Charlie took a drink then set her mug back on the table. “Are you done?”
Hailey slumped back in her chair and began to pick at the pattern of the flowers on the side of her mug. The thing was so old that the paint was beginning to chip. “Yes.”
Charlie pushed her tea aside. “Tell me what happened in Nashville.”
Hailey shook her head. “Nothing bad. It was all great, too great,” she murmured.
“How can it be too great?”
“It just was.” She choked on a sob and took a sip of tea to hide it. “It was like Lottie became a whole new kid in the few short days we were there. She was confident and sassy, but not in a bad way. May was like a kid in a candy store, and I…”
“You what?”
“I had an amazing time.
Charlie reached across the table and took Hailey’s hand. “That’s great, Hay.”
“Yeah, it was.” Her teeth bit into her lower lip. “That’s the problem. I was there having the best time of my life instead of being here taking care of my business.” She glanced up at Charlie and shrugged. “A business that burnt down while I wasn’t tending to it.”
“Sweetie, your great time in Nashville and this fire have nothing to do with one another, and I think it’s pretty arrogant of you to think you could’ve done anything about a fire that started long after the bar closed. What’s really going on?”
Hailey rested her elbows on the table and dropped her head in her hands. “It’s all my fault. I wished the whole time I was in Nashville that I lived there.” The words eked out past the shame that clogged her throat. She raised wet eyes to Charlie. “I didn’t want to come home. Every part of me wanted to sign on with Beau’s tour, load May and Lottie up, hit the road, and never look back. I wanted more than anything to just walk away from Zachsville and the bar.” The last sentence was wrapped in a sob.
“Oh, honey.” Charlie got up and wrapped her arms around Hailey. “There’s nothing wrong with feeling that way, except that I would miss you, but you know that you and I will always find a way to see each other.” She kissed the top of Hailey’s head. “What does this have to do with you and Beau?”
She pulled out of Charlie’s embrace and scrubbed her face. “Weren’t you listening?”
Her friend returned to her seat. “Yes. I heard why you feel guilty about what happened with the bar, but not why you and Beau can’t be together.”
Hailey flung her hands into the air. “He’s the reason, Charlie. He’s the reason I want things that I should never want. He’s put stupid ideas in my head that I can have things that I don’t…”
A blonde brow shot up Charlie’s forehead. “Deserve?”
“Yes.” Did she really feel that way? A little voice deep, deep inside her, shouted, yes. Her head rested in her hand again. “Oh, my God.” She turned her eyes to her friend. “I really feel that way.”
Charlie shrugged. “We all do to some extent. I did. But I believe it was you who pointed out that I was the problem in mine and Hank’s relationship, and that I had the power to fix it. And so do you.”
“He’s moving to Nashville tomorrow, Charlie. There’s nothing I can do. I’m supposed to start meeting with contractors in the morning. To do just what he doesn’t want me to do.”
“What do you mean?”
“He told me the bar was a cage and that I shouldn’t rebuild it.”
Charlie laced her fingers together on the table. “Is he wrong?”
Hailey jerked her head around so fast that it took a moment for her eyes to catch up. “Yes. How can you ask me such a thing? You know how much that bar meant to my mom and how much my mom meant to me. It’s all I have left of her. What kind of disloyal daughter would I be to just give it up? Especially after I swore to her I’d keep it running. I’ve told you how great she was to me.”
A warm hand covered hers again. “Honey, I’m going to say something, and you’re not going to like it, but you need to hear it.”
Anxiety kicked up like a West Texas dust storm in Hailey’s belly.
“Your mom… Hailey, she wasn’t as great a mother as you’ve made her out to be. She was never around for you. You complained all the time that you never got to see her because she was asleep when you got up and gone to work by the time you got home from school.”
“Yeah, because she was running the bar.” She tried to speak slowly because clearly Charlie was missing the point.
“You run the bar, but you make time for Lottie, even if that means you miss out on sleep or have to pay someone to work for you, just so you can be at her activities and spend quality time with her.”
“It’s different—”
“Is it?” Charlie cocked her head. “Do you remember why you backed out of the talent show we were supposed to be in together?”
Finally, a question she could answer with confidence. “Yes, because I didn’t like singing in front of people.”
Charlie was shaking her head before Hailey finished. “No, that’s not what happened. We were backstage and so excited because we knew we were going to be awesome. We were probably super obnoxious to the other kids because we were so overly confident. Then you peeked out from behind the curtain and saw your dad sitting in the audience with an empty chair beside him. It crushed you. You didn’t perform because your mom didn’t show up.”
Like a movie that was slowly coming into focus, Hailey watched it all play out. Her telling her mom about the talent show. Her mom promising to be there. Her mom’s excuses for why she didn’t show.
“And that’s just one of many times. In fact, I think the piano recital where your mom came with the broken arm was the only thing she came to our whole childhood. I don’t know why, and she probably had her reasons, but none of them make up for not being there for you.”
“You don’t understand. You weren’t here when I got pregnant and the whole town turned against me. She defended me to those people, and was the only one who supported me.”
“By what? Giving you a job at her bar? How else did she support you, Hailey? Did she encourage you to go back to school? Did she try to get you to find a more appropriate job for a new mom, where you could be home with your family?” Charlie shook her head. “No, she gave you a place to hide and then took advantage of you by working you to death. Then she made you swear to keep the bar open, whether you wanted to or not.”
Not a word would form on Hailey’s tongue. It was too much revelation at once.
“If you love running the bar, then rebuild it. If you don’t and still feel compelled to rebuild, then you have to examine the reasons why.” Charlie got up and took her cup to the sink. When she came back to the table she didn’t sit, but put her hand on Hailey’s shoulder. “Just don’t sacrifice your happiness because you’re not seeing the past clearly or because you think that bar is all you deserve.”
The door closed, and Hailey still hadn’t moved. Her mind was trying to sort through her memories and emotions to find the truth.
The horn honking scared the ever-lovin’ crap out of Hailey. She took her foot off the brake and rolled forward a couple of inches in the carpool line. Her finger went to the automatic window button. The smell of Lottie’s wet tennis shoes that she’d left in the car and her own pure, unadulterated misery clogged her sinuses.
Her conversation with Charlie played over and over in her mind. There was so much to unpack from that interaction that she didn’t know if she’d ever get to the bottom of the pile of information. She was so distracted that she didn’t see Marla Yates pull up beside her in the fire lane.
“Hailey!” Marla’s French-tipped nails flashed as she gave a little wave.
She plastered on the fake smile she wore around the PTO types, but somehow it just didn’t fit on her face anymore. “Oh, hey, Marla.”
“I’m running a little late, and Henry gets very cranky if I’m not one of the first ten cars, so I’m just going to scoot in front of you. ’Kay?” Apparently Marla didn’t have the same issue
with her fake smile, because it lit up her whole face. “You’re a doll.”
“No.”
Marla had started to pull forward but stopped. “What?”
“I said no. Get here early or go to the back of the line.” Hailey inched up so she was a little ahead of Marla. “Also, you’re not supposed to be in that lane. It’s for emergencies.”
The cars in front of Hailey slid forward another foot and Marla went to slide in in front of her again. “Not today, bitch.” Hailey moved up until she was practically sitting in the back seat of the car in front of her. “I said no. This is my spot. You can’t have it. Deal with it.”
The woman in the other car lowered her sunglasses and looked Hailey up and down. “I guess it’s true what they say about you…white trash troublemaker.”
They stayed neck and neck, both hunched over their steering wheels like they were street racing, but in reality, they were going less than five miles an hour.
The bell rang, which seemed to send Marla to a whole new level of crazy. “Let me in!”
“Kiss my white trash ass, Marla.”
Mr. Warren, the assistant principal, came scurrying down the drive waving his hands and blowing a whistle. He went straight to Marla’s car. “I’m sorry, Ms. Yates, but you can’t be in this lane. It’s for emergencies. I’ll have to ask you to pull through and get in the back of the line.”
Marla made a frustrated scream in the back of her throat.
Hailey gave her a finger wave before the woman pulled away to take her place in the back of the line.
Mr. Warren motioned Hailey forward, and she didn’t miss the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Pull forward, Ms. Odom.”
“You have a good day, Mr. Warren.”
She spotted Lottie as soon as she exited the building. She was with two other little girls and they were all laughing. A pit opened up in Hailey’s stomach. Now she was going to have to tell her that her dad was moving halfway across the country.
Damn you, Derek.
One of the third-grade teachers opened the car door and Lottie climbed into her booster seat in the back. “Do you need help buckling up, Lottie?” the teacher asked.
“No ma’am, I can do it.”
“Okay, you two have a good day.”
Lottie latched the seatbelt. “Hey, Mom.”
“How was your day, darlin’?”
“Good.”
“How about some ice cream?” Bad news always went down better with something sweet.
“Really?”
Hailey laughed at the shock in her daughter’s face. “Yes.”
“Can we ask Beau too?”
The words crashed into the tattered organ behind her rib cage. “Not today, baby. He’s busy.” Busy getting ready to leave her.
They pulled into the ice cream shop’s parking lot. Lottie was out of the car before Hailey could get her seatbelt undone. She took her girl’s hand and they made their way inside the store. Once they’d gotten their treats they sat at a table by the front window.
Lottie took several licks of her blue bubble gum ice cream. “Can I call Beau later? I want to tell him my dad is moving.”
Hailey nearly choked on a nut from her nutty coconut cone. “You know about that? But how…”
“Piper told me.”
“I know you’re sad, but you’ll still get to see him.”
Lottie chewed her lip and glanced out the window. The look of distress on her kid’s face made Hailey want to hurt someone. “Mom, is it bad that I’m glad they’re moving?” She whispered the sentence as if saying it out loud would be breaking some kind of rule. When she turned back to Hailey one tiny tear rolled down her cheek.
“Oh, honey, no. It’s fine to feel what you feel.”
Lottie took another bite of ice cream and nodded. They sat in silence for a few moments. “It’s just that…” She huffed out a breath. “Dad’s not a very good dad. And it makes my stomach hurt when I have to go see him, and if he doesn’t live here, then I don’t have to have a stomach ache.”
Hailey stuck her spoon in her ice cream and set the cup down. “You’re right, Lottie. He’s not a very good daddy.”
“Is it okay that I told you? Beau said I should tell you how I feel.” She dug a piece of bubble gum out of her scoop with her finger and popped it in her mouth. “But I was afraid it would make you sad.”
This kid. Hailey didn’t think it was possible to love her any more than she did. “Of course it’s okay that you told me. You can talk to me about anything, even if you think it’ll make me sad. I’m the grown-up, it’s my job to handle this stuff.”
Lottie’s teeth bit down on her blue-stained lower lip. “Why isn’t Beau living in the garage anymore?”
Hailey and her big mouth. The dairy treat she’d just ingested curdled at the question. “Beau’s decided to live at Jack and Luanne’s for a while.” She took Lottie’s sticky hand. “You know that he’s about to leave for his tour, so he wasn’t going to be around that much anyway.”
Black curls bobbed as Lottie nodded. Ice cream ran over the edge of the cone and down her daughter’s hand.
The lip tremble was almost imperceptible, but Hailey saw it, and it crushed her. “Oh, honey. Come here.” She held her arms open.
Lottie climbed into her lap, sticky hands and all, and the dam broke. Her miserable sobs filled the ice cream parlor. She cried and cried. This was the response Hailey had expected when she told her about Derek, but she wasn’t surprised that the grief was over Beau. He’d given so much to Lottie, not the least of which was unconditional love. Hailey smoothed Lottie’s hair down and rested her chin on her child’s head. “Shhhhh,” she soothed. “It’s going to be alright.”
Lottie leaned back to look up at Hailey. Her eyes and nose were red and swollen. “No, it won’t be. I’ll miss him and your smiles.” Another round of sobs wracked her small body.
“What?”
Lottie took several shuddering breaths and grabbed a napkin to mop up the tears and ice cream from her hand. She toyed with Hailey’s abandoned cup of ice cream. “You have a different smile when we’re with Beau.” Her words were still weak from the tears, but they hit their mark.
Hailey tried to keep her voice even, like Lottie hadn’t just kicked her in the gut. “Like how?”
“When you’re with Beau—” she sniffled and blew out a breath “—your smile is big and real, not fake. And you laugh more when he’s around.” She shrugged. “It’s like you’re not invisible when Beau’s with us.”
Kill her now. “Oh, baby, I promise I’ll be less invisible even if Beau’s not around.”
The hope in the face that she adored stirred a guilt in her gut because she knew Lottie was right. “Okay.” Lottie wiped her wet cheeks with another napkin. “Can I be excused to go to the bathroom?”
She hugged her daughter to her chest. “I love you, baby.”
“I love you too, but you’re smushing me.”
Hailey laughed and released her. “Sorry. Go to the bathroom.”
The most important thing in her world made her way to a pink door with a chocolate ice cream cone on it.
She was less invisible.
Wasn’t that what she was the most afraid of? Being seen. There seemed to be a theme with the people she loved. Hadn’t her dad and Charlie said that her mother hid at the bar, and that she was doing the same? Beau had accused her of building a cage to hide in, and now her precious girl’s fear was that she’d become invisible again.
They were all right. She’d spent the last ten years hiding who she really was and being small to appease a town that would only ever see her one way. No, that wasn’t right. She knew now it wasn’t the whole town, but a handful of people whose opinions didn’t matter to her anymore. Now that she knew what living big was like, why would she ever want to go back to that life?
But what about her promise to her mother?
Charlie’s words flashed in her mind like a neon sign. If you love ru
nning the bar, then rebuild it. If you don’t and still feel compelled to rebuild, then you have to examine the reasons why.
Because it was safe.
Well, screw safe.
Her love for her mother would never die, and she’d do everything in her power to honor her mother through the foundation, but she wouldn’t sacrifice her future happiness to keep a vow she should’ve never made.
She knew what she wanted, and she was going to get it. Her phone was in her hand in an instant, and she dialed the number.
“Hello.”
Could she do this?
“Hailey, is that you?”
Her pulse thrummed in her ears, but her voice was strong. “May, how much do you love me?”
Chapter 37
The probing eyes of the postpartum woman leaning against the door jamb of Beau’s room were about as comfortable as having a thousand-pound steer fall on you. “Need something, Luanne?” When he’d found out she and the babies were getting to come home today he postponed leaving so he could see them. Unfortunately, it took them longer to get home than he expected. Now it was early afternoon and he was feeling antsy to get on the road, even though he was leaving his heart here in Zachsville.
“Not a thing.”
“Where’s your husband and your babies?” He searched in the closet to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything.
“The babies are asleep, and Jack had to run a quick errand. He’ll be back in a minute.”
“So basically, you’re bored, and you’re stalking me.” He gave her a wink that had zero effect on her.
She shrugged. “Basically.”
He tossed his phone charger into the bag. “You’re not going to try and talk me into going to see her, are you?” They’d had a long conversation after his encounter with Hailey in the stairwell, and she’d tried to get him to go after Hailey.
“I just can’t stand to see you sad.” A huge yawn cracked her jaws, and she covered her mouth with her hand. “Sorry, sleep is a precious commodity.”
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