If You Only Knew (Harper Falls #3)

by Mary J. Williams

  “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  “Why would anyone want to be mysterious?” She asked the question, genuinely puzzled. “If I liked a boy, I wouldn’t hold anything back. My secrets would be his; his secrets would be mine. Shouldn’t that be the point? Sharing the good and the bad? I would want someone I could tell everything. They would know I could be trusted to keep it safe.”

  Drew pulled her into a hug, his chin resting on the top of her head. He knew just how to hold her. Not too tight, his arms strong yet gentle. Tyler relaxed and sighed. She wanted to stay like this forever.

  “Do you think, someday, you could like me that much?”

  I think I already do. Tyler didn’t say the words aloud. She couldn’t, not yet. She turned, reluctantly stepping out of his arms. It was time for a change of subject.

  “Would you be ashamed to be seen with me?”

  “What? That’s a ridiculous thing to ask. Why would it even occur to you?”

  “If we met in town, passed on the street, would we stop and talk? Would you take my hand, take me for a pizza, or go to the movies?”

  “No.”

  “Then you are ashamed.”

  “Yes.” Drew grabbed her arm, afraid she would rush out before he could explain. “Not of you, never that. I’m ashamed of Regina.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  “Sit with me? Please. Let me explain.”

  She desperately wanted to understand, so she let him lead her to the blanket he had spread out before her arrival. Sitting cross-legged, she faced him and waited.

  “I’ve told you how she is. Cold doesn’t even begin to describe her. Nothing means more than appearances. She and my father haven’t been together in any way for years. Yet she insists they share a bedroom because servants talk. She isn’t fooling anyone, not really. But it appears they’re still close, so she’s satisfied.”

  “Yikes.”

  “I know my father has a mistress. Funny word. Old-fashioned though accurate, I guess.”

  “Does it bother you?”

  “Not a bit,” Drew said. “I’m glad he has someone.”

  “My father cheats.”

  Tyler said it straight out. No mistress, instead one-night stands with women he met on the road. It wasn’t old-fashioned or loving. He did it because he could. It was as simple as that.

  “How do you know?”

  “I know because he told me.”

  “Are you kidding me?”

  She almost smiled at the outrage she heard in Drew’s voice. Except when it came to her father, there was nothing to smile about.

  Wouldn’t it be wonderful? If only it could be a terrible joke. Tyler didn’t want to know that her father screwed around. Of course, he blamed her. She had to get on his case. She had to give him hell for how he neglected his wife, how he treated her worse than a servant. Tyler could never leave well enough alone — she deserved to hear the ugly truth.

  “I was disrespectful. Martin Jones insists on blind obedience and gets it. I broke an unspoken rule when I dared question his behavior.”

  “So he punished you by sharing the dirty little details of his sordid love life.”

  “For most of my life, I wanted his love. I tried so hard to love him.”

  “You feel guilty.”

  Of course, Drew would understand. His relationship with his mother was messed up too.

  “Children are supposed to love their fathers. I can’t. I don’t love him or respect him. Sometimes I think I…”

  “Hate him?”

  “You too?”

  She reached for his hand, needing the connection. Drew laced their fingers together, staring at the bond. Like he was willing it to be permanent.

  “Indifference is impossible when it comes to Regina Harper. Though you would be hard-pressed to find anyone who admitted to loving her. She’s an ice queen, Tyler, even when she gets angry — especially when she gets angry. That controlled fury is so much scarier than a fiery rage. I know what she’s capable of. She could hurt you, Tyler.”

  “You mean hire some thugs to take out my kneecaps?”

  Tyler tried to make a joke, lighten the mood. Drew wasn’t laughing, not about Regina.

  “As far as I know, she’s never resorted to anything violent — she’s never had to. Money and influence are her weapons.”

  “Well, she can’t bankrupt me; I don’t have enough to make it worth her time. I’m already a social pariah. The only people whose opinions matter love me unconditionally. The number is small, but they’re fierce.”

  “Dani and Rose.”

  “And my mother. Add in Dani’s parents.”

  “Good group.”

  Squeezing his hand, Tyler asked, “Who do you have?”

  “My dad.”

  “No friends? No one at Harper Academy?”

  He looked into her eyes and Tyler’s breath caught in her throat.

  “I have you.” A vulnerability crossed his face. “I do, don’t I?”

  Tyler leaned close until her forehead rested against his, her free hand moving over his heart.

  “Always.”

  Drew kissed her. The first brush of his lips a mere whisper. The second, firmer but tender.

  “Have you… I mean do you French?”

  “Kiss?”

  “Mmm.” Drew ran his thumb over her lips until there was just enough room for him to graze the pad over her bottom teeth. She watched him watch her mouth. Parts of her body began to throb. She knew what it meant, she’d felt it before. This was the first time it was caused by a boy, not the words in a book.

  “I have.” Twice. “I didn’t like it.”

  “Wanna try it with me?”

  “Yes. But… I don’t think I’m very good at it. I don’t want you to be disappointed.”

  “Boys are dumb.”

  “Hmm?”

  She expected him to start kissing her. His remark threw her off.

  “Boys. We can be such idiots.” Drew shook his head as though amazed. All the while, he continued to explore the edges of her teeth, the softness of her lips.

  “We try to act like we know everything, that we have all this experience. Most of the time, we bluff our way through and when the kiss is bad, we blame the girl. The girl blames herself. If we would just admit upfront that we were new to all this too, everyone could take it easy; learn together.”

  “I can tell you’re no novice. You’ve done this before.”

  Drew gave a lopsided grin.

  “Maybe once or twice.”

  Tyler stared him down. Once or twice? Really?

  “My point,” he said, lightly pinching her bottom lip, “is you shouldn’t judge something by a couple of less than stellar experiences. And since I’ve had a bit of practice—”

  This time Tyler snorted in disbelief.

  “Watch it.”

  Instead of a pinch, Drew leaned in and bit her lip, not hard enough to hurt, just enough to make his point.

  Tyler didn’t snort — she gasped. Her breathing became a little ragged and her eyes widened. She didn’t know people did that in real life.

  “Sorry.” Drew pulled back, dropping his hand. “Did I frighten you?”

  Was he kidding? Fright was the last thing she felt. She licked her bottom lip, testing, hoping it tasted different. Nope. Maybe she needed more than just his teeth for that.

  “Do it again?”

  “You liked that?”

  Drew looked deep into her eyes, as though trying to gauge the truth of her response. Girls lied, Tyler knew that. Sometimes it was to get what they wanted; sometimes they just said what they thought the other person wanted to hear.

  “I try to always tell the truth, especially when it really matters.”

  She heard him release his breath, apparently relieved by her answer.

  “This matters.”

  “More than anything.”

  “Good.”

  Drew kissed her cheek, then her jaw, then just
below her ear. It all felt wonderful. She wanted more. She wanted… she wasn’t sure. She just knew she wanted it with Drew.

  “We still need to take it slow.” He shifted, his eyes meeting hers again. “Believe me, when it’s good, it’s even better when you take your time.”

  Oh boy, she thought. It was the only thing she had time to think before his lips touched hers and her world tipped just slightly off its axis. Forever.

  “The secret is to shut off your brain. Don’t think, feel.”

  “I…What?” Her brain was halfway to mush; thinking was not an option.

  “That’s right.” He took her mouth with his, long, deep. “Sometimes you breathe through your nose, sometimes we share. Try it; take it from me, Ty.”

  Ty? Was that her? No one called her that. Drew kissed her again and she stopped questioning, stopped doing anything but being in the moment.

  Drew threaded his fingers through her hair, his long fingers massaging her scalp. His touch burned, then soothed, then enticed. He could have gone farther; Tyler would have let him. Instead, his hands stayed in her hair, not pushing beyond her limits. Slowly easing her along at her own pace.

  This was how kissing should be. Not sloppy or awkward. It wasn’t like the books described; they got it wrong. Of course, none of those authors had ever kissed Drew Harper.

  Instead of ramming his tongue into her mouth, he coaxed, waiting for her lips to soften of their own accord, parting willingly to invite him in. No poking or jabbing. Drew caressed, glided. When the angle of his head shifted, it happened naturally, Tyler moving with him in perfect synchronization. Was experience the difference, or was it just that this time, she had the right kisser?

  “I could do this for hours, days.”

  “Okay.” To Tyler that sounded like heaven.

  “Tempting,” he whispered. “You have no idea. I have to stop now or I won’t be able to.”

  “Then don’t.”

  Tyler was in such a haze, she missed what he was saying, missed his meaning.

  “Ty, I want you — all of you. Do you understand?”

  “Sure you want—” Her eyes became wide, silver pools. “Oh. You want sex.”

  “Technically, yes. I hope when, if, it happens, that it will be more than just sex. You’ve never done it, have you?”

  “No,” she admitted. “Have you?”

  That was a stupid question. Girls must throw themselves at him every hour on the hour. He wouldn’t be human if he turned that down.

  “Does it bother you that I’m not a virgin?”

  “Does it bother you that I am?”

  “In case you haven’t noticed, guys are kind of weird.”

  “No, kidding.”

  “Then you have noticed?” He smoothed back her hair, wrapping one lock around his index finger. “Silky.”

  “Boys are silky? I don’t think so.”

  “Your hair, wiseass.”

  Tyler playfully stuck out her tongue. Drew’s eyes latched onto to it, the brown of his irises turning a molten chocolate. That was her first hint at the sexual power she possessed. It was a heady realization. She would need practice. She would have to learn how to use her feminine wiles. Drew would be the perfect guinea pig. Both willing and patient, he would let her know what worked and what didn’t.

  “I think you were trying to make a point?”

  Drew frowned. “Was I? Remind me. And stop licking your lip; it drives me crazy.”

  Lip licking — good. Tyler filed that tidbit away for future use.

  “You said guys are weird.”

  “I know that.” He still seemed wonderfully fixated on her mouth. Tyler didn’t mind; she just wanted to finish their conversation.

  “No, you were telling me about it.”

  “Was I? Oh, right.” Clearing his throat, he continued. “We like women who can teach us what’s what; we also like the idea of being the teacher. It makes us feel all manly. There isn’t much left to conquer in the world. Mountains have been climbed; rivers have been forged. Only one man got to be the first to step on the moon.”

  “Honestly? You’re comparing my virginity to landing on the moon?”

  “Walking, not landing. Three guys were on Apollo 11. Who do we remember? Neil Armstrong.”

  “I’m speechless.”

  “I get that. What woman wouldn’t want this kind of insight into the male brain.”

  Was he serious? Tyler wasn’t sure. Then she saw his lips twitch, the little twinkle in his eyes.

  “Funny.” She gave him a playful punch in the arm. “I hear the comedy club in town has an open mic night. You should sign up. If you were trying to lighten the mood, mission accomplished.”

  “I never want you to feel pressured. That’s the most important thing. I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for.”

  “Understood. But just so you know? When I do something, it’s always my choice. I can’t be harassed, wheedled, or intimidated. So when, we do it? It will be my choice. I’ll be ready.”

  “When we do it?”

  “When,” Tyler said with firm conviction. She now knew that Drew would be her first. There was no question for either of them.

  “This was not how I expected this afternoon to go.”

  “Hadn’t planned on the sex talk, eh?”

  “Sex does have a way of sidetracking a guy.”

  “And a gal. We think about it too, a lot.”

  Drew smiled. “Good to know. Really good.”

  Chuckling, Tyler fell back on the blanket. The sun had moved quite a bit farther west. Their day was almost over.

  “Now, where was I?” He reached behind a rock and brought out a small box wrapped in bright blue paper. “Happy birthday, Ty.”

  Tyler sat up and took the package. Please, don’t let it be something expensive. It was just the right size for jewelry. Plastering a smile on her face, she was determined not to let him see anything but joy and gratitude. And then she would find a discreet way to make him take it back.

  “I knew you wouldn’t want me to spend a lot of money.”

  Drew shifted, his eyes finding hers. He was nervous, Tyler realized. This time when she smiled, it was completely genuine. Knowing he cared so much about her reaction to his gift made all the butterflies that had hatched in her stomach fly away.

  Tyler removed the paper, gasping when she saw the beautiful hand-painted wooden box. The colors were muted shades of green and gold done in a swirling pattern that seemed to have no beginning or end. It wasn’t expensive; it was priceless.

  “It’s beautiful, Drew. Where did you find it?”

  “Last week when I was in Spokane, I walked downtown. There’s this little shop. I almost didn’t notice it. That was in the window.”

  “Thank you.”

  Tyler kissed his cheek, then went back to admiring her gift.

  “Open the lid.”

  Intrigued, she did as he instructed. Inside was a long silver chain with a key dangling from the end.

  “It’s the spare to my Thunderbird.”

  His classic, bright red, nineteen-fifty-five baby? Tyler had seen it around town. It had been a gift from his father for his sixteenth birthday. Drew was car crazy, always had been. He explained that he saw this car as the first of many. He planned on restoring them whenever possible. Finding diamonds in the rough and bringing them back to their former glory.

  The Thunderbird was pristine. Rarely driven, practically showroom new. As much as he loved the car, he thought the former owner was crazy. Cars were meant to be driven. If you didn’t take them out on the open road now and then, what was the point?

  “I hope you’ll consider that my version of giving you my class ring.”

  Tyler swallowed. Holy cow.

  “You want to go steady? Do people even do that anymore?”

  “I don’t care what other people do.” He took the chain and put it around her neck. “Will you be my girl?”

  She was in love. The realization hit he
r like a bolt from the sky. Tyler Jones loved Drew Harper. Now, didn’t that sound like a recipe for disaster? Ignoring that cheery thought, Tyler threw her arms around him and shouted her answer.

  “Yes.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  FOR ONCE, TYLER drank orange juice for breakfast, not coffee. And for once, she didn’t mind.

  Dani and Rose pulled her from her studio where she had spent the night attaching the last large piece of the sculpture, finishing in the early hours of the morning. It was such a major accomplishment Tyler forgot the time and called her best friends to share the news.

  Dani was already up. Alex had an early training session to lead, so she went out with her camera to capture the guys being put through their paces on the H&W obstacle course. She considered putting together a promotional brochure to advertise the expanding personal security business. Every one of their bodyguards was already in high demand, but it never hurt to spread the word in different directions.

  Rose didn’t answer her phone. It seemed engaged couples liked to use the early hours before dawn to catch up on more than their sleep. Not that they had fallen behind. Jack had no problem keeping her satisfied morning, noon, and night. That morning, while Dani snapped pictures and Tyler performed a happy dance over her nearly completed statue, Jack was being particularly inventive.

  Rose had a glow about her that said she had been well loved. Tyler was happy for her friend. It was hard, though, not to think about her own empty bed and the loving she wasn’t getting. It had been too long and that little tussle with Drew yesterday had done nothing to tamp down her libido.

  “When do we get to see the finished masterpiece?”

  “In exactly one month, three weeks, four days, and,” she glanced at her watch, “seven hours. Just like everyone else.”

  “As your oldest and dearest friends, you’d think we could have an advance viewing.”

  “As my oldest and dearest friends, that can probably be arranged. Now pass the salsa; my eggs are naked.”

  None of them cooked. Rose tried, her successes finally starting to outweigh her failures. Since she and Jack had become homebodies, preferring to eat in, the couple alternated playing chef. Rose admitted they were both happier with the outcome on Jack’s nights in the kitchen.

  Dani and Alex had dinner with her parents when they wanted a home cooked meal; they enjoyed the food and the company. Otherwise, they were systematically making their way through the menus of their favorite Harper Falls restaurants.