“Certainly.”
“Really?” I said, surprised that’d worked.
“Of course. You’re a man of your word, are you not?”
“Yep…”
He pressed the tails into my hand as he and his allies drew closer.
Breathless, I rushed along. “You’ve all arrived just in time! The Reenactment is so close that the Significant Fraternity has decided to reward you greatly if-”
“Pardon?” called Adrius, overhearing me in the middle of giving his group a shout out. “That doesn’t sound accu-”
I shot the Priest a dark look as I talked over him. “-if you hurry and slay the greatest threat of our time. The rats below have...” I cocked my head and snapped my fingers. “They’ve changed!”
“Changed how?” demanded the gruffest of them, a warrior that looked like she could have used my Meager Chopper to shave her armpits, if she was ever so inclined.
“They’ve taken on human form! It turns out that all this time they were truly wererats. Now that their secret’s out, they’ll destroy us all!”
Decipher (Auditory) Roll
Cunning Roll: 16
Result: Success
The protagonists trapped inside were shouting now, their words smeared across the crackle of flames.
“You see?” I asked. “Listen to their rage! They know they’re been found out.”
“We’ll go in and slay them in glorious combat,” boasted a knight, his golden hair shining brightly as a convenient ray of sunlight cut through the clouds and dappled his shoulders.
“Brave, but late,” I bemoaned. “When I saw what they were, I set the place on fire. If they escape, they’ll surely overrun every inch of Hallow. I’m not anywhere near strong enough to keep them at bay, but…” I waited expectantly, glancing around.
This would work so much better if they decided it was their idea.
Most of the Heroes clearly had heads full of pudding, but the Knight got there in the end. “But if we keep them in there, we’ll burn the corruption clean once and for all. There are already bars on the windows, and the only way out is that door.”
I nodded as patiently as I could. “Exactly. Heroes, if you are to save your stolen, I mean adopted town, not to mention gain a tidy sum of experience for yourselves, I need you to keep these doors shut at all costs!”
“Consider it done.”
“And whatever you do, don’t believe the prattle and falsehoods they’ll use to bait your ears.”
“I pledge myself to this cause!” the knight told me solemnly.
The rest of them didn’t want to be left out of the quest. There were so many deluded minions trying to get my attention that I was in danger of getting crushed between them and the door as they rushed me.
“I can help you, small one.”
“As can I!”
“I will also aid the side of right and honor.”
“And my ax!”
The last couple offers of assistance were drown out by the temple’s temporary residents screaming bloody murder, which is exactly what I hoped to soon be guilty of. A moment later, something or someone hit the door so hard that myself and the warrior bracing himself against it almost went flying.
The Hero beside me took the assault as a personal affront, planting his feet and straining against the press of the ones trapped inside.
“They’re trying to escape!” I called. “Please, stop them!”
My band of confused Heroes struggled to keep the door shut. A few enterprising individuals even broke away briefly and returned with park benches, fence posts, and even an empty horse cart that they’d grabbed from just inside Hallow.
Adrius was standing rigid, watching all of this unfold through bugged-out eyes.
Now that the war for the door was well underway, I sauntered over and stood beside the Priest. “Why so glum, chum?” I asked, watching the tumult. Flames were shooting out the windows now, and the roof was completely engulfed.
“The… the… the temple,” he sputtered. “You’ve completely destroyed it!”
I shook my head. “What I’ve done is solve your rat problem, as promised. You’ve got your life back, questgiver. You should be thanking me.”
“But the Fraternity and their ambitions are all I have!”
“Time to get something else, then.”
He didn’t answer. He couldn’t, not with the way the veins of his neck were bulging as he hyperventilated. The old guy was watching his way of life burn down, but all I could think about was the Dregs that had seen the same thing happen to Darkwell.
Adrius would’ve cheered the flames, had he been around back then.
I thought about taking the Meager Chopper to him, but walked around to the side of the temple instead and climbed a hitching post to gain some height. The Priest’s death wouldn’t help my cause much, and letting him live was a fate I’d probably enjoy more than a couple of seconds of channeling Lizzy Borden.
The temple wall I stopped in front of faced Hallow, and the street that stretched away from it was wide and straight. The city planners had built it that way to show off the place of worship, despite them being too apathetic to have properly reclaimed the temple after the Smash.
Speaking of smash, one of the few remaining stained-glass windows exploded outward next to me. Inside I could make out an incredibly determined and all-too familiar Hero in the process of climbing free from the grasp of the heat and the flames.
It was the thorn in my side, Warwick D’Havilin. What was he doing in there? Probably gathering tails with which to exploit the reputation boosts I’d promised him, if I had to guess.
In what must’ve been a remarkable series of extraordinary rolls, I looked on in astonishment as the Paladin climbed up the sheer wall inside, hauling himself up using nothing but his fingertips and then contorting his shoulders and beginning to slip between the iron bars across the window.
He was already badly burned, but he was going to make it. Worse, he turned his head and saw me. “You!”
“Me,” I agreed, shrugging to myself. I’d come over here for a purpose, and I may as well kill two birds with one can of spray paint. The curfew had made them contraband of the highest order, but that didn’t stop me from carrying at least one can on my person practically everywhere I went.
My color of choice was blood red, and I took it out and gave it a few practiced shakes. The first letter of my newest work of art was a ‘T’, and I sprayed the thick line at the top of it
Contested Friskiness Roll
Raze: 17
Warwick: 17
Ties are Won by the Aggressor
Result: Raze Success
Damage: 2
Damage Type: Physical (Blinding)
Resistance: N/A
Hit Point Loss: 2
Hit Points Remaining: 31
right across the Hero’s face. He screamed, clawing at his eyes and tumbling back into the inferno. The fire eventually consumed his noises.
Undaunted, I continued to tag the side of the temple.
Thus returns the RULE OF COOL!!!
I hopped down to admire my handiwork, then wandered over to the front again to see how my Heroes were doing. They’d been busy improvising an incredibly effective barricade, and I stood there with a proud smile on my face as I watched them work as a team to efficiently murder their comrades.
There’s a phrase I’ve always liked; it’s all over bar the screaming. That’s what this felt like, though there was a whole lot of screaming to be had.
And then there was a whole lot of experience.
Foes Slain
Level 1 Alchemist
Level 1 Barbarian (x2)
Level 1 Bard (x2)
Level 1 Cleric
Level 1 Knight
Level 1 Mage (x3)
Level 1 Monk
Level 1 Paladin (x2)
Level 1 Rogue (x3)
Level 1 Warrior (x4)
Level 1 Witch (x2)
Level
2 Barbarian (x2)
Level 2 Bard
Level 2 Cleric (x3)
Level 2 Hunter (x3)
Level 2 Knight
Level 2 Monk
Level 2 Rogue
Level 2 Summoner (x3)
Level 2 Warrior
Level 5 Paladin
Temple Rats (x187)
Experience Gained (after being split amongst Crew members) = 12,260
That Level 5 Paladin had to be Warwick, so at least I could be sure he was dead. In celebration, I threw the paint can through the broken window and heard it go bang from the heat.
I turned around and looked at Hallow. The sun was up, and the smoke over the Less is Mortar was much thicker than it should’ve been.
Whoever was in charge of stopping the starter town from burning down wasn’t doing a very good job of it, and I’d just given them another fire to put out.
I patted myself on the back and decided it was time to make myself scarce. The Vigilance Committee would have its hands full now, which made this the perfect time to use the chaos as cover to retrieve Bingo and get us both back to the mountain.
Chapter 20
Illgott ‘N’ Games was smack in the middle of the two fires I’d set this outing, which is why I was surprised to see a VC Mage standing around in front of it. He was wasting his time looking in the wrong direction, but if he hadn’t been I might not have noticed the fresh columns of smoke rising along the docks.
Either the Less is Mortar blaze was spreading a lot faster than I’d thought it would, not to mention jumping around, or someone else was getting in on the action…
I’d figure that out once I dealt with the Mage. It was fortuitous that he was alone, but if I waited around another one of them would probably show up.
I hadn’t sunk my Chopper into Adrius, but I wasn’t going to show this guy the same restraint. He was distracted as I crept up behind him. I wasn’t tall enough to aim for his neck, but he wasn’t wearing armor. A good swing or two at his kidneys would bring him down to my level, so that’s what I was going to do.
The shouts of ‘water’ and ‘bucket brigade’ from down the street made such a racket that sneaking up on him was easy. I didn’t make the slightest sound, and still he said, “I’m not as stupid as the rest, Gearblin.”
“You’re right about that,” I muttered.
The Heroes had been speaking to me differently ever since Patch had led me through the Konami code. Not this guy, though. His voice dripped with contempt, which told me that somehow he knew me for what I was. “It’s called Scrying, you gnashgab.”
The Mage turned, and even though there were a lot of ways for him to kill me, I kept my eyes on his hands. Whatever bad stuff was going to happen would start there. Most of them needed to point at you to make the juju. Some of them preferred a wand, but that was really just a glorified finger.
“Tell me Gearblin,” he sneered, “what is it like to suddenly feel the flash of a Hero inside of you, when you’ve been nothing but trash for your whole life?”
“How about I ask your momma the next time I see her?”
Pompous, arrogant and susceptible to slights against his parentage; the holy trinity. He brought his hand up and I leapt at him. Closing the distance was safer than watching him rain hellfire on me.
Contested Friskiness Roll
Raze: 14
Dvar: 16
Result: Raze Failure
Damage: 4
Damage Type: Magic (Virtue)
Resistance: N/A
Hit Point Loss: 4
Hit Points Remaining: 13
The resplendent swathe of light that poured from his finger sliced through my right shoulder unimpeded, sending green chunks of my flesh flying. For a second I thought I’d lost the arm, but the damage didn’t quite equate to the agony swimming up my limb.
The Chopper slipped through my numb fingers and then disintegrated as the power that’d damaged me poured into it and tore it apart.
“A simple spell,” he gloated, looking down his nose at me. “Only meant to disarm.” He brought his finger up again, wagging it in my face. “The next one wi-”
I couldn’t use my arm, but I wasn’t frozen in place. To prove it, I lunged forward and
Contested Friskiness Roll
Raze: 12
Dvar: 9
Result: Raze Success
Damage: 3
Resistance: N/A
Hit Point Loss: 3
Hit Points Remaining: 13
bit his digit clean off.
Name: Dvar Olaman
Archetype: Mage
Class: Scryer of the Beyond
Origin: The Central Wastes
Level: 3
Intellect: 17
Strength: 9
Dexterity: 13
Constitution: 11
Charisma: 14
Wisdom: 12
Hit Points: 28
“A simple attack,” I told his stunned face, “only meant to disfinger.” I made a show of giving it a few hearty chews as it vanished down my gullet.
Enraged, the Mage wasn’t playing around anymore. Lightning crackled, covering his other hand as he built up a spell that’d burn me down. He was worried about how close I was though, so he threw himself backward against the door of Illgott’s in an effort to put some distance between us.
Except the door wasn’t there anymore. Illgott yanked it open, grabbing the Mage with one meaty paw and twisting the Hero’s head around so hard that his stunned expression got a 360° panorama as the spell and his life both fizzled out to nothing.
“Get in here,” the ogre barked at me, dragging the Mage inside and slamming the door behind me once I’d obeyed. “You and me need to have a talk.”
“No kidding,” I said, peering out the window. If anyone had seen what’d just went down, nobody had raised the alarm yet. “You first. How’d you kill a Hero?”
“It’s not that hard if you are one too. What are you doing here, anyway? I was just about to follow the smell of smoke and come find you. You’ve been remarkably busy, Raze.”
“And you always called me lazy…” I glanced around the room as discreetly as possible, looking for Bingo. I didn’t see him, so I started ducking my head under the tables. “Illgott, did you see a-?”
“A Silvertongue? I’m surprised his snores aren’t shaking the foundations. He’s in the wine cellar, safely plastered.”
Silvertongue? I’d never heard the term before, but there was next to no chance that he wasn’t talking about the mohawked Gearblin I was here to collect. “If you’re referring to the old guy in the gas mask, you can kiss your booze goodbye.”
Illgott was watching me closely. “Notice anything different?”
I glanced around. “Dead Mage?”
“Sure, but that’s not what I meant.”
I frowned. My desk was still in its usual place, same as the neon questgiver light above it. The bottles behind the bar were gone though, no doubt victims of the tornado of alcoholism I’d directed here.
I pointed at them. “Crap. Sorry about th-”
“Don’t care. Keep looking.”
Okay…
That was when I decided to do this right, studying the room and slowly turning in place until I got to the corner that held the-
“The arcade games! Did that worthless drunk do that?” Every single one of them had been broken down into thousands of components. Even the cheater claw game had been dismantled, though I saw that the glass cube that held the prizes was still intact.
The cabinets that’d housed the games and held the screens and joysticks in place had been taken apart and piled up to the right of the front door.
“That’s it, I’m going to kill Bingo!” I was furious, even after everything that’d happened. I guess I wasn’t aware of it until now, but a big part of me had been assuming that, Hero or not, I’d somehow soon be able to return to at least a semblance of ‘normal’.
I stood there, quivering with fury as
I stared down at my torn down past.
Illgott held up his hand. “It’s not as bad as you think. First things first, though. Who’s Bingo?”
I cocked my head at him. “What? You said he was in the wine cellar, right? Big Gearblin, gas mask, drunk, surly, smells bad, bandoleer of vials, far-”
“Bingo, huh? Call him what you want, but he’s a Silvertongue to me.”
“What’s that?”
“Not for me to say. Somebody else needs to bend your ear. That’s where we’re going next.”
I shook my head. “No thanks. I’m already on an errand, and this feels like a pointless side quest.”
“It isn’t.”
“Prove it.”
“Raze, how many fires have you set in the last six hours?”
“Two,” I said, holding up two fingers in an unironic peace sign. “Why?”
“At last count, there are sixteen of them raging through Hallow.”
I shrugged. “Happens all the time, man. Fire spreads.”
He started ticking things off on his sausage fingers. “Two ship full of Sanguine’s precious summoning scrolls are burning down to the waterline. The Goldie Locks won’t be cutting anymore VC hair. Gnome Depot, the Pair O’ Dice Inn, the Philosopher’s Scone, The Cloak and Stagger, on and on. All of them on fire, and all of them run by or catering exclusively to the Heroes.”
I made a face at him. “Are we safe here, then? You, me and Patch are about the only Dregs that ever step foot in this place, Uncle Illgott.”
The ogre chuckled. “Touché. I’m no traitor, though.”
“At the risk of repeating myself, prove it.”
Illgott pointed at the desk. “For years I-”
Know Your Roll Page 19
