by Casey Diam
I laughed. “On the cheek?”
Our heads jerked to the tent door as someone unzipped it from the outside. Eddie poked his head in. “Man, it’s toasty in here. You’re all going to bed already?”
“Yes, because apparently, we’re snowboarding at five in the morning, and can you guys please stop howling. You’re going to attract bears and mountain lions and God knows what else,” Averie said, just as Ashton walked in behind Eddie.
“Baby, we’re the only ones out here.”
“No, we aren’t, and I don’t want to be hunted by a mountain lion. It’s winter so they’re probably starving.”
Eddie snickered. “Are you serious? You’re such a city girl. Where’d you grow up again?”
“Dude, have you met her mom?” Nicky asked. “She’s only been camping like once.”
Brody walked inside and was followed by Ryker, whose gray eyes immediately found me. I looked down. His glances felt too intense—or, maybe they were just more penetrating because of my feelings for him.
Ashton howled, and then Ryker did as well, which made me smile and Averie pout.
“Gabby! It isn’t funny,” she said
“I’m sorry,” I smiled. “But I’ve never seen a mountain lion, and we used to go camping all the time. Then again, I heard by the time you see one—it’s too late,” I whispered at the end.
Her eyes grew big and the guys laughed, stripping out of their coats as Averie sank deeper into her sleeping bag.
“Aww, A. Mozey. It isn’t as if they’re going tear down the tent and come get you,” Nicky said before she started to make a sound that was a cross between a meow and a rawr as she clawed at Averie’s sleeping bag.
“Stop, Nicky! Stop it.” Averie squirmed. “I’m scared.”
Ashton stepped forward, bent, and pulled the foot of her sleeping bag toward him, causing it to slide forward from the pad. He kissed her forehead and lifted her up in her sleeping bag, officially melting my heart.
The guys continued to talk and pick on each other until everyone slowly navigated into their own areas as the night flew by.
Somehow, I ended up sandwiched between Eddie and Ryker’s sleeping bags. It was a tight fit with the wood-burning stove and our packs in the corner on the opposite side of us.
As Ryker threw on his jacket and went outside, Eddie whispered, “So, have you ever made out?”
“What? Of course I have.”
Eddie rolled his eyes, looking as if he wanted to hit me. “With him,” he murmured, his head jerking to the tent door.
“Oh. No.”
“Made out with who?” Nicky asked in a hushed voice.
“Ryker.”
“What?” Brody asked.
“Shh,” Nicky said.
Ryker came back inside with a few logs and set them beside the burner before he was standing at the foot of his sleeping bag, removing his jacket and snow pants. I squeezed my eyes shut. Even though he had thermals on, this was almost too intimate for me to watch.
“Are you coming to the party tomorrow night?” Eddie asked, bumping into my side.
I cracked one eye open. “What party?”
“Ryker’s going-away party.”
“Uh. I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
“You shouldn’t go. It isn’t your scene,” Ryker said.
I looked at him to see if he was joking, but he was already zipping himself into his sleeping bag. And as Brody clicked off the lamp, I shook my head. Ryker had always been able to slide on a mask whenever he felt like it, and being an athlete with sponsorships, I understood it all too well since I had to present myself a certain way in public. He had never had to put on a front with me though, and this might have been the first time he’d done that.
But then again, did I really expect him to act any differently after I’d basically cut him out of my own life for years when he’d hurt my feelings? Even if he hadn’t realized that he had done it.
“You don’t know what my scene is,” I said to him in the darkness. “But, no worries, I won’t be there. The only reason I’m even here is because Averie asked me to come.”
“Now that’s the Gabby I’ve come to know. I’ve been waiting for you to drop this I-don’t-hate-you act. You know, I almost believed it, especially after that performance yesterday.”
“Ryker, don’t be an ass!” Averie said.
I bit my lip, shaking my head.
I’m an idiot. Such an idiot.
Chapter 14
Ryker
We woke up at five and left the tent around five fifteen, hiking for an hour and a half up to the top of Lu Mountain in the dark with our packs and snowboards—or, in Nicky’s case, skis.
The bluish-gray light of dawn had started to brighten the path, but the mountain was still empty since the lifts wouldn’t start running for another two hours.
I loved football, but nothing could beat the feeling of being the first to ride down a trail when there was fresh powder on the ground.
“It’s so pretty,” Gabby said, staring at the steep, wide, white terrain separated by sections of evergreens. “Do you guys mind if I capture this on my GoPro? I can edit you out if you don’t want to be on there.”
Last night, Gabby had told us about the YouTube channel she’d started.
“As long as you only post the good stuff and not anything of me falling.”
“Falling is the good stuff.” Gabby smiled.
“Ugh, fine,” Averie conceded, but I was still staring at Gabby, my cock twitching against my willpower, which was really starting to piss me off. I’d been doing everything possible to stop thinking about her and what she’d told me. Nothing good could come out of it. I was leaving in a few days. End of story.
Plus, I was mad at her for not giving me some signal that she had feelings for me back then and then waiting this long to say something. I mean, what the fuck?
Brody punched my arm. “Lighten up, dude. What’s with all this . . . this . . . mood?”
I shook my head.
All Gabby. That’s what it was.
“Black diamond at seven in the morning,” Gabby said, making an animated face at the small cam in her hand.
She is not cute. Not cute.
We spent a few minutes at the top before coasting down the slope and through the trees we’d hiked. Good vibes as always, but not great like all the other times because all I could think about was college and leaving these guys.
My brother wasn’t heading out with me either, which meant I would be stuck with a roommate who I would probably hate because he wasn’t Ash.
I knew leaving early would be a kick-start to my future and the pros, but it would also mean leaving behind my friends who understood me, and to be frank, I didn’t want to have to explain my assholeness to other assholes so they didn’t think I was an asshole when I was actually an asshole.
“So, where’s the party going to be tomorrow night?” Nicky asked when we’d reached the flat area and were strapping on our snowshoes to trek through the foot-deep snow in this area.
“Dad’s still pissed, so it’s definitely not going to be at my house,” Brody responded.
Brody’s dad had a mansion on the hill, and it would have been the perfect place to throw my going-away party, but I did fuck up his New Year’s Eve party, so it was only fair.
“It isn’t like I need a party anyway. That’s all I’m going to be doing for the next three to four years. Parties. Practice. Classes. Weights.”
At least that was what some of the guys from the OKU football team had told me.
“Sounds like you’re going to have a blast,” Gabby said, but I didn’t respond, not because I was being an asshole but because, what the hell could I say to that?
This was all her fault, and maybe it was my time to be mad at her, to go away to college and not talk to her for years.
My going-away party ended up being thrown at Brody’s dad’s cabin. It wasn’t as big as Brody’s house, but compared to all the ot
her cabins in the area, it was huge.
“This isn’t the kegger I was imagining before you left us, but it’s all right,” Brody said, taking a sip of beer from his red Solo cup.
“It is, and I’ll only be thirteen hours away, so when you guys want to throw me a real party, you know, just holler at me.”
“Pfft, who the hell is going to make that drive? This is the only party you’re getting, asshole. And I’m taking a gap year.”
“Gap year?”
“Yup. Life’s short, and I wanna go see the world, you know?”
I shook my head. “I can’t believe high school’s over.”
“Dude, speak for yourself, I still have a few months left, you’re the one who’s leaving.”
Because I had a feeling that it was time to go. I usually ignored my instincts, but this time, it was too strong.
I stared at the stone fireplace below and around the rustic log cabin from the second-floor balcony.
The things that money could make happen.
I’d seen it firsthand at all of the Kellers’ establishments, and it wasn’t that my goal was to be rich, but it was close. I wanted to be able to buy everything I wanted, which included that property on the hill Ash and I had run by the other day.
“What the—isn’t that Ally?”
Brody followed my gaze to the blonde Barbie walking through the front door.
“Yup.”
“What the hell is she doing here?”
“It was invite-only, but I guess word got out. You know how these parties are, and since I’m the nice one, if you don’t want her here, then you’re going to have to be the one to tell her.”
She could stay for a few minutes. We needed to have a little chat anyway. “If Francis shows up, I’m going to fucking lose it.”
Francis was my on-again, off-again satanic ex, who I’d ended things with a few months ago and who was a bitch to everyone who didn’t kiss the ground she trotted on.
“Noted, I’ll get Eddie and Shane on that.”
“I don’t want to see her fucking friends here either.”
“We can’t have a party without any of the cheerleaders, it would be a fucking sausage fest, unless that was the kind of party you wanted?”
“Keep talking shit, Virgin Boy.”
“Dude.”
“Low blow, sorry.”
“Please chill with that, at least while Tyler’s still in town. He kinda doesn’t know that I still am.”
I looked at him. “You lied to him.”
“I had to.”
I didn’t know why I asked. Tyler was relentless when it came to teasing Brody, and I’d wanted to punch the fucker in the face for it a few times. His favorite one-liners were always about calling Brody gay since he’d never really seen him with girls. And I mean, I teased Brody, but I knew what pissed him off versus what made him roll his eyes. For one, even though we joked about shit, Brody was as straight as a fucking arrow. He was just picky as hell with girls. He might make out with one or go on a few dates, but he never got invested. Dude was worse than I was about committing, and that was saying something.
Glancing down at where Averie, Nicky, and Eddie were on the couch talking and laughing, I asked, “What’s up with you and Nicky?”
“Nothing. Just friends.”
“Yeah?”
I’d seen the two of them flirting a few times, even before that douchebag Ben had dumped her.
“We are,” he emphasized. “Even though she kind of looks like Natalie Portman, doesn’t she?”
As I caught sight of Ally, I started to walk away. “Hey, Brody, do I look like Natalie Portman?”
“No, you look like my butthole,” he quipped, causing me to laugh.
He’s such a dick.
“Ryker!” Ally gasped as she spotted me. “Holy crap, how are you?”
Her eyes scanned my physique, resting on my biceps. When they met mine again, there was an I’m-so-surprised-to-see-you-here sparkle in them, as if she weren’t aware that this was my party.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
We hadn’t talked since she’d left for college a few years ago. And when I did run into her in town during the holidays, we kept our distance.
“I heard there was a party,” she chirped.
A party that was invite-only.
Usually, I wouldn’t care what the hell she was up to, but things had changed over the past few days.
“I need to ask you something.” I jerked my head. “Follow me.”
I wasted no time getting to the point. “Did Gabby ever mentioned liking me some time back in middle school or right after?”
“What?” Ally grinned. “That’s what you want to ask me? Not how have you been?”
“Just answer the question. Did you know?”
“It was a long time ago. I don’t remember. She had a different crush every week.”
No, she didn’t.
“You swear on your life that Gabby hadn’t mentioned liking me as more than a friend?”
She shrugged. “I guess she said she thought you were cute, but who didn’t? Whatever, what does it matter?”
I shook my head. “That’s it?”
“Yeah.”
The impassive look on her face wasn’t giving anything away, but I knew she wasn’t telling me everything.
“Why don’t I believe that?”
“Why wouldn’t you? And why are you asking me this? What does it have to do with anything?”
“Anything? Everything. Because I wouldn’t have fucked you had I known. Gabby was my friend, Ally.”
“She was my friend too.”
“Yes, but all of it was your idea. We fucked, and you were okay with me fucking you or any of your other friends. Just not Gabby, she’s my friend,” I mimicked, realizing how stupid I was for not questioning that. “You knew she liked me, didn’t you?”
“Why is it such a big deal, Ryker? Gabby was young. It isn’t as if she was going to sleep with you anyway.”
My head slanted. She was dead-ass serious. And I might have been young and stupid, but I sure as hell wouldn’t have had my dick anywhere near the girl who was supposed to be Gabby’s friend if I’d had the slightest idea she’d had feelings for me.
“And don’t pretend you didn’t love every second we were together. Did you think about Gabby then? Did you think about her while you were inside me? I fucking made you, Ryker. All those girls stopped teasing you because of me, so you should be thanking me, not accusing me of doing what? Making you lose Gabby? You did that all by yourself.”
My teeth ground together as she smirked.
“You can leave my fucking party now. And I mean now, turn around and get the fuck out.”
As her mouth fell open and she pivoted, I walked away, needing a drink and also needing to talk to Gabby. I might have been giving her mixed signals and pushing her because I’d felt hurt in a way, but I couldn’t leave things like this between us.
I found myself that drink and pulled my phone from my pocket, not sure if this was the right call to make considering I was still pissed, not only at myself but also at the situation. But, I pressed the call button anyway.
“Come to my party,” I said when Gabby answered on the fourth ring.
“What? You don’t even want me there.”
Did I not just invite her?
“Do you need a ride?” I asked.
A few seconds passed, and I pictured her trying to figure out my motives. I didn’t have one. I just wanted to talk. To her.
“Are you drunk or something?”
“No, not yet,” I replied. “Just come to the party, Gabby. You know you want to. Besides, your new friends are here.”
“I’m not your little pet. You don’t get to be an asshole to me and then expect me to bend to your will. Coming to that party would only make it seem as if I’m okay with that, and I’m not.”
“So, what? You’re just going to tell me you have feelings for me and then go bac
k to giving me the silent treatment when I take more than a second to process it? I’m sorry, but I don’t trust anything.”
“Well, I’m talking to you now.”
I shook my head. “You know what? Fine. Whatever, Gabby.”
I hung up the phone, fucking fuming.
I wasn’t going to make myself vulnerable to her, not when she’d left me once before. And why would she even like me, seriously? I wasn’t the guy girls ended up with, and I was okay with that.
I was okay with being the fucking experiment.
I was okay with not being perfect.
I was okay with not being the son my father chose.
I was okay with being alone.
Not everyone had someone who accepted them with all their glaring flaws, and I had a shit ton of them.
Chapter 15
Gabby
The Chainsmokers “Takeaway” boomed through the cabin as I walked inside.
I can’t believe I’m here.
Coming here is stupid.
I’m going to regret this. I just know it.
Unzipping my coat, I scanned the room for Averie, Nicky . . . Ryker. Mostly Ryker.
Staying in my room, sulking, and binge-watching Schitt’s Creek was what I’d planned to do for the night, but Ryker had a way of interrupting my thoughts and my life.
As I shrugged out of my coat, I spotted Averie coming through the back sliding doors with Ash.
From what I’d heard and seen of the parties these guys threw, I was surprised and also a bit nerve-wracked at seeing no more than twenty people hanging about chatting, laughing, and dancing.
Feeling someone’s eyes on me, I looked up and saw Ryker leaning on the wooden frame of the second floor’s balcony watching me.
His head jerked to the staircase, and, as if in a trance, I swallowed and walked toward it, my heart pounding against my ribcage. Self-conscious, I pressed the coat I’d taken off to my stomach, hiding the skin exposed by my white crop top as I climbed the steps. My high-waist leggings came up to my belly button and the crop top also had long sleeves so it wasn’t as if I was half-naked, but it felt like I was with Ryker watching me.
