“Your family would understand, wouldn’t they?”
“I’m sure they would. It isn’t that. I’d rather spend my time with them than in Fiji. And that’s not something about me that I’m willing to change.”
“So you broke it off with him?”
“Yeah,” she says. “And I know it was the right decision. He wanted me to change, and I didn’t want to change. It was the kind of conflict we might never have been able to get past. If we were still together, we’d probably be having the same argument over and over and neither of us would really be happy. This way, we each got to live the life we wanted.”
“So you don’t regret the breakup?”
I’m still thinking of Ashley. She was the one who ended things with me, so it’s not like I can say I made the wrong decision, but it’s taken me a long time to get to a place where I can say I’m glad she left me. Even though I don’t want Ashley herself back, I really relate to what Kendall is saying about losing someone you thought you’d be with forever and how damaging that can be.
There’s a reason I’ve been alone since Ashley left. If I could have been so wrong about her, I could be wrong about anyone. If she could leave me because of my infertility, who’s to say another woman won’t do exactly the same thing? And I get it. I hate to admit it, but I get it.
Ashley and I had history and love on our side, and she wasn’t able to look past the fact that I wouldn’t be able to give her children. What chance could I possibly have with a woman who’s coming to me fresh, who doesn’t already love me, who doesn’t have years of history with me? Nobody could possibly accept this about me upfront.
I regret my breakup with Ashley, not because I want to be with her, but because ever since it happened, I’ve felt such agonizing self-doubt that I don’t know what to do.
Kendall shakes her head. “I don’t regret that I left him,” she says. “But I guess I regret that I put so much faith in him in the first place. I really believed he’d never do anything to hurt me. I thought he loved me for who I was.”
“It’s his loss,” I tell her. “If he didn’t appreciate you, he doesn’t deserve you.”
“I know that,” she says. “But it’s hard not to be angry with him when I think of the way I used to feel about love. I used to believe that I was destined to meet someone special, and our love for each other would be enough to overcome any differences or difficulties we might face.”
“I think everyone starts out believing that,” I say. “Maybe along the way we all meet someone who teaches us that real life doesn’t follow those rules.”
“Who was it for you?” she asks.
“An ex, like you. She…also wanted me to do something I couldn’t.”
Specifically, father a child.
“In a way it’s good,” Kendall says. “Don’t you think? It’s good that we were able to learn what we value about ourselves, and what we’re not willing to compromise, even to get that perfect happy ending.”
That doesn’t apply to my situation at all. I certainly don’t value my infertility. But I’m happy for Kendall that she’s found a silver lining.
“That makes sense,” I say. “And I think your devotion to your family is definitely something you should value about yourself. It’s good that you’re able to see it as such a good thing even after it cost you so much.”
“Yeah, maybe.” She bites her lip and glances down. “Are we still playing this game? Whose turn is it?”
“I honestly don’t remember.”
She laughs. “Maybe we’ve had too many drinks. I didn’t mean to bore you with my whole life story.”
“You didn’t bore me,” I say. “To tell you the truth, it’s not that often I connect with someone new. Especially not this quickly. Getting to know you…well, it’s been a really fun evening. I’m glad we walked into the same theater tonight.”
She smiles. “Me too. I have to tell you, when I left my aunt’s place this evening, I was feeling really down. And you’d think all this talk of failed relationships would have made that worse, but I feel better. What’s that saying about shared misery?”
“I’ll tell you one thing…”
I move closer to her, sliding my hand along the pool table’s edge. My fingers graze her wrist. Just that little bit of contact is enough to wake up my entire body in ways I haven’t felt in years. I feel younger, more confident, more vital, and suddenly it’s as if Kendall and I are the only two people in the bar.
Has the night been heading here all along? She’s an attractive woman, of course, but when she sat down next to me at the theater, I was looking for company, nothing more. Wasn’t I?
Or is there some part of me that’s been looking at this evening as an opportunity? After all, I’m only in town for one night. We’ll likely never see each other again after this. She’s single. I’m single. And I’ve been lonely for so long…
“What’s that?” Kendall asks. Her voice is light, like a sigh. Her eyes are wide, staring into mine.
“What’s what?”
“You said you would tell me one thing?”
“Right.” I blink, centering myself, pulling back from the distraction of her full lips just enough to hang onto my train of thought. “I was just thinking…about your ex. Well, wanting you to change was a pretty dumb idea. He should have realized what he had. Because, Kendall, you’re pretty great. I hope you know that.”
“Chase…”
“What is it?”
“We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Why not?”
“Because…” She bites her lip again.
“You’re beautiful, Kendall,” I say. “You’re interesting and fun, and I haven’t met anyone like you in a long time. I want to see where this night takes us. Don’t you?”
“I do.”
She breathes out and then squeezes her eyes closed for a moment as if trying to snap herself back to reality. But this is real.
I slide my hand up her arm to her shoulder and rub my thumb gently across her collarbone. I can feel the rise and fall of her breasts as she breathes, short gasps that don’t seem to be providing her with quite enough oxygen. Dimly, I’m aware that my own breathing has picked up too.
“We can go back to my hotel room,” I offer, thinking of the minibar and the huge bed and my hands slipping under the hem of Kendall’s dress, peeling it over her head.
“I don’t know…”
Gently, carefully, I pull her closer. She doesn’t resist. She’s willing in my arms.
“I don’t want this night to be over, Kendall? Do you?”
“No, I don’t, but my aunt…”
“You can text her and let her know you’re out with a friend.”
“A friend?”
She’s so close now that I can smell the apple scent of her shampoo.
“Well. Something like that.”
We’re so close. We’re going to kiss any minute. I let my eyes slip closed in anticipation…
She turns away from me. Her shoulder slips from my grasp. Her hand, which is braced against the pool table, knocks against a ball and sends it into the nearby corner pocket.
“This is so fast,” she says.
I search her eyes. “Is it too fast? Do you want to stop?”
“No,” she whispers.
I lean in, reaching across her, and pluck the ball from the pocket. Turning it, I see that the ball in my hand is the eight ball.
“Game over,” I say, showing it to her. “I guess you win.”
“What’s my prize?” she says on a whisper.
And this time I don’t hesitate. I pull her to me and kiss her with everything in me. Her lips part for me, and her mouth is warm and inviting. I haven’t been kissed like this in longer than I can remember. Maybe I haven’t been kissed like this ever.
And as we part and look into each other’s eyes. I know that I was right. Our whole night has been leading to this.
I don’t know exactly what the rest of the night is goin
g to hold, but as Kendall pulls me down to resume our kiss, I have a pretty good idea.
Chapter 7
Kendall
“We should get out of here,” he whispers. “Those women at the bar are staring.”
I don’t even look. I can’t take my eyes off of him. It’s as if the subtle tension between us that’s been building all evening has now exploded like glitter into the air around us. All my senses feel heightened. I was resisting this, but suddenly I don’t know why. It’s been months since I was with a man.
“Okay,” I say, my voice breathy and broken. “Your hotel, then.”
He wraps an arm around my waist and practically pulls me through the bar and out the door.
The cold night air, usually so refreshing, does nothing to break the spell. All it does is allow me to feel more intensely the heat of my skin.
“How far is the hotel?” I ask.
“There.” He points it out.
It’s only a few yards away, but it feels like miles.
We don’t exchange a word as we make our way along the sidewalk, half running in our eagerness, stumbling slightly thanks to some combination of the alcohol and our inability to focus on anything but getting into his room and finally being alone.
The hotel lobby is empty, and soothing music plays over the sound system. I feel out of place, as if I’ve walked into a party I wasn’t invited to. My rushing blood, my raging thoughts, the desire pouring through my body…they’re all too intense for this tranquil space. It’s all I can do to keep up a veneer of calm as Chase guides me through the lobby to the bank of elevators. I’m grateful for his ability to maintain his composure.
But all that shatters the moment the elevator door closes and we begin to ascend. He turns on me with fire in his eyes and resumes the kiss we began at the bar with a level of passion I hadn’t thought possible. If not for his arms around me, I’m sure I’d be melting into a puddle on the floor. I’m not sure how I’m staying upright, except that up here is where his mouth is and that’s where I need to be.
I wind my arms around his neck for additional support, and he pulls me against his body. When I feel how hard he is, I actually gasp into his mouth.
Hurry up, I silently urge the elevator. A moment later it dings and the doors slide open.
“Come on,” Chase says hoarsely, taking my hand.
We’re running along the hallway, and then he’s fumbling in his pocket for the key card to his room. My body thrums with excitement. Chase’s hands are shaking as he finally finds the card and swipes to let us in.
“We’re doing this, right?” he asks as the door eases closed behind us. He’s looking at me in a way no man ever has before, dark and lustful and full of desire. It’s almost primal.
“We’re definitely doing this,” I say.
He lifts me in his arms as easily as if I weighed nothing and tosses me lightly onto the bed. I gasp, startled by his strength and sudden boldness. He crawls up from my feet to my shoulders, pushing my dress as he goes, slipping an arm underneath me so he can pull it over my head and off. I’m transfixed, watching him.
I’m too captivated to even go for his shirt, even though it’s right there. The buttons are right in front of me. Then he reaches down and grabs the hem, stripping it off to reveal an absolutely perfect torso. Rock hard abs. Broad, muscular shoulders. He lowers himself over me, and finally, finally, we’re skin to skin.
“Lose the pants,” I manage to say.
He chuckles, but he’s reaching for the button. His hand slips past it and briefly grazes my thigh and I think I’m going to explode, but his eyes close, and he inhales sharply and lifts himself off me to remove his pants.
There shouldn’t be a sexy way to take off pants, but Chase has one. Or maybe it’s just the fog of my desire for him, obscuring everything. Maybe anything he did right now would look sexy to me. All I know for sure is that watching him step out of those jeans should have a warning label. “Not for the faint of heart.”
“Do you have a condom?” I have the presence of mind to ask.
Chase draws up short, a look of dismay crossing his face. “Oh, no.”
“You don’t?”
“I wasn’t thinking.”
“It’s okay,” I say hurriedly. “I’m on the pill.”
Intense relief. “You are? So…we’re good?”
“You’re clean, right?”
“Highly. It’s been a while.”
I nod. It’s a little more cavalier than I would ordinarily be with a guy in a situation like this, but I’ve never been so attracted to a man in my life, and I believe he’s telling me the truth. Thank God I didn’t stop taking the pill when I stopped going on dates! I always figured the day would come when I’d be glad I kept with it, and now that day is here. Good call, Past Kendall.
And now there’s nothing stopping us. The restraint we were barely clinging to dissolves as if it was never there.
In a matter of seconds he’s back on top of me, and all rational thought has left my mind. What thoughts I can summon come in short bursts, shoulders and big and oh my God, and then it’s just sensation, just pleasure and desperation and need.
I lose track of time. I forget everything that brought me here and all thought of what might happen next. I forget everything in the world except for here and now and Chase.
* * *
Afterward, I lie in his arms, my head resting on his chest, slowly returning to earth.
“I’m not crazy, right?” I ask him. “That was awesome?”
“One for the books,” he agrees. “Damn, I’m glad I met you, Kendall.”
“Me too.”
Maybe I’ve been thinking about this all wrong. I considered Chase a risk-free person to sleep with because the two of us wouldn’t be seeing each other after tonight, but now I don’t know. Maybe we should try to see each other again.
We both live in Chicago, after all. We’re both single. We like each other. And the sex is amazing. I’ve dated guys for a lot less than that.
Chase lets out a contented sigh. “I never thought when my plane had to land here in Applewood that I’d end up having a good time tonight.”
“You weren’t excited for the Applewood experience?” I snuggle up to him a little.
“Well, now I know better, of course,” he says. “I didn’t realize Applewood had such a charming welcoming committee.”
I grin and turn my face into his shoulder so he won’t see. It’s banter, but I can’t help feeling pleased.
“You should know I don’t ordinarily do this,” I tell him.
“Do what?” he asks.
“This. Meet strange men and go home with them like this.” I kiss his shoulder. “You should feel very special.”
“I do feel special.”
“Good.”
“But what do you mean, strange men? Are you saying I’m strange?” He looks over at me and then crosses his eyes.
I laugh. “Not strange strange. You know what I mean. Men I don’t know. Usually I wait a few dates and make sure I like the guy before I jump into bed with him. Don’t get me wrong, no regrets at all here, it’s just out of the box for me.”
“Hmm. So what makes me different?” he asks. “Why’d you break the rules for me?”
“I don’t know.”
I do know. It’s because I can already tell I like him. He’s generous, kind, funny, and a lot of fun to be around. I haven’t seen anything in him yet that I don’t like, in fact. And sure enough, right on cue, here come the stomach butterflies.
It’s because you just had sex with him, I tell myself firmly. It’s chemical. But I feel like I’m in high school and the best looking boy in school just said hello to me.
He shifts a bit lower in bed and pulls me down with him. “Well,” he says, “whatever the reason, I’m glad you did.”
I’m glad I did too.
I close my eyes and rest my head on his chest, allowing myself to be lulled to sleep by the soft sound of the hotel vent
ilation system and the warm feeling of complete relaxation and contentment spreading through me. What an unexpectedly awesome night this has turned out to be. I know that no matter what happens next, I’ll never forget this moment.
Chapter 8
Kendall
I drift awake slowly, rising from the fog of sleep, but I do my best to cling to the last few minutes and prevent myself from fully waking up. I was having such a nice dream. A tall, handsome man, an impulsive evening, hours of passionate lovemaking…
My eyes drift open.
I’m not in my room. I’m not in Aunt Mariel’s living room. I’m in a place I don’t recognize. Beige walls, heavy drapes, dark mahogany desk with an executive chair in the corner—oh. It wasn’t a dream. That amazing night was real. And Chase was real.
I close my eyes for a moment and assess my body, recognizing and enjoying the pleasant soreness that follows a night like that. Then I roll over beneath the comforter, turning toward Chase’s side of the bed, reaching out for him—
My arms close on empty air. There’s no one there.
What? This definitely did happen, I’m certain of it now. So where is he? The bathroom, maybe? Or could he have gone down to the hotel lobby to get breakfast? Maybe the door will open and he’ll walk in here with a plate of eggs. I sit up, pulling the sheet up to my chest.
And that’s when I see the folded slip of paper on Chase’s pillow.
My name is on the outside in small, neat handwriting. It’s a note.
Nervous without fully knowing why, I reach out and pick it up, flicking it open to read.
Kendall—
Thank you for an amazing night. When two lives cross the way ours did, even if only for a single night, I believe it binds them together forever. You and I will always share our memories of that chance meeting at the movie theater, an evening of pool and drinks and unbearable chemistry, and everything that came after.
The Baby Miracle Page 5
