He lost track of time, but gradually felt relaxed and cooled off enough he might be able to sleep. Caylee straightened and released his hand. Levi brought himself up out of his reclining position and they swam quietly over to the rear platform of the houseboat.
“Thanks,” he said as she climbed up and he followed her. “That was relaxing.”
“You know people pay good money for float therapy. You just got it for free.”
It was dark enough he couldn’t see her expression, but he imagined she was smirking at him.
“Send me a bill.”
She laughed. “Think you can sleep now?”
“Yeah, I actually do.”
“Me too. Goodnight.” She climbed up the ladder. Her perfect silhouette was outlined by a single light from inside the houseboat. Dang, she looked good to him.
Levi gave her time to get settled before he followed her—thinking about Caylee and how she enjoyed life and was happy, even though her parents had been killed in a house fire when she was so young.
He thought they might be able to become friends, but remembering her hand in his and the smile she kept bringing to his face made him wonder if he’d be satisfied with only friendship. Dang that faceless boyfriend that he wanted to shove out of the picture.
Chapter Nine
Caylee had been lying last night when she’d told Levi she could sleep after their swim. Her mind churned with thoughts of what Levi had been through and she didn’t want to toy with him or cause him any more distress. She needed to keep him at arm’s length. Unfortunately, the desire to be with him kept surfacing despite her attempts to distinguish it. She lay awake until the sun hit her and then there was no chance of getting any rest. She’d survived on no sleep before with school deadlines and studying for tests. This was vacation so who cared? She’d wear herself out so she’d crash hard tonight.
After last night, she wondered if she should tell Levi the truth. From what she’d said to him earlier in the evening, he had to assume she was dating someone. But not being available was an emotional state for her, not a commitment to a man. It had been so tender how he held her hand as they floated together. She’d never done that kind of thing. Her dates were either physical activities or stimulating conversation and then she moved on, quickly. She couldn’t date Levi, but she was fighting hard not to like him.
Everyone roused with the sun and they ate a simple breakfast then gassed up the wave runners and went on an excursion to Forgotten Canyon. Caylee could stare all day at the red rock canyons surrounding them. It was gorgeous with the contrast to the blue or sometimes green water, depending on where they were. Riding on the back of the wave runner behind Levi was tough. She had to hold on to him and the feelings that surged in her were getting hard to ignore.
They parked their wave runners and hiked to the Anasazi Ruins. The hike was pretty short along a sandy trail then up a steep incline with steps dug into the mountain. It was so hot they were all dripping sweat when they got there. Caylee was enthralled with the dwellings carved out of the rock and the images scratched into the walls. They climbed down into the cave to look. After they’d all savored the coolness of the cave for a bit, Cam and Sage climbed out first.
Caylee felt Levi’s gaze on her. She gave him a smile, but didn’t want to be alone with him. He was so good-looking, and since he’d started being nice and fun as well, she was in huge danger of slipping into a relationship. She’d never be ready for a relationship, especially with someone as appealing, smart, and impressive as Levi. It wasn’t possible to even contemplate it. Then he’d discover how damaged she really was. He needed someone whole, especially since he was still struggling overcoming the effects of Afghanistan. Some sweet girl that could be there for him would be perfect. Caylee scowled.
She started up the wooden ladder propped against the wall of the dwelling, moving quickly, until her foot slipped on a rung. Levi reached out and caught her around the waist before she had a chance of falling.
“I’m okay,” she said, her voice breathless and not from the almost fall. His arms around her were heavenly. The smooth muscles were comforting and stimulating. The cave was cool enough, she’d finally stopped sweating, but she hoped she didn’t stink.
“You sure?” Levi asked.
No, she wasn’t sure. Not at all. Since Cam had fallen in love with Sage, her brother had bugged her about giving someone a chance, opening her heart. Even as close as they were, she hadn’t told Cam what had happened to her, and her brother would never know why she couldn’t settle down. And she really couldn’t do this to Levi. He was a good guy who deserved a nice girl that could help him overcome the pain of Afghanistan and make him lots of cute babies.
She frowned again at the thought of that, broke away from his arms, and turned back to the ladder. “It’s nice in here, out of the sun. Almost hate to leave.”
“Yeah.” He stepped up close and she could feel his soft exhalations on her neck. Her nerves were on high alert. What was he doing?
“Caylee. I know you’re not … available, but I really enjoy being around you. Don’t let me make you uncomfortable. If you’re committed to someone,” he took in a long breath, “I don’t want to be that guy that tries to snake his way in.”
Caylee could not believe he was saying this. Did they teach him in the military not to observe certain conversation and relationship protocols? He was being nice, but basically calling her out. She wanted to turn around, wrap her arms around his neck, and tell him she just had commitment phobia. It wouldn’t go away if she kissed him, but the kiss would still be heavenly. Yet how did she explain there was no one else, but she still couldn’t date him?
She froze like the wuss she was. Long seconds passed before she said quietly, “Thanks. You’re a … good guy.” With that, she grabbed the rungs and scurried up the ladder, partly praying she’d slip again, he’d catch her, and she would actually tell him the truth.
Cam and Sage were waiting in the shade ten feet away. Sage grinned at her, but Cam was giving her one of those concerned brother looks.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
Caylee nodded quickly, moving away from the hole just as Levi climbed out. Their gazes connected and she got lost for a second. His eyes were too blue and his face was too nice. She couldn’t complain about his body or anything else about him. The sense of protectiveness and calm he emanated drew her in more than his physical looks. She wrenched her gaze away and noticed that Cam’s eyes had narrowed. If this anticipatory tension between her and Levi continued Cam was going to be calling them out and it was going to get awkward. She had to find a way to get the fun back. Life was too short to be serious about junk anyway.
Levi tried to block the fact that Caylee had a boyfriend out of his mind and just have an enjoyable vacation. He was actually warming up to this fun stuff and making the choice to be happy. It was all because of Caylee. She made him smile with her little quips and she made his stomach smolder when he caught her looking at him. She was gorgeous, but there was a lot of depth and warmth to her as she’d proved last night by understanding him like no one but his buddies in Afghanistan had, and guys didn’t really talk about stuff much or hold hands and do “float therapy.” He smiled.
Most of all, Caylee was fun. She had him jumping off cliffs, riding a stinking tube behind the wave runner and getting bounced all over the place then laughing about it. He was the only one who knew how to wakeboard so he’d been able to teach her that. They’d found a shallow spot and he’d basically lifted her and Sage out of the water as Cam floored the wave runner. Holding on to Caylee’s waist had an effect on him that was almost overwhelming. He knew if he was her boyfriend, he’d want to slug a guy for having the thoughts he was having.
They’d barbecued hamburgers for dinner and after jumping in the lake to cool off, they cranked the air conditioner in the main cabin for a while and played cards. It was almost as relaxing as floating in the lake last night—laughing and teasing, while eating Sage’s
pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. He’d forgotten how much he missed Sage and his mom’s cooking.
The sun had gone down and Levi was tired. Without much sleep last night and going hard in the sun all day, he was ready to lay down. They put the cards away and he stood and stretched.
“I’m going to go on a little walk,” Caylee announced.
“Stay close,” Cam admonished.
“Don’t worry, big bro.” She gave him a side-armed hug then walked to the sliding glass door. A rush of hot air blasted through. Caylee gave Levi a come-hither type glance before she slipped through the door and closed it. Suddenly Levi wasn’t one bit tired. Forgetting about his sister and fiancé he strode toward the door.
“Levi?” Sage’s voice stopped him. “Is something happening between you and Caylee?”
Levi froze. He glanced at Cam and saw in his future brother-in-law’s eyes exactly how he felt when men hit on Sage. It was tough to be a brother and he understood. “No.” He shook his head.
Sage’s brow squiggled. “Oh. I was … kind of hoping.”
“You were?” Cam and Levi both asked together.
“Yeah,” Sage admitted. “I love you both.”
Levi felt a rush of love for his sister. He’d been pretty impressed with Cam so far, and hoped he continued to be, because his sister deserved the best.
Cam folded his brawny arms across his chest and gave each of them a level look. “Caylee might not be ready for a commitment of any sort, Levi.”
Sage and Levi both stared at him.
“Why not?” Sage asked.
“It’s … complicated,” Cam said.
“I uncomplicated you.” Sage’s brow squiggled.
Cam smiled and leaned closer to her.
“I know she’s dating someone, she told me about it,” Levi said before they started making out. He shoved a hand through his hair. “I’m not trying to be the guy who weasels in, I just enjoy being around her.” But he felt like that guy and it bugged him.
“She’s dating one guy seriously?” Cam arched his eyebrows.
“Yeah. She told me she ‘wasn’t available’.”
Cam shook his head and actually looked like he felt sorry for Levi. He should. Caylee was quite the catch and he wished he’d met her before the guy who’d captured her. One more sacrifice for the Air Force. It sometimes felt as if the Air Force had sucked his entire life out of him.
“She said she wasn’t available?” Cam reaffirmed.
“Yeah.”
“She means emotionally, Levi. She dates everybody and their dog, but I can promise you she doesn’t have a boyfriend.”
Levi’s heart kind of leapt to hear she didn’t have a boyfriend. Caylee was available and she’d just given him a look that said she might be available to him. He reached for the door handle. “Excuse me.”
“Levi stop.” Cam held up his hand. “You’re not listening to what I’m saying. She isn’t available. She’s never let herself get serious with anybody and I honestly don’t know that she ever will.”
Levi stopped with his hand on the sliding glass door. The exhilaration from hearing Caylee didn’t have a boyfriend withered and he was left with a bitter taste in his mouth. First of all, he realized that she’d misled him and that sat heavy in his stomach, making him question every look and touch they’d shared today. Why wouldn’t she want to be available to him? Then what Cam was trying to tell him sunk in. “Why won’t she get serious?”
Cam’s eyes darkened and Levi noticed they were the same deep blue as his sister’s. Levi knew he was rushing things worrying about Caylee getting serious. They had a strong connection and he loved being around her, but he wasn’t sure when he’d be ready to be in a committed relationship either. Yet he was serious enough about life that he didn’t want to even risk his heart if there was no chance.
“Did you lose both of your parents at six?” Cam asked in a low voice that hurt to listen to. Sage scooted closer to him. He gave her a half a smile and clasped the hand she offered. “Hasn’t Sage ever told you how hard it was to get me to commit?”
“He was a huge pain in my butt,” Sage said with a soft smile that showed she was just trying to lighten the mood.
Cam wrapped an arm around her. “At least you got your guy in the end.”
“I did.” She gave him a lingering kiss and Levi shifted uncomfortably.
Cam finally released her and looked at Levi. “What do you want to do?”
“I’m going to talk to her.” Yet he was so confused and the longer he thought about it, the more frustrated he became. He wanted to lay into her for lying to him about not being available or however she’d phrased it to make him think she had a boyfriend. Today in the cave he’d given her a chance to come clean and she hadn’t. Why?
He also wanted to cuss her for grabbing a piece of his heart already, even though he’d been fighting it. If she really was an emotional mess from losing her parents, he didn’t know how to break through that wall. Despite common belief, general practitioners did not get extensive psychiatric training and he recognized that he was damaged enough to not know how to fix anyone else. He shook his head. He needed to go back to Park City, set up his practice, and find a nice, quiet girl to date. There was a boring, sane future in front of him. But first he needed to give Caylee Compton a piece of his mind.
Caylee sat on the slick rock atop the small hill and glanced down at the houseboat. As the minutes ticked by and Levi didn’t appear, she started to doubt every feeling she’d had over the past couple of days. He was drawing her in and she was debating telling him why she wasn’t available. She’d never let anybody know why she had to guard her heart. Cam assumed it was all tied to their parents’ deaths, but it went beyond that. She could convince herself that she just hadn’t met the right guy, but she’d never allowed herself to give anyone a chance since college.
The door slid open and she watched Levi stride across the front patio and down the ramp. Her heart beat harder as he climbed the hill and stood in front of her. It was too dark to see his expression clearly but his body seemed tense.
She patted the spot next to her and asked, “Sit by me?”
“Cut the flirting, Caylee.”
She blinked up at him and her hopes popped like a balloon. She stood and faced him, not liking the thought of him glowering down at her. As he got closer, she could see his face and it was that cold fury she’d seen the night before, but now it was directed at her.
“I know you’re not, ‘not available’. Why did you lie to me?”
“I didn’t … lie.”
“How do you justify it then? You misled me. Does that fit the carefree Caylee description of circumstances?”
Caylee bit at her lip. “I, um, you don’t understand.”
Levi moved closer and though he wasn’t touching her she could sense his strong body overshadowing her. “Explain it then.”
Caylee closed her eyes and shook her head. Explain? No. He didn’t know her well enough to ask something like that of her. Nobody knew about her issues. “I can’t,” she muttered miserably.
“I opened up to you the other night. You can tell me.”
“No, I really can’t.”
Levi exhaled and backed up a step. “Can’t or won’t?”
“Both.” She gnawed at her lip and debated what to do. Why did guys always have to make things so serious? She needed to bring the fun back. “Come on, Levi. Let’s just have a good vacation and play nice for Cam and Sage.”
He backed up another step. “So that’s all I’ll ever be to you, fun?”
She shrugged and whispered, “Yes.” Her gut twisted at the lie. Levi could be everything for her, but she didn’t know how to get past the fear and the memories to be anything beyond fun.
His words came out slow and uncertain. “I’m sorry for what you’ve been through Caylee, but you aren’t the only one who owns stock in the pain market. I’ve seen misery and hell too. I could help you, be there for you.” His voice ch
anged to a beseeching tone that tugged at her.
He waited and Caylee wished with everything in her that she could take him up on his offer. It was a wish so deep that she had no clue how she would ever get it out in words.
The seconds ticked by and as she said nothing, his face hardened and his eyes shuttered. He pushed a hand through his blond locks. “I thought you were so great because you helped me have fun, but you know what? It’s not worth it to have ‘fun’ if there’s never any possibility of finding something substantial. Your whole life is fluff—flirt, have a good time, and move on. Words like commitment and selflessness aren’t even part of your vocabulary.”
Caylee didn’t even know how to refute him because it was all true. She gave a gasp of raw pain, ran around him and down to the houseboat. Cam was standing on the front deck. She didn’t stop but fled through the main part, thankful that Sage wasn’t there to stop her, and up to the top where she was blessedly alone. Tears came then and she didn’t know if it was frustration, anger, sadness, or the fact that she’d never have a relationship with Levi. Not that there had ever been a real hope of that, but somehow the loss of the idea ripped her apart.
Chapter Ten
Levi closed his eyes as Caylee fled from him. Why had he turned so mean and judgmental when she didn’t respond to his offer to be there for her? His words were too harsh and came from years of frustration, anger, and loneliness. It made him feel bad that he’d hurt her, but there was something in him that was grateful to feel. He’d allowed himself to become hardened to pain and completely cynical of happiness. Caylee made him angry, but she also made him laugh and he was more attracted to her than he should be.
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