by Marin Thomas
Last week when Logan had announced he’d wanted nothing to do with raising their child, she’d been convinced he still grieved for Bethany and their unborn baby. But when he’d given her the giant blow-up snowman and strung Christmas lights around her trailer, she’d wondered if there might be a chance—a tiny chance—that he’d make room in his heart for her and their baby. Then he’d confessed he’d helped her because he’d been afraid she might injure herself or the baby.
“If you’d rather wait downstairs in the lobby, I understand.” And she did. As a matter of fact she’d prefer Logan leave, so she’d stop feeling guilty.
His blank stare prompted a second try. “You look as if you need fresh air.”
Logan set aside the magazine he’d opened but hadn’t read.
“Cassidy Ortiz,” a nurse called.
Would he leave or stay? She didn’t wait to find out. Zigzagging between the toddlers playing on the carpet, Cassidy smiled as she approached the nurse.
The RN’s attention fixated on Logan who stood by his chair, his gaze darting between Cassidy and the EXIT.
“He’s not—” Cassidy’s sentence trailed off when Logan crossed the room—somber, like a man heading to the gallows. The pregnant moms ogled him, mistakenly assuming the father-to-be was nervous.
Leaving the nurse to wait for Logan, Cassidy walked to the weight scale at the end of the hall. She knew the drill. After slipping off her clogs, she stepped on the platform. Logan stopped a discreet distance away, allowing her a modicum of privacy.
“How are you feeling?” The nurse slid the bar upward along the balance beam.
“Fine.” In truth Cassidy felt pudgy and her legs and lower back ached after styling hair all day.
“You’re a little underweight.”
So much for privacy. The announcement brought a frown to Logan’s face. Ignoring his glower, Cassidy entered the exam room.
“Clothes off from the waist down.” The nurse handed Cassidy a paper sheet. “Dr. Gilda will be with you in a moment.” The door closed, almost smacking Logan in the face when he turned to follow.
He grappled for the doorknob. “I’ll wait outside.” Then he vanished.
Relieved, she removed her clothes, hopped onto the exam table and arranged the paper sheet over the lower half of her body. She neglected to call out that the coast was clear, assuming Logan had fled.
“Look what I found in the hallway.” Dr. Gilda swept into the room, a pale-faced Logan trailing her.
His gaze clashed with Cassidy’s and the stark pain darkening his brown eyes pierced her heart. He didn’t want to be here, yet he hadn’t abandoned her.
“Your blood workup looks fine,” the doctor said, reading Cassidy’s chart. “I’m worried about your weight. Morning sickness still bothering you?”
“Certain foods make me queasy.”
“Try increasing your in-between-meal snacks.” Dr. Gilda set Cassidy’s medical chart aside. “Let’s do the ultrasound first, then I’ll examine you.”
“Will we be able to get an exact due date?” Cassidy reclined on the table.
“We should.” The doctor slid the machine closer, then lowered the sheet, exposing Cassidy’s slightly rounded tummy.
Dr. Gilda smiled at Logan. “Dad, you’re welcome to hold mom’s hand while I point to things on the monitor.”
Logan inched closer, but not close enough to touch her.
The doctor squeezed the clear jelly on her stomach and spread it around with the transducer probe. “Were you wanting to know the sex of the baby?”
“Yes.” Cassidy spoke.
“No,” Logan said at the same time.
Dr. Gilda moved the probe across Cassidy’s belly.
If not for the panic swirling in Logan’s brown eyes she might have ignored his silent plea. “I guess the father wants to be surprised,” she said around the lump in her throat.
“The baby’s developing fine.” The doctor pressed several buttons and two printed photos emerged. “Your due date is June twelfth.” The doctor wiped the gel off Cassidy’s stomach. “Let’s do a quick internal exam—”
“I’ll wait outside.” The door shut before Logan’s announcement had registered with Cassidy.
“Everything all right between you and the father?” Dr. Gilda asked.
No. “The baby was a surprise.” A whopper of a surprise. “I’d like to know the baby’s sex.”
“It’s a boy.” The doctor handed one of the ultrasound pictures to Cassidy, then pointed to a spot on the film. “There’s the proof.”
Cassidy’s heart melted. She’d hoped for a boy. What man could resist having a son to throw the football to or to go fishing with?
“Everything’s fine, Cassidy.” The doctor helped her sit up. “Any questions or concerns?”
Now that Logan wasn’t in the room…“A few days ago I had a little spotting. Nothing much.”
“Spotting isn’t unusual but I want you to take it easy. Stay off your feet as much as possible. Let’s see you in a week or so—Tuesday the twenty-second.”
“That soon?”
“This is your first baby. Nothing wrong in being cautious.”
“But that’s two days before Christmas.” Betty and Alice had plans to travel to Galveston to visit friends that week and Cassidy had no one to watch her mother.
“Are you spending the holidays somewhere else?” the doctor asked.
“No. I’ll be here.”
The doctor paused at the door and smiled. “Have a good day.”
Cassidy dressed, then stepped into the hallway. No Logan. Same in the waiting room—no Logan. After scheduling her next appointment, she used the restroom, then rode the elevator to the lobby.
Logan.
He stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, watching traffic whiz by on the street outside. She wished she knew him better but in reality they were nothing more than acquaintances. They’d lived in the same town all their lives but had said little more than “Hi” and “Hello” a handful of times.
And then we made a baby together.
Her heart insisted Logan was a nice guy and wanted to do right by her and the baby—as best his broken heart would allow. Cassidy wasn’t sure that would be enough.
She stopped next to him and studied his profile. A muscle ticked along his jaw and squint lines fanned from the corner of his eye—as if he hadn’t opened his eyes all the way since his wife’s death. Less painful to view the world in slivers of light than through a wide-open lens.
Cassidy wouldn’t have invited Logan along today and caused him such turmoil if not for that darned blow-up snowman. She’d convinced herself his gift had been a cry for attention—that Logan needed a reason to start living again—Cassidy yearned to be that reason.
Oh, grow up. She wasn’t a princess and Logan was no knight in shining armor riding to her rescue. Cassidy knew the difference between real life and fairy tales, but that didn’t prevent her from dreaming of Logan giving more of himself to her and their son than just his time or money.
She cleared her throat and his gaze settled on her reflection in the window. Not even the dark film protecting the glass disguised his desolate expression. Without a word, he held open the lobby door for her, then escorted her across the parking lot. Cassidy gripped his warm callused hand longer than necessary when he helped her into the truck.
“Would you like to grab a bite to eat?” he asked.
Her heart skipped a beat until she remembered Dr. Gilda’s warning that she needed to gain weight. She suspected Logan’s invitation had more to do with her health than wanting to be with her. “Sure.”
Logan shut the truck door, then hopped in on the driver’s side. “What’s your preference?”
“I haven’t had good barbecue in ages.”
A hint of a smile teased the corner of his mouth. “I know a great place.” As he pulled out of the parking lot she decided right then and there she’d coax a real smile out of Logan by the end of the da
y.
“WELCOME TO HOG HEAVEN,” a waitress named Arianna greeted Logan and Cassidy when they entered the restaurant on the outskirts of Midland.
“Table for two.” Logan ignored the way the girl’s gaze rolled over him. In another lifetime he might have been flattered, but he was too emotionally drained to care if a female found him appealing.
Liar. You care what Cassidy thinks of you.
In truth his male ego did appreciate Cassidy’s physical attraction to him, although he didn’t dare delve too deeply into the reasons why. He was better off not contemplating anything that involved emotions or feelings.
Arianna popped her gum. “Follow me.”
Halfway to their booth Logan noticed his fingers rested against the small of Cassidy’s back. The fresh scent of her shampoo and the delicate curve of her spine reminded him how much he missed the little intimacies between a man and a woman—fleeting touches and secret smiles.
He waited for Cassidy to pick her seat, then slid in across from her. The waitress took their drink orders—Cassidy requested water. Logan chose a Coke.
“I’ll drive home if you want a beer,” Cassidy said.
Did he look like he needed a beer?
“Yes.” Her dark eyes sparkled.
“Yes, what?”
“You look like you need a beer.”
Her smile tugged a grin from him. “Are you a mind reader?”
“I’ve had plenty of practice with Mom. More often than not I have to guess what she’s thinking, because she can’t remember.” Cassidy traced her fingertip over a scratch in the surface of the table. “I’m sorry, Logan.”
He hated apologies—mostly because he sucked at them. “For what?”
“Pressuring you into going with me today.”
“I could have said no.” He lied. Allowing Cassidy to go alone hadn’t been an option.
“I’m usually not insensitive to people’s feelings.” She placed her hand on top of his. “I imagine the doctor’s office triggered bad memories.”
If Cassidy knew the real reason he’d fled to the lobby she’d push harder to insinuate herself into his life. He hadn’t been thinking of Bethany in the exam room. He’d wanted to learn the baby’s sex so damned bad but had feared the knowledge would chip away at his resolve to keep his emotional distance from Cassidy and the baby.
As soon as they’d entered the restaurant, Logan had chastised himself for suggesting the outing. He didn’t wish to make a habit of eating with Cassidy. This time he had an excuse—she needed to gain weight. But what about next time? Was he nuts to believe he could go it alone for the rest of his life?
The waitress delivered the drinks. “Ready to order?”
They hadn’t even studied the menus. “We need a few more minutes,” he said.
“Take your time.” Arianna winked as she waltzed off.
“How did Bethany handle that?”
“Handle what?”
“Women ogling you.”
“Women don’t ogle me.” He opened the menu and pretended to view the choices, though he already knew what he’d order.
“Bethany said once that she never understood why you settled for her when every girl in school wanted to date you.” Cassidy set her menu aside. “I told her you picked her because you loved her.”
Throat tight, Logan chugged his Coke. He had loved Bethany. She was his first love. And he’d never strayed—not even when his wife’s miscarriages had put a strain on their marriage. “Bethany’s the one who could have done better.”
He’d married his high school sweetheart believing they’d be together forever. He’d never expected them to have trouble starting a family. Years of stress, depression and too many trips to the E.R. in the middle of the night had taken a toll on their relationship. Logan regretted that their marriage hadn’t been stronger…happier at the time of Bethany’s death. Enough of the past. “Betty and Alice are nice ladies.”
“They’re helpful neighbors and Mom enjoys their company.”
Relieved Cassidy played along with the change in topic, he asked, “How long will you be able to keep your mother with you?”
“Not as long as I’d hoped. Her condition is deteriorating rapidly. That happens when a person’s diagnosed at a young age. Mom’s only forty-seven.” Tears welled in Cassidy’s eyes. “Once or twice a day she has a clear thought and for a split second she’s the mom I remember. The mom who worked overtime at the fertilizer factory to save up for a down payment on the trailer. The mom who encouraged me to go to beauty school instead of working alongside her at the factory.”
“I’m sorry.” He wished he could fix Sonja’s memory for Cassidy.
She waved her hand. “Hopefully Mom’s not giving Alice and Betty a difficult time this afternoon.”
“We can get our orders to go, if you’d rather—”
“No, I’m enjoying the break.” She winced. “That sounded bad, didn’t it?”
Logan was no authority on patience. “No brothers or sisters to help with your mother?” he asked.
“I’m an only child. My father and mother never married.”
“Do you keep in touch your father?”
“No. He’s never been a part of my life.” She shrugged. “To tell you the truth, I don’t care.”
Cassidy cared—the catch in her voice betrayed her. Cassidy’s father had abandoned her. Logan wanted to argue that paying child support was taking responsibility for their baby but in truth he was no better than her father. Logan hadn’t considered how the child would feel when they learned their father had chosen not to be involved in their life. Would his daughter or son grow up to despise him?
Was it possible to be a part of the baby’s life without committing his heart?
“Ready?” Arianna stopped by the table, order pad in hand.
“I’ll have the sweet and sour barbecued ribs,” Cassidy said.
“And for you?” Arianna winked at Logan.
“The barbecue chicken sandwich.”
“Side orders of fries and cold slaw?” Arianna glanced between them.
“That’s fine,” Cassidy answered.
“I’ll fetch ya’ll refills.” The waitress grabbed the menus and sauntered off.
After a stilted silence, Cassidy asked, “How’s the cattle business?”
“I’ve decreased the size of the herd.” Because he hadn’t wanted any extra cowboys hanging out at the ranch watching him mope.
Cattle talk exhausted, Cassidy tapped her fingers to the music playing on the jukebox. After a few minutes Arianna appeared with their meals and drinks. “Anything else?”
“No, this looks great.” Cassidy stuffed a paper napkin inside the collar of her shirt. Then she dug out a clip from her purse and secured the long strands of her hair to the top of her head. “What’s wrong?” she asked Logan.
“Nothing.” Just that your hair looks sexy like that. He waited for her to sample the ribs.
“Wow.” Another bite. “Mmm.” Sauce dotted the corners of her mouth. “Here.” She offered a rib from her plate. “Try one.”
Amused by her enthusiasm he chuckled, the sound rattling his rusty pipes. “I’ve had them before.” Cassidy’s obvious enjoyment pleased him and any regrets about suggesting the meal vanished.
She flashed a barbecue-stained smile.
“What?”
“You’re grinning,” she said.
“And you’ve got sauce all over your face.” He dipped the corner of his napkin into her water glass, then rubbed her skin, his eyes glued to her lips. A surge of desire caught him square in the gut. He wanted to taste her mouth. Right here. Right now.
“Is something wrong, Logan?”
Her voice startled him. “Nothing.” He dropped the napkin on the table and dug into his sandwich.
When Cassidy finished half her meal, he asked, “Aside from needing to gain more weight, did the doctor give you and the baby a clean bill of health?”
“We’re both fine. I have ano
ther appointment the Tuesday before Christmas.”
“That soon?”
“Routine lab work.”
Logan wanted to ask why she needed more lab work done, but kept his mouth shut. The less he knew the easier to keep from caring too much.
“What are your plans for Christmas?” Oh, hell. She’d assume he was angling for an invitation to spend the day with her.
Aren’t you?
No. Maybe. A few weeks ago he hadn’t planned to celebrate the holiday. After making a trip to the cemetery to put flowers on Bethany and his father’s graves, he’d intended to sit in the house and watch TV all day. Now he wasn’t sure he wanted to be alone.
“Mom and I open gifts in the morning, then watch movies all day.” She wiped her fingers on a napkin. “Are you planning to visit your mother?”
“No. She and my aunt are traveling to the Florida Keys with a senior citizens’ group.” His mother had moved to Florida to be closer to her sister after Logan’s father passed away. She’d offered to drive to Junket this year, but he’d been determined to spend his first Christmas without Bethany alone.
“You’re welcome to come over. I’m fixing a roast and all the trimmings for supper.”
He opened his mouth to say no thanks but the words vanished.
Cassidy rubbed her stomach. “I’m full.”
“No room for dessert?” he asked.
She shook her head, her attention on the two couples who’d walked onto the dance floor. A George Strait song played on the jukebox. “I haven’t danced in forever.”
Dance with her. She hasn’t asked for a damned thing from you. The least you could do is twirl her around the floor. Tired of fighting the need to keep his distance from her both physically and emotionally, he slid from the booth and held out his hand.
Her mouth curved upward as she placed her hand in his and he led her to the dance floor.
Her sweet scent surrounded him and her messy hair rubbed his face. He pulled her close…closer…there. With her hips nestled against his groin, her breasts pressed into his chest and her head snuggled beneath his chin, he closed his eyes and absorbed the feeling of peace spreading through him.
