by J. L. Drake
“I know that look,” I pointed to his face, “and I don’t like the feeling I’m getting.” I ran my fingers down his temples. “I feel like the darkness is taking you over, and I’m afraid I’m about to lose you.” I missed that other part he was showing me lately, like a different side of himself.
He pulled my hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it before he placed it to the center of his chest. “No matter what happens, know you got further than anyone has.”
My stomach dropped. “What the hell does that mean?”
He smirked and tried to kiss me.
“No.” I shoved his chest, growing angrier by the moment. “You don’t make me fall for you, then tell me you’re leaving and might not come back.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“We’re not in some kind of shit western, here, Trig. Where the hell are you going?”
I saw his excitement, and it scared the hell out of me. “We found where my shipment is being zig-zagged to.”
“Where?” barely slipped past my lips.
His head pressed over mine. “Twelve miles north of here.”
Brick, Rail, and Cray came out around the trailer and headed to their bikes. My stomach was in turmoil.
“Hey,” he took my head in his hands, “I didn’t mean to scare you. It’ll be fine. I’ll be back in a few hours, and we’ll go ahead and leave for the city, okay?”
My head spun and my eyes watered. Panic rushed through me, and I wasn’t sure how to process this situation, but I knew deep down he was going into danger.
“Um…” I stumbled for the right words to say then gave up and lunged into his arms. I put every bit of passion I could into that kiss. He matched it and held me with such strength that he gave me hope he would be okay.
He lifted me to my feet and pulled away, holding my hand as led me to his bike. He held his helmet under his arm and gave me his serious face. “Be careful while I’m gone. That’s not me asking, Tess.”
“I will.”
“It’ll be good.”
I swallowed past the emotion jammed in my throat. I wanted to cry. “I’ll promise you anything. Just come back in one piece, okay?”
“I’ll remember that.” He grinned and stared into my eyes before he eased onto his bike and left.
I didn’t move until they were out of sight. A hand slipped over my shoulder and gave it a little squeeze.
“Come on, Tiger, they’ll be fine. Let’s get something to eat.”
An hour later, I was going crazy, so I decided to pack up the trailer. I was around back when I heard Detective Aaron’s voice.
Where the hell did he come from? Frantically, I looked for a place to hide. The back door to the trailer was locked, and I couldn’t go around front.
Damn.
I hurried over to the prospects’ van and opened the back door. Thankfully, it wasn’t locked, and I scrambled inside and locked it. I tried not to fall over all the guns and ammo that were stacked about knee deep on the floor. Shit, what are they expecting? Clearing a spot, I settled in and hoped he hadn’t heard anything. Trying to push the idea that my fingerprints were now all over the place and on sixteen or so guns, I tried to stay still.
“Hey, I tried to get her to leave many times. No offense, but she doesn’t listen.”
Her, who? Me?
“Yeah, I’ve seen them together.” There was a pause. “Yeah, Tess is sleeping with Trigger. I know because I’ve watched. I sent photos to your email.”
What the hell! I wanted to be sick. My fingers wrapped around the handle of a gun, and I raised it to the window and flipped off the safety.
What was I doing?
“Look, Clark, other than kidnap the bitch, what do you expect me to do?”
My heart stopped. I slowly lowered the gun till it rested on my lap. My body sagged into itself as his name bounced around inside my head. Fear poured through me and down to my gut like a hole in a dike.
Fuck me, he found me.
Clark.
Clark.
As in, my Clark.
He found me.
“No, we had a deal. You have something on Trigger, and in exchange I bring you Tess. I need that file. If you don’t, the next photos you’ll get won’t be of Trigger and Tess…they’ll be of me and Tess.”
He stopped, and a moment later I heard why. Screams and a bottle breaking broke the silence and stole everyone’s attention.
I pushed myself up to see out the window, keeping low. I watched as Detective Aaron raced off toward a car.
Jace was yelling at Morgan as they jumped in the van and fired up the engine.
I moved to my knees, about to attempt to let the guys know I was here, when Morgan spoke up again.
“I have never been more excited to meet the fucker who zig-zagged our shit than I am right now. Trigger is going to fucking lose his switch over this guy!”
What? The mood in the van was unreadable.
I sank back out of sight, intrigued.
Chapter Fourteen
Trigger
We hid our bikes a few yards away from the old church. Two cars were in the driveway of the home on the left. Even though it looked quiet, I knew chances were someone was watching the place.
I motioned for the men to get into position. We had gone over the plan three times last night, and I was confident we had it down.
The Arizona crew wasn’t far away either, but since we were in the middle of ass-fuck nowhere, we needed them out of sight. If shit went down, we were on our own for at least twenty. Jace was to show up with more guns and the van in about thirty. We were covered. We had this.
“It’s not lost on me it’s Sunday, and we are about to enter the Lord’s house with guns,” Brick hissed, drawing the cross over his chest backward.
“What has the Lord ever done for you, Brick?” I checked over my shoulder as I raced to the old tractor. As soon as Brick joined me, I continued. “He took your mother and you lost your brother, took the only good man from you early. Something tells me you don’t need to be worrying if it’s Sunday or fucking Monday.”
“Good point.” He snapped his clip into place.
I signed at Rail across the driveway to cover me as I opened the wooden door and slipped inside.
The smell attacked my senses, and I covered my nose with the back of my hand until I got myself under control. Using the end of my gun, I opened the closet door and found a man hanging from hooks by his flesh. I would say he had been there for the past two weeks. Flies buzzed around, and maggots were feasting on his insides.
Cautiously, I drew my gun up and cleared both bathrooms, noticing how quiet the place was. The donation pot was cleaned out, and the last entry on the visitors’ book was from 2006. Moving my attention to the actual chapel, I moved on.
The floorboard directly under the threshold was loose and squeaked loudly. I rolled back on my foot and bent down to examine it. Using the pad of my finger, I lifted the corner and saw a piece of rubber was wedged underneath. Huh. I grinned. It was something I would do. Every other board was nailed down tight but this one and…I lowered my head and spotted the others. The three right as you started to walk up the aisle. All markers, to let the men below know where you were in the room.
I pulled out a spare gun clip and tossed it ahead of me. Nothing. Silence.
Okay. I rose and decided to move on in.
Sunlight burst through the stained-glass windows. Christ dressed in a white gown hung in the center of the altar directly behind the pulpit. Though the place looked clean and used, the actual benches were dusty, which was another red flag. It was a front.
Rail popped up on the raised sanctuary through a back door and shrugged.
“Nothing,” he whispered.
None of it felt right. My bones ached with a warning something was coming. “Nah, someone is here. Keep watch out back.”
“Yeah, boss.” He left.
I cleared the room and found nothing. No visible cameras, no mics,
no traces of cocaine…still, something felt dark, a level of darkness I couldn’t shake. Not to mention the little things. The dust, the markers, the outdated Bibles.
Sinking into a pew two rows down from the front, I hung my head and whispered to the only person I knew how to connect with—my old coach, my friend.
“Where is it, Langley? Tell me I’m not chasing a ghost.”
A heavy hand dropped down on my shoulder, and every bit of horror I’d ever witnessed in my life came rushing back in one jacked up wave.
My fingers dug into my palm and drew blood.
“Can’t chase a ghost, son, but they can chase you.”
He stepped in front of me, and his black suit made me sick. I wasn’t religious, but that was low. I slowly lifted my gaze and skimmed past his white collar to lay eyes on the one face I never thought I’d ever see again.
Impossible.
“You look a little confused, son.”
Impossible.
He smirked and tugged on his collar. “Fuck, this thing is tight. You’d be surprised how much respect I get wearing this thing.” He chuckled. “To think all I had to do was steal it from some dude in Palm Springs.”
The lights from the airport blinded me right before my father’s ugly face came into focus in front of me. His expression went from a grotesque smile to a murderous glare. He waited until the officer walked away.
“Look at me, you little shit. If you ever think you can run from me again, know that I will always find you. I raised you. I made you into who you are today. You owe me. You will always owe me. You can’t kill the devil, and I am the motherfucking devil.”
I was eleven, and after a weeklong stay in the room in the basement, I never tried to run away again. Sometimes it just wasn’t worth the fight.
I went for my gun but noticed it was missing.
“You forget, son, when you slip into your memories, you drop your defenses.” He held up my gun. “Plus, your old man has gotten a lot better at outsmarting his spawn after all these years.”
He was fucking with my head. That was what he did toward the end when he found out Langley tried to help me escape.
Christ, my head hurt.
Pound, pound.
My nails drove deeper into my flesh like a saw.
“Trigger?” Her voice broke through his hold on me.
I whirled around in my dazed state to see Tess step into the room.
No! It had to be a trick.
“Trigger?” She started to walk toward me but eyed my father. “I’m sorry for interrupting, Father, but I need to speak to Trigger for a moment. It’s really important.”
Pure panic ripped through me when I realized this wasn’t fake. This was fucking real. My two worlds were colliding in the worst way possible. My heart raced and lodged in my throat, my legs were lead, and my head screamed to form some goddamn words. Everything was jammed up. My father’s eyes lit up with excitement.
Shit, they must have told him about her.
My weakness.
“Stop!” I ordered her, but of course it barely slowed her steps.
“I know I shouldn’t be here, but, Trigger, I have to tell you something.”
“Tess, get the fuck out of here! Go back to Jace!” My life had nothing but pain, but if he hurt her, it was over. He would destroy the one thing that gave me a reason not to give up. It would destroy the only piece of Nolan I had left inside me.
“No, please join us, my dear. My name is Father Louis.” He extended his hand to her, and I dug deep and played a card I would never forgive myself for, not as long as I lived.
I would rather her hate me than be killed as a pawn in this game.
“Fuck, Tess! Why can’t you ever listen?” I barked, and it echoed throughout the wooden structure. I braced myself for what I was about to do. “Brick told me your story.” Her face dropped. “I can’t be with someone like you. So get the fuck out of here.” I watched her soul implode at my words. Fuck me. “Get out!”
Her eyes went from mine to my father’s as shame and pain flashed over her gorgeous face.
I would never hate myself more than I did at that moment.
She spun on her heel and raced out the door.
“Wow.” My father’s wicked laughter tore through my pain. “Whoo! It’s good to be back, baby!”
I whirled around to see eight of his men fill the sanctuary, and they all had guns pointed in my direction.
“As much as this has been epic,” he clapped his hand together, “I must be going, but I will visit you again real soon.”
“Wait.” My mind raced to catch up with everything. “Why did you draw me here? Just to fuck me over and leave?”
“Oh, son, this was to let you know the devil does walk among the living. That I can’t be killed.” He stepped closer, tugging at his collar before he smoothed his hands down the lapels of his jacket. “And that I will be running this town like I was meant to many years ago.” His hand landed on my shoulder and squeezed it tightly. “Before you stole it from me.” His pupils dilated as my skin crawled from his touch. He ran a finger across his lips. “Officer Doyle will be paying you a visit in the next few weeks. He has some business to discuss with you.”
“Doyle?” I couldn’t keep up. Sure, I knew him from when we were younger, and I screwed his sister a few times, but fuck, what the hell would he have to do with any of this shit?
As quickly as the devil appeared, he left me in the dust in unbelievable pain. I still couldn’t get my head straight.
I dropped my hands to my knees and tried desperately to suck in some air.
What the fuck just happened?
Where the fuck were the guys?
Where was Tess?
I burst out the front door to find Rail bleeding from a gunshot wound to the stomach.
“He’s okay, just grazed.” Morgan helped him to the van.
A cloud of dust off in the other direction told me we were alone.
“Where the hell is Tess?” I snapped at Jace, who must have let her come. I grabbed his cut and tightened it around his neck as I picked him off the ground and held him up to my face. “Where is she?”
“I-I don’t know. At the camp?”
“Trigger!” Brick was at my side. “What the fuck happened in there?”
“Where were you guys?”
Brick pushed himself between me and Jace so I’d let the kid drop. My brain was firing off all over the place, and I knew I had to get a grip.
“We were ambushed by some assholes over by the house.” Brick shook his head. “Why are you asking about Tess?”
“We got to go!” Morgan shouted.
“Go where?” I shouted at him. “She was fucking here!”
“What? When?”
I wanted to kill someone. I needed him to catch the fuck up, here.
“Jace, go with Morgan.” I ordered. “Wait.” He stopped, nearly falling over. “Did you let Tess come with you?”
“No, honest, I have no idea how she got here.”
“Did you check the van before you left?”
His face froze, and I fucking knew.
“Go!” He needed to leave before I killed him myself.
“What the hell happened?” Brick clawed at his face as Cray joined us.
“He’s not dead.” The words were like acid as they flew from my lips.
“Who?”
“My father.”
The two guys looked as confused as I fucking felt. Impossible. Cray and Brick’s old man had seen me kill him. He was dead.
“So, wait,” Brick held his hands up. “How does Tess play into this?”
The mention of her name set off the pain in my head again. Fuck my father. My hatred for him burned through me like fire.
“Shit, Tess! I had to do it, Brick.” I felt my head go light at what I had done to her.
“What the hell did you do?” Brick grabbed my shoulders. Something he’d never done and I’d never allowed. “Tell me.”
&nb
sp; “I needed her to leave. He knew who she was. He was going to use her against me. I couldn’t let him touch her.” I held his gaze fiercely so he knew how fucking serious I was. “I told her I knew her story, that I couldn’t be with someone like her.”
Brick’s glare burned through me, and he stepped back like he was going to throw up. “You said what?” He made a horrible, frantic noise. “You don’t even know!”
“I needed her to leave, and she wouldn’t.”
“You tell her I told you?”
I hated it, but I nodded.
“Holy fucking hell!” He looked at Cray like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You have no idea what you have just done.”
“Anyone care to fill me in?” Cray tried to catch up.
“Trigger.” Brick grabbed my shoulders again. His eyes were bloodshot. “You just drove her back into his arms. You don’t understand what that means. It took six fucking years to get her back. This time…the damage you did to her and to me…she’s gone.”
***
I knew I had to be alive, because things were moving around me. I got hungry once a day, I got drunk, but it did nothing, I got tired but couldn’t sleep with my demons.
It had been two days since we had left the church. No one had seen Tess. Her phone was off, and her cards were canceled. It was like she never existed. I even told Ivy at my strip joint to let her dance if she showed up, to do anything to hold her there until I arrived. But…nothing.
Brick spent most of his time on the phone trying to figure out where she went. So far, no luck. He barely spoke to anyone, least of all me.
Morgan sat down in front of me, his face a mirror of mine. “I don’t get it, man. I have so many questions. Why was she in the van? How did she get in the church? How did she get by me?” He rubbed his head, no doubt in the same thick fog I was livin’ in. “But most of all, how the hell did she get from the church out to the main road? To wherever?” His head dropped down in his hands, and we were back in our silent space again.
How was I supposed to move forward when everything inside my body desperately needed to go back? I needed a chance to explain. A chance to say I how sorry I was. A chance to say I loved her.
