by Bart King
As you already know, James Bond’s official name was Agent 007, which means he has a “license to kill.” It turns out that these licenses are very hard to get; I’ve tried and tried, and the best I’ve been able to come up with is a “permit to kick shins.” (CIA director William Webster used to sign his name as “0014” to double his badness.)
Another thing you may have noticed is how Bond’s boss at the MI6 office is called “M.” This comes from a real tradition; the first head of the MI6 was only called “C,” and later directors have also been known by that initial. As it turns out, the first director’s name was Sir Mansfield Cumming. He was pretty cool, and not just because he had a wooden leg.
The Overachiever
Amy Elizabeth Brousse (1910–1963) may have been one of the greatest spies of all time. But what made her so good? She was smart—VERY smart. Brousse wrote a novel at the age of eleven! And she was also beautiful. This was helpful because her looks helped Amy trick other experienced spies into revealing some very important things.
Born an American, Amy later married a British diplomat and soon became a member of that country’s intelligence service. After World War II began, Amy began working in Washington, D.C., under the cover of being a reporter. Her actual assignment: find the secret codes that Italy was using. (Italy was allied with the Nazis.)
An Italian diplomat named Alberto Lais was in Washington, D.C., then. Not only had Lais read Amy’s childhood novel, he’d also met her while she was still a teenager. So Amy reintroduced herself to the Italian. And from him, she got more secrets than anyone would have thought possible—including word of Italy’s secret plans to sabotage the U.S. Navy![29]
But that’s not why Amy is famous.
After Germany invaded France, the Nazis set up an organization called the Vichy government to rule the French. So Amy, still pretending to be a reporter, contacted the press officer for the Vichy government. This man, Charles Brousse, fell in love with Amy. This allowed Amy to admit to being a spy—and Charles didn’t care! He gave her secret letters, files, and telegrams.
But what Amy REALLY wanted were the Vichy government’s secret codes.
That’s where Brousse drew the line. These codes were in a locked room in the embassy, inside a locked safe! And at night, the locked codes were guarded by a watchman with a mean dog.
To solve these difficulties, Amy teamed up with American agents, who enlisted a safecracker for her. This led to a daring plan:
Brousse (who was married) would tell the watchman that he needed a place to meet a woman he was having a secret affair with. (The watchman wasn’t suspicious because the French love this kind of thing.) So Brousse would bribe the watchman to look the other way when he came into the embassy late at night with Amy.
Amy would then slip drugs into a glass of champagne and give it to the watchman. Next, they would also give the dog some drugged food.
Then they would let the safecracker into the embassy. He would break into the locked room and into the locked safe. After photographing the codebooks, the books would be returned to their location.
And the plan almost worked! The guard drank his champagne. Zzzz. The dog ate his drugged dog food. Zzzz. But the safecracker couldn’t get the safe open in time!
You Are Getting Sleepy: The CIA called its dog tranquilizers “Puppy Chow.”
It actually took TWO more tries like this before Amy got into the safe and the codes were photographed and safely returned. Mission accomplished! After that, Amy returned to England, where she apparently volunteered to serve as an assassin. (Man, where did she come from?)
When asked if she was ever ashamed of the work she did in the war, Amy said, “Not in the least. My superiors told me that the results of my work saved thousands of British and American lives....Wars are not won by respectable methods.”
After the war, Amy’s husband died, Brousse and his wife divorced, and then Brousse and Amy got married. They moved into a castle in France and lived together until Amy’s death in 1963. As for Brousse, he died 10 years later when he was electrocuted by his electric blanket.
Imagine that! He survived the Nazis but was killed by his own blanket.
Israel’s Greatest Spy?
Eli Cohen (1924–1965) may have been the most famous Mossad agent ever. He was an Israeli mole who snuck into an extremely high-ranking job with the government of one of Israel’s biggest enemies, Syria. Cohen pretended to be a wealthy Arab named Asmin Tsa-bet and became friends with Syrian president Amin al-Hafez! Wow—friends with the president of an enemy nation!
Cohen’s exploits were the stuff of legend. One story suggests that he persuaded the Syrians to plant eucalyptus trees in front of some secret bunkers they were building. Cohen explained that the shade would keep the soldiers more comfortable in the desert heat. When war between Syria and Israel later broke out, Cohen then told the Israeli air force to bomb anywhere they saw eucalyptus trees!
For two years, Cohen sent secret information to Israel using a radio transmitter before he was caught and convicted by the Syrians. (Cohen was hanged in a public square. It was televised.)
Although Cohen was caught, a former Mossad chief once said, “What if I were to tell you that there are many Eli Cohens? And that if they are successful, you will never hear of them?”
It makes you wonder!
One of the CIA’s Founding Fathers
William J. “Wild Bill” Donovan (1883–1959) helped found the spy agency that later became the CIA. It was called the Office of Strategic Services (OSS), but before it was created, Wild Bill had some persuading to do. It turned out that a lot of American officials just did NOT want an American spy agency.
For example, Ruth Shipley was the head of passports for government employees. She insisted on stamping a big “OSS” on the passport of any OSS employee. Not helpful! That would be like stamping “CIA” on the passports of American spies today—it sort of blows their cover.
To make his case for the OSS, Wild Bill visited the White House to demonstrate to President Franklin D. Roosevelt how effective U.S. spies could be. While the president was on the phone in the Oval Office, Donovan fired ten shots from a spy pistol into a bag of sand. Then Wild Bill placed the smoking gun on the president’s desk. And Roosevelt hadn’t heard a single shot!
One of my favorite Donovan stories came about during World War II. It was then that he okayed a stink weapon nicknamed “Who, Me?” It was just a metal tube with a screw cap, but the tube was filled with a liquid that smelled like the worst poop you can imagine. The idea was to give Chinese children thousands of the tubes. Then the kids would secretly spray it on the uniforms of Japanese officers. And the officers would freak out at the stinkiness!
While the idea had a few problems, Wild Bill didn’t mind. That’s because his working motto was “Go ahead and try it.” I think this should be YOUR motto too. (If you don’t know if you like it, just go ahead and try it for a while.)
* * *
[29] After getting all of the Italian’s intelligence, Amy reported Lais to the FBI and he was deported.
The 12 Types of Spy Screw-Ups
As you know, spies are very important people. After all, they can help win wars that would have been lost without them. But spies can also LOSE battles that would have been won!
So, remember, for every epic spy failure there is also an epic WIN! And that win is for the enemy side. But maybe I shouldn’t make such a big deal about failures. I mean, it’s only normal for people to make mistakes. Even me!
For example, you know that simple plans are the best plans. Recently, I was assigned to follow a foreign agent. This spy was using an ice cream truck as a cover for his operation.
To keep things simple, I reviewed and memorized the information we had on this ice cream mastermind. Then I imagined myself following the agent without him noticing me. (We spies call this “positive visualization” or “pretending.”) Finally, I have a little superstition where I always have tea and crumpets bef
ore going out on a job. As you can see, I kept it simple!
By the time I got to where my target was supposed to be, he was long gone. Rats! But at least once I did something right just to get my spy job in the first place. When I first applied, I was part of a group of other spy wannabes. All of us were given sealed envelopes with our names on them. We were told to take these and go up to the sixth floor. As the group left, I was overcome with curiosity. What was in MY envelope?
I slyly ducked into an empty office and managed to open the envelope without breaking the seal. It had a single piece of paper inside it, which read: “Nice work. You’re hired! Report to Human Resources on the tenth floor.”
Yes! And I’m trying to remind myself of how smart I am as I wonder where that ice cream truck is. And I’m also thinking about the many different kinds of mistakes spies make. Here’s some now!
1. An enemy spy is spotted! But there’s ONE problem...
In 1970, an informant in Vietnam told a CIA agent about an enemy spy. This spy was a woman who was selling secret U.S. military documents right on the street in Saigon!
The CIA agent looked into it and found the woman. She was disguised as a cookie seller on a street corner! Approaching her, the agent was surprised to find that the enemy agent was selling cookies wrapped in Navy documents stamped with the word “Confidential.” Ah-HA!
An investigation began into what looked like a major spy ring. The cookie lady was code-named “Cookie Lady.” (How brilliant was that?) CIA agents discovered that the Cookie Lady’s papers were coming from the U.S. Naval office in Saigon. It turned out that a woman who worked at the office was keeping the confidential papers she was supposed to burn. Then the office worker was giving the papers to the Cookie Lady for her to wrap her cookies in. And NEITHER of the women could read English!
So it turned out that the Cookie Lady was just a cookie lady. (I guess you could say the whole conspiracy was half-baked.)
Moral: That’s the way the cookie theory crumbles.
2. A spy is NOT spotted! (And THAT’S the problem!)
A German spy named Baron August Schluga (1841–1917) pulled off the greatest victory in the history of spying. If anyone was going to do this, it was going to be the Baron. Schluga was so good that he pulled off tricks that his own side didn’t understand. For example, Schluga’s own spymaster didn’t even know where the spy lived.
By 1914, Schluga (code named “Agent 17”) was already a legend when he did something awe-inspiring. At the age of 73, Schluga somehow got his hands on France’s entire military strategy! And it was real.
This was especially handy since France and Germany were about to go to war. Many experts believe this is the single most amazing feat any spy has ever accomplished. So how did Agent 17 do it? Good question! But Schluga kept his sources and methods secret to the day he died.
Moral: It’s a secret.
3. That person CAN’T be a spy. (Right?)
When Syria got new Russian fighter-jets in 1966, its leaders were excited. These planes were WAY better than anything that Syria’s archenemy, Israel, had!
But when a Syrian pilot then flew one of the new fighters to Israel and landed the plane there, it sort of took the fun out of the victory. And when it turned out that Israeli agents had persuaded the pilot to move to Israel, it was all very disappointing.
Moral: Trust nobody. Suspect everybody!
Threatening Body Odors
In 1991, a CIA worker was called down to the agency’s parking garage in Virginia. Bomb-sniffing dogs had picked up the scent of something dangerous in his car’s trunk! As an armed squad stood by, the employee carefully opened his trunk and revealed the source of the dog’s concern: his dirty workout clothes.
4. A spy isn’t spotted until way too late (Or not at all!).
Example A: Larry Wu-Tai Chin joined the CIA in 1952. He was prized for his ability to translate Chinese documents. Good catch! But Larry then sold U.S. secrets to the Chinese government for the next 40 years. He was a “mole”! This is the word used for spies who hide out in an organization.
Example B: In 1946, British intelligence appointed a man named Kim Philby. Why was it so bad that Philby was in charge of running spy operations against Russia? Because he was a Russian double agent! Philby wasn’t found out for years, and he managed to successfully escape back to Russia in 1963.
Moral: Don’t hire moles or double agents—unless they’re REALLY qualified.
5. A spy sells his camera on eBay?
In 2008, a man bought a digital camera on eBay. After taking some pictures with it, he uploaded the photos to his computer. But what’s this? The camera’s memory card already HAD a bunch of images on it!
These pictures were of missiles, mean-looking bearded men holding rockets, and fingerprints of the mean-looking men who’d been holding the rockets. Oh, and there was also information about the encryption codes that the MI6 uses for its computers.
It turned out that an MI6 officer on a terrorist detail had taken the photos and then neglected to wipe the memory card before selling the camera online.
Oops.
Moral: Cover your butt. And wipe the memory card.
6. A spy spends five cents.
In 1953, a Russian spy named Reino Häyhänen spent a nickel somewhere in New York City. So what? Well, the spy accidentally used his secret hollow nickel! And this particular hollow nickel contained a coded espionage message on microfilm.
Oops!
The coin changed hands a few times, and then someone bought a newspaper with it. After the coin came apart, the surprised newspaper boy could see that it was a fake. Awesome! He reported the odd nickel and turned it over to the FBI. The following investigation became known as the Hollow Nickel Case. It took four years and resulted in the smashing of a Soviet spy ring and the arrest of an “art dealer” who turned out to be master Russian spy Rudolf Ivanovich Abel!
And all because someone spent the wrong nickel.
Moral: Carry exact change.
7. A clever trick is played!
Example A: During World War II, Spain sided with Germany. So when a “youth leader” from Spain came to England in 1940 to learn about the Boy Scouts, it was a little suspicious. (And this youth leader really WAS a spy.)
The Brits were very kind to the Spaniard and even took him on a flight to Scotland. During this flight, the airplane was passed by endless squadrons of British fighters. The Spaniard was amazed at the hundreds of warplanes he saw! So when the Spanish spy made his secret report back to the Germans, he related that the British air force was very powerful. Clearly, invading Great Britain at that time was a BAD idea.
The only problem was that the British military was actually quite weak. The spy had only seen ONE squadron of British fighters...it just kept circling around and passing his plane over and over and over!
Trash Talking!
When a spy or agency scores a major victory, it’s sometimes tempting to taunt the enemy. During World War II, the Germans caught or killed almost every British agent in Holland. After the Brits finally pulled all their agents from the country, they got a message from the Germans:
“Whenever you come to pay a visit...you will be received with the same care and result as all those you sent us before. So long.”
No one saved the British reply, but my guess is that it was unprintable!
Example B: During World War I, Turkey fought the British in the Middle East. The Turkish forces had an excellent fortress in the town of Gaza. And when one of the Turkish fort’s patrols chanced upon a British soldier, its soldiers fired at him. The frightened Brit dropped his backpack, and ran off in a panic!
Inside the blood-soaked backpack, the Turks learned they had almost caught a spy. It contained British attack plans and a codebook. Score! Using these, they found that the British were planning an attack on Gaza!
The Turks in Gaza got ready for the assault. So as you can imagine, they were totally surprised when the British attacked a DIFFERENT
Turkish stronghold named Beersheba instead. And in the following panic among the Turkish forces, the British took Beersheba, Jerusalem, and Gaza. Dang it!
It turned out that the whole thing had been a setup by the British. And the blood on the pack? It had been smeared on it before the Brit even went out on his patrol.
Moral: British agents are clever.
8. Those jerks stole my idea!
In the 1960s, a group of French and English researchers came up with a plan for a new jet called the Concorde. This aircraft would be able to fly faster than the speed of sound. Impressive! These researchers were flabbergasted when the Russians flew an EXACT copy of the Concorde in 1968, just before their original jet was ready to go. Talk about stealing someone else’s glory! (The copycat jet was called the TY-144, but that didn’t fool anyone.)
