by Leo Romero
“Ha ha! Take that, you bastards!” Jagelon shouted as we left the tank behind. He turned in his seat to face the oncoming hordes. He fired up his etchings and whipped his hands around in a big circle. The air within the circle shimmered with dark energy. The bikes got on our tail once more, and the riders fired lasers at us. The lasers hit Jagelon’s shield and rebounded back, hitting them full on, vaporizing them. Jagelon’s shield crackled with power.
“I can’t hold them off forever,” he shouted over his shoulder at me.
“Where’s this statue?” I shouted to myself, looking left and right for images of Atazoth but seeing nothing but derelict buildings and destruction.
“You’re moving so fast, I’ve lost my bearings,” Draxil told me.
“Great!” I muttered.
I threw a sharp left between two burning husks of buildings into a thin alley. The bikes behind us followed single file. The lead shot at us. Jagelon’s shield absorbed the shot but at a cost. The shield frazzled away with a pop, almost knocking him off the bike. Now we were open. I snatched a look over my shoulder to see the soldier aiming a laser cannon at us.
I pulled out Bam Bam. “Duck!” I ordered, whipping my arm around. Jagelon ducked while I kept a hand on the throttle. I fired. The slug hit the soldier in its screen face, obliterating it. Its bike was thrown sideways. The chasing soldiers behind it rammed into it, sending them flying.
I grinned.
Jagelon raised his head again. “Good shot.”
“Thanks!” I turned back to face the front. My eyes bulged. A tank was heading straight for us.
“Hold on!” I shouted and jammed the bike to the right. We swerved viciously into a tiny corridor between two buildings, the side of the bike clattering against the facade. I raced to the end, where we came back out onto the highway, which was swarming with soldiers.
“Oh shit!” I said, grinding to a halt.
Green beams bathed us from all directions. Crackles filled the air. Tanks descended on us. In seconds, we were rounded upon. My eyes darted left and right in terror.
“Well that taste of freedom didn’t last long,” Jagelon stated as soldiers closed in. “How are you in a fist fight? We’re outnumbered twenty to one, but we can still take a few down before we die.”
The nearest soldier lifted his flamethrower. My eyes bulged.
A scream ripped the air in half, stealing everyone’s attentions. A naked woman raced onto the scene from nowhere, her breasts jiggling. In her hands was a huge laser cannon. Where she’d got it, who knew? Right then I didn’t care. She fired at the nearest soldier, her eyes glittering with wild abandon. A bunch of soldiers rushed over to her in a pack, clearing the way. My eyes zoned in on an empty alleyway ahead.
I grabbed Bam Bam and blew the head off the soldier in front of me. His body clattered to the ground.
The blast caught the attention of more soldiers, who already had their guns aimed at us. Jagelon got his shield up in the nick of time to deflect a laser beam, which rebounded back toward its firer, boring through its chest.
“Go!” Jagelon shouted over his shoulder as another soldier fired a shot at us.
I pulled back on the throttle. Guns N’ Roses fired out, and we shot forward. Jagelon deflected another laser beam, which bolted off, hitting a tank. The woman was still going to work behind us, vaporizing soldiers, her insane cackles stuttering over the air. I ducked as I shot into the alleyway, leaving the madness behind. Buildings blurred by.
“Draxil, we need to find a statue fast!” I shouted.
“Keep going, and we’ll find one!”
That wasn’t much help.
I burst out of the alleyway and spun right onto a wider street. Engine noise from behind made my ears prick.
“They’re not giving up easily,” Jagelon told me as he deflected yet another laser blast.
I clenched my teeth and gave it more throttle. I spun a left, and we shot over a bridge, that river oozing away into the distance. We went over the hump of the bridge, and something came into view in the near distance. A statue with tentacles coming out of its head. Atazoth!
I sped up and checked over my shoulder. Soldiers on bikes were closing in. Jagelon deflected another laser blast, hitting the lead biker on the rebound. The bastard spun away, toppling over the bridge and into the river. The one behind closed the gap. I growled in anger, a shitball brewing in my palm. Without thinking, I slung it over my shoulder. It cut through the air, splattering the soldier in its screen face. Uncontrollable crackles burst out of it. I took a quick glance over my shoulder to watch it veer blindly off the bridge and into the sludge.
Jagelon let out a hearty cackle. I joined him. We were home and dry. All we had to do was get that bastard Atazoth to open the portal for us, and we were out of there. I focused in on his statue as I zoomed across the bridge. Nothing could stop us now!
The world abruptly darkened as if night was falling. I gazed around in confusion as that ominous darkness deepened.
“Uh oh!” said Jagelon.
I lifted my eyes to the sky, only there was no sky any longer, but a giant splayed hand descending over us. My eyes bulged. Holy moly!
“Move, Stone!” shouted Draxil.
I tried to go faster, but that grotesque hand was even faster. It cupped over us, all six fingers clamping. Everything turned clammy and stinky. I felt like I was gripped in rubber. My stomach shot up into my chest as Jagelon and I were hoisted up and up and up for what felt like an eternity. I wanted to scream, but my face was smudged up against demonic flesh. I wanted to thrash my limbs, but I was stuck fast. Panic detonated in my mind as we arced over to the side and finally, the hand released us. Jagelon and I dropped through the air like skydivers, our arms thrashing. The whole of Violence came into view. Brutal. Bloody. Chaotic. I looked down. A titanic bull’s head dominated the view, solid, ruby-red eyes burning. Baal.
His cavernous mouth was agape, ready to swallow us.
My heart leaped into my throat as I dropped into Baal’s.
First the bike went in, then Jagelon, and finally I dropped into Baal’s mouth. The world turned black and slick as I bounced off his rough, meaty tongue and slammed into the wall of his throat. The mouth closed behind us, and my senses were shut off, scrambling my mind. I hit more slick flesh before I was eased down Baal’s gullet like a piece of food. I tried to struggle, but tiny hands lining Baal’s maw gripped hold of my ankles and yanked me down further and further. I dropped for an age, the terror of finally hitting his stomach juices a stark reality.
I wanted to scream, but those hands smothered my face. As I sank deeper and the darkness took hold, my mind went blank, and my body turned limp. Those hands continued to yank at my clothes, pulling me down further. There was no way I was escaping Hell. Somewhere at the back of my foggy mind, I could hear Draxil shouting, but I had no idea what he was saying.
Rumbles from below echoed through the tunnel, trembling through me. My feet struck something meaty, and my limp body was squeezed through a fleshy opening, spitting me out like a newborn calf. Repulsion crawled all over me as I was passed out into a void of darkness. I floated in a downward spiral into the murky depths of some foul beast’s subconscious.
I plunged deeper and deeper, picking up pace until finally, a terrified scream bolted from my mouth. I slowed and came to a stop, my feet falling on something soft, carpet-like. My mind and body sparked into life. I spun in the darkness in erratic circles, my breathing ragged, my heart hammering.
Red fire flared around me in a large circle, lighting up everything a rust color. I came to a stop and took in my surroundings. I was in a huge stone-walled chamber like a castle’s inner sanctum. Blood oozed out of the walls where it pulsed and writhed. Stained-glass windows depicted scenes of carnage and chaos, blood and destruction, rape and pillage. A carpet of ragged, leathery red skin sat beneath my feet, rolling away into the distance.
Jagelon was chained to the wall, unconscious, his head lolling between his sho
ulders. Margaroth was cowering in my jacket pocket. Even Scrappy Doo was freaked. Something must’ve been up.
“Oh no,” said Draxil in a voice loaded with dread, confirming the notion. “We’re in the Ninth Circle.” I physically heard him gulp. “Satan’s throne room.”
My eyes bulged in terror. Alarm bells clanged in my mind. “Satan’s throne room?” I echoed in a breathless whisper. Not good.
“You’re a long way from home,” came a baritone voice from behind me.
I froze, my blood running cold. I shivered uncontrollably. Spiders crawled in my mind. I was somewhere terrible. In the presence of something unspeakable.
“S-Satan?” I stammered, my mouth dry.
“The one and only.”
Chapter 22
A curtain of dread descended over my mind.
I turned in a slow circle, my legs trembling, fear shredding my nerves.
I gazed up in horror at the thing towering over me. Satan. He sat on a giant throne of bejeweled gold that spread outward like enormous batwings. Darkness shrouded him. It oozed out of him like a living thing, clinging to him, lichen-like. His slitted, yellow-green eyes were visible through the murk, gleaming with cunning malevolence.
Even through the darkness, I could tell he was lounging nonchalantly in that throne, a red claw and hooved foot sneaking out from the gloom. There was an immense aura emanating from him. Arrogance. Pride. Conceit. Hey, I could’ve been describing me.
The thrum of his talons strumming his throne’s armrest echoed through the chamber.
“Show yourself,” I demanded with a small burst of bravado.
“Afraid I can’t,” said Satan in his deep, grainy voice. “My true form will scar your mind beyond repair. You wouldn’t be able to close your eyes without envisioning me in the darkness. I don’t want to do that to you, Gabriel. See, I’m a considerate guy.”
“I bet.”
“Stone! Don’t listen to a word he says to you!” Draxil warned. I could sense the alarm in his voice. “Don’t let him manipulate you. Don’t let him get into your mind. And don’t tell him anything! He’ll speak to you in a friendly voice, in a manner you want to hear. It’s a ploy to gain your trust.”
I took a steely breath, preparing my mind for the inevitable manipulation, the temptation I was about to be offered. I stared at that cloak of darkness, and a thought struck me. He was right there. Satan. I could end the war between Heaven and Hell there and then. All I had to do was kill him. I brewed a shitball in my palm down by my thigh.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Satan said with a sigh. “You want to throw a shitball at me, don’t you?”
My eyes widened. “Uh, no.”
“Just to let you know, that dark magic you’re using came straight out of my ass when it hit Earth on my way down here. Call it a brainfart if you will.”
I glanced down at my hand. Ugh!
“I’m immune to my own magic. So your shitballs can’t do shit to me except piss me off, and you really don’t want to do that. I’ve got this...loose screw. I’ll wear your intestines around my neck just to enjoy the aroma of them decaying. I’m kind of sick that way.”
I gulped and discreetly dropped the shitball to the ground. I crossed my arms over my chest and put on a grin.
Satan sighed. “I don’t want to fight you, Gabriel. I merely want to break bread. I know what I am. How I appear. The rumors spread about me and why you’d want to kill me. Unfortunately, the truth is you’ve found yourself caught in the middle of an ancient game between two old rivals. Kind of like Batman and the Joker.”
I flinched in surprise at hearing that. Even through the darkness, I could feel Satan’s smug grin.
“See, I know what that means,” he said. “So, which one am I, Gabriel?”
“Do I even need to answer that?”
“Of course. You think I’m the Joker. Psychotic, murderous, pitiless.”
“Uh, yeah.”
“Well, let me ask you. Am I the one who makes you age? Am I the one who gave you mortality? The one who leaves you vulnerable to disease? Was it I who created a predatory system of survival? Did I devise the concept of floods, earthquakes, mudslides?”
“That’s just Nature. Nature is chaotic, constantly evolving, uncontrollable.”
“And who created Nature?”
“He might’ve created Nature, but He cannot control the path it takes. Even Nature has free will.”
“Ah, free will. You mean the free will to send a great flood? To smite the Canaanites? To create the horsemen to scorch Earth? That kind of free will?”
I went to speak but didn’t know what to say. The asshole had me there. “It’s just His way,” I said with a shrug.
“Exactly. The way of the Joker. You know, if I had it my way, you’d live forever. Your dreams would be fulfilled. Your every desire satisfied. I’d oversee a realm of pleasure and content, where every loyal subject would be overburdened with happiness. I’d be the cool dad your friend down the street has. No, the truth is, Gabriel...I’m Batman.”
“Don’t listen to him, Stone!” Draxil said in a panicked voice. “Every word he utters is a lie. He is a deceiver!”
I wanted to believe my inner demon, but Satan’s words were somehow lulling, like a mother’s lullabies in a baby’s ear. His voice oozed charisma. It was effortless. Even though I knew what he was, a part of me wanted to believe him. He seemed cool. Laid back. Easy to get on with. He’d be cool to have a beer with. Like we’d be best buddies forever.
“He’s lulling you into a false sense of security, you fool!” Draxil growled.
“You know, Gabriel, I’m glad we’ve finally had the chance to meet,” Satan said. “When Beelzebub came crawling back on his knees, pleading his sorrow, I knew I had to meet you in the flesh. It’s rare for anyone outside the Archangels to defeat one of my Princes. I’m impressed.”
“Stop listening to him, Stone!”
“It’s not every day I get to meet a true hero. All I get sent are the dregs. No, your talents are wasted serving them. A guy like you should be achieving greater things. Come and join me, Gabriel. I’ll make you a Prince. Got a space now that I’ve banished Beelzebub. You’ll have everything you’ve ever wanted. Hey, I’ll give you a whole Circle to do with as you please. We’ll call it, ‘Gabe’. In the blink of an eye, we’ll have a hundred casinos set up, just for you.”
I licked my lips. “Casinos?” I echoed.
“For the love of all that is holy, will you stop listening!” Draxil barked.
“Uh-huh. Endless slot machines, blackjack tables as far as the eye can see. Roulette wheels up the ass. Poker tables lined with the hottest strippers all singing your praises while you win yet another hand. We’ve got all the best rock bands down here too. Every night will be a party.”
My heart swelled with desire. I could picture it. Me, casino king, head of my own empire. Sitting there like a boss, raking in chips till dawn, while nodding my head to the best rock music in town and having my ego massaged by beautiful women.
His voice was like silk on my ears. Delicate whispers, tickling my nerves. Soothing like a bath of warm milk. “All I want is her,” he uttered. “The Dark Bearer. Bring her to me. Let me spill her blood, and I’ll reward you beyond your wildest dreams.”
“Don’t do it, Stone!” Draxil roared. “Snap out of it!”
Something knocked the side of my head, and I almost staggered. I reached a hand up to my ringing head. Jeez, Draxil, I wasn’t gonna say yes for Chrissakes!
“I’m trying to knock some sense into you!” Draxil hissed.
I shook off the blow and faced Satan. “As cool as all that sounds, and it does sound cool, I’ll have to pass.” I rolled my eyes to the side. “If you don’t mind. Sir.” Well, I didn’t wanna piss off Satan in his own throne room.
Satan adjusted in his seat. Those eyes zoned in on me, simmering with a cultivated rage. I felt my bladder tighten and my balls shrink. It was like watching a bomb about to explo
de.
They thankfully narrowed, shrewdness dampening the ire. “Not often I get turned down, Gabriel,” Satan said in a creepily calm voice. “Especially when I make such tantalizing offers.”
“Sorry,” I said with a dry mouth. “Hell isn’t my thing.”
“How about truth? That more your thing?”
“What do you mean ‘truth’?”
Cunning gleamed in his eyes. “Truths like what really happened to your mother and father. Truths like how you really died.”
“Stone...” came Draxil’s concerned voice.
“What are you on about?” I asked Satan. “Mia and I died in a car crash. My mother, God bless her, died of a broken heart once that asshole father of mine ran out on her after my death.”
Satan chuckled. “God bless her? Oh, that’s a good one. Priceless.”
I hated him laughing at me and talking shit about Mom. “What are you getting at, Satan?” I asked in a low growl.
He leaned forward, those eyes boring down on me. “Your mother had you killed.”
My face pinched. “What? That’s absurd!”
Satan leaned back. “Is it? Your mother worships me. Kisses the ground I walk on. She would’ve done anything to get down here. I asked her what she considered to be the ultimate sacrifice in my name. She answered with one word: Gabriel. Her only son. Well, I said throw in the wife, and we’ve got a deal.”
My top lip curled up. “You’re lying.”
“Am I? Ever see your mother in Heaven?”
I frowned. “No, I didn’t. She’s still in Purgatory, waiting to be processed as she died before her time in unusual circumstances.”
“Wrong, Gabriel. She never made it to Heaven because she earned her place in Hell once she sacrificed you.”
“Bullshit!” I said, flipping my hand on the air.
“Really?” Satan leaned back in his seat. “Step forward, Gretchen!”
My brow knotted. Gretchen? Who the hell’s Gretchen?
Something entered the scene from behind the throne. She walked on slender fawn legs, the toes, long black talons. I gazed up, meeting solid-obsidian eyes, devoid of any emotion. Horns, three deep, jutted out both sides of her head like crab legs. Silver hair tumbled over her shoulders in rugged knots. Her fingers were needle-like talons, black and razor sharp. Etchings ran up her arms, across her sagging breasts and shoulders. She was a monstrosity. A truly hideous creation.
