"No!" I acted as indignant as possible. It was none of Kurt's business. "We are just friends. He just broke up with his girlfriend and I feel bad for him." That part was true.
"Are we still going out tonight?"
"Yes, of course we are," I smiled at Kurt. That was true, too, two in a row. I was on a truth-telling streak.
We went to the bar we always went to after work. Kurt and I had a really good friendship that was ruined by sex, I thought as we laughed over something trivial that happened at work. Could we be friends after this was over? I doubted it. After we spent about one hour there, Kurt said he had to leave.
"You better go straight home!" he said in the parking lot, grabbing my shoulders. His brow was furrowed as he looked into my eyes.
"I will." I was back to lying again. At this rate I wouldn't be able recognize the truth pretty soon. We kissed goodbye and got into our respective vehicles. I thought he would wait to see which way I went, but he just pulled out of the parking lot to go home. If I was going home, I would have turned right, but Noah's house was a left turn. I let Kurt leave first, and when his taillights dimmed, I pulled out of my parking space, went to the entranceway, and turned left.
Screw him!
The band was practicing in Noah's basement when I got there. I was surprised the neighbors weren't complaining. Their practices were just an excuse for a party I thought as I drank a beer. I was hoping his band mates would start being nicer to me, because here I was, week two, and still there, but without a clue as to our status. I decided to find out.
As soon as the practice was done, Noah came up to me and kissed me on the mouth in front of all of his friends. I thought that had to mean something.
"Hi, I'm glad you made it."
"Are you guys playing out anywhere this weekend?"
"No, not this weekend, maybe next weekend."
"Cool." I nodded my head and looked around. His band mates and their girlfriends were all there. I wasn't introduced to any of them, however.
"Let's go upstairs." Noah began leading me toward the stairs.
Upstairs meant up to his room. He started kissing me immediately. I thought I would go with my gut reaction and ruin the moment before I ended up naked.
"Noah," I blurted out.
"Yeah?"
I moved away a little.
"What is going on between us? Because I really like you a lot."
You should have seen the expression on his face. It was a cross between oh shit and annoyance.
"I like you a lot Mia." Music to my ears. Maybe an intense look was in our future.
"What about Serena?"
Noah looked more annoyed. "What about her? It's over." A symphony was playing somewhere.
"Are we going to have a relationship here? Or am I just a transition person?"
Noah looked down. "I like you a lot. I like spending time with you. I can't promise you anything. It feels too soon, but I don't want to lose you. Can't we continue the way we are?"
I knew what he meant. Screw me as he wished with no relationship and leave the door open to go back out with Serena. It was like going out with Kurt.
Against my better judgment, I said, "Okay." I felt myself giving in to him. I really liked him. I really liked the way I felt when I was with him. It was irrational and stupid. I just wanted to stand next to his fire, like the lyrics in that song. Who knows, the relationship could work the same for me as it did for him. He may fall madly in love with me and we could live happily ever after. Oh, who was I kidding?
He started kissing me and he put his hand up my shirt. I stopped him and told him it was "that time," because of the morning after pill, which I didn't tell him about.
"Oh." He stopped kissing me and sat there for a minute. It was an awkward pause, I hate awkward pauses, and so I unzipped his pants and gave him a blowjob. Maybe I could blowjob my way into being his girlfriend.
Chapter 10
As March went on, I went back and forth between Kurt and Noah, stealing moments with both of them. Of course I couldn't tell either one what was going on. It really was none of their business.
My friendship with Noah was the 200-lb gorilla in the room in my relationship with Kurt. He didn't ask about Noah and I didn't tell him anything. I felt a small vindication because finally I was on equal footing with Kurt. He had someone to go to and so did I. This didn’t stop him from acting like a completely jealous jerk, above and beyond the way he acted when I was seeing Ian.
Kurt had a reason to be jealous. My friendship with Noah was ruining my feelings for him. I wasn't even sure if I really liked him anymore. All this time I had been begging him to leave Hannah and he refused.
Kurt was using me.
I had always known it but never admitted it to myself. On some level, I knew the truth. It was always lurking in the back of my mind and hung unspoken in the air between us.
In late April, Kurt and I were lying in my bed one night and he kept saying he was going to get up because Hannah was coming home soon. He was procrastinating and we were laughing about it, but he really did have to leave. Just like always. He finally got up and started to get dressed.
I was debating on whether to just put on my pajamas and go to bed or to drive over to see Noah. While I decided, I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt. Kurt was immediately suspicious.
"What are you doing?” He asked as he tucked in his shirt.
"What? Nothing." I tried to act annoyed but I was guilty of something.
"Are you going out?" He sat down on the edge of the bed and put on his shoes.
"No, I am going to watch some TV,” I said, opening a drawer for a pair of socks.
"That is not like you." He stood up and looked at me.
"What? To not watch TV? Since when do you know my TV watching habits? Maybe I want to get something to eat and I don't want to run into my roommate's boyfriend in the kitchen while naked!" My voice rose. I balanced on one leg than the other to put on my socks.
Kurt scrubbed a hand over his face and moved toward me.
"I'm sorry. I just don't want to lose you." He pulled me close and hugged me, burying his face in my hair. I reluctantly hugged him back, the hair on the back of my neck standing up.
"When can we see each other again?" He leaned back to look into my eyes, smiling.
"We work together tomorrow night." I knew exactly what he meant.
"Why don't you come over tomorrow morning, say 11?"
"Doesn't Hannah have the day off tomorrow?" Jaysus, I knew her schedule better than he did.
"Oh, you're right. We'll talk about it tomorrow night. I have to go." Kurt let me go and moved towards the bedroom door. I followed him out of the room and down the hall toward the front door.
"I love you."
"I love you, too." I answered, not really feeling it.
Kurt left and I closed the door, suddenly not wanting to go out and not wanting to stay home. I opted for the couch. I turned off the lights and the TV on. Maybe I would just stay on the couch and all those people that wanted a piece of me would just have to wait.
The phone rang unexpectedly, shocking the silence and propelling me up.
"Hello?"
"Mia? Where are you?" It was Noah.
"What do you mean? You just called me!" I was confused. Had he suddenly lost his mind?
"No, why aren't you here? You told me that you were coming over after you got off work. I called there and they said that you didn't work today."
Oh no. I was just caught in a lie.
"I was scheduled, but I called in sick. I think I have the flu." Fortunately for me, lying was becoming one thing I excelled at. It was remembering all the lies that was hard.
"Oh. You should have called me."
What in heavens name for? It's not like we were boyfriend and girlfriend, or were we? He was worried about me! Maybe we were progressing!
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't think about it." I wanted to shout, YIPPEE! Maybe he cares!
; "Oh. Well, call me tomorrow." Noah uttered a curse under his breath before he hung up.
I pondered what had just happened. He called me to find out where I was. He sounded upset because I wasn't at his house, but he didn't tell me to "get well soon" or anything. Two out of three wasn't bad, I thought, smiling as I lay back on the couch.
My smiled faded when I realized that I was going to have to start lying to Noah to cover up my time spent with Kurt. Usually I would just show up at his house and leave without any explanation, or without nearly any explanation. But if Noah was going to start monitoring my movements, I was going to have to come up with some convenient excuses.
This situation was starting to suck. Why couldn’t I just have one boyfriend who I didn’t have to lie to?
There was a scraping noise at the door, then a key turned in the lock and Amy walked into the living room. She looked upset and I scanned my memory to make sure I hadn't left any dirty dishes in the sink. I hadn't seen her in a while and was happy. I smiled at her over the back of the armrest.
"Hi Amy. How are things?"
"Fine." Her head was down and she barely looked at me as she walked through the living room and down the hall. I could hear her bedroom door close.
What the hell was wrong now? During the past two months I had become scarce around our apartment with my time being spent at either at Noah's, at work, or with Kurt.
After a minute or two, I heard Amy's door open and she appeared in the living room.
"I saw Ian today," she said. Her eyebrows were squeezed together and her hands were clenched into fists.
Ian! I hadn't thought about him in a while.
"Oh yeah? How is he?"
"Terrible. He told me about how you broke up with him because you were cheating on him. He started seeing another girl and she dumped him too. How could you cheat on him?"
"What?" I sat up straight, my eyes wide as I looked at Amy. My thoughts scrambled. There was no way in hell that Ian knew I was sleeping with Kurt. Amy couldn't have known that either. I was very discreet when I was going out with Ian.
"How could you do that Mia?" Amy bit her lip and her eyes began to water.
"I didn't do anything Amy. Ian was cheating on me and knocked that girl up. She's pregnant. He broke up with me two months ago after I took her to get a pregnancy test!"
Amy covered her mouth with her hand and shook her head.
"He was cheating on me for eight months! That is why he never came over anymore. Why would he tell you something else?"
"I don't know." Amy said, her shoulders slumping as she sank into the armchair. "He looked very upset about it. That girl broke up with him."
"Really?"
"Really. Why would he lie about you cheating on him?” Amy crossed her arms over her chest.
"I don't know. He knows we are roommates and friends. You'd think he would know that I would find out about it." My mind searched for answers.
"He was really upset," Amy said, looking down at her hands.
"I think he really loved that girl. It's too bad. Even though ... " I stopped, unsure of whether I should say more.
Amy’s eyes narrowed. "What?"
"Nothing. Tell me about what happened with Rick. We haven't spoken since that night."
Amy sighed. "Well, we had sex that night and it was okay. But we haven't had it since. He says that we don't have time for sex just blow jobs, so that is what I have been giving him."
Ugh. What a prick bastard. "He doesn’t have time for sex?"
"Yea, that's what he says. I don't think it takes that long. I think he is using me."
Thank God Amy came to that conclusion by herself because I really didn't want to be the one to tell her.
I tried to be delicate. "Yeah, it looks that way."
"I think I am going to break up with him," she said, looking at me.
"You should if you are unhappy. Life is too short!" She must have been struck by a bolt of lightening or something. It was about time. She continued to look at me in a weird way. There was something else she wanted to say, apparently.
"Amy, what is it? Why are you looking at me that way?"
She stood up. "I don't want you to get mad, ok?" She smoothed her hands down her thighs.
"What are you talking about? Why would I get mad?"
"Just please say you won't, ok?"
"OK. I won't get mad. What is it?"
Amy took a deep breath and the words came out in a rush.
"I want to ask Ian out."
I was struck dumb. My immediate thought was why, but of course. She had a crush on him when I was dating him. I knew I wasn’t imagining things.
"Go ahead Amy. I know you like him and he is a great guy."
"That's it? You don't care?" Amy’s eyes were wide.
"No, why would I care? I just wouldn't want him to cheat on you like he did on me."
"Well I don't know if that is really true."
"Of course it is true! Why would I lie to you?" I couldn't believe Amy had said that. I realized that this was the first time we ever talked about letting a guy come between our so-called friendship. It was weird.
"Amy, listen. I have no reason to lie to you. Ian and I were over a long time ago and we just didn't end it until recently. If you like him, you should ask him out. I would be careful about being a rebound person though. I don't think you would be because he knows you. He probably really needs friends right now."
"Well good!" Amy was really naive. I hoped Ian was nicer to her than he was to me.
"It may be a little awkward. Let me know and I won't be around when he is here," I said, feeling generous. I'd have to watch having Kurt over. That's just what I needed: to be caught with Kurt! What a mess.
Chapter 11
A couple of days later, after I had spent the night doing the usual Kurt-Noah circuit ending up at Noah’s for the night, I went home in the morning to find Amy sitting on the couch, which was weird because it was a workday. Maybe she lost her job.
"Hi Aim, how's it going?"
As Amy looked up, her expression was grave. She said nothing.
"What's wrong?" I immediately sat down next to her.
"I don't know how to tell you this." She spoke quietly and avoided my eyes.
"What? Just tell me!"
"I want you to move out." She looked up at me, her
"What? Why?" I felt like I had just been slapped.
"Because you are not pulling your weight around here."
"What are you talking about?"
"You don't do the dishes or vacuum."
My jaw clenched. "Amy, before the other night I have not seen you in two weeks. I haven't made a mess in the kitchen because I haven't eaten here. I swept two days ago."
"Just because you don't dirty up the dishes doesn't mean the responsibility isn't yours to clean them."
"Oh, so what you want is a maid."
"No, I want someone that contributes their fair share."
"Fine, whatever." I rose from the couch and looked down at her. "How long do I have?"
"I'll give you to the end of next week." Amy looked up at me.
"Fine." I turned and walked away and down the hall to my room. Inside, there were several boxes on the floor, half-packed. It looks like Amy was packing my things for me. I went back into the living room.
"What are you doing? Packing my stuff?"
"I didn't want you to think I wasn't serious." Amy shook her head.
"Keep your fucking hands off my stuff, understand? I don't want anything stolen!" I turned and went back into my room before she could say anything. What a bitch! I decided to get a lock for the door so sticky-fingered Amy couldn't relieve me of my possessions. That didn't solve my immediate problem of needing a place to live though. I sat down on my bed. Amy was such a weirdo. It was a good thing I had to move, I thought, trying to stifle the anger I was feeling. The desire to call my mom and lay this in her lap came over me. I nixed that idea. I was 26. I couldn't run to my mom eve
ry time I had a problem. At least I had a week to get out of there. That should give me plenty of time to find another place to live.
I told Kurt about my problem later that evening at work.
"You could live with us," he said as he wiped down the counter. I looked up at him to see if he was serious. He wasn’t smiling. I shook my head.
"Right. That would play well. Hannah hates me."
"No she doesn't."
"Yes, she does. She's always looking at me like I'm stupid or something. I think she knows something." We were working at our usual stations. It was a slow night.
"Was she pissed last night?" I was afraid of the answer.
"No. I got home before she did."
"Good."
"She's a goddamn pain in the ass," Kurt said, making a face.
"Why?"
"She was yelling at me about washing every cup in the sink, one at a time as they get dirty. Like that is anything to be upset about."
"You do that? At least you are washing the dishes.” What is wrong with these people and their relationship with their dirty dishes? It was really fucked up.
"That is what I'm saying. You think she would be happy about it, but it is just another thing to bitch at. She also was complaining about how fat she was, but she can't stop eating. Ice cream, popcorn, chips. She is always in the kitchen, eating."
"Oh." I considered this. Hannah wasn't fat. She was petite and curvy. I hated her for it. "I don't think she's fat at all."
"Did you see that skirt she had on today?"
"Yeah."
"I had to zip it up for her and I could hear fabric ripping."
"She didn't look bad in it at all."
"Yeah, well... " Kurt trailed off.
I hate it when guys talk shit about women and their weight, especially when they call women who weren’t fat, fat. It made me self-conscious. I was in pretty good shape, but still, I felt obesity was always lurking around the corner, ready to pounce.
I was used to Kurt complaining about Hannah. That's all he did some days. I couldn't see why they were together. If I wasn't sleeping with him, I would have told him to leave her and he might have listened.
I still had to find a place to live. I decided to ask Noah about Kenwood Gardens that night when I saw him.
Tomorrow's June Page 9
