by Terry Towers
I chuckled to myself. What a stupid idea. While that life may work for Robyn, could it possibly work for me? I had my doubts. Fitting me into that type of life would be like fitting a square peg into a round hole – it just wouldn’t work. I’d come to the realization over the years that I wasn’t like everyone else. Wired differently, you might say. I could and did kill men and not feel badly for it. In 99 percent of my dealings I seemed to lack any sort of empathy, but Robyn was the one exception throughout my life who bucked the norm. She was the only person who managed to make me feel anything close to love for another person.
The movie ended without me watching more than ten minutes of it. As much as I was beginning to enjoy the closeness of Robyn, her snoring had gone from soft to the equivalent of a chainsaw roar and I had a plan to formulate to get us out of this little bind we were in.
“Robyn.” I gave her a little nudge.
Nothing.
“Robyn,” I repeated, giving her a harder nudge. All it managed to do for me was have her wrap her arms around my waist, mumble something incoherent and then settle back into a sound sleep.
“Well, damn.” Did I want to wake her anyhow? When we were younger, waking her was like rousting a sleeping dragon. Did I want to take that risk?
Answer: Not really.
Doing my best not to stir her, I slid from the sofa and slipped an arm under her legs while keeping my other arm under her shoulder blades. With one swift movement, I lifted her up and off the sofa, gathering her tight to my chest. Keeping her secure, I made my way to the staircase leading upstairs to the bedrooms.
Heaving a heavy sigh, I looked up the stairs and began making my way up. It was a lot of fucking stairs. She murmured something incoherent as we reached the top of the staircase and shifted in my arms, tightening her grasp on me, burrowing her face against the crook of my neck and shoulder. The warmth of her breath as she gently exhaled sent a shiver through me and caused my dick to spring to life.
Well, damn. The last thing I wanted to do was let my feelings and desires get in the way, clouding my judgment. I was already too close for comfort for her and Austin’s safety. But what could I do? It was easy to say that it should be kept impersonal, but how much more personal can it get if it includes your very own flesh and blood and the one and only woman you’ve ever loved?
Pushing the bedroom door open with my hip, I carried her to the bed and gently laid her onto it. As I attempted to straighten, instead of her grasp loosening on me, it became even more ironclad, her fingers fisting my t-shirt and keeping secure to her.
Okay, so I had two options: wake her and have her release me or bite the bullet and lie down with her.
I chose option 1. I had to keep an emotional distance.
“Robyn,” I said, not too loud as not to startle her as I began to pull up again.
“No, no!” she cried out, gripping tighter to me, as she thrashed on the bed, an expression of distress on her face. “Please. Stop!”
Immediately, I slipped onto the bed and pulled her against me, stroking her hair and whispering words of comfort into her ear.
Almost instantly she settled down and once again murmuring incoherently. But it appeared that whatever bad dream had had her in its grasp was done and over with. She felt so soft against me and her gentle snores were beginning to lull me to sleep.
Yes, I should be leaving right now. I should be waking her up and leaving – this wasn’t the type of situation I needed to be in. But, how could I? Even in her sleep she needed me and if my presence next to her was going to give her a full night’s sleep then how could I turn away?
Besides, deep down, I didn’t want to. Don’t get me wrong, I get my fair share of pussy, though the women I fucked were just that, playmates – relationships were never on my radar. This, however was different. It was familiar and pure. Despite my dick’s hardened state, this wasn’t a sexual thing.
What would it hurt to just hold her?
Chapter 11
Robyn
Slowly, I began to wake from one of the deepest, most peaceful sleeps I’d had in a very long time to the feeling of a hard, warm body situated tight against mine. I snuggled tighter into the heat. Wait? What in the hell? My mind was foggy for a moment as I attempted to give it some thought.
Then the smell of his cologne drifted to my consciousness and I knew immediately. It was an all too familiar scent. While I knew I should be pulling away, the feel of his embrace was too comforting. Tightening my grip on him, I inhaled deeply and savoured that scent as all the good memories I had of us came rushing to the forefront, refusing to allow the bad ones to enter in. I’d lived too many bad as it was already, I needed the good right now and Constantine was it.
“Robyn?”
My body froze next to his. The gig was up.
“You’re faking sleep.”
I groaned inwardly. “How did you know?” I opened my eyes and my gaze met his. There was a hint of a smile on his lips.
“Because I know you. This isn’t the first time we’ve been together in bed, you know.”
“I know.” Heat coloured my cheeks. “But it’s been a long time.”
His gaze dipped to my lips, lingering there. Running my tongue along my lower lip, I pulled it between my teeth and nibbled softly.
“Are you doing that on purpose?”
I released my lip, leaving it glistening. “Doing what?”
“Biting your lips. It’s sexy as hell, always has been.”
“Oh?” I remembered, though I couldn’t help but play innocent. The feel of his body, so hard and unyielding against mine, made me want to see and feel what was underneath the clothing he was wearing from last night. But there was one other factor that was tempting me – the unmistakable hardness of his dick against my stomach. Yeah sure, it may just be morning wood, but still I wanted to believe it was due to me being next to him. At least my body was beginning to react as if it were.
Regardless of what reasons brought us together we shared a past once and up until I found out I was pregnant and discovered what he’d done, we’d been happy. Even after those discoveries, leaving him was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do.
“Now you’re playing coy. That act never worked on me before, what makes you think it’ll work now?”
Grinning, I shrugged as I propped my head on my hand, continuing to stare up and into his brilliant blue eyes. “If I recall it worked fine back then.”
“When it suited me it worked.” He mimicked my position.
The teasing in his voice and the look in his eyes made me swoon inside. It had been a long time since I’d felt like this for anyone. Not even in the beginning of my relationship with Gabriel. It made me wonder why I’d ever married him in the first place when there was a man in the world who could make the butterflies appear in the stomach with a mere look and smile.
I couldn’t stop what happened next and I challenge anyone to fault me for it. Impulsively, I leaned forward and brushed my lips across his. His body became even more rigid if that was at all possible and for a moment his lips were unresponsive.
I need to pull away, I thought, embarrassed with myself for taking such a brazen move. I mean, really, it was pretty nervy of me. He really hadn’t given me any indicators he was interested. Except for the giant-assed erection, a voice at the back of my mind chimed in. Okay, well, except that.
Just when I decided it was best to pull away he responded, returning the kiss. While he hadn’t been the one to kiss me, he quickly took over, his lips crushing onto mine. My heart soared as adrenaline raced through my body. I moaned softly, my lips parting slightly and inviting him in.
Constantine accepted the invitation, his tongue slipping past my parted lips in search of mine. When our tongues touched, my entire body came alive in a craving for him so intense that if I didn’t indulge the yearning, surely I’d go mad.
He pushed forward, his lips remaining on mine, his tongue playing and teasing as I fell back against the mattr
ess, my arms wrapping around his neck, keeping him secure to me. While our tongues continued to play a cat and mouse game that felt so beautifully familiar, my fingers dug into his shoulders, caressing the thick, sculpted muscle beneath the cotton shirt.
I murmured his name as his lips slid from mine and to the side of my neck. Constantine… his name was on the tip of my tongue every time I was with a man since him. I’d never made the grave error of calling his name out by mistake, thank goodness, but it had been close.
I exhaled as surges of pleasure raced through me as he gently nipped and kissed his way down my neck. Arching my back, I let my head fall back, giving him better access to the tender area, the apex between my legs beginning to throb as the feelings of pleasure within me intensified.
“Mommy!”
Damn. I groaned and bit back a string of curses as the moment between us shattered and the reality of the situation came to hit me full force. Opening my eyes, I watched Constantine as he lifted himself from me and slid from the bed.
“I’ll take care of it,” he said, already on his way to open the bedroom door. “The shower is down the hall if you would like to use it.”
There was no glance back at me, or looks of longing. It was as if nothing had happened between us. My heart sank into my stomach. I was such a foolish girl.
~*~ TT ~*~
Constantine
Saved by the kid.
Was it really being saved though? I didn’t know for certain. In the heat of the moment I would have killed to be balls deep in her again. But starting things up with Robyn was a bad, bad idea. I was a lone wolf. I found a woman to gratify myself when the need arose, but that was as far as it went. Anything else was very dangerous. And she was too vulnerable to be used. Even after all of these years, and despite the ill feelings that were spinning through my head over how things ended and the fact she kept the fact I had a child from me, I knew I couldn’t hurt her in that way.
This had to be treated like every other job. Period.
“Mommy!” Austin yelled again from his room, followed by the pitter patter of his little feet across the bedroom floor. I smiled despite myself. He opened the bedroom door just as I reached it. His little head lifted to meet my gaze. It took a moment, but he eventually smiled and said, “Constantine.” Closing the distance between us he gave me a quick hug. “Where’s Mommy?”
“She’s just getting up, pal. She’ll be along shortly. Would you like some breakfast?”
He nodded with enthusiasm. “You have Count Chocula?”
“No.”
“Pop-Tarts?”
I laughed. “Nope. Best I can offer is good old-fashioned bacon, eggs and pancakes. Will that be suffice?”
He curled his nose up and looked at me questionably.
It took me a moment to realize my mistake, suffice may not be on his vocabulary list yet. I tried again. “Would that be okay?”
The smile reappeared and he nodded. “Yep. I like bacon.”
‘’Doesn’t everyone?” Placing an arm around his shoulders, I led him down the hallway toward the staircase.
“Nope. Mommy doesn’t. My daddy wouldn’t let her eat it; he said it would make her fat.”
Rage surged through me, even though I refused to allow the emotion to break the smile I had on my lips. My son was calling that sleaze bucket daddy. I was his fucking father not that piece of shit, dammit. That was going to have to be rectified. Though once there was a bullet in Gabriel’s head it would no longer matter.
If it hadn’t already been clear before it was now – Gabriel was a dead man walking. Each step I took descending the staircase the decision became more absolute in my mind. Take the head off the snake and there would be nothing to worry about. That being said, if the feds were talking to Robyn then that meant they were also watching him. I’d have to be careful, very careful when I took him out.
“Well, Mommy can have all of the bacon she wants here.”
We made our way down the winding staircase.
“Wanna know more stuff about kangaroos?”
Not really, I thought to myself, but to my son I simply smiled and said, “I would love to.”
Chapter 12
Robyn
It took a lot longer to get dressed than it normally would, mostly because I was unsure of how to approach Constantine after what happened in the bedroom. No doubt he thought I was weak and vulnerable and maybe even a bit needy.
Regardless, once dressed in a pair of jeans and t-shirt I found myself standing in front of the full-length mirror examining my reflection. I looked like death. Grabbing my makeup case, I quickly applied a thick coat of foundation, applying a generous amount of concealer to the undereye area. By the time I was done and applying a thin layer of gloss to my lips I nodded at my reflection. Not exactly beauty queen material, but at least I didn’t look sickly. A big thank you to MAC cosmetics.
Wow, way to lower your expectations of yourself, I thought, turning from the mirror and exiting the bedroom. My feet felt like they had weights attached as I made my way downstairs. I’d just pretend like nothing ever happened. It’s not like much did anyhow, nothing to be embarrassed about.
As I approached the bottom of the stairs the smell of bacon and eggs drifted to me, making my stomach grumble. Bacon. Damn, I loved bacon; it had been so long since I’d last had a taste of that salty, greasy and oh-so-delicious meat. Walking into the kitchen I stopped dead in my tracks at the entranceway.
Austin was standing on a step stool in front of the stove, a spatula in hand with Constantine standing next to him, directing him on how to flip the pancakes. The helicopter mom in me felt a surge of terror seeing my child so close to the stove where grease from the bacon could fly up at him, but there was another part of me that felt warm and cozy inside seeing Constantine interacting with him.
He turned and smiled at me. “Take a seat,” he said, nodding at the four-person table to the left of the room, “we’re almost done.”
“Look Mommy, I’m making pancake,” Austin exclaimed, the halfway cooked pancake on the spatula.
Before I could respond the pancake slipped from the spatula and hit the floor, with a soft splat like sound. His smile immediately faded and a frown took its place.
“Don’t worry, little buddy.” Constantine gave him a pat on the back. “It just means we get to make another one.”
This seemed to brighten his mood and his smile returned. “Awesome!”
I entered the kitchen and headed toward the roll of paper towels. “Sit down, Robyn,” Constantine said, putting his hand out and stopping me from proceeding. “I’ll get it.”
A protest was on the tip of my tongue, but I bit it back. If he wanted me to take it easy then who was I to object? With a grin on my face I sat down at the table and watched the boys work, impressed at how good Constantine was with Austin. It made me wonder if Constantine was dating anyone, or if he’d had much experience with children, maybe by dating single moms.
I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea, but I had to ask as curiosity got the better of me. “So Constantine, have you been dating much?”
He laughed, a loud hearty laugh, and then turned to face me. “Not really.”
“Why not?” He was good-looking, seemed to be doing well for himself. It seemed odd he wouldn’t be seeing someone and have an active social life.
“I’m pretty busy most of the time. What I do isn’t the typical 9-5 job. So, relationships aren’t exactly on my radar right now. Maybe sometime in the future when life is less hectic and I have a little more stability. Maybe then I can start a family.”
His comment pierced through me and I tuned out everything else going on around me. Okay, so it’s not like I expected anything from him. He was a sperm donor. That’s how I’d treated him when I left without a word, why would it change now just because Constantine finally knew the truth?
My head was seriously fucked up right now. I wasn’t thinking straight.
“Try it, Mommy!”
Austin’s voice pulled me from my thoughts and I focused on the food that was now in front of me. Fuck, I’d tuned out for quite a spell, apparently. I smiled at Austin across the table from me, though it was a weak smile at best. I forced my smile to widen.
“It’s good.” He said shovelling a forkful of pancake into his mouth.
“I bet it is, baby.”
~*~ TT ~*~
Constantine
Slipping on a pair of black gloves, I entered Robyn’s former apartment building and headed for the elevator. I wasn’t sure why I was even going back there, but I had a gut feeling. Besides, I needed to know if they were aware she was now on the run from them. The deadline was closing in and I would imagine Gabriel would be getting anxious waiting for me to complete the assigned task.
I had Robyn’s key so once I was at her floor, I was about to slip the key in when I noticed the door was just slightly ajar. Guess I’d been right. My heart rate accelerated as adrenaline began to pump through my veins at a quickened pace. I loved this moment, the anticipation of an altercation. Over the years it had become my addiction, my own personal crack. Maybe I subconsciously had a death wish?
Pulling my gun from the holster that was concealed under my jacket, I proceeded with caution, screwing on the sound suppressor, and then pushing the door open with the barrel of my gun. The door opened effortlessly and I took a moment to examine the room before proceeding inside.
Cushions had been thrown off the sofa and were scattered across the room; the furniture was in disarray. From first glance, it didn’t appear that there was still anyone in the apartment, but sometimes looks could be deceiving. There could easily be someone waiting to pounce. And my instincts were rarely wrong.
I started with the kitchen. It was clear. Carrying on to the rest of the house, I came up empty. I have to say, despite it being convenient that they had already come and gone there was a part of me that had been hoping for a conflict. There were a lot of emotions running through me right now and perhaps an altercation would give me the outlet I needed to release some of my pent-up frustration.
