"Maybe you shouldn’t have worked so hard to put him together with Emily then since he’s off the market now."
"Oh please. Not that way. I was just thinking about how angry he was with me," she wiped tears from her eyes, but still laughed. "I don’t think he could even look at me, much less talk to me. And now no one’s talking tonight. Do you think Mitch would get a kick out of that?"
Miranda laughed and cried a little bit more. Zainab put her arm around her waist. "Hey, Mitch was a jerk, okay? Emily told me they got into a little fight right after they left."
"Boy, can I throw a party, or what?"
"Mitch doesn’t get it, but Emily does. And I do. And no one blames you."
"So does that mean Mitch is a jerk, or that we should welcome Emily into our society of misfits?"
"No, I don’t think I want Emily in the club." Michael had come in, carrying empty dessert bowls. "So I guess this means nothing was wrong with the mousse?"
"No, Michael," Miranda said, wiping the last of her tears. "Everything is fine."
"Zainab, I think I need a word alone with Miranda. You don’t mind do you?"
Zainab looked at Michael, but he was looking at Miranda. And Miranda looked in Michael’s direction as if he weren’t there. "Of course," Zainab said, squeezing Miranda’s waist before she let go. "But I’ll be right outside the door."
The swinging door closed behind Zainab. Miranda reluctantly looked at Michael. "If you have something that you need to say to me without anyone else hearing it, this has to be good."
"I wanted you to see my home."
"I’ve seen it. It’s actually a few blocks from here."
"That was never my home."
"What do you want? It could have been your home, but you did everything you could to make sure it wasn’t. Congratulations. Now you have your real home back, and I really hope you’re very happy here."
"Didn’t you ever wonder about where you came from?"
"Yes, I have. One of the nicest places in Massachusetts."
"Not just the place but the people, the memories, the habits—the things that fill a place and make it a home. Ever notice that Richard never really had one?" Michael was ten inches away from her now.
"You do know that you had something to do with that, right?"
Michael shook his head. "It was always like that. Lucy and Jim never liked each other—at least, Lucy never liked Jim. She never liked anything. Even Richard. Sometimes especially Richard."
"So much would be explained if you and Richard were related through her."
He shook his head again. "No. No, people liked me when I lived here. They even loved me. Do you know what that’s like? Do you remember before Alex? Did people love you?"
"Yes," Miranda said with quiet conviction, as if he’d just asked her if his eyes were brown.
"Then didn’t you ever wonder what happened to them?"
"I know what happened," she whispered. "My father died in Israel, and my mother died in a car accident. My grandmother died too, and that’s why I’m with Alex. And Alex loves me."
A smiled traced across Michael’s face, and suddenly his proximity was menacing. "Yes, and you love Alex, too, don’t you?"
"You want to tell me the name of the game we’re playing, or did you just make this one up?"
"You never asked before."
"No, I just did actually."
"Not that."
"Never asked what?"
"Never asked what happened to my parents."
"Yes I did. I think you almost shoved me down the stairs."
"Did you ask Alex?"
"Sorry, I guess I was a little preoccupied usually with your latest attack or threat."
"I don’t think I’ve touched you since I was twelve."
"There was the incident that summer after you got out of high school."
"But I don’t think I scared you, did I?"
"No, you just saved it for my friends and anyone else who came into my life. By the way, you touch Zainab and I’ll consider it an invitation to kill you in your sleep."
He smiled even wider. "And maybe that’s why I moved."
"Don’t worry, I can be very persistent."
"You’d have to give me a reason to let you get that close, especially if I were in bed."
Miranda stepped back and looked at him as if she were seeing him for the first time. He was still smiling in his menacing way. She blinked then replayed what he said in her mind, just to make sure. Then she laughed again. "Are you for real?" Before he could answer, she shoved past him and through the swinging doors. Michael followed her out a moment later, this time carrying a bottle of wine and glasses. Richard and Alex resumed their conversation, and Michael spoke to Zainab more politely than Miranda had ever heard him speak to anyone. She emptied her glass then announced that she wanted to leave.
~~~
Fifteen minutes later, Zainab kissed Miranda good-bye and agreed to call the next day to meet for coffee, maybe even dragging out Jessie and Emily. Miranda nodded vigorously, her color high from the wine, then turned and walked away quickly. Zainab watched her for a moment, then starting walking with Richard. "How come you never told me?"
"Which ugly family secret are you referring to now?"
"The one about Michael having a thing for Miranda."
Richard raised his eyebrow, half-smiled, then shook his head. "Because I was never sure about that one myself."
"I am. I don’t think I like it."
"You like the one about Alex and Miranda better?"
"I don’t think that’s a secret."
~~~
Miranda read in Alex’s study, stealing glances at him. He was on his computer, as usual, engrossed in stock prices and other company’s quarterly reports. She wanted to ask him something, but she wasn’t sure. It wasn’t the wine—she hadn’t had that much—she just couldn’t put the question into words.
She lay in bed in the dark for hours, thinking about Michael and why that night was so much more disturbing to her than anything else he’d ever done.
CHAPTER 7
Several weeks later Mitchell Graham was on the train to law school with his wife. He liked that their stop was so far out because it meant that they got their own seat together, a relative luxury four stops later.
Emily was sleepy. It was funny, because she used to rise so early the year before. She’d enjoyed getting up at eight, and then getting up at ten, depending on how late they had been up the night before. So Mitch could run his fingers over her cheeks and hairline without too much protest.
He sighed. Last year the most important thing to him had been getting into law school. Now he wanted nothing more than to stay home with his beautiful, precious wife. It was only the first week, and already he missed the all-night, all-day lying in bed with his wife, making love, making jokes, talking, watching television, just being together in the little world they’d created for themselves. He’d resented intrusions from Zainab, Jessie and Miranda at the time, and now, childishly, he made a face when he thought of them. Emily had reminded him that she was tolerant of Martin and his friends from high school when they came for visits, but it wasn’t the same. Not that he could explain it, but it wasn’t just the time her friends had taken away from them, it was the love too. He liked his friends, in some way he even needed them, but he didn’t love them the way Emily loved hers. They weren’t just friends, they were family, and Mitch was jealous, stupidly jealous. And he knew it, so he never said anything. Now that he had to be away for so long, he was comforted somewhat that at least Emily wouldn’t suffer for a lack of company.
One person he was grateful for was Professor Hazlett, who had managed to find a way to give Emily the job she’d started last year. They’d spent the summer living, mostly, on the generosity of his parents—a wedding gift, they’d called it, continuing to remind him how upset they were that they hadn’t been invited—and while they could probably scrape by on his student loans, the income Emily would brin
g in, although not generous, would help a great deal. Plus, he thought as she started to rouse from her nap, now she had a reason to come with him to the university. And that was something.
~~~
Emily and Mitch showed up with their backpacks on Richard’s doorstep at six. Zainab opened the door. She was laughing. Emily hugged Zainab, so happy that she was happy. "Oh look, the prince of darkness came too!"
Mitch kissed Zainab on the cheek. "Very funny."
"Hey, I thought that was me!" Richard said with mock indignation. He kissed Emily on the cheek, and reached over to shake Mitch’s hand.
Richard made a stir fry, the best he could come up with for the vegetarians. Emily teased him, but happily ate it anyway.
"Alright," she said when everyone was done. "What’s wrong with Miranda?"
Zainab sipped her juice. "I don’t know, but she’s been wigging out ever since Michael moved out."
"Since he left?" Mitch repeated incredulously. "Maybe she just doesn’t know how to handle normal. Oh right, Alex is still there, so that’s not a problem."
Emily rolled her eyes. "Alright honey—I don’t think anyone’s here to defend him."
"She’s not going to be any better until she gets away from that pedophile freak."
"It’s more complicated than that," Richard said quietly.
Mitch shrugged. "She’s probably had a crush on him since she was a little girl. But he’s just sick."
"I don’t think he’s ever touched her," Richard said calmly.
Emily scoffed. "Come on. You can get to someone without that."
"And that’s sort of what I wanted to talk about," Zainab said pointedly. Emily held up her hands as if in surrender. "She’s been a mess since we had dinner at Michael’s house. I don’t know what he said to her that night—and God, I think she even told me—but he’s the one eating at her now."
"Okay," Mitch said. "What is Alex’s deal? Why does he have both of them? He’s not related to them, right?"
Everyone looked at Richard. "He isn’t related to them."
"There’s something," Emily muttered.
"So...?" Mitch prompted.
"Michael’s parents died when he was seven. There was a car accident where his dad Stephen died."
Emily had heard this part from Jessie before. "Right, and then his mother accidentally overdosed on some sleeping pills—"
"His mother," Richard said quietly, "was my Aunt Annabelle."
"I’m sorry," Emily said quietly. "Were you close?"
Richard shook his head. "No. She didn’t have much use for me—I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that. But...she was very close to my father. He...couldn’t take it when she died."
Emily exchanged a quick look with Zainab. She knew this wasn’t the right time. "Did she have any use for Michael?"
"Yes, I’d say that," Richard said, nodding slowly. "Both of his parents loved him. Aunt Annabelle could be a little...high-strung, as I recall, and Stephen was kind of an immature and spoiled party boy. That’s what my dad thought, at least, but they both loved Michael. Stephen liked to play ball with him; I remember because I thought it was the best thing in the world when they’d invite me to play catch. Annabelle was always taking him to the circus or movies or reading with him—they had a lot of fun. They were usually laughing when they came by to visit us, or when we went to their house. He was a lucky little boy, at the time anyway."
"After they died, why didn’t Michael come and live with you?" Emily asked.
"My dad...was having trouble taking care of himself after his sister died, much less me. My mother would not have been helpful. It wouldn’t have been a good environment for Michael. Alex really was the best choice, believe it or not."
"How did he know Alex?" Mitch said impatiently.
"Alex was Stephen’s oldest friend, period. Not quite kindergarten, but grade school, at least. He also worked for my grandfather before he started his own firm. Probably part of why my aunt didn’t like him, but I never knew exactly."
"Was he an immature, spoiled party boy too?" Emily asked.
Richard narrowed his eyes. "No. He was much more...intense. Honestly, I didn’t see him all that often before Stephen died. Sometimes I would go over there and Alex and Stephen would have private conversations, or Michael and I would be playing and Alex would come over. He was there a lot; which, I must say, was not much appreciated by my aunt. I think I heard them arguing about Alex more than I saw him in the flesh."
Zainab stroked Richard’s hair. Emily smiled. It looked as if Richard was getting used to being appreciated. "So Alex was always Mr. Broody Intensity?" she said.
"No," Richard said, taking Zainab’s hand again. "He wasn’t like Stephen—I mean, not always smiling and joking and laughing—but he was more carefree than he is now, certainly. But he was always ambitious, absolutely. He always wanted to talk to Stephen about investments and companies—I didn’t understand too much of it—but even then I could tell that he could be very committed to something." Richard was silent for a minute, looking off into space as if he were trying to remember something. "And a little impatient," he said at last. "Like he was always trying to get Stephen to do something, but Stephen never worried about anything. I dunno." Richard shrugged, coming back to the present. "I really don’t know too much about who Alex was before, but I am pretty sure that the Sheldons weren’t nearly as well to do as the Abbots. Maybe that’s why Alex needed to work it so hard."
"He worked it pretty well, I’ll give him that," Mitch said. "That has got to be one of the biggest homes I’ve ever been in, at least in the city."
"A big house isn’t everything," Richard said quietly.
Emily felt herself tearing up. It hadn’t been possible for her to conceive that Richard’s childhood had been worse than his young adulthood. "I’m sorry for your loss," she said softly.
"Sorry enough to make dessert?"
"No!" Emily said, throwing her napkin in his face, as they all started to laugh.
~~~
Hours after Emily and Mitch had left, Zainab and Richard were lying in the dark, holding each other. "Richard?" Zainab asked at last.
"Hmm?" Richard said, pulling himself back from sleep.
"Do you think your aunt was jealous of Alex?"
"Jealous? Oh, I don’t know, probably. My father thought my grandfather had spoiled her a little."
"No, I mean more than that." She took a deep breath. "Do you think your aunt was jealous of Alex because...something was going on with Stephen and Alex?"
Richard’s eyes popped open. And then he laughed so roughly that she jumped. "No," Richard said, fully awake now. "Stephen wasn’t gay. Alex isn’t gay."
"Are you alright?"
"I’m sorry darling," Richard said, pulling her back. "It’s just that Jessie has had this theory for years that Alex was abusing Michael, but trust me, that’s not it."
"Too bad he’s straight," Zainab said, easing back onto Richard’s warm body. "That would give Miranda one less thing to worry about."
"I guess you can’t help who you love sometimes, even if you should," Richard said, but Zainab had already begun to doze off. Richard was wide awake now, and he stared at the ceiling for another hour, thinking about how different everything might have been if people really were able to stop and start love at will.
CHAPTER 8
"Are you kidding me?" Miranda said as she leaped up and hugged Emily. "I didn’t think I would ever get to see you alone again!"
Emily eased herself into her chair at the café. "I can have lunch whenever I want to," she said. She was telling the truth, but she felt like she was lying. Mitch had gotten a little testy when she told him that she needed to see Miranda and had crankily told her that he could use the extra time to study, thank you. He’d apologized when he saw how much his childishness hurt her, but it still stung Emily that Mitch begrudged her time with their friend when something was wrong.
Miranda smiled. "Then I’m going to hol
d you to that."
Emily smiled back. "I hope so. Now, how was Israel?"
Miranda told her about her grandfather’s failing health. His heart was weak still, despite the new medicine his doctors had prescribed. All of the cousins and aunts and uncles were taking turns caring for him, and Miranda felt guilty that she couldn’t be there. So she hoped that she’d be able to get to Israel for her next co-op, even if she had to make something up about observing how well Israeli buses stayed on schedule. "Aren’t you a History major?"
"Don’t worry—I can make it work."
Emily told her a little bit about her continuing work with Professor Hazlett, but tried not to bore her. They talked a little about Jessie, whom both of them missed terribly.
"I’m going to send her a little package next week—is there anything you want me to put in?" Miranda asked.
"Um, condoms?" They both laughed, but after a moment, Miranda grew serious. "I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when Michael came back."
Emily shook her head. "Oh, God, don’t worry, I understand."
"I didn’t want you to be mad at me," Miranda said, as if Emily hadn’t said anything. "I know Mitch isn’t the only one who’s mad at me. He’s just the only one who’ll be mad to my face. That’s good, Em. You should hold onto him, because so many other people will lie to you or leave you. But he’s not afraid of telling you what he’s thinking. I think you can trust him."
Emily smiled uncomfortably. "I do trust him," she said, but she knew that wasn’t what they were talking about.
"That’s good," Miranda said. "Because you two love each other, and you always have. You shouldn’t let mistakes get in the way, because those you can fix."
"Honey, have you ever thought about getting your own place?" Emily blurted out. "I mean, you can certainly afford it, and you deserve a little independence, don’t you think?"
"What are you talking about?" Miranda forced a smile. "No one is more independent than I am—I can and do stay out until four in the morning if I want to, and now I don’t have to worry about Michael, and I can be with Alex as much as I want."
The Family You Choose Page 7
