by Carmen Reid
'You'd be really good,' he was telling her, leaning over the desk with enthusiasm. 'Everyone here trusts you and likes you. You'd be a very safe pair of hands and I know you'd like the pay rise. It doesn't have to be five long days a week, you could maybe do four longer days and a half-day on Friday, or something else like that. All sorts of things could work. You're the right person for the job. Make it work for you. I don't want them to have to go outside for someone else.'
They tossed it about a little longer and Eve promised to give it some thought. When he stood up to go, she stood up too.
'I'm going to really miss you, Lester,' she said.
'Likewise,' he answered and their eyes held for a moment over her desk.
'I don't want to make your life any more complicated than it already is,' he added, 'but maybe this would be good for you. You've seemed a bit... I don't know .. . unchallenged lately. Is that the right word? Maybe you need something to move forward in your life.'
'Maybe.' She held out a hand for him and he took it in a double-handed shake.
'Better let you get on,' he said, pointing at her desktop paper stack.
'Oh yes.' Bugger, now she wasn't going to enjoy lunch with the girls nearly so much. This was a secret she couldn't share with them yet.
And she'd been hoping to leave early because Jen was due for supper tonight, but the paperwork pile had to be diminished. She sat down and pulled open a fresh file.
By 10p.m. Eve was fading, but judging by the contents of the wine bottle between her and Jen on the garden table, the evening was still an hour or so away from being over.
'So,' Eve topped up their glasses, 'any improvement on . . .' her voice went down to a mock whisper: 'the sex problem?'
They both burst into cackles of laughter.
'No, no. Ryan still considers watching an episode of Sex in the City as foreplay,' Jen confided. 'No, I lie, he's got a new line: "Jen, I've taken out the rubbish"!'
Further giggles at this.
'At least he tries,' Eve told her. 'I don't think I could be bothered with sex.' Now why had she gone and said that? She often said it to Jen, but at the moment it wasn't true and anyway, it just invited trouble.
'So nothing to report on the vet front?' Jen was asking her. See? Now look what had happened.
'No, no ...' Eve was trying to hide behind her wine glass.
'Nothing at all?! Are you sure there isn't a thing you want to tell Auntie JenJen?'
'I quite like the vet... the vet may or may not like me . . . that is absolutely all. And I haven't seen him for ages,' she lied. She'd last seen him two weeks ago, but she'd turned down two recent requests for 'an appointment'.
'Do you really want to spend the rest of your life alone?' Jen was leaning back in her chair, warming up for their favourite debate.
'I'm not alone!' Eve replied. 'I'm not alone for one minute of the sodding day! Alone would make quite a nice change.'
'But your bed is cold and unshared,' Jen reminded her. 'Your children will grow up and move away and you'll die a lonely old maid, all withered up inside.'
Eve snorted at this. 'I have electrical appliances,' she said.
It was Jen's turn to snort. 'Oh please. That's not the same.'
'Definitely not! Oh anyway ... I couldn't fit a man in.' They both had to shriek at this.
'Into my schedule!' Eve explained. 'I've got kids, work, cooking, homework, cleaning, structured play, park time, paperwork, the older boys and all their stuff. There is no room in my life for a man needing sex and square dinners and patting and attention and weekends away and... all that stuff. And anyway,' Eve added, 'what would Anna and Robbie make of it all? No, no, no. I'm going to be celibate for years.'
'Well you're a sad old bag,' Jen said. 'But anyway, I don't believe you. Why do you still look so nice then, all highlighted and toned and dressed in girlie gear? If you really weren't interested you'd just frump out bigtime.'
'I'm a yummy mummy and anyway, I like to show you up.'
'Ha, ha.'
They both knew this was a joke because Jen was the most glamorous midwife this side of 40. She had made the decision many years ago that she might not be thin, but by God, was she sexy. This was a girl who could fill a pair of stretch bootlegs and a Wonderbra with plenty left to spare, and she was totally uninhibited about the overhang. 'Bloody body fascists,' she liked to shout out loud at adverts for Weight Watchers and the like.
Her hair was always a deep mahogany brown, usually bundled up, and she liked scoop-necked tops, blouses unbuttoned one notch too low and to ooze from tight skirts and jeans. Eve didn't think she'd seen Jen without make-up for about ten years now and it was always deep, dark lipstick and smouldering eye shadow. The one thing Jen couldn't have was the long, painted nails she would have loved. Nails didn't really work in her profession. 1 can't go poking people in the pudenda,' she'd say. The two of them couldn't really have looked more different – Jen, short, dark haired, curvy and glammed up; Eve, tallish, willowy, fair and au naturel. She was your 'slap of moisturizer for every day', lipgloss and blusher for an event' kind of woman. Her long, highlighted hair was her one beauty extravagance and even that was done at mates' rates by Harry, her friend as well as hairdresser.
'I'm up for a promotion at work,' she told Jen now, watching the candles she'd lit for their outdoor chat flicker in the breeze. 'A big promotion. The boss is leaving and he wants me to apply for his job.'
'Fantastic'
'Yeah but...'
'Yeah but... yeah but... I know what you're going to say you sad and over-anxious mother hen,' Jen teased. 'What about my kids? Who will meet them off the bus and cook them organic lentils?'
'God, I don't only eat lentils. Can we all get that straight?'
'OK.' Jen was a little taken aback by this outburst.
'Anyway, they're still really small, the little kids,' Eve protested. 'Robbie is two. And I worry about how I'll get all the mum stuff done on top of a big, scary job. I'm tired enough as it is. You know, being woken up too early, spending far too much of my life doing the domestic stuff instead of being down at the garden centre choosing new climbers.'
'You are so sad,' Jen told her.
There had been a burst of warm weather, so they'd decided to move their supper outside for the first time this year. And even though they were now in two jumpers each to keep out the chill, it was still wonderful to sit out and drink in the leafy dark, breathing in damp earth because Eve had been round with the hose.
'Maybe it would do you good, the new job,' Jen said.
'That's what Lester said,' Eve told her, feeling a little suspicious now. 'Why do I seem in need of being done good?'
'Well there's nothing much going on for you, is there?'
'Don't hold back, Jen, please.' She was a bit hurt now.
'Sorry. I just mean since you and Joseph broke up and Robbie was born, nothing has changed at all. And that's over two years ago now, isn't it?'
'What, you mean apart from having a new baby-toddler person to cope with?' Eve sounded a little snappy again and Jen thought she should probably leave it at that.
Eve felt rattled. Jen didn't know about the vet. No-one knew. Oh hell – what was there to know? A few afternoons of friendship sex wasn't exactly anything to report. Her friend was right: nothing had changed at all.
And maybe because it was dark, maybe because she was hurt, most likely because the best part of three bottles of wine had been emptied, Eve suddenly heard herself telling Jen something she had barely even let herself think.
'I think I want to give things another go with Joseph,' she said.
'What!!!' was Jen's response. 'What? With Richard frigging Branson the Second! Eve . . . Hello? I'm taking your wine glass away now.'
'Jen, don't.' Eve was hugely irritated by her confession.
'When did this happen?' Jen asked.
'It hasn't. Nothing's happened. I'm just going to tell him and see what he thinks.'
'Oh Eve!' Jen gave a
n exasperated sigh. 'He's got another girlfriend, in case you hadn't noticed. He lives in Manchester .. . he's moved on. All you're going to get is a great big, humiliating no.'
'Well, maybe that would help,' Eve said. 'No matter what I do, I can't stop wondering "what if?"'
'Oh pet.' Jen moved her chair closer, to put an arm round Eve. 'What's brought this on? I thought you were much better.'
'I'm not,' Eve said, recognizing the crack in her voice which meant she was going to have to try very hard not to cry. 'I've been sleeping with the vet and it's just not the same.'
'Of course it's not the same,' Jen soothed her, holding back the desperate urge to ask 'What? Where? When?' and other related questions.
'But it doesn't mean anything.' Eve was squeezing away tears now. 'It always meant something with Joseph, even from the very first night.'
Jen just patted and soothed.
'I can't go forward until I know for sure that I can't go back,' Eve told her.
'It's OK.' Jen rubbed her arm. 'But you can't just blurt this out to him, not without some sort of sign that he's interested.'
'Anna said she found a photo of me in the glove compartment of his car.' Now that Eve was saying this aloud, it sounded pathetic.
'Anna is an interested party,' Jen reminded her. 'Do you really think you should be listening to everything she says?'
'You're right . . . but the last few times I've seen him ... I don't know, something seems to be changing. We've been really nice to each other and he wants to spend more time with Robbie – and he's planning to take Anna with him on a trip to Germany because he's investigating environmentally friendly business ideas.'
She wanted to say: Doesn't that sound a bit more like the old Joseph ... my Joseph? But the look on Jen's face was putting her off.
'Oh God, Jen,' she sighed, 'you're probably right. This is all ridiculous. You shouldn't let me drink this amount of wine.'
Eve found a scrap of tissue in the pocket of her jeans and dried her eyes. She blew her nose and smiled apologetically. 'I'd better take the plates in,' she said.
Jen managed to look sympathetic and stay quiet for about five seconds before she blurted out: 'I can't believe you didn't tell me about the vet!'
Chapter Eight
'Are you going out?' Anna was in Eve's bedroom watching her carefully apply a somewhat dried-out lipstick she'd found at the back of her underwear drawer.
'No.' She tried to sound offhand.
'But you're all dressed up, you look really nice.' This was true. She was in a dress, for starters, which was highly, highly unusual. It was a shimmery, satiny, grey-black, ladies-who-lunch kind of dress, which she'd bought for some special event, so long ago she couldn't remember what it was. She was even wearing little glittery earrings and stockings and high heels and perfume. How had she expected Anna not to notice or ask awkward questions? Oh, this was all too obvious.
She pulled off the shoes and stockings and put on beaded flip-flops instead. She tried on a little black cardy over the dress.
'Where are you going?' Anna was sitting on the bed, all packed up, dressed and ready to go off for the weekend with Joseph.
Because it was Joseph's visit that was causing Eve the flurry of beautifying activity. She had intended to look casually gorgeous, to be very, very nice to him and to see if this provoked any sort of sign ... a sign that she should ask . . . suggest.. . offer that they take the first steps in getting back together again.
She wasn't going to say anything – or even really do anything – she just wanted to see if there was going to be any sort of, well. . . sign. She didn't know what it would be, but she felt sure she would recognize it.
'I'm not going anywhere, honey.' She was brushing her hair now, then shaking it into the 'I hope this doesn't look too brushed' thing.
'Is this for Daddy?' Little hopeful look on Anna's face.
'Don't be silly. But I am going to be nice to Daddy, like you want me to be. OK?'
'OK.' Big smile on Anna's face now. 'He's going to be nice to you too. I made him promise.'
'Good, well that's great. We'll all be friends.'
'Yes.' Anna had a lot more planned than 'friends', and look how well it was going. Her mother was in a dress, putting on lipstick, promising to be nice to him. In her estimation, they were just weeks away from being happily together again. Ha ha, Michelle.
* * *
It was almost exactly 7p.m. when the doorbell rang, but still Eve felt startled. Hell! Here he was. She bounced off the sofa, mussed hair, flung off cardigan and waited for Anna to open the door and show Joseph in.
Robbie was boinging up and down on the other sofa now, chanting 'Jofus! Jofus!'
'Hi, Daddy,' Eve heard her daughter say.
'Hello, Anna. How are you? Big kiss for Daddy.'
'Oh. Hello, Michelle.'
Michelle??
Michelle! What was she doing here? Smile, Eve, they are coming into the room now. 'Hello,' she said, stretching as wide a smile as possible over her cheeks.
'Hello, Eve.' Joseph hung back in the doorway, didn't come over to give her the usual kiss on the cheek.
'This is Michelle,' he said and put an arm round the shoulder of a small, pretty, blonde girl, who looked ... well, exactly like Anna had said: groomed, made up, hair in a shiny ponytail, peachy, pouty lips, floor-length cream shearling coat. Very pretty.
'Hello, nice to meet you.' Michelle held out a hand, which when Eve took it, felt all soft and small and made hers feel like an ungainly, dried-out gardening mitt.
'I've heard lots about you,' Eve said with a smile. Hardly any of it nice, she didn't add.
'This is Robbie,' she introduced the toddler.
'Oh, hello, Robbie.' Michelle gave a little wave. Joseph went over to hug and tickle his son.
They all watched the playful, giggly fight.
'So, would you like a cup of tea, or glass of wine or something?' Eve suddenly remembered to ask.
'No, no. We're not going to stay,' Joseph told her. He was sitting on the sofa now with Robbie on his knee, rumpled from the toddler tussle, and he'd never looked more perfect in his life. She had to get him back – just had to.
'I wanted you to meet Michelle,' he was saying 'And erm ... we wanted to tell you that... erm ... we've decided to get engaged.'
'Engaged?!' This came from Anna, but echoed Eve's sentiments perfectly.
'Yes, Anna,' Joseph said calmly, although it was perfectly obvious to everyone that the little girl was furious.
'Married?' she demanded. Her face was quite white with a little pink spot on each cheek. She was looking from Michelle to Joseph and back again, challenging either of them to give her an explanation.
'Yes,' Joseph said. 'You get to be bridesmaid,' he added, in the vague hope that this would make things better. But Anna burst into tears and ran out of the room, pushing past Michelle on her way out.
Eve was left with a slightly frozen smile on her face. Bursting into tears and running out of the room was tempting, but she didn't think she should do that right now. Well, she'd wanted a sign, hadn't she? This was certainly a sign. A sign that she was completely insane.
