by Robyn Carr
“No, but since they usually have only one of the deputies in on the weekends, he’s in and out. Do you need the police?”
“No,” she said with a laugh. “I just wanted to see Deputy McCain. I wonder if he’s going to be around today?”
“Well, you might just have stumbled into the right place.” Gina looked at her watch. “He’s working today and in about an hour, he’ll probably be stopping by for his morning coffee. Unless he’s tied up somewhere.”
“That’s good. If you don’t mind, I’ll stick around. See if he comes in.”
“I can call him for you, if you’d like.”
“You know him?”
Gina laughed. “Everyone knows everyone here. Plus, their office being across the street from the diner means we see each other almost every day. I’ll check and make sure he’s coming by this morning.”
“Thanks,” she said, digging into her expensive purse for her cell phone. “I should return a couple of calls while I wait.”
“Perfect. Can I get you a cup of coffee? Anything?”
“Coffee would be great. And how about a slice of that pie?”
“Coming up. I’ll get that for you before I call him.” While the woman went to a booth in the rear of the diner, presumably so that Gina wouldn’t overhear her talking to her good friend George Clooney, Gina served up a cup of coffee and slice of pie. She took it back to the incognito movie star. Since she wasn’t talking on the phone yet, Gina asked, “Can I tell him who’s waiting for him?”
“Well, I wanted to surprise him, but go ahead. Tell him it’s his wife. I’m Cee Jay McCain.” And she flashed that glorious smile.
Gina was frozen. Stunned. The coffee and pie were suspended in midair. “Wife?” she asked weakly. “I thought Mac was divorced.”
“Right. Ex-wife,” she amended. “We’ve been out of touch and I’m looking forward to seeing him.”
Gina put down the pie and coffee. “Let me make that call,” she said, scooting back behind the counter.
Gina’s hands actually trembled as she fished her phone out of her pocket. She had a lot of bizarre and random thoughts as she punched in Mac’s number. I should get my teeth whitened, she thought. Underwire, I need more underwire….
Glancing over, she could see that Cee Jay was chatting and laughing into her phone. Gina turned away so that her back was facing Cee Jay.
“McCain,” he answered.
“Mac, I think you’d better come to the diner if you can. There’s someone here to see you.”
“Gina? You all right?”
She cleared her throat. “Mmm. Yeah, fine. Are you coming?”
“Who’s there?”
“Mac, you’re not driving, are you?”
“Why?”
“I don’t want you to drive up a pole….”
“I’m pulled over. What’s going on?”
“It’s Cee Jay, Mac. She’s here. To see you.”
Dead silence answered her. And it stretched out.
“Mac?” she asked.
“Good thing I was pulled over. Listen, try to keep this quiet. I have to know what she wants and I don’t want the whole town to know before I have a chance to talk to my kids. And to Lou.”
“Not a problem,” Gina said.
“I’m there in five.”
“Sure. Fine. Drive carefully.”
Gina disconnected. She looked down at herself. Cheap black pants that were no longer as black as they had once been, checkered blouse, name tag…. Why did she always wear that stupid name tag? There had been about four people she didn’t know in the diner in the past month. God, the woman was so beautiful. And no wonder she seemed familiar—Eve was a younger version of her mother.
Gina felt a devastation come over her. Grief. After four years of devoted friendship she and Mac had finally become lovers. They tried to be discreet since their sixteen-year-old daughters were best friends, but at long last they could hold hands, embrace, even a chaste kiss was appropriate. Privately, there was more, so much more. Passion so rich, her whole life had been changed by it. They loved each other, they’d said so.
But now? What would he do after seeing Cee Jay? Would everything change? Even if Cee Jay hadn’t come back to reclaim her ex-husband, would Mac take one look at her and fall in love all over again? How could he not?
Gina poured herself a cup of coffee. She wasn’t much of a drinker but she sure wished she had a shot of something to jack up that coffee. Her hands trembled as she lifted the cup to her lips. And while Cee Jay laughed and chatted into the phone, taking petite bites of her apple pie, she appeared so carefree. So animated. How do you leave your three children, not see them for ten years, then stroll back into their lives all happy-go-lucky? How do you do that?
Gina had the sense that the world she knew was changing, and she had no idea what the outcome might be, but she was suddenly afraid.
The Sheriff’s Department SUV rolled down the street, parked in front of the deputy’s office and Mac strode purposefully across the street, hitching up his heavy gun belt as he walked. He came into the diner, gave a nod to Gina, walked right past her and stood at the booth, looking down at his ex-wife.
Cee Jay looked up at him, smiling. She disconnected from her call and stood from the booth. Gina could see the happy expression on her face, and then it fell into a serious look as she listened to Mac.
And then they walked out of the diner, Mac striding in front of his ex-wife and leaving her to follow. He walked across the street to his department vehicle while Cee Jay momentarily disappeared. And then Gina saw her drive by, following Mac in a shiny sports car convertible. Her car wasn’t white, it wasn’t beige or soft gold. It was pearl.
Then Gina had to sit down. Her legs would no longer hold her up.
Six
Mac called Deputy Steve Pritkus at home. “Steve, can you cover the town for a few hours? I have a family emergency.”
“Everything all right, Mac?”
Far from all right. Far! “No injuries, Steve. Just a situation that has to be dealt with immediately. I can explain more later. It’s sensitive. Should I call Charlie?”
“Nope, I got it. I’ll be parked in front of the office in ten.”
“Thanks, I owe you one.”
Mac then drove to a Denny’s restaurant on the outskirts of Bandon, parked and went inside. Cee Jay pulled up right beside him but he didn’t wait for her; he just walked straight into the restaurant. When he faced the hostess holding her menus, he pointed to the booth he wanted, far to the rear of the restaurant. “Just two coffees,” he said. “No menus today.”
“Whatever you want, Officer,” she said with a smile.
Mac took a seat in the booth with his back to the wall, facing the restaurant. Cops never sat with their back to the crowd. A few moments later Cee Jay came in and, seeing her, he scowled. Well, she’d done all right for herself. She probably thought herself tempting, looking so fetching and sophisticated. Well, hell, Cee Jay had always been pretty. But now she looked elegant, as well, and it pissed him off. Here he’d been scrimping, saving, trying to inch by on a deputy’s paycheck with three kids and she was driving a brand-new Lexus coup convertible. He hated her.
She slid into the booth. Her smile was a little subdued. The waitress was immediately there with two coffees, then departed just as quickly.
“What do you want, Cecilia Jayne?”
She was a bit taken aback by the formal use of her name. “It’s been a very long time. I wanted to see how you were.”
“Just fine. That it?”
“I thought we could talk. How are the kids?”
“Just fine. And I don’t want to talk.”
“Mac, look, I know what I did was wrong. I’m sorry. It took a lot of time to work up the courage to come here, and to apologize. I know there’s no way I can make it up to you. I was a screwed-up abused foster kid and shouldn’t have gotten married at the age of sixteen. I shouldn’t have—”
“You had a
nice family,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Shows what you know,” she said, her eyes narrowing. “They weren’t my family, they were about the eighth one and they were only nice in public. It was awful. I suffered. I was messed up and was trying to escape.”
Mac’s eyes narrowed, as well. Being in law enforcement, he wasn’t easily duped by how people appeared on the outside. Just a couple of months ago he’d arrested a seventeen-year-old for battery, for beating up his elderly father, and he came from the richest, snootiest family in town. The kid had everything, and it still wasn’t enough.
He was trying to remember Cee Jay at sixteen—she was a cheerleader, in lots of school clubs, always looked well-heeled, had a curfew that was too liberal and could borrow the family car often. They let her talk on the phone till all hours. He’d been to her house many times. There were a lot of kids in that house, but he’d grown up with Aunt Lou. Hell, Lou did more yelling and disciplining than Mac had ever seen at Cee Jay’s foster home.
He had been silent too long. Since she’d said “I…was trying to escape.”
“And so you did,” he said. “Are we done here?”
“Mac, I want to see my kids.”
“You signed away custodial guardianship and visitation, Cee Jay. I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave now. Leave town, leave the area, like you did before.”
“Will you please listen to me? Mac, I made a terrible mistake, but I was twenty-three and had three kids. I was half-nuts. I just about had my life together, my mental health straightened out, when you sent the divorce and custody papers. It was very clear—you were done waiting around for me and you didn’t want me near our kids. I was devastated, but I was also feeling terribly guilty. I couldn’t blame you—so I just signed. That was almost five years ago and I regretted it almost immediately. I want a second chance. I’m begging you.”
He rested one forearm on the table. “Do you have any idea what you did to our children? The babies cried day and night. Ryan wandered aimlessly around the house calling out for you. Dee Dee was so screwed up—she stopped sleeping, napping, just couldn’t get comfortable, couldn’t be soothed. But that’s nothing to what it did to Eve! We could hardly get her to go to school, she was so afraid you’d come home and she wouldn’t be there. She wet the bed, threw up, cried herself to sleep, wouldn’t socialize with the kids at school. I had at least two kids in my bed every night for a year, usually three. Cee Jay! You fucked up the whole family because you couldn’t take it! Because getting laid by some golf pro looked better to you than bottles and diapers! No, you are not coming back into their lives now! Keep me posted on your location and when they’re over eighteen, I’ll tell them where they can find you if they want to see you or talk to you.”
Her lips thinned, her nose grew pink and a couple of fat tears rolled down her cheeks. Her voice was a whisper. “I want to make amends.”
“Not this year, Cee Jay. Is this part of some program? Because the rule is—make amends where it doesn’t cause any harm. This—this would cause harm.”
“But no, I don’t want to cause any pain. I just want to know them.”
“We. Can’t. Trust. You.”
“I give you my word!”
“Your word isn’t worth shit around here.”
“I can’t believe how unforgiving you are,” she murmured, wiping her eyes. “You were never like this before.”
“I’ve been burned real good,” he said. “I’m a big boy, I can take it. But my kids are vulnerable. You mess with my kids and you’re going to see how unforgiving I can be.”
“Mac, they’re not just yours….”
“Yes, they are. Because their mother abandoned them and then signed them away. Don’t you dare screw them up and hurt them now. Don’t you dare.”
She straightened. “I’m going to file to amend the custody agreement. You’ll hear from my lawyer.”
“Fine,” he said smoothly. He pulled a notepad out of his pocket. “You can have your lawyer call my lawyer.” He scribbled down a name and city—he hadn’t talked to Sidney Mikowski in almost five years. “Until you get a ruling from a judge, stay out of Thunder Point.”
“You can’t tell me where I can be.”
“Yes. I can. I’ll have a restraining order before close of business today and it will be my absolute pleasure to arrest you. And, if you sue for custody I think you’ll find that I’ll be suing for back support. That car out there—the price tag on that should help with tuitions and braces.”
“God, you’re so hostile! I never expected this rage from you!”
He leaned toward her. “Do you have any idea how long I hoped you’d think of your children, even if you didn’t think about what you’d done to me? Do you have any idea? I prayed for a phone call! For years I waited, hoping you’d send one of them a fucking birthday card, but there was nothing! I even decided that for the sake of the kids I wouldn’t make you grovel too much, if you’d just promise not to stray again.” He sat back. “Cecilia Jayne, I’m afraid I got over that little fantasy quite a while ago. You can’t just stroll into town and pick up where you left off. It’s over. There are consequences—you’ll just have to live with that.”
“I am living with it!”
“Leave, Cee Jay. Leave and don’t look back. This meeting is over.” Mac stood and fished out his wallet, throwing a ten on the table for the coffee, extreme overpayment. Her clothing, jewelry and car made him act as if he was a rich man when in fact he’d struggled with money every day for the past ten years. He was going to struggle for the next ten. Probably twenty.
“Who are you with now, Mac? I know you’re not remarried—I checked. Gotta love that internet. So, who is it?”
“We’re done talking,” he said.
“Not that washed-out little blonde at the diner, is it?” A fierce look must have come into his eyes because she laughed.
Ah, there was the true Cee Jay. One minute crying, the next laughing, always manipulating. “What are you really after?” he asked. “Tell me now because I’m going to find out. Are you looking for money? Because I don’t have any. If I did, I’d give it to you to make you go away, but it’s been a real challenge holding it together. What do you really want? You’re not exactly dressed for Little League or soccer practices.”
“I want a chance to reconnect,” she said.
He stared down at her. “Not gonna happen. Drive carefully.” And he walked out of the restaurant.
*
Mac sat in the Denny’s parking lot. No judge would give him a restraining order, not even a judge who was his biggest fan. Cee Jay hadn’t threatened any of them. That was just all talk and, by now, if Cee Jay had called her lawyer, she probably knew that. He dialed Lou’s cell phone. “Where are you?” he asked her.
“Grocery store. You have some special request?”
“And the kids?”
“Dee Dee’s at gymnastics, Ryan is at soccer, Eve is at cheer practice. Or maybe that’s over and she’s with Ashley—Ashley drove today and gave Eve a ride. Why?”
God, he thought. Did Cee Jay have any idea what these lessons, teams and activities cost? Just the sign-ups alone without factoring in uniforms, gear and associated costs were a strain. Twenty dollars for this gymnastics meet, twenty bucks for the bus for that soccer tournament out of town. Just to get your kid in the parks-and-rec soccer league was over fifty bucks. Then there were uniforms, shoes, your turn supplying sports drinks and bottled water and snacks, then there were regular pizza parties and barbeques to celebrate wins and season close. Piano, gymnastics, dance and cheerleading—those were expensive teams, lessons and uniforms. It never stopped. More than the money, which was always tight, the emotional and time investment could be exhausting. It took more than bread and water to raise a family. If he hadn’t had Lou the past ten years, he’d have been completely lost.
“I need a couple of things, Lou. I need you to gather up the kids and get them all home. And I need you to stay cool.”
/>
“Why? Are we under nuclear attack?”
“Cee Jay’s in town. She wants to see them.”
“What!” Lou shrieked.
“I have to talk to the kids before they hear from some other source that their mother is around. And, Lou, Cee Jay rules apply. Do not lose your cool. Do not. I already lost mine a little….”
“Did you strangle her?” Lou asked with a shaky voice.
“No, but I wanted to.”
“You’re an underachiever. Oh, God,” she said. “Oh, dear God.”
Cee Jay rules actually had been Lou’s suggestion, but in the end it was harder for Lou than it was for Mac. They never said nasty things about Cee Jay in front of the kids—it simply wouldn’t serve any purpose to trash their mother. Wasn’t it hard enough on them to know she left them?
“Lou?”
“You’re right. You’re right. We’ll hold it together. Where is she?”
“Now? I met her for a cup of coffee at Denny’s just off the highway in Bandon and I asked her to leave. I told her she couldn’t see the kids and that I wanted her to go away and leave us alone. And she said I’d hear from her lawyer. We have to be ready, Lou.”
“She can’t do anything, can she, Mac?”
“I don’t know. One thing at a time. I’ll see you at home.”
He signed off and then just sat in the Sheriff’s Department vehicle. He could barely remember when he was eighteen, nineteen. He was a freshman at Oregon State, boinking his high school girlfriend wherever they could find a time and place to be alone. She was on the pill; they were supposed to be safe. Now he wondered, of course, if she hadn’t maneuvered that like everything else. For his part, he had such passion for her he could hardly think straight. So when the pregnancy came, they got married immediately, running off to Idaho to a justice of the peace and spending one night in a cheap roadside motel.
He had believed he loved her. He held back her hair while she was sick during her pregnancy; he rubbed her back, worked two jobs, did everything he could think of to make her happy. And after Eve was born, Cee Jay organized a big fancy white wedding and reception they couldn’t afford, just so all her friends could fuss over her and party with her.
