“No, I mean, sort of!” She shook her head, feeling flustered. It wasn’t training itself that had upset her. Even Garild winning hadn’t caused her grief. It was the meaning behind the training, the dawning realization that nothing would ever be the same for her. “Garild won.”
Trista smiled, trying hard to mask her confusion. “Is that what upset you?”
“It isn’t that. I don’t know. I guess I’m fine with that.” Although she wasn’t about to admit it, she was actually proud of Garild. For being so timid, he’d done something bold and broken through her defenses before she even realized he was there. But he’d won in other ways. He’d broken through to her mind, seen her thoughts and fears. He’d seen everything she tried so hard to hide and she couldn’t bear the thought of looking at him again, of knowing that he knew what she didn’t want him to. “He was in my mind, Trista. I knew it was going to happen, I could feel it happening and I thought I could handle it.”
Tears sprung to her eyes, unbidden and she wiped at her eyes with her sleeves, trying to gather enough breath to speak. “I can’t handle knowing that they know everything, that they know every thought and feeling I have. I don’t want them to know, I don’t want them to see. I want those things to be mine.” She struggled to get the rest of the words out before she burst into tears. Trista reached over, wrapping her arms around her tightly and rocking her gently.
“Oh, Kirheen. This life you lead is hard, I know.”
“No you don’t,” Kirheen sobbed, instantly regretting she’d said it. “You don’t have these powers. You couldn’t know.”
Trista nodded in agreement, a weary frown on her face. Kirheen suddenly felt guilty, as if she’d exposed something that Trista wasn’t keen to reveal. “I’m sorry, Trista.”
“Don’t apologize. You’re right. I don’t have the same powers that you all do. But it isn’t without trials. It’s a lonely life to live, being surrounded by people different than you. It may be simpler, yes, but it isn’t always easy. I have no bond mate, nobody to share my deepest feelings with and even if I could, I wouldn’t be allowed such a thing. I can’t even block others from seeing right through me. Everyone can read my mind and I couldn’t stop them if I tried.”
Kirheen untangled herself from Trista’s arms, rubbing at her face with her sleeves. She winced as she did so, her eyes feeling raw and scratchy. “I didn’t think anyone could read your mind? Without powers…”
“Ah, I wish it were so. The mind still exists with or without powers, Kirheen. And as long as it’s there, people can know it. It isn’t just our minds that speak our deepest thoughts. Our eyes, our lips, our tongues, the way we move and speak and act, those things speak just as loudly. Fenir and Tomias know me well and it isn’t because they’ve been rooting around in my mind. They know my mind because it’s part of who I am. It comes out in every action, every word. It isn’t hard to know someone if you pay attention, and even knowing everything about them, a person can still surprise you.”
Kirheen sat quiet, her hands grasped together tightly in her lap. She felt foolish as she listened to Trista. To be so wrapped up in herself that she failed to see she wasn’t the only person suffering, it made her feel ashamed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize…”
“I told you not to apologize. Never apologize for your feelings. I didn’t tell you any of that to make you feel bad, Kirheen, but perhaps it will put things in perspective for you. Things aren’t always as they seem. What bothers you now will probably seem like such a small matter later on that one day you’ll look back on it and laugh that you ever thought it was a problem to begin with. Now, how about another cup of tea?”
Trista plucked the empty cup from her side, rising to fill them. A soft knock at the door caught both of their attention and then Tomias was there, peering around the room with dark eyes. He looked bashful, as if he fully expected a scolding from Trista. With her back turned, Kirheen couldn’t see her face but she could certainly imagine it. It almost made her smile, but her lips strained with the effort and she let it fall from her face.
“What are you doing here,” Trista questioned, carefully pouring water into each cup. She didn’t even raise her head to look at him.
“I’m looking for a certain runaway. She’s about this tall,” he held up his hand to his chest, indicating her height. “Hair the color of a winter wraith wood, eyes the color of vengeance, mind as strong as…”
Kirheen snorted from behind the table. “Please tell me you aren’t describing me.”
“My, this table is new. Where did you find one that talks?”
Trista turned her head towards Kirheen, her lips curling into a smile. She handed her a cup of tea and offered the other to Tomias. He accepted it graciously and then tip toed around the table, plopping down on the floor next to Kirheen. She kept her eyes on the tea in her hand, feeling ashamed and too tired to explain herself. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply of the aromatic steam that rose in lazy tendrils.
“I’m sorry for what I said Kirheen,” Tomias whispered, nudging her with his elbow. “I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings.”
Kirheen shrugged, trying not to meet his eyes. She knew it was pointless hiding how she felt. Tomias always seemed to know what she was feeling, even when it wasn’t written plainly on her face for him to see.
“I sometimes forget how great a burden it is that we carry. It’s a lot to handle and I stepped out of line. I shouldn’t have pushed you. I’m sorry.” She could feel his eyes fixated on her, could feel the shame he projected her way. She quickly glanced at him and something about acknowledging his presence made her eyes fill with tears.
She huffed, setting her cup aside so she could wipe her eyes. “Uff, why can’t I stop crying,” she asked to no one in particular.
Trista laughed, sitting down next to Tomias. “That would be your age, I suspect.”
“I suspect it’s because you’re a woman,” Tomias chipped in, his hand rising to block the slap he already knew was coming. Trista struck, hitting his awaiting hands, though her eyes shone with humor.
“Is Garild happy,” Kirheen asked. She imagined he was quite pleased with his victory. It had been well earned and she knew she’d have to congratulate him properly. Running away hadn’t exactly been the most celebratory thing she could have done and she was sure she’d robbed him of some of his excitement.
“He was until he realized how upset you were. I had to beg him to stay put so he wouldn’t go running after you. Fenir blocking the door seemed to do the trick.”
“Did he think it was his fault?”
“Probably to an extent. You’re a competitive girl, Kirheen. He probably thinks he should have let you win.”
“You don’t know for sure? Aren’t you always reading our minds?”
He looked at her seriously, brows knitting together. “Kirheen, just because I have powers doesn’t mean I have to use them all the time. It doesn’t mean I want to. Yes, from time to time I’ll check to see how you’re holding up, especially in training where a slip up could hurt you. As a general rule and greatly out of respect for another, I don’t just go prancing around people’s minds. None of us do. It’s intrusive and you can learn plenty about a person without resorting to that.”
“I… didn’t realize that.”
“There will be many things that come up that you don’t know and that’s okay. Just know that we really do have your best interest in mind. I won’t push you to do things until you understand what that means. In the future, just don’t run off in the middle of a lesson. It hurts my feelings.”
“Oh, I’m sure,” Kirheen laughed, rolling her eyes. Tomias shared her smile before standing. He yawned loudly, smoothing his robes as he did so. Turning to Trista, he lent her a hand and helped her up, then turned to Kirheen to do the same.
“Will you promise to trust me,” he asked, hand extended. His dark eyes were unwavering. There was no trace of his usual humor to be found in his gaze. Despite her obvious mistrust
of almost everyone, she really did like Tomias. She even liked Fenir, gruffness and all. Trista had listened openly and taken her in without question. And Garild, even though she didn’t want to be bonded with him, really was a good friend.
Although it scared her to do so, she’d have to put her trust in others eventually, and Tomias seemed like a good place to start. With his help she’d strengthen her powers and learn how to block her mind effectively. If she could do that, she’d be able to rest easy at night, to not worry that her mind was being read or influenced. She’d know for sure that she was safe from such things, and to have that reassurance, she’d do anything.
She met his eyes, the flames casting the lines of his face with cold, blue light. Her hand connected with his and he pulled her to her feet.
“I promise.”
Chapter 11
The weeks that followed brought a renewed sense of purpose for Kirheen. Training was no longer something to fear but a tool she could use to protect herself. The powers may have allowed others to enter her mind, but they also allowed her to block them from doing so, and that alone was worth the training.
They’d learned so much in such a short amount of time. This power that had been lurking over them their entire lives was finally starting to make sense, the picture becoming a little clearer day by day. Over the weeks, they’d both started to find their niche. Garild worked on subtlety, gently shifting the landscape of his opponents mind to move the game in his favor. He worked often with Tomias, learning various ways to manipulate and change thoughts, to shift reality just enough that he could trick and coerce even the most clever of opponents. It was an ability that terrified Kirheen and she dreaded the times she had to face Garild.
As for herself, Kirheen worked on blocking and there was none better to learn from then Fenir. He was a silent attacker, slipping in quietly and suddenly blasting with a wave of power that was astonishing. She had to quickly adapt to a variety of situations. His attacks were never straight forward and she learned to strengthen her whole mind, not just the parts that she thought would be attacked. It forced her to manage her powers accordingly, never exerting too much energy in one place and she always kept some reserved for the times when he really worked on breaking through.
Once they’d gotten a good grasp of their own powers, they started training as a team. Some days it was Garild teamed with her, working together to try and take down their instructors. Other days she worked with Tomias, her blocking and attacking while he messed with their perspective on things. It was rigorous work and the training often left her feeling weak and exhausted. Garild too suffered under the effects of training, his otherwise optimistic mood stifled under the pressure. And they didn’t seem to be the only ones.
The mood in the Temple of Gathering was somber, stories of training shared between them quietly. In the mornings, all were bleary eyed and exhausted and by their evening meals they seemed doubly so. Banter stayed at a minimum even out of the likes of Burk and Abby. Any other time it may have been cause for concern but at the moment, everyone welcomed the silence.
So wrapped up in training had they been that fall nearly passed them by. Towering wraith wood trees stood bare, jagged limbs twisting across the sky. The ground glowed with the remnants of leaves, and towards the evening they danced through the sky, blue sparks that faded into darkness. Days grew shorter and the evenings seemed to stretch on for eternity. Much of their training was done by the light of candles, and they soon added another layer to their robes and gloves to warm their hands. Trista often joined them at the end of the day, bringing with her spices that, when added to water, came alive with wonderful smells that lifted the spirit and warmed the bones.
It was on such an evening that the wraith wood trees fell dark. One would expect such a thing to happen loudly, like a great beast heaving a final sigh before drifting off to the hands of sleep. But there was no noise, no great telling that the trees were going dark. It happened swiftly, sweeping across the land, tree by tree losing its glow until the darkness seemed to be the only thing left. If one blinked, it would surely be missed and they’d be left wondering what had changed, why the light seemed so different and why the air seemed to have lost a bit of its magic.
A rare few could feel it.
As they sat around the hearth, blue flames crackling loudly, Tomias lifted his head. The conversation around him seemed to dull, Kirheen’s laughter becoming a soft bell somewhere in the back of his mind. A feeling of dread pulled at his heart, forcing his stomach into knots. He felt his throat tighten, watched helplessly as his mug of cider slipped from his fingers and shattered on the floor. There was the inward rush of breath as everyone jumped.
All eyes were on him. He could feel them watching, could feel the stunned silence creep over them like a blanket. He stared down at the broken pieces of ceramic on the floor, glittering in the light of flames that were no longer an icy blue. Now they danced and swirled, a deadly tornado of red and yellow. Trista filled his vision a moment later, her hands warm on his face from the mug she’d been holding a moment earlier.
“The trees,” she whispered, eyes filled with concern.
He reached up, grabbing her hands and pulling them away from his face. He held them tightly and she did not pull away. “Yes.”
“They’ve gone dark,” Kirheen said, eyes drifting to the window. The glow in the house was gone, the shadows darker and deeper. It felt like things lurked there, ready to crawl forth and steal them away.
“Come, you need to lay down for a bit,” Trista goaded, shifting her weight to pull him to his feet. He felt weak, like his connection to the world had suddenly been severed. His brother grabbed his arm, taking some of the load off of Trista, and helped him into the next room. They shuffled in the dark, finally finding a bed to topple him on. He sunk into it gratefully and listened to the patter of footsteps as they left him in the dark.
Kirheen knelt on the floor next to Garild, carefully picking up large chunks of ceramic from the broken mug. She piled them in her hand, thinking back to the moment the trees had gone dark. It was an event that happened every year before the snow came to cover their little valley. She had never really noticed it before, not in the sense that she could feel a change. It was a normal changing of the landscape and before that moment it had never caught her attention.
This time was different. It was hard not to feel like the world had been smeared with a fine layer of grime. It wasn’t enough to stop you from seeing it, but it was enough to taint it somehow, to distort your view of the world just enough that it bothered you.
Perhaps it was the newfound closeness she had with the powers residing within her that made her feel that way. When Trista and Fenir stepped back into the room, she asked about her instructor. “Is Tomias okay? What happened to him?”
Trista shrugged. “He’ll be fine. He just needs to get some rest. We aren’t entirely sure what happens to him when the trees go dark, but it happens every time. It’s like he feels it happen, like someone just sucks the life out of him.”
“You don’t feel it, Fenir?”
He shook his head. Though he usually showed little emotion, she could tell he was worried. It was easy to forget that the two of them were connected in a way that she’d never understand. If such a thing were happening to Garild she would worry, but for someone like Fenir who was twin born, it was hard not to be hyper aware of the state of your bond mate.
“Do the trees actually have anything to do with our powers?”
Trista nodded. “Well, to an extent. We’ve long thought that our powers were stronger in this grove, that we are somehow tied to the trees. When they go dark, many claim to feel a slight dampening of their powers, but not nearly to the extent that Tomias feels it.”
“It does feel different,” Kirheen said. “Guess I never really noticed before.”
“You’re much more aware of your connection to your powers. It would make sense that you feel a change now where you didn’t before. We shoul
d really let Tomias get some rest. Would you mind going over to see Grant? I’m sure he’d let you join his group for the evening.”
Kirheen and Garild rose, making one final scan for broken pieces. “Very well, we’ll head over there,” Kirheen said, glancing towards her room. “Should we check back in a while?”
“I’ll come fetch you when he’s feeling better.”
Garild nodded and the two stepped outside, eyes adjusting to the darkness that surrounded them. The lack of glow from the trees was eerie and made their skin crawl. Abby and Burk lived just to the left of them, a mere stone’s throw away and they hurried across the distance, casting nervous glances as they went. It was easy to get lost in the darkness, to get lost in the fear of it.
They were relieved when they reached the steps of their house, and even more so when the warm glow of fire reached their eyes. Kirheen knocked quietly on the door and a moment later, Grant answered. He was tall and broad shouldered, dark of hair and fair skinned. He had bright blue eyes and a gruesome scar that ran across his right cheek and lip. It cut a path through his beard and he had the look of a man constantly scowling. No one knew where he’d gotten it and nobody dared to ask. His demeanor had a way of scaring people off.
“The moon whelps, is that you?”
Kirheen could only imagine he was referring to their symbols. “Yes, it’s us. Trista sent us over.”
Grant huffed and cast his gaze out into the darkness. “The trees, isn’t it? Alright, get in here.” He took a step back, letting Kirheen and Garild duck under his arm. He closed the door behind them. Abby and Burk whipped around from their seats next to the fire, craning to see who had come to visit so late. They both smiled when they realized it was them.
“Come join us,” Burk said, raising a mug above his head. Abby smiled and raised her own mug. Kirheen and Garild made their way through the room and took up seats opposite each other.
The Bonded: The Allseer Trilogy Book I Page 9
