by Meg Farrell
I’m on all fours, trying to get to my feet, when he kicks me in my left ribs. The wind is knocked out of my body and I collapse on the floor.
“Fucking whore.”
12 - Recompense
Kent goes back out to the patio for the gun. I lay frozen on the floor, terrified to move. I’m waiting for him to come back and finish the job he started once before when lights fill the trailer. I can barely hear the purr of engines when Kent walks back through. He’s talking under his breath, then looks at me and says, “If you don’t want anyone else hurt, keep your stupid mouth shut.” He tucks the gun in the waistband of his pants, right at his lower back.
The voice I hear when Kent answers the door is Justin’s. Hope renews inside me, and I try to get back on my feet. When I fall over, Justin must hear the thump because then there’s a commotion at the door. I finally use the back of the couch to pull myself up onto my feet. My arm feels broken, and I hold it across my body.
As I’m standing there, Justin and Kent rolling on the floor, fighting for control of the gun. When I’m about to jump in and help Justin, another man rushes through the front door.
“Police! Freeze! Stop now, or I’ll shoot the both of you!”
He’s an older man, dressed in a police uniform. He’s got his own gun drawn on the guys. They stop fighting and sit up gasping for breath, glaring at each other. The police officer looks around the room when they surrender. His eyes land on me. “Ma’am, are you Alana Thomas?”
I swallow before answering. “Yes, sir.”
“Are you hurt?”
“Yes sir.”
“Stay there for now. Let me get these two hooked.” He reaches for the little speaker thing on his shoulder and says some code stuff I don’t understand. Then he points the gun at Justin, “If you move, I will shoot you.”
Justin puts his hands up and slides away from Kent. “Okay, Paul. Just do what you gotta do.”
Paul? Who is Paul?
The officer, Paul, puts Kent in handcuffs. When he stands Kent up and marches him out the front door, Kent winks at me then blows me a kiss. I close my eyes and look away. I open them when I feel someone approach me. It’s Justin.
“Hey. You okay?” his voice is gentle, his eyes searching.
“No.”
“I knew the answer to that, but I had to ask. Do you think you need an ambulance?”
I shake my head. “No. You can drive me to the hospital.”
He smiles. “Okay. I can do that. We’ll have to do a report before we can go. So, uh, doesn’t look like he lives here anymore.”
“It doesn’t. See the smashed bookcase?”
He looks around the room and then back at me.
“Me. That happened the night he shot me.”
He turns back to me, concern etched across his face. “Do you need to get out of here? You can sit in the car while Paul takes your statement.”
I take a moment to think before I answer. “I’m actually pretty good right now. I was trying to find out from Kent where he’s stashed Ethan. He wouldn’t tell me.”
Justin is checking out my arm, tenderly prodding, when he absently says, “We have Ethan. I found him. He’s at the station with Department of Human Services.”
“What!”
This time he looks up at me. “What did you think I went to take care of today? I knew with Kent pulling this psycho bullshit, Ethan didn’t need to be anywhere around him. I called Paul and we’ve been doing the leg-work to lay hands on him.”
My heart swells. I can’t form a coherent thought. Elation being my primary emotion, immediately followed with fear. What if he doesn’t want me? The thought is sobering. He may not want to see me after I left him like I did. Or did he believe I was dead? What did Kent tell him? I’m brought back to reality when Justin dabs at the blood on my face a bit. “Ouch! That stings!”
“Sorry. I was just checking out how badly you’re hurt. Looks like your arm is broken. Maybe a couple ribs, too.” He can’t seem to stop touching me as he’s speaking. It’s like he’s physically restrained from crushing me against him.
“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. Will you hold me?”
Justin’s gaze meets mine. “Thought you’d never ask. I didn’t want to hurt you.” As the words leave his lips, he gently folds himself around me. I hadn’t realized I was shaking until that moment. As his sturdy body provides mine with warmth and stability, something inside me breaks. I start sobbing from deep within me. Kent is in handcuffs, Ethan is safe, and I have Justin here with me. Still, it doesn’t feel like this nightmare is over yet.
Justin starts to make soothing noises into my hair as he holds me. This is my favorite part of him holding me. He can calm my nerves in nearly an instant. It’s a strange time to say it, but it needs to be said. I pull back a tiny bit and look up to find his eyes. I need him to feel me when I say it, “I want strings.”
“We are so far past strings. You got strings and anything else you want with them. I love you.” He smiles at me lovingly.
“I would be dead if you hadn’t been persistent in finding him,” I tell him soberly.
He nods slowly. “I know. By the way, how did my gun get here?”
I shrug. “It seemed fairly easy to use a gun. I, uh, was going to…”
He puts his hand over my mouth. “Don’t say it out loud. I know what you thought you were doing. Do you agree that it was not your smartest decision?”
I sigh. “Yes, Dad. I agree. But do you agree that you need to equip me properly in the future?”
He frowns. “Yes. I can see now that you need to be trained. A wild card like you needs skills.”
Paul clears his throat. “Excuse me Ms. Thomas. I have some questions to ask you.”
Justin and I spent about an hour answering questions. I explained to Paul that Kent is, legally, my husband. We also discussed the incident five years ago when he nearly killed me and how I fled for my life. I gave him the name of the officer outside of Memphis who helped me change my name to validate my story. Then the biggest question came up, “What are you doing here tonight? Mr. Walsh said the gun is yours. Can you please explain?”
Against Justin’s advice, and my own better judgment, I explained. I went into great detail about how he has terrorized Kate, the kidnapping, the physical assault, and the threat against my own life. I acted under great duress when I drove to the trailer to find Kent and confront him. Justin can’t look at me while I explain. I know why. He’s afraid I’ll be charged with something. In the end, I tell Paul I didn’t intend to kill Kent. I wanted to scare him away, and get information about Ethan. I brought the gun as protection in case he tried to attack me again.
Paul takes a lot of notes and tells me Kent is being charged with assault with a deadly weapon, and we’ll have our day in court. Unofficially, he tells me to get an attorney. Kent could easily turn this back on me since I could be viewed as the aggressor.
As I am no longer involved with Kent, my showing up on a property he owns with a gun could be misconstrued. The thought sickens me. I should have listened to Justin when he told me to let the police handle it. I had no idea my actions could backfire and put me in the hot seat. For the second time, Kent nearly killed me, and I may be at fault for it.
When we finish with Paul and our statements, Justin drives me to the hospital. The symmetry of the moment shakes me to the core. This moment is all too familiar. He drove me to the hospital the last time Kent attacked me. I reach my left hand across the console to grab his hand lying on his leg. “Hey, I’m not as bad off as the last time you had to drive me after a Kent attack.”
He doesn’t smile. “I know.”
“You’re still pissed.”
He sighs, “I’m not pissed. I can’t comprehend why you would do this. Why would you put yourself in this situation again? I told you we could handle it.”
I don’t answer. His questions hang in the air between us.
>
After several hours of testing, x-rays, and some pain medication, my list of injuries include: a broken right arm, two cracked ribs, some bruises, and a really hard head. Nothing to do but cast my arm and tape my ribs. The rest will heal on their own. The ride home is too quiet. Justin’s silence concerns me.
“When can I see Ethan?”
He shrugs. “When DHS finishes with him, I guess.”
“What do you mean, ‘finishes with him?’ Is there something wrong with him?”
He shakes his head. “No. We found him in the apartment Kent leased in Memphis. He’s a little malnourished, and he’s never been to school. Kent didn’t let him out much, so he’s not been very verbal with us. They just want to check him over.”
My heart sinks like an anchor. My buoyant feeling at knowing he is safe becomes a shattered emotion. “But he’s okay?” I ask again.
Justin nods. “He’ll be fine. I’m sure of it. He’s going to have a hard road ahead of him.”
“He was in Memphis? All this time?”
“Yeah, he was less than three miles from you.”
“I can’t believe that. How strange that is! Well, not strange. Kent told me he was stalking me. He knew about you. He—” I swallow. “—made threats against you. I should have killed him. Anyway, let’s forget about Kent. I can’t wait to see Ethan so I can squeeze him and kiss his sweet face.”
“Alana,” he pauses. “DHS may not let you have him until the case with Kent is cleared. If you pick up a charge, they’ll have to find another family member to take Ethan.”
“No! They can’t do that. He’s mine.” Tears start to prick my eyes.
“Honey, they can, and they will. Actions have consequences. You acted in a way you thought you had to, so maybe that will help your case, but you need to come to terms with what may happen as a result.”
Heartbreak floods my whole body. Justin is holding my hand as we drive. The idea that Kent could still keep me from my boy is beyond comprehension. “What about temporary insanity?”
“We have to prove it, but I think we can. There’s evidence in Kent’s apartment that he was stalking you. Paul had a team go in to document the place and collect all the evidence. I’m going to call a friend of mine who’s an attorney to help us with your case.”
“What kind of evidence was in the apartment?”
His answer is almost curt. “You don’t want to know right now. I’ll give you a list once they’re done processing it.” Protection mode is intact, I see.
“All right. You’re right, I may have had my fill of Kent and creepiness. By the way, who is Paul?”
He gives me a half-smile. “My old sergeant. I called him to help me with you and this whole situation. He was actually kind of shocked I’d found you, let alone fallen for you.”
My eyes widen. “Fallen for me?”
“Completely.”
13 - Dawn
I’ve always thought the most beautiful part of the day was sunset. Today has changed my mind. I’ll always see sunset as an amazingly beautiful feature of nature, but dawn has become my new favorite. Something about the new day bringing a renewed hope for all of life. I’m full of gratitude when I see the dawn as an opportunity to start over. And we get a do-over every single day.
It’s been a week since Kent was arrested. Kate and I are still staying with the boys. She’s gone through the process of getting the insurance claims filed to fix the house. Somehow, though, we just don’t feel safe going home. Cameron and Kate have been spending an inordinate amount of time together in his room. He hardly goes to work, and she’s out of a job.
She quit as soon as she recovered from the attack. There’s a nagging in the back of my mind that says she should be able to file suit against the company she was working for. She followed the process and told them about the harassment from Kent. They said they were investigating, but did nothing. I’m sure if she did file a suit, they would cover by producing paperwork that shows they were working it.
It doesn’t matter. Kate doesn’t want anything else to do with that company. She’s been looking for work, but the job market has slim pickings. I’m sure something will pan out for her.
Justin is taking me to meet his friend who is a lawyer. He’s going to help me with my case. Justin is certain that there won’t be any charges filed against me. The history between Kent and I should help me get some kind of temporary insanity if it comes down to it. I don’t know how all that works, but it seems logical. It’s overwhelming to think Kent could still affect my life after all that’s happened.
I have been uncharacteristically clingy with Justin, too. I can’t sit still in the house unless he’s right there with me. Often times, I’m waking up with nightmares. New nightmares. Ones where Kent hurts or kills Justin. All they do is make me more dependent on Justin, and I cling to him to know he’s okay. That we’re okay. I hate that I can’t seem to stand on my own two feet.
Sometimes the weight of everything that’s happened in the last month is enough to make me weak in the knees. Justin is a good place to lean when that happens. He’s been everything I’ve needed every day. Almost like a freaking movie. I could have never imagined finding someone so great.
The impact of this realization brings to mind that I haven’t told Justin how thankful I am for him. When we pull into the parking lot of Mr. Rosa’s office, and I turn to Justin. “Hey, before we go in, I need to tell you something.”
He looks surprised, but he reaches over taking my hand and looks into my eyes earnestly. “Okay?”
I take a deep breath. “Thank you. I wouldn’t be able to get through any of this without you. Most of the time, I’m still a mess in my own head, but I know I can rely on you to steady me and keep me moving forward. I don’t think I’ve said it enough. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say it enough.”
Justin smiles. “I told you, you have so much more than strings. We’re in everything together. Always.”
Emotions well up inside me, and I sniffle. “Always.” I want to tell him I love him, too. He managed to say it, but I haven’t said it back yet. Now isn’t the time. He’ll think I’m saying it because I’m scared.
Mr. Rosa is a stout Hispanic man with a genial smile. His cheeks are so round they close off his eyes when he smiles. I immediately love him. He greets us both with back-cracking hugs, then ushers us into his office.
His administrative assistant brings us coffee and a tray of pastries. It’s all I can do not to shove an entire apple fritter into my mouth. I’m a stress eater, and I can admit that. I own it. However, knowing what’s at stake, I can’t do it. Though, I consider taking one for the road when we’re done.
“So, Ms. Thomas,” Mr. Rosa begins. “You have some trouble we need to take care of. Care to tell me what happened? In your own words, of course. I’ve read the police report, but those can be skewed to the favor of the police. No offense, Mr. Ellis.”
Justin scoffs. “Mr. Ellis? Seriously, Manuel? After all these years?
Mr. Rosa chuckles. “Okay. Right, Justin. Your story, Ms. Thomas.”
“Well, sir, Kent is my husband. Soon to be ex-husband if you can help me with that, too. You see, five years ago he tried to kill me. I survived because of the kindness of strangers, and I was able to start over. Over the last month or so, my roommate, Kate, has told me about a man at work who was sexually harassing her. I didn’t know it was Kent.
“Roughly a week ago, she was kidnapped and attacked. When I saw her in the hospital, Kate told me who had done it. I lost it. I was terrified because I believed he had found me, and had attacked Kate because of me. So when Justin went to work one day, I got his gun from the lockbox under his bed.” I can’t help myself, I look up at Justin when I tell this part. “I’m sorry,” I say.
He smiles at me lovingly and mouths the words, “It’s okay.” Then he squeezes my hand. I hadn’t even realized he was
holding it.
A tear rolls down my cheek, and I quickly wipe it away before continuing. “I drove to the trailer we lived in together. I didn’t know if he’d be there, but I was convinced if I left it up to the police he would get away with it. You see, he’s very charismatic. People fall under some kind of spell around him. He had abused me for years, and no matter how many people I reached out to for help, they didn’t believe me. Not even my own family. So, I needed to confront him to put all of this conflict to an end.”
At this Mr. Rosa interjects, “Did you intend to harm Mr. Walsh?”
I think for a moment. “Is this discussion just between us?”
Mr. Rosa tells me that anything we discuss is covered by privilege, and he can’t tell anyone unless we agree he can.
I straighten my back, and tell the truth. “No. My plan was simple: kill Kent and take custody of our boy. I told the police that I just wanted to confront him, and the gun was for protection.”
Shock crosses his face. “Okay, maybe we leave out the murder plot when we meet with the district attorney and DHS.”
I nod. “Whatever you think is best, sir. Remember, I’ve been living a false life, without my son, for five years. Kent stole everything from me. He shot me. Willpower carried me away from that trailer with nothing. So when he showed up again and attacked my roommate after stalking me, I had to do something.”
He lets out a hearty laugh. “You’re probably right, but like I said, you leave the taking to me. Tell me how this has affected your life today.”
“I have no life. I’ve taken a leave of absence from work, and my roommate has lost her job. Well, she quit. Our home is under repair, so we’re living with Justin and his roommate for now.
Mr. Rosa tells us about his strategy. I’m thankful Justin is here, again, because I really don’t understand everything he tells us. I feel slightly guilty that in all of the time we’ve been in his office, neither Justin or I touch the pastries.
As we’re shaking hands, and saying our goodbyes, I make my apologies. “Mr. Rosa, please thank your admin for the pastries. I’m sorry we didn’t eat any.”
