by M. A. Lee
Breaking Through
A Breaking Boundaries Novel
__________________________
M.A. LEE
Can his desire survive her secret?
Breaking Through
Copyright © 2016 by M.A. LEE
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, scanning, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Please do not partake in or encourage piracy of copyrighted works in violation of the author’s rights. Thank you for respecting this author’s hard work.
This is a work of fiction. All characters, names, places, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to locales, events, or actual persons—living or dead—is purely coincidental.
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Breaking Through: Book 2 in the Breaking Boundaries Series
1 | Lila
2 | Jagger
3 | Lila
4 | Lila
5 | Lila
6 | Jagger
7 | Lila
8 | Lila
9 | Jagger
10 | Lila
11 | Lila
12 | Jagger
13
14 | Lila
15 | Jagger
February
March
April
16 | Lila
17 | Lila
18 | Jagger
19 | Lila
20 | Lila
22 | Lila
23 | Lila
24 | Lila
THE END
More From This Author
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Further Reading: Faded
Playlist
Satellite by Silhouette
Gorilla by Bruno Mars
Element by Matthew Mayfield
Take Your Time by Sam Hunt
Sirens by Pearl Jam
No Ordinary Love by Deftones
I Know Places by Taylor Swift
Roll the Dice by Finley Quaye
Hush by Angie Aparo
Never Never by Korn
Sour Girl by Stone Temple Pilots
Break on Me by Keith Urban
Amazed by Lonestar
Dead Inside by Muse
It’s Been Awhile by Staind
Moonshine by Bruno Mars
Acknowledgements
This book is for anyone who has ever felt different. Just remember, there is someone out there who thinks you are perfect just the way you are.
1
Lila
Breathe.
Just breathe.
Out of all the millions of places I could find myself on a Saturday night, I am in the last possible place I would ever want to return to.
I feel like its been forever since I last walked through these doors, yet I feel the same strange presence I always did like it hasn’t been so long ago after all. The loud screams were echoing throughout my brain, just like they always did. I wanted the painful cries to end, but they never would. As I walk down the long, white hall I tried to fight the noise as best as I could. Of course, it was no use, my mind never went silent.
Voices. Screams. Whispers.
The constant clamoring in my head never culminated. I had tried over the years to find a way to turn off my brain. To shut off the outside world and the words that haunted my dreams and days. But I never had any luck.
As a child, everyone around me thought I was insane. They pitied the little girl who heard voices and talked to herself. As a teenager, I learned too many times the hard way that I was different. It wasn’t just voices inside my own head. No, as I grew, I quickly learned that it was the voices of those around me.
Call it a gift or a curse- but I was a mind reader.
Damn, even saying it to myself made me feel crazy. Now, as I step back inside a building where I had been forced to visit way too many times as a child as my parents had me evaluated by every shrink and psychologist they could find, and then later after my...accident, I felt my stomach being to fill with nausea.
I hated hospitals.
I hadn’t been back inside one since that night two years ago, but every sight, sound, and feeling of this place made me feel like it was just yesterday.
Sighing, I wanted to turn around and run, but I knew I needed to face my demons sometime.
“Lila, are you ready?” Tatum asked as she watched me carefully.
Taking a deep breath, I faked a smile as I stepped off of the elevator and rounded the corner toward the maternity ward. Tatum’s Sister Penelope, who was like a big sister to me too, had just delivered her first baby. A sweet baby girl named Rose.
I knew I was safe here. I wasn’t about to be tested. I wasn’t here to be brought back to life after trying to end my own. No, I was here to visit a friend and as Penelope’s voice drifted into my mind, I knew that I was making the right decision. She was scared and as a first-time mother, she had all of the fears and anxieties all others did too. I should know, hell, I could hear all of them worrying inside their minds right now.
Instead of freaking out and running out of the building to try to find some quiet and solace, I did what I do best- I found a sarcastic comment to replace the anger that once lurked in my soul. You see, some people misinterpret my sassy angst for depression. But, they are wrong. I’m not hurt or sad by the terrible events that happened in my life. No, I am just numb to the pain and like to pretend it doesn’t exist.
Love doesn’t exist.
I let someone drive me to my breaking point once and Ill never let that happen again. I loved with every ounce of my being. Trusted someone with my heart and soul, only to have them hand it back to me. I didn’t hate my ex-boyfriend, in fact, there were times when I thought about our good times, but then the pain would try to sneak up on me and I would just have to smack that bitch back down.
This isn’t some fairy tale, and I’m definitely not a princess. Unless Disney started making dark, sassy princesses who wear all black, than maybe I could be a twisted princess. Really, I sound more like the villain than the victor.
WATCHING ME NOW WITH careful eyes, Tatum knew my secret. Well, she knew one of my secrets. I had never uttered the words that I could hear the voices of everyone around me to anyone else. I had made that mistake as a kid and refused to be honest since. No, I’m not psychic or part of some weird paranormal society. This is real life. But, I can somehow sense when things are not right. From the various doctors that have diagnosed me throughout the years, I have high anxiety that drives my mind to believe I hear and see things that are not always accurate. Way to make a girl feel crazy, right?
At times, my mind would wonder off into dark places. I couldn’t understand why I would get nervous at times or feel like people were talking about me behind my back. My parent’s believed I was paranoid. Other’s thought I was seeking attention in some weird and twisted way. Really, they were all wrong. I didn’t want to be the center of everyone’s focus. I didn’t want to be looked at as the weird girl. I just wanted to be me; Lila. But, I am weird. I like to wear all back clothes. I like hard rock music. I like my sass and ability to erase the anger and hurt from my life. It may not be normal, but it’s me.
Tatum was my best friend, but I didn’t know if she could handle my truth. I wasn’t even sure if I was truly handling it, but I couldn’t tell her yet. Dealing with my mood swings had been the true indicator that Tatum was my best friend. I couldn’t even fathom throwing more stress on her by telling her that not only do I have dark and hurtful thoughts, but I also walk around every
day nervous and paranoid about things I can’t control.
What Tatum did know was this; that two years ago, I had attempted to take my own life. I was dating a guy named Joel. He was sweet and caring, but there were times when he would become frustrated by my mood swings or not understand why I was sad or anxious. We got into a huge fight one night and he left. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t be patient with me. I wanted him to love me and accept me for who I was- damaged. But, he didn’t.
Angered and hurt, and not thinking about the consequences, I took an entire bottle of sleeping pills. Everyone assumed I went into a spiraling depression because I had lost the first man I had ever loved. We had dated since freshman year of high school. We were babies. When Joel left, a part of me had left too and something morphed inside of me that changed me forever.
Really, I was just tired of being different. I was tired of never having my mind and head to myself. I was tired of never being calm. Hearing how your friends and family really think of you is not ideal, especially when they think you are crazy. Or in Joel’s situation; naïve and unsuspecting of the hot little blond tramp, he had been screwing behind my back. All it took was one thought of her in his bed and I knew instantly that our relationship was over.
Thinking back to that night brings back memories and emotions that I have locked deep down inside of me. Even now, as I remember waking sometime later aftter I swallowed all of those pills, with tubes jammed down my throat and the painful sounds of my mom screaming in the background, I cringed. I hated that I had put her through that much pain, but I was done. I had pretended all of my life that I was the perfect daughter everyone expected me to be. After the constant therapy sessions and trying to ‘fix’ me, I had done my best to be who they wanted me to be. Even if it had meant hiding who I really was from the rest of the world.
Tatum squeezed my hand as she led me into the room. Her tight jeans and even tighter hot pink tank top accentuated her curves perfectly. In contrast, I was the complete opposite of Tatum in every way imaginable. My long black colored hair swayed as I walked and I thought about pinning it up, but decided against it.
“JUST SMILE AND TELL her the baby is cute and then we can leave,” Tatum hissed at me as I stood in the doorway of the room.
“I will,” I hissed back as my body tensed and I stood there watching Penelope hold her baby girl. Penelope’s husband, Mark, looked at the pair like he was in heaven. As much as I hated love, it was hard to argue that this scene wasn’t breathtakingly beautiful.
We walked inside and talked for awhile. Penelope was exhausted, but happy to have visitors to show off her new bundle of joy to.
Leaving the maternity ward an hour later, I actually felt silly for how I had acted before. I shouldn’t fear hospitals just because I had one bad experience. As Tatum and I stepped off the elevator and back onto the main floor, I saw a flash coming straight at me right before I felt someone rush into me from behind.
“Hey, watch out,” I managed to yell.
Spinning around, I lost my balance and felt myself falling. I reached for someone or something to grab onto, but there was no use. I was going to fall in front of all these people. I heard voices shouting and I could see footsteps from doctors, nurses, and Tatum rushing toward me. As my body crashed onto the floor, I was more hurt by the anger I felt rather than the pain caused by my fall.
Everything happened so fast, I could barely comprehend the moment. I was rattled, but ok.
“Lila, are you ok?” Tatum cried as she rushed to my side. I could only imagine her thoughts as she watched me lay helpless on the floor below her. She’s going to hurt herself again. This was too much for her to handle. I should have known better.
I closed my eyes and tried to shake her words out of my head. The last thing I wanted was for Tatum to feel badly about bringing me to the hospital. I knew the risk of me coming here. More importantly, I knew that I needed to be available for my friends. I had to push aside my own fears and try to live. Death was no longer an option for me. I had made that my mission; to live.
“Yes, I think so,” I said as I let her help me up and back on my feet. “Some asshole just ran right into me.”
“Are you alright?” A nurse asked as she helped me to my feet. “What happened?” she asked with concern in her eyes. She must have been in her fifties and her gray hair and tired eyes told me she had years of experience working late night shifts at the hospital.
“Some jackass just knocked my friend down,” Tatum said with fire in her voice. I almost laughed to myself as I heard the profanities flying around her head. Tatum might be a spitfire, but she had class too.
Clearing his throat, someone slowly stepped toward us.
“Um, that was me,” a male voice broke through as Tatum inspected me.
Standing, Tatum tensed as she began to unleash her fury on this guy. Only, it never happened.
The guy now towering above us had light brown hair that was spiked in the front. His pale blue eyes were illuminated by the glow of the florescent lights hanging above. He had a tattoo sleeve on his left arm and he was wearing baggy jeans that fell right below his hips and a tight white t-shirt.
“My name is Freddy,” he said. From the way he was looking at Tatum as if she was the only women left on earth, I could only imagine what he was thinking. Wow, this is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life. He looked at Tatum with a dark glow in his eyes.
I tried to ignore the dirty thoughts that he was thinking, hell, I almost cringed, but I had learned a long time ago to ignore what I didn’t want to hear. Call it a survival tool, but if I just sat around and allowed everyone’s thoughts and fears to sink into my head, I truly would have gone crazy.
Reading people’s thoughts was just part of my issue. Sure, I probably imagined about ninty-nine percent of what I heard, but from their facial expressions, body language, and the anxiety that would shoot through me, I felt like what I was hearing was what they were expressing. Call me crazy or whatever term you prefer, but it’s the truth. At least, for me it is.
As I stood next to her, I watched in shock as her shoulders relaxed and a giddy smile spread across her face. “That’s ok. We weren’t looking,” she said in a soft voice.
My eyes rose as I stared at her in disbelief. “Seriously?” I asked as I watched her.
My eyes adjusted and I saw a handsome guy with blond hair smiling back at Tatum. Of course. This all made sense now. Tatum was a sucker for a good-looking guy.
Turning to me, the guy extended his hand. “I’m really sorry. I ran in here and I wasn’t thinking. My buddy was brought in here earlier with a really nasty cut on his hand. He runs a motorcycle shop and is such an idiot, he works alone a lot and I knew something like this would happen one of these days,” Freddy rambled as he tried to explain himself. “I guess I freaked,” he said as he offered a half smile.
“That is really sweet of you,” Tatum sighed.
Her smile lit up the space and from the way, they were looking at one another and the things they were thinking, this was a true match. I tried to focus on other sounds in the hospital, I didn’t want to intrude too much. I hated that I had a way to invade my family and friends thoughts. It had never felt right. Not once.
“Yes, thanks for apologizing. But, we have to go,” I demanded as I began to walk away.
I didn’t slow down until I was out of the hospital and back to the safety of the outside world. As the fresh air hit me, I inhaled deeply and allowed a single tear to roll down my cheek. That was just too much. I needed to get home, but Tatum was taking her sweet time flirting with that guy in there. Minutes later, she ran out the doors to where I was standing next to her car.
“Why didn’t you wait for me?” she asked as she unlocked the doors.
Jumping inside, I slammed my door shut. “I wasn’t going to stand there and watch you flirt with the guy who knocked me over,” I huffed.
“Come on, he apologized. It was an accident,” she said.
“Sure,” I mumbled as I sat with my arms crossed.
“Your sister just had a baby, shouldn’t you be thinking about buying cute shirts that say, ‘world’s perfect aunt,’ or some shit like that? Instead of flirting with guys who obviously got into some trouble or wouldn’t have been rushing to a hospital,” I stated as I tried to not to sound too sarcastic.
“Freddy told us, his friend was hurt working on a motorcycle,” Tatum whined.
“I am sure it was an accident,” I sneered as I air quoted the word accident.
I didn’t need Tatum to open her mouth anymore, I could hear her cursing at me in her mind. I tried not to flinch as I heard her scream and yell in her mind that I was such a baby and a buzz kill and how I would ruin her chances of getting laid by Freddy. I hated that my best friend could sometimes think of me that way, but I couldn’t fault her too much. She was the only one who really stood by me after I... Well, after I made a mistake.
Sighing, Tatum rolled her eyes at me. She was the only person who could get away with rolling her eyes like that.
“Lila, you are the last person who I would expect to be mad at someone for an accident,” she stated before she realized the words had slipped out of her mouth.
I loved Tatum, but she didn’t have a filter. Her words just came out without a second thought. Sometimes I hated her for that and other times, I envied her.
Glaring at her, I didn’t speak. Tatum knew there was no sense in arguing with me anymore. I was stubborn and when I made up my mind, there was no stopping me.
2
Jagger
“Damn man. That is a lot of stitches,” Freddy said as he winced while the doctor finished stitching up my hand.
I don’t know why he is looking like he is in pain, I’m the one who had the motorcycle engine come crashing down on my hand and slashing just above my fingers.
“Yeah well, it sucks,” I stated through clenched teeth.
I wasn’t going to cry. This was nothing. Just a tiny needle going through my flesh. Shit, this was miserable. I didn’t understand, I get tattoos all of the fucking time. That never hurts like this.
