by Casey Diam
Once I was outside, the unmistakable sound of feet following me had me on edge. After I was an asshole, I liked quiet. I liked being able to go away and stew in my misery until I could reset.
As I got close to my truck, Gabby asked, “Where are you going?”
Suddenly, she was in front of me, blocking the driver’s door.
“You can’t drive, you’ve been drinking.”
“I can do whatever the fuck I want. Go back to the party and leave me alone.”
“No.” Her hand moved up to block the door handle.
“Gabby,” I ground out, irritated she was in my way.
“Do you enjoy being an asshole?”
“Yes,” I responded, teeth clenching.
“I’m not going to let you drive anywhere tonight.”
A muscle ticked in my jaw, and I leaned in closer and closer until she was backed up against the vehicle. Helpless. “Get out of my way, Gabby.”
“You don’t scare me.”
“Of course I don’t.” A stubborn smile formed on my mouth because I was a menace to society and I couldn’t resist. “You’re used to fucking assholes, right?”
Even as I provoked her, I wanted to find every other asshole who’d ever touched her and pound them into a bloody pulp too.
Her hands pushed at my chest, but I didn’t budge.
“I thought I didn’t scare you.”
“You don’t have to be a dick!”
She was right. I didn’t, but I liked this side of myself. It was all I needed to keep people at a distance.
“Then by all means,” I said, stepping back, “leave.”
A small puff of frosted air escaped her lips as she shook her head. “Fine. Go be an idiot and lose your scholarship.”
As she stomped off, I turned and saw Will heading toward me. “Don’t tell me you’re really thinking about getting in that driver’s seat, Ryker.”
“I’m not in the mood, and now is not the time to pretend you give a shit about what I do,” I said, yanking the door open just to piss him off.
My scholarship to Oklahoma University was the only thing I had, and I wasn’t that stupid. Maybe I hadn’t thought about it before I walked outside, but I wasn’t dumb enough or angry enough to be that irresponsible. All I wanted was to sit inside my truck alone for a while and not have to listen to anyone lecture me about what was right and what was fucking wrong.
“Of course I care,” he responded just as I hopped inside and slammed the door shut.
“Ryker!” Will came closer, and I pushed down the knob on the door, causing all the locks to snap shut. He knocked on the door and tried the handle.
Putting my keys in the ignition, I wound down the window just enough so he could hear me loud and clear because even though I wasn’t a snake, the venom in me was poison.
“Careful, Will. You might want to make those taps a little lighter. I don’t want you to dent my truck, my dad got it for me. You know, the guy who’s been doing your job for the last eighteen years.”
I was the one who’d endured six years of endless mornings shoveling snow out of driveways before school in the dead of winter while also selling my digital illustrations online to save enough to put a down payment on this truck, and I was the one paying for every penny of its upkeep, but he didn’t need to know that.
I lit a joint and blew the smoke up through the window gap. “I’ve been tolerating you for Ash, but the truth is, I don’t like you. I’m almost sure I hate you.”
Chapter 8
Ryker
Last night.
I’d gone too far and was officially the shit on the ground animals left behind and humans stepped in. Basically, I was still stewing, rock music blasting in my ears, aware that there was no coming back from everything I’d said in anger.
I’d meant most of my words. But still, they gutted me because, even though I acted as if I wanted nothing to do with Will, I wanted him to prove himself to me for once. Prove that I meant something to him. Tell me that he’d keep trying. Tell me that no matter what I said or did, he wouldn’t leave me because I was his son. But instead of that happening, he’d left, proving—once again—what I’d always known. There was no father-son bond, no love, there was nothing but my brother between us.
Leaned against my headboard with iPad in hand, I outlined a few strokes of dark hair behind the character I was creating before filling it in and shading in the strands so that it seemed like the lustrous waves of her hair was blowing in the wind.
Once I was satisfied with her hair, I touched up the wide, angular jawline, small nose, and huge cartoon-like eyes. I painted her body in a skin-tight black outfit and a coat flipping in the breeze behind her. Erasing her legs, I re-drew them as if they were drawn up to her chest, and then I added a snowboard strapped to her feet. Then I added her hand clutching the edge of the board while the other hid at the back of her head. It was the pose I’d seen time and time again when I used to watch her do her jumps in the park.
With a few quick touches, I captured a black lace mask around her big, blue eyes and colored in the board with a hot pink background and neon green lettering that read: “Maybe she does.”
She acted as if she didn’t care, but maybe she did.
I wanted her to.
Yet, I pushed her away last night. My actions and reactions made no sense. I was always at battle, trying to win against the rest of the world. Out there, I seemed undefeated, but at the end of every day, when the façade fell away, I was the failure. The mistake.
But there was one way I’d always been able to feel better, and that was hanging out with Ash.
The good to my evil.
The angel to my demon.
Except, this time, he was just as pissed at me as everyone else always was.
I fucked up, I knew I did, but when Jax had said that all shit and then had the nerve to make a fucking go at me after embarrassing Gabby like that, he was lucky he was still breathing. And the way my teeth were grinding just thinking about it made two things clear: my damage here was done, and it was time to go.
Time for me to leave Alpen Springs for a while.
I’d committed to OKU last month, and since I’d completed all the classes and done all the paperwork required for graduating early, the only thing I really needed to do was to confirm with my new coach.
I turned my iPad screen to my little sister, lying on her back, curly red hair on my pillow. One of her legs was crossed over her knee, propping up her own iPad on her stomach. She swore she was an adult at only seven years old, although when she was calm like this, she was my drawing buddy. Most days, she had so much energy, I had to hide out because I swore it was like she became fucking possessed.
Removing my earphones, I asked, “What do you think?”
Her green eyes slowly moved from the cartoon she was watching to my illustration.
She gasped, and I smiled.
“Is it me?” she asked, and I gave her an incredulous look.
“You have green eyes and red hair.”
She giggled. “I know. Your colors are off.”
I laughed, shaking my head. Smartass.
“I know who it is. It’s the ice princess.”
“The ice princess?”
“She’s like Elsa with black hair.”
Elsa, who the fuck is Elsa?
“Who’s Elsa?”
“Elsa!” she squeaked, sitting up in the bed, glaring at me. “From Frozen. You watched it with me on Christmas.”
“Oh yeah,” I said, slowly remembering. “That Elsa.”
She folded her arms across her chest. She wasn’t buying it.
“We watched three movies that day, Lily. I’m old. I can’t remember all of them.”
“No,” she pouted. “I’m mad at you.”
As my phone pinged, I lifted it and stared at the text.
Ash: I’m outside. Get your running gear on.
A small amount of the weight on my chest lifted.
Any other day I would fight this running in twenty degrees weather shit with my last breath, but this could be our last time doing this for who knew how long.
Me: BRT
“You wanna go say hi to Ash? He’s outside.”
“What? No way!” She sailed off my bed and was out the door before I made it across the room to my dresser to grab my winter gear. Base layers, insulated vest, beanie, and my joggers.
Stuffing my phone into my pocket, I went downstairs and heard Lily’s excited squeals as I saw Ash raising her over his head before lowering her to her feet and then pulling her up into a hug.
“Why aren’t you my brother, you’re so much nicer,” she told Ash.
Little traitor.
“You should have him watch Frozen with you then.”
As Ash gave me a death stare, I shrugged.
“Yes! It’s so good. She’s like an ice princess and her sister is like . . .” As Lily continued to talk about Frozen at a million words per minute, I got my running shoes on.
“Lilycakes! Ash and I need to go before I change my mind. You can bug him more later.”
“I’m not bugging him, you’re bugging him,” she said as Ash set her down.
I could see it in her eyes as she stomped over to me. The little devil had arrived. She jumped in front of me and started to speed-punch my leg. When I tried to skirt around her and get out of her area of crazy, she lunged for me, giggling as she kept trying to grab me.
Once I was safely outside, I blew out a breath and shook my head. “Thanks a lot, she’s going to be like that for hours.”
“I know.” He grinned.
“You’re such a dick.”
Trying to activate the heat in my body to counter the cold, I jumped in place for a few seconds, swinging my arms in front of me.
“I’d say you deserve it.”
Couldn’t argue with that.
We took off jogging down the sidewalk. It hadn’t snowed in a few days, and most of what had fallen before was almost gone, except for the small mounds that people had shoveled to the end of their driveways.
We ran through downtown Alpen Springs and saw Tammy, the flower shop owner, walking with a coffee in hand and her white-and-brown Papillon running behind her, trying to keep up.
“Good morning, boys,” Tammy said.
“Morning, Tammy,” we returned at the same time.
Ash bent and ruffled the Papillon’s little head. “Hey, cute girl.”
“I thought we talked about you staying out of trouble,” Tammy said, eyeing me.
Nodding, I punched Ash on the arm for us to continue going as I told her, “We did, but you know, sometimes trouble just finds me.”
“Looks like word has already gotten out around town,” Ash murmured.
“Makes me wonder what else they’re going to talk about when I leave for college.”
“Ms. Darlene’s daughter.”
“Tess. Damn, dude, I can’t believe she’s pregnant.”
“And now you sound like them. I didn’t drag you out on a run to gossip.”
“You didn’t?” I asked, my nose and throat dry from the cold air.
“No.”
We called out to a few more locals as we ran up to the fun park and then back down Sheppards, which ran parallel to Main Street and the Colorado River. We kept going until the pavement turned into a dirt trail and the houses began to space out more.
“He said some shit about Gabby, and I lost it,” I admitted. “I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to A. Mozey.”
My strides grew lighter as the trail inclined.
“You need to go big with the apology. She was excited about Twisted Events.”
“I know.” This thing was her baby, and I fucked it up. It was why my next decision made more sense and slotted it as probably the best choice I’d made in a long time.
As we slowed to a walk, I stopped and set my hands on either side of my hips, looking down and over at the river and the clusters of ice floating down it. “I’m planning to leave for college early so I can start training with my new team.”
As top athletes, this wasn’t uncommon. That was why Ash and I had both taken all the required courses we’d needed to graduate early if we wanted, but Ash’s journey was different from mine.
“Like how early?”
“Next week. I just need to give him a call and register for classes, and I can do that online later.”
“Dude, seriously?”
“I can’t stay here, Ash.” I shook my head. “If I do, I’m either going to end up in jail or do something stupid that has them yanking my scholarship.”
“Oh. Okay.”
He picked up a rock and hurled it as far as possible into the river. I did the same, trying to make mine land farther. It didn’t, of course. I was the running back, and he was the quarterback with the sight, mind, and arms of a legend.
He should be coming with me, not staying here.
“What about Dad?” Ash asked.
My lips pursed as I shook my head. “No, we aren’t talking about that.”
“Why not?”
I inhaled and stepped back. “You don’t get it.”
“Get what?”
“He’s your dad; he isn’t mine. You don’t get it because he’s always been there for you, but what about me?”
“It isn’t like that—”
“Just drop it, okay.” I picked up another rock and flung it into the river. “We should head back.”
I glanced at the swath of forest up the hill and the snow still on the ground between the trees on our right. The last house we passed was about a mile from here and the next house from this point wasn’t for another seven miles.
“What’s up?” Ash asked, following my eyes.
I started the walk back. “Just thinking. You’re planning to stay here, right?”
“In Alpen Springs? Yeah.”
“Is there anything that I could do that would make you hate me for the rest of your life?”
He stopped in his tracks. “What?”
“Just answer my question,” I said, turning around and jogging backward.
“Are you planning to do something stupid?” he asked.
“Your face is stupid.”
“Ryker?”
“No, I’m not planning to do anything stupid.” I grinned. “Do I ever?”
“Yes.” He smiled and shook his head. “But the answer is probably not but I’m not going to tell you that and then have you go and do something that makes me want to punch you in the face, but we’re brothers for life, right?”
“We are. Anyway, I was just thinking. A few years from now, after I go pro, I could see myself buying that piece of land. I’ve hiked up there a few times before and it would be sweet just building a huge fucking house or two up there.”
“Or two? You’re inviting me to be your neighbor in your future world?”
“Maybe, but if you keep looking at me with that stupid face, no.”
“I love you even though you’re a dick.”
“Are you saying you love dicks?”
His mouth opened as he caught his mistake, but then he chuckled. “I love your dick.”
I laughed. “Don’t ever say that again, dude!” I shook my head, continuing to jog backward. “Too far. But, yeah, I love you too,” I tossed back, “even though you’re a pussy.”
“You want me to ask if you love pussy, don’t you?”
I waggled my eyebrows.
“Hey, fuckers!”
Ash and I looked toward the white Subaru as it slowed, the driver’s window winding all the way down. Eddie. He was the kicker on the football team.
“Eddie, you piece of shit,” I said, “where’d you go last night? You were at the party for like two seconds.”
“I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you,” he replied, pulling the beanie low over his ears, covering more of his shoulder length black hair.
“Whatever, give us a ride back into town.”
/> “Dude, it’s like less than two miles and I’m heading to work. Those lift tickets aren’t going to scan themselves.”
“Your life sucks,” I said.
“Well, it’s either this or I start charging for sucking dicks,” Eddie supplied.
Ash and I laughed before Ash joked, “I bet you’d get paid more though.”
“Encouraging me to become a male prostitute. Man, I need new friends.” Eddie grinned.
“But he’s right,” I chuckled.
Another car approached, so I slapped my hand on the top of his car. “Later, dude. And hit me up, we’ve got another party to plan.”
Eddie stuck his head out the window as the car began to roll away. “Can I hit you up when my ex deserves a punch in the face too?”
I gave him my middle finger.
“Seriously, though, Ryker. I heard Jax is pissed. Be careful.”
Like I was scared of that little punk, but my thoughts did wander to Gabby.
Chapter 9
Gabby
A few days post my ex getting punched in the face by my childhood best friend, I walked into Darlene’s Café and looked around for Averie. It didn’t look as if she was working, and Ms. Darlene was at the register.
“Good morning, beautiful.”
“Good morning, Ms. Darlene.”
“Coffee latte and a Vanilla Cream cupcake?”
That was my signature grab-and-go breakfast before I headed up to one of the five ski mountains around here.
“No, I think I’m going to eat in today, but I was wondering if Averie is working.”
“No, not until one.”
“Oh.” My shoulders sagged.
“Is something wrong?”
“No. I was just hoping to talk to her.”
“What do you want with Averie?”
My heart almost jumped out of my chest at the sound of Ryker’s voice.
I turned around. “Nothing.”
His lips pursed, and he looked down at the young girl next to him, his sister. Holy crap, she was getting big. I couldn’t remember the last time I saw her.
