There were knights sleeping in his room. Four of them. All the time. A steady rotation. Kiner sat with him at times, reading to him. Sometimes, it was books from Arrago’s library. Other times, it was business letters he’d received. Kiner sometimes even wrote letters, asking Erem’s opinion on wordage. He had nothing to offer, but Kiner didn’t seem to mind.
Bethany would come sit with him at mealtimes. She’d bluster about the attack on the palace, how unprofessional it was, how angry she was, and she’d go on and on about the repair bill. She never mentioned Orchard Park, nor how she threatened to go to war with the elves. Nor how she was about to cause a form of civil war amongst the Silver Knights. She only talked about Taftlin. And the weather.
Arrago talked of Henry and how big he’d gotten. Edmund talked about horses and swords. Jovan talked about Eve, and how much he missed her. Paverly talked about Allric and how much she missed her brother. The Dowager even came to sit with him at times, and she let him know all of the gorgeous, single women who she was struggling to marry off to rich men. She even detailed her brilliant scheme regarding Edmund, and it was the first time Erem laughed in so long. It made him cry.
“There, there, my boy,” the Dowager said, patting his hand. “I will find you your own wife, don’t you worry.”
Which only made him laugh and cry harder.
But when Lendra came to see him, her emotions spilled all over the place. She hugged him and mauled him, and did not notice his revulsion to her touch. He hated himself for the reaction, but he couldn’t help, either. He wasn’t the man who kissed her on the edge of Bethany’s bed. He wasn’t the man who bought her flowers every morning. That man was dead and wasn’t coming back again.
When he looked at Lendra, he didn’t see how things could get better. He saw what he lost. It made him weep with desperation.
“Kiner?” Erem whispered. “Are you there?”
“Yes,” came the voice behind him. “I thought you’d fallen asleep. Do you want me to keep reading?”
“I need a favour.”
“Of course.”
“Don’t let Lendra visit me anymore.”
Kiner was silent for a moment before he said, very gently, “Of course. I’ll talk to Bethany.”
“Thanks. I can’t.”
“I know.”
“You don’t...the things...”
“Erem,” Kiner said, “I know. Trust me, I know. None of us will force a confidence until you are ready. You’re one of us.”
“It hurts,” Erem whispered.
“I know. Do you want me to get Bethany? She’s...better at this than I am.”
“No. No, I want you to stay.”
“Okay. I’ll stay.”
“The Dowager said to tell you that Brennus is nice.”
Kiner chuckled. “Get some sleep, Erem.”
Erem yawned. Hearing Kiner say he’d keep Lendra away took a weight off his shoulders. Making Kiner laugh did the same. Then the hurt just flooded back. “I feel like I’ve changed so much.”
“You have,” Kiner said. “The trick, I suppose, is figuring out how to live with that.”
“I can’t live like this, Kiner. I can’t.”
“I know. We’re going to stay with you and help you until the edges aren’t as sharp.”
“Will it ever get better?”
“I don’t know. I don’t even know if it gets easier. It did for me. And Bethany. And Jovan. We’ve not gone through this, but we’ve gone through some horrible moments. But I don’t know what it will be like for you.”
“What stopped you from putting a rope around your neck?”
Kiner grabbed Erem’s shoulder and pulled him over to face him. His fingers dug hard into Erem’s flesh. “Listen to me. You are one of us, Erem. Do you hear me? You are one of us. We always protect our own. We won’t let the rope end up in your hands until you are strong enough to keep it away.”
“What if I’m never strong enough?”
“Then we will always keep the rope away. You are not alone, Erem. Do you hear me?”
Tears trickled down Erem’s face. “I hear you.”
He didn’t bother holding back the tears now. He whispered through the tightness in this throat, “Please. Kill me. If you care about me, kill me. I can’t live like this.”
“Because I care, I’m not going to kill you. I’m going to be right here.”
He wanted to believe those words, but it was impossible. “I can’t do this. What Jud...what...”
He wanted to tell Kiner. He wanted to say what was done to him. The words refused to come. Had he lost them? Had he lost his mind?
“What Jud...He...”
Anger and hurt and overwhelming despair tore at him. He wanted to speak.
“Take your time. Your body needs to heal. Then, your mind can start to heal. It’s going to take time. We’ll be here, for as long as you need. You’re never going to be alone again.”
“I can’t do this,” Erem whimpered.
“You can with your friends helping. We will keep you standing.”
“I just want to sleep forever.”
“Dream of anything to help you hang on. It will be easier tomorrow. It’s always easier tomorrow.”
Erem’s consciousness faded. He didn’t believe it would be easier tomorrow, but maybe it could be easier in his dreams tonight.
“Get some rest.” Kiner patted his forearm. “And Brennus is all right, I suppose. For a full breed.”
Erem laughed and wept, unable to know where one started and the other ended. He slipped into quiet dreams like that, dreams of blond curls and yellow silks.
“THIS WAS A FAILURE,” Lord William said.
Lord Rutherford asked, “Why do you think that?”
“We lost! They killed the mercenaries. They have control. We never got Prince Henry. The whore is back. It’s going to be harder with her there now.”
Lord Rutherford sipped his whisky. “So?”
“What do you mean, so? Are you going senile?”
Rutherford laughed. “We showed how unstable Arrago’s power actually is. A few hundred men marched on the palace and it crumbled. We got inside the palace. Inside! With untrained vagrants, hired off the street. That is a victory.”
“How?”
“Why, we’re going to raise our own army and we’re going to take the north. And then the east. And then we’re coming for that usurper and putting a real man on the throne.”
IT WAS TWO WEEKS BEFORE Jud felt well enough to get out of bed, but this was the fourth week and he hadn’t left his room. That out-of-control bitch had humiliated him. She had used her Magic to trick everyone. There was no power from Apexia. There was simply no way the Gentle Goddess would give her blessing to a whore who rutted with human filth.
Queen? She had ruined the knights while she was in charge. She and her little gang of rutting filth. They were ruining what it meant to be elven. The degenerate and Bethany were half-blood, but they weren’t even grateful for the true blood running in their veins. But Jovan and Erem? They were like him, one of the blood. And they turned their backs on their people to lie with humans and Rygent filth.
No more. The Elven Council were dragging their feet because they did not want to hear his reports that Bethany had done something to affect Apexia’s influence upon the world. So he would just have to convince them to let him investigate it further. And if those investigations led to an advance party heading north to assassinate the king and queen of snow and ice, then so be it. The world would be a better place, where humans knew their place and longed to be accepted into the trust of the elves.
“Find my aid,” Jud said to one of the initiates. He’d banished all of the humans and tainted blood from his sight. Just the reminder of the whore was enough to make his heart thud painfully. “I have a letter to write.”
Bethany wasn’t the only one who could lead a great army. He would show them all the true greatness of an elf.
Chapter 24
BETHANY THREW HERSELF into her new role. She wasn’t great with mundane paperwork, but Stanley was right when he said she could organize others to do the work. Edmund’s maps had provided her more than she’d even hoped. Stanley had written for two cartographers from the archives to assist, and they were supposed to arrive today.
“Stanley, have you been to Rutherford’s castle?” Bethany asked.
Stanley nodded. “It was a second home for most of my life. We were childhood friends.”
“Oh, I am sorry. I hadn’t realized. Never mind, then.”
“Ask your question, Majesty. There is nothing you can say that can cut as deep as his betrayal.”
Bethany nodded and looked down at the map. “Rayner says Rutherford is refusing to pay his taxes, correct?”
“Yes,” Rayner said.
“His estate is rather strategically located if we were to face an eastern rebellion.”
Stanley’s expression hardened. Rayner looked down at his notes and crumpled them up. Then, a bitter laugh escaped him.
“What?” Bethany asked.
“Rayner and I have been trying to find a way to present his estate as a possible target for you. We have been trying to find the best way to approach it. I’m sorry, my queen. I am used to dealing with fools.”
Bethany chuckled. “And never women.”
“True, Majesty. Very true,” Rayner said. “I admit a lifetime of working with men has somewhat distorted my view of a woman’s capabilities. I should not have been squeamish when you are concerned.”
“Gentlemen, there is nothing you can suggest that I have not already done at least once in my lifetime, and most likely I’ve done it twice. Are you suggesting I pay Rutherford a visit?”
“Eventually,” Rayner said. “We still do not have enough evidence against him, and we do not have the resources to arrest him, to be very blunt. I think we should wait until the spring, bide our time. Train up our forces through the summer and into the winter. Secure as much of the border as we can. Then you take an army up there in the melt, you search his house, and you arrest him yourself.”
“What if I can’t find any proof?”
Rayner looked at her and said, in a very calm voice, “My dear lady, you invent it.”
Bethany’s mouth curled upward. “And what if Arrago doesn’t approve?”
Rayner’s eyes didn’t leave her. “Sometimes, the king’s advisors do the dirty work so that the king’s hands are spotless.”
“Lord Rayner, I believe Kiner has met his match in you.”
Rayner inclined his head. “I will take that as a compliment.”
A knock sounded. Bethany looked up to see Brennus walking into the ballroom, where Bethany had set up the palace restoration efforts.
“Can this wait? I’m quite busy.”
It wasn’t a lie. She was surrounded by three tables and two more smaller decorative tables with stacks of letters, ledgers, and maps. Rayner and Stanley were both off to the side, at the long proper dining table, where more ledgers and notes surrounded them.
“This cannot wait,” Brennus said. “Can it, Darien?”
Bethany looked up to see Darien cowering near Brennus like a frightened little kid. There was a darkness in Brennus’ eye, a warning that she was not going to like what was about to happen in the next few moments.
She nodded. Turning to the advisors, she said, “Rayner? Stanley? Go to the kitchens and find us some supper, please.”
“Supper isn’t due for another hour, Majesty,” Rayner said without looking up.
“Then go wander around the halls for a few minutes, please,” Bethany said, not pulling her gaze from Darien. He still hadn’t raised his eyes to meet hers.
“Come on, Ray,” Stanley said to his old friend. “The young people want to talk.”
“My knees hurt,” Rayner complained. He followed his friend, but only after topping up his wine glass. “If I spill this on the carpets, I am blaming Her Majesty.”
“Then stop limping like an old man!” Stanley said.
“I am an old man!” Rayner protested between sips of his wine.
Bethany waited for them to close the large double doors of the ballroom. She turned to Darien and said, “I don’t have all day.”
Darien cleared his throat and looked at Brennus, hoping for a rescue. Brennus, for his part, would have none of it and simply looked straight ahead, though Bethany did notice his hand rested on his weapon. She wasn’t sure yet for which of them that was for, though she suspected Brennus wouldn’t dare lift a sword to her without knowing it would be the last thing he’d ever do with that hand.
“Stop looking at Brennus and speak up for yourself, Apprentice Knight.”
Darien cleared his throat again, and after making some mumbling sounds, said, “Um, I didn’t tell you the entire truth about why I was sent here.”
Bethany stared at him silently, waiting for him to answer.
“I wasn’t sent there just to spy for Jud.” He paused, assuming she would want to respond, but when she didn’t, he added, “Um, there is a secret about me that you need to know.”
Bethany sighed and made a ‘hurry along’ gesture.
“You see, my father is dead and my mother was trying to raise all of us on her own. They all look human, but I don’t. I have elven ears. She pretended she found me abandoned and gave me to the local priests when I was twelve. They gave me to the knights in Wyllow, and they’ve been raising me as an elf since. I’ve gotten all of my training, my board, everything free. It’s all a lie, though, because I’m only an eighth elven.”
“And? Why would I care?” Bethany demanded. “What does any of these have to do with me or Jud?”
“They signed me up as an orphan to receive my stipend and sent me to Orchard Park. I’d grown up there, but when Jud came he...” Darien gulped and he mopped at his forehead. “Lord Jud investigated all of the orphans whose names he didn’t recognize on the papers. So, um, he sent people to find my mother. She confessed everything to him. About the scheme, I mean.”
Bethany got up from her desk and walked around to lean against it. She folded her arms and said, “Again, I ask the question: what does this have to do with me?”
Darien gulped. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “My orders were to kill you and Prince Henry.”
Bethany narrowed her eyes. She said, very carefully, “Was this order from Jud?”
Darien nodded his reply.
“Speak your answer,” Brennus ordered.
“Yes, Lady Bethany. Majesty.”
In a continued calm voice, Bethany said, “Let me guess. In exchange for my head, your mother would receive a pension?”
Darien gulped. The baby hairs along his forehead were slick with sweat now. “Yes.”
Bethany took a deep breath. She reached behind her and picked up the quill she’d been using. She flicked it against her opposing hand. This made Darien tremble.
Tears welled in Darien’s eyes now. “I’m so sorry, Lady Bethany. I am so very, very sorry.”
Bethany took three long strides and grabbed Darien by the front of his jacket. She lifted him clear off the ground and slammed him against the wall. She screamed into his face, spittle spraying him, “You were supposed to kill me? Me? And you’re sorry?”
“Bethany!” Brennus barked. “Put him down!”
“You are sorry?” Bethany bellowed. “For what? For coming into my home, taking advantage of my hospitality, only to be plotting to murder me in my bed?”
“Just put him down and hear him out,” Brennus shouted. “Please, just hear him out.”
“What is there to hear?” Bethany shouted back. “He was sent here to kill me and Henry?” Bethany shoved her elbow into his ribs, helping brace him against the wall. She held out the quill in her other hand a hair’s breadth from Darien’s right eye. “How hard will it be to kill me if you’re fucking blind?”
“Apexia’s mercy, Bethany!” Brennus shouted.
Darien whimpered.
“Please, don’t blind me.”
Bethany used her quill-wielding hand to choke him. “You are not in the position to beg anything from me!”
Darien made gasping, desperate sounds. He kicked, though it was involuntary and not an attempt to hurt her.
“For the love of Apexia! Let him finish!” Brennus shouted.
Bethany released her grip on his throat, and moved the quill back to his eye. “Finish. Then this is going through your fucking eye, you piece of shit.”
“Please, oh Goddess, please,” Darien wept. “Oh, Goddess. I didn’t even report back to him. I stole some money from Lord Edmund’s desk and I sent it to my mother and told her to come to Taftlin as soon as she could because she wasn’t safe. I’m so sorry, Lady Bethany. Don’t kill me. Please, don’t hurt me.”
The doors swung open and Jovan limbed into the room, leaning heavily on two canes. “What is all the shouting? Apexia’s tits! What are you doing?”
“This sniveling little shit was sent here to kill me,” Bethany said calmly. “I’m deciding whether or not to poke out his eyes.” Then she jabbed the quill closer. “And I think I will!”
“Oh Apexia,” Darien wailed.
Brennus tried to grab her arm, but she stabbed him in the hand with her quill. “Ow! Fuck! That hurt!”
“Um, Beth? You already told me to watch his ass because Myra told you he was spy,” Jovan said as he walked calmly toward them.
Bethany blew out a long, suffering sigh and turned to Jovan. “Thanks, asshole. I was trying to make him shit his pants.”
“You knew?” Darien stammered.
“Of course, I knew,” Bethany said with disgust.
“You stabbed me!” Brennus said.
“Oh, quit your whining,” Bethany said.
Bethany’s fingers ached from gripping Darien’s clothes. She let go of him and stretched out her hand. She was too young to have joint pain. Allric had been right all along; the healers couldn’t stop the damage that a life of soldiering would bring upon her. That explained why her back hurt so bad these days.
Liberate Page 20
