by Fiona Murphy
“Because of Bethany.”
“I get it, you could have called me or texted me to let me know instead of letting me sit there and eat alone. Whatever. I’m glad someone was here for her. I need to go.”
“Were you not even going to tell me about the Adam NDA thing?”
“I would have, but you didn’t want to talk to me.” She’s looking through me, anywhere but meeting my eyes. “I have to go, I’m already later than I promised.”
I want to tell her she’s wrong, that I wanted to talk to her a dozen times a day, that I hit send but hung up before the call connected more times than I can count. But she’s already gone.
22
Chloe
Three days, it’s been three days since Enzo got back, and it’s now been seven days since we slept in the same bed. Seeing him after he’d been gone was a body blow that almost took me off my feet. I missed him so much every cell in my body was coursing with electric pulsing need. Only for him to look past me, his focus on Bethany. Shame spins in me at resenting Bethany for being on the receiving end of Enzo’s care, but I couldn’t help it when I wanted it to be me so badly. Going to Russell’s was a lie. I needed space, time to figure out how the hell I was going to handle the next few days, along with the rest of my life. The problem was no answers came when I crashed in on Russell. Instead we got falling down drunk. When I got home it was to find a note from Enzo saying he was sleeping in the guest room on Bethany and Dante’s side because he wanted to be near Bethany in case she needed anything. All over again it felt like he was choosing someone else over me, even if logically I understood the why behind it.
The next night I hung out with Bethany since Dante still wasn’t home. We ate too much junk food and chocolate and ended up falling asleep on their huge sectional sofa in their living room. Yesterday Enzo and I moved into the house. It should have been a celebration, and it was for a time, while Bethany and Dante were there. Then we had a stupid fight over what went where until I couldn’t take it anymore and walked out and spent the night with Russell. At least I finally figured out what I’m doing with my two-flat, Russell and Adam are going to buy it. We agreed on slightly below market rate. They are going to turn it back into a single-family home.
I hated sleeping in my old bed. I hated that he didn’t even bother to call or text me to find out where I was. Now Nonna is here in Chicago, and there’s no way I’m going to be able to avoid sleeping with Enzo tonight, not with Nonna in a room not far from ours. It’s not that I don’t want to sleep with him, I miss him, but I’m afraid we’ll paper over the problem with sex and not resolve what’s really wrong.
I’m not really hiding at work, it was true I got stuck dealing with an issue on the multifamily property Enzo bought me. Since it was larger, with twenty units I went ahead and am employing Sabatini Real Estate to handle the management. An issue came up with a current renter, so I sat down with the manager who will be handling it to go over what I’m wanting and expecting. So Enzo picked Nonna up from the airport. I only finished around a half hour ago. Okay, maybe I am hiding. I’m just not sure how I’m going to get through the next few hours, which will be the hardest. Enzo and I can’t be in the same room for longer than ten minutes without getting into an argument, and not the fun ones like we used to have. We’re careful not to be mean, but still, everything hurts.
“Chloe? You’re still here? Everything okay?” Dante fills the open doorway of my office.
I pop up from my chair. “Yeah, good. I’m fine. I just wanted to finish up.” I grab my purse. “I better head out.”
He frowns. “You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m good, really. Don’t forget, our house tomorrow for dinner.”
“Tomorrow, your place. Bethany tell you we get the keys to our place on Friday?”
“No, she wasn’t sure if it would be Friday or next week.”
“Yeah, they were able to get the bathtubs in sooner. Do we need to bring anything tomorrow?”
“Nope, we’re good.” I escape without any more questions.
I’m barely through the door when Nonna is in front of me, giving me a hug. The scent of lilac and heather clings to her, she’s worn it since I was little. I take a deep breath.
“Nonna, I’m sorry, I got stuck at work.”
Waving a hand, she laughs. “That’s fine, it’s good, it’s given me time here with your man. You did well, very well.”
Her hand wraps around mine, then she’s bringing my hand up. She frowns as she looks up at me. “Where’s your ring? No ring?”
“That’s my fault, Lillian, she didn’t like the one I got her. She’ll get a wedding ring she likes better.”
Nonna frowns. “No engagement ring now?”
“I don’t mind, Nonna, really. He has horrible taste. It’s fine. I don’t need an engagement ring.”
She looks from me to Enzo. “Lorenzo, you do not honor your wife?”
I don’t dare look at him. “Nonna, I don’t want an engagement ring. Please let it go. I do want something to eat. Are you hungry enough for dinner yet?”
Another, darker frown. “No, I’m not hungry. I think I’ll rest now. A short rest though, wake me in an hour.”
“Okay, I’ll show you up to your room.”
“No need, Lorenzo showed me where it was earlier.” Nonna squeezes my hand. “This is a beautiful home, you did a good job.”
“Thank you, I love it too.”
With a nod at Enzo, she gives me a kiss. “Remember, one hour. Any more and I won’t wake up until the middle of the night.”
“Yes, Nonna, one hour.” I take my phone out and set an alarm. I keep my head down as I go into the kitchen. I’m not really hungry, but I’m sure I can find something small to snack on so I don’t look like a complete liar.
“Let’s go,” Enzo barks.
“Go where?”
“To get you a damn engagement ring.”
“Were you not paying attention? I just said I didn’t want one.”
“Your grandmother expects one. If you don’t come then I’ll pick one out, and since I have shitty taste you’ll be stuck with it.”
“I liked the first one you gave me.”
“Too bad, I told you I don’t have it. Are you coming or not?”
“You are such an asshole,” I mutter as I follow him out of the house. He’s already in my car, the driver’s seat. I don’t bother arguing and hand over my keys.
Pulling out my phone, I keep my eyes down during the drive, only looking up when we come to a stop. I’m not surprised by the store; I am surprised when Enzo parks in front of the building. I had no idea there was valet parking here.
Only two steps in a man is drooling over Enzo, asking how he can help. Enzo nods. “She needs an engagement ring.”
“Yes, sir. Do you have anything in mind?”
“A diamond more than five carats but less than ten, no reason to get gaudy.”
A nod from the salesperson, who looks like he’s weak in the knees. “Of course, why don’t you follow me. You’ll be more comfortable in the back while I round up some rings for you to look at. My name is Roger. Can I get you some champagne?”
I shake my head. I remember Enzo telling me he thought diamonds were too boring for me. Why the hell did I send the ring back? Why is he being such an asshole? And if I’m trying really hard not to scream at him, why is being so close to him making me want to tear his clothes off him? Desperate for some space, I pretend to look at a long case of necklaces that look like they belong around the necks of royalty. Holy crap, is that real? I can’t move on from a necklace with huge emeralds inlaid along the neck, then ending in a massive emerald in the shape of a heart.
“Miss?” Huh? I look up and realize he’s probably already said something once. His eyes spot what I’m looking at. “Would you like a closer look?” he asks hopefully.
“No, no thank you.” I move back to the table where he’s put a long black tray of diamond rings.
I’ve bar
ely taken them in when Enzo pulls out a large one and shoves it at me. “This one.”
I take it with a sigh. It’s a square diamond and it’s boring. Handing it to Roger, I shake my head. Ignoring Enzo’s annoyed frown, I take my time as I study the tray. An oval diamond with two small ovals on the side catches my eye. It’s massive though, probably right at the ten carat mark he set. I pick it up; it has diamonds set in the band as well. If I’m not getting the first ring, then I guess this will do. I try it on. It’s a little too big, but I nod.
“Get her something so she doesn’t lose it. She needs to wear it out. We’ll send it back to be resized after the wedding.” Enzo hands over his credit card.
Roger takes the card. “I’ll be right back.”
Only minutes later he’s back. I hand over the ring, and he puts something around the band before handing it back to me. It fits perfectly.
The whole way back home I can’t take my eyes off the ring. It’s beautiful, but it’s not the ring I want. I wonder if he really threw the other one away.
“You need a new car.”
The words sound loud in the quiet of the car. I shrug. “My car is fine. I don’t need a new one.”
“It’s six years old. You’ll also need room for baby stuff.”
“Fine, I’ll get a new one when I need room.” We pull into the driveaway. Checking my alarm, I have twenty minutes before Nonna is due to be woken. “I’m going to change.”
I’m not sure if Nonna wants to eat here or go out for dinner, so I change into a maxi skirt and stretchy pink long-sleeve shirt that could be acceptable for going out for dinner. Like a baby I hide in the bedroom until the alarm goes off.
When I knock on Nonna’s door it takes a few minutes before she answers back she’s awake, to give her a few minutes and she’ll be down.
Putting off going downstairs, I escape into one of the spare bedrooms. Of the four bedrooms on this floor only two have beds, Nonna’s and this one. For now the others are empty, as we want to use them while the babies are little. That was the plan. Is it still the plan?
Leaning my head against the window, I study the backyard. What are we doing? Am I supposed to say I’m sorry for the hundredth time, and what am I supposed to be sorry for? Does he even know how to say the word, and if he doesn’t do I shrug and move on, or do I hold out for something I’m not going to get? I remember Bethany saying once you can choose to be right or you can choose to be married. This isn’t about being right; it’s about the fact he’s chosen other people and money as more important than me. Is this what I get for agreeing to a marriage that was a bargain, an exchange of money for kids, even if it’s not what I said yes to? I said yes to the man, the forever with him, and hopefully yes we have kids and fifty years, not just two kids and ten years. Did I screw up by not holding out for the real thing? It feels like it.
“Chloe?”
I turn to find Nonna in the hallway. “Hi, I was just checking out the landscaping. I think we need to get someone in to cut back the side.”
“Oh my goodness, he does honor you.” Nonna grabs my hand. “Beautiful.”
Unable to meet her eyes, I only nod. Nonna studies me. “Are you happy?”
My nod doesn’t make it far, then it just comes out in a flood of tears. Nonna doesn’t allow me to cry for long; her words are stern as she shoots me question after question. Then she’s quiet for a long time. “Love, it’s never easy. Lorenzo, for an intelligent man, is stupid when it comes to love. It will take time and patience for him to accept he can love without losing anything. And you,” Nonna waves her finger at me, “you don’t get love if you don’t give it freely, without any terms and conditions. You both have far to go, but as long as you don’t give up, you’ll be fine. Now, I’m starving. What’s for dinner?”
Following in a daze, I’m hoping she’s right but wondering what I’m supposed to do. We go out to eat at a Mexican restaurant that catches Nonna’s eye. Over the next few hours Nonna grills Enzo on everything from his grades in school to whether or not his company cares about the environment. He takes it all in stride without once showing annoyance. Although when Nonna yawns, I see his shoulders sag a little.
Nonna is sipping tea, a habit of hers before she goes to bed. Cetta is curled up in her lap. Pepe is laying on my feet. Stroking Cetta, Nonna nods at Enzo. “Good, very good. I love how you two speak Italian at home with each other. That’s good for the babies. You will raise them on Italian first.”
“I love how your question isn’t a question. Yes, Nonna. It’s how Enzo was raised and how his brothers are raising their children, so they’ll have their cousins to speak with as well.”
“That’s good for them, it makes them smarter. So good, a bunch of Sabatini children all playing together, good good.”
I try to swallow the words, but surprise won’t let them stay down. How could she think I wouldn’t honor her name? “Nonna, I want my children to have your name.”
Nonna blinks wide. “Why would you do that? They are not my children. They are yours and Lorenzo’s; they should have their father’s name.”
Fuck, I forgot how old-fashioned she could be. “I’m not changing my name, I want my children to have my name.”
“Chloe, when you marry Lorenzo you become a family whether you have children or not. When you have children your family becomes stronger. Families have the same last name.”
Sighing. “Nonna, you can still be a family without having the same last name.”
“No, Chloe, you cannot. You honor your husband and your children when you are all as one.” Shaking her head, she sighs. “All these young people wanting to keep their names, wanting to stay who they are don’t understand that yes, you change. You become his wife and he becomes your husband; you change together and you become one. If you are more interested in staying yourself then you should stay by yourself, because change is inevitable when you marry.”
Her words sting, and I shake my head. I don’t want to argue with her, can’t even think of a way to defend my stance.
She sets her cup down with a clink. “I’m going up to bed. Goodnight.”
Head down, I consider her words, wondering if she’s right, wondering if I’m ready to change my mind. The clinking of the cup against the saucer brings my head up, Enzo is carrying them into the kitchen. When he comes back in from the kitchen, he nods at me. “I’ll be working for a little while in my office.”
Before I even have a chance to answer he’s gone. After sitting for a while in misery, I go upstairs. The bedroom is huge, the bed is a California king set up high off the floor. Cetta and Pepe don’t even bother coming upstairs, they prefer hanging out in the sunroom to watch out the windows. There is one large walk-in closet that runs the length of the room with two doors, one on my side and another on Enzo’s side of the bed. Enzo complained when he had Ray make it because he admitted he’d never shared a closet so small with anyone before. I thought he was joking because he had more than enough clothes at the condo, only the amount of clothes tripled when we moved in. He took up almost seventy-five percent of the room, including the large island in the middle. He promised to talk to Karen about paring down his suits, even though he was trying to get back into some he’d grown out of by putting on more muscle.
On my side of the room is the vanity I brought from my place. Even though the bathroom is large, there isn’t enough room. On Enzo’s side is a small table with a chair in case he wants to work without going down to his office. Before we moved in we had a security company come in to install the internet. I thought it was a mistake, I was prepared that we would have the whole security set up, but to have them install the internet, I was surprised. I joked with the guy we would have Department of Defense internet security, and the buff, tattooed man scoffed and said the DOD wished they had this level of security. Then he took five minutes to explain what could happen without the firewalls, physical and online, and scared the hell out of me.
Getting ready for bed, for the
first time in weeks I put on a nightgown. It’s the nicest one I have, something Nonna bought me years ago but I never wore. After braiding my hair I climb onto the bed, having to use the stepstool that came free with it. It’s a brand-new bed, I remember picking it out with Enzo, how he picked me up to put me up on each one. How he wiggled his eyebrows at me as he bounced on the bed. Was it really only two weeks ago?
Lying in bed, I think of what Nonna said; she was right. She’s always right. If I want this to succeed, I have to be willing to try too. I promise myself I’ll stay awake and make the first move when Enzo comes to bed. Only I fall asleep before Enzo comes to bed, giving in to sleep a little after one in the morning.
When the alarm goes off I smack the clock with anger. Sitting up, I check Enzo’s side. I’m not sure if I’m relieved or not to see he at least came to bed. I’m supposed to have the day off to spend with Nonna, but I guess Enzo didn’t know that because I didn’t set my alarm, he did. It’s supposed to be the little things, right? So how the hell did he spend all night in bed with me and not touch me?
My mood doesn’t improve throughout the day. Nonna and I go shopping for a dress for her to wear to the wedding. Then she manages to talk me into a decadent little lingerie shop. We spend a month’s salary on teddies, bras and panties to make a good marriage, Nonna tells me. All I can think of is Enzo not touching me last night. Once we get home I find a Mercedes SUV in the driveaway with Everett waiting on our doorstep.
“I’m sorry, have you been waiting long? Would you like to come in for something to drink or eat?”
“No, I’m fine. It’s only been about ten minutes. Enzo wanted me to make sure you got the keys to this and I take the Lexus. He’s donating it to charity. It’s going to a good cause.”
Sighing, I don’t bother to argue. It’s not something Everett has any control over. I hand him my keys and take the ones he has.
“So beautiful. I love this, safer too. Red, it’s your color.” Nonna laughs as she takes a bag into the house.
***
