. When you think about it, this makes perfect sense. Magicians misdirect an audience’s attention, often while making things mysteriously disappear...and this is pretty similar to a lot of intelligence jobs!
There probably isn’t a spy out there who wouldn’t benefit from practicing a magicia
n’s skills. (Even if I can’t think of a practical use for cutting someone in half!)
10. Be Creative!
As you’re presented with new challenges, keep on exercising your brain to figure out your best approach. For example, during the Revolutionary War, the American spymaster with the code name of Agent 711 was extremely creative. You might know Agent 711 as someone named “George Washington.”
Those Spymasters Were Money
Benjamin Franklin ran spy networks in France during the American Revolution. That means that the men on the U.S. dollar bill and the hundred-dollar bill were both spymasters!
