by Joss Wood
Which was, he admitted, not good.
After Terra, he’d become good at being lonely, had welcomed the freedom of not being emotionally involved and the knowledge that he wouldn’t be left again, twisting in the wind. In a week he’d gone from being part of a couple, part of a dream to being disappointed, disillusioned and distraught.
He’d vowed never to be put in that position again and yet this sprite of a woman was making him think, and laugh and—he cursed—feel again.
As the glossy veneer of the glamour girl, rock star wife rubbed off, he found himself more and more drawn to this Clem, who cried on getting her mum’s locket back, the one who was equally determined—perhaps more so—to save that rhino calf than him, the one who could spend hours on his deck looking at the stars.
The funny, sweet, sarcastic woman who didn’t mind leopard cubs nibbling at the diamond studs in her ears at the rehab centre, who still couldn’t tell the difference between an eagle and a vulture, who made ugly hiking boots look like a million dollars.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this, he thought, resting his bottle against his hot forehead. He’d thought he could dismiss her but her mind was sharper than she realized, her heart was bigger and her stubbornness was legendary. She didn’t give up and she didn’t give in.
And she was turning out to be more important to him than he’d ever imagined. And that confused and scared the hell out of him. Because he couldn’t see any type of future for them.
Anyway, he was still convinced that he was her rebound fling, a stepping stone for her to use to get back into the dating game. And, because she’d been in a serious relationship for so long, surely she’d want to play the field … see who and what else was out there?
Wasn’t that what he’d done when he’d come out the other side of what had turned out to be a train wreck of a marriage?
The thought of Clem doing the same made his stomach churn.
Nick heard soft footsteps outside and his heart accelerated. Ignoring her, he remained seated and looked up when she reached the edge of the mat.
‘Nick?’
‘Mmm?’
‘Jabu just radioed, he said that he and Andy are taking Carol on a game drive and do we want to go with them?’ Clem replied, her toes curling on the edge of the exercise mat.
Nick stood and whipped the radio out of her hand. ‘Mfo, pick us up in half an hour.’
‘Roger,’ Jabu replied and Nick tossed the radio onto the exercise mat and looked beyond her and out of the open door.
‘And the wine tasting?’
‘We can be late,’ Nick said. ‘Mdu gone?’
‘Yeah—aaah.’
Nick clasped her face in his hands, his thumbs rubbing the arch of her cheekbones. He watched her eyes deepen and when she touched her bottom lip with the tip of her tongue, he swooped.
He knew how to do this, how to give and take pleasure. While he didn’t understand a damn thing about the emotions she churned up inside him, he could and did understand this.
A man, a woman, heat and attraction … it had driven human survival throughout the millenniums. He slanted his lips over hers and was swept away by her sweetness, her honest response. Her small hands curled into his hair and her breasts brushed his chest. Her mouth was sweeter and hotter than he remembered, her body more pliant, her response more fervent.
Bad move. Nick mentally slapped himself around the head. How was he supposed to leave it at this, step away when his heart and mind—and other parts of him—demanded more?
He could feel the feminine strength in the arms that hooked around his neck, in the hands that tugged at his hair. He suspected—knew—that there was more of that strength inside her, emotional not physical.
At the last moment, Nick pulled back from seducing her and from the low purr that vibrated in her throat he knew that she wanted him to … No, that she needed him to.
Nick rested his forehead on hers and looked down at her with his amazing eyes. ‘What the hell are we going to do about this, Red?’
Clem buried her face in his neck and didn’t answer him. She couldn’t let him see how much his kisses rocked her, how close she was to giving herself, to begging him to take her. It would give him too much power, too much control … She couldn’t let him know that it took everything she had to pretend to be casual about her physical attraction to him ‘I … you just touch me and I lose control. It’s never been … I’ve never …’ Clem mentally shook her head. Oh well, if she was going to say stupid things like that, then why was she bothering to try and act casual? She might as well lie on the floor and pant like a dog.
Where did these words come from?
‘I know. Me too.’ Nick rested his chin on her head. If it was just sex then it would be easy, she thought. She might not have had many lovers—OK, one—but she did know that sex was easy; it was the rest of the emotional baggage that came with it that made it complicated.
‘I need to shower,’ Nick murmured without letting her go.
‘Mmm.’ Clem disengaged herself from his arms and backed away She rocked on her heels and looked at the ceiling. She wasn’t going to ask, she really wasn’t … but she did anyway.
‘Is Carol that tall blonde I saw walking into the staff canteen earlier? Here to interview for the senior game ranger position? Blue eyes? Big bum?’
Clem winced at the note of jealousy she heard in her own voice.
Cool and sophisticated she wasn’t.
‘I thought she had a very nice bum,’ Nick commented.
Three seconds later, Nick found himself on the exercise mat and Clem grinned at his surprise that she’d swept his feet out from under him.
He leaned back on his elbows and frowned up at her. ‘Uh—how?’
‘Judo classes.’ Clem held out a hand to haul him up. Her mouth curved as he stood up, and she dropped a gentle kiss before speaking against his mouth.
‘Remember that the next time you look at her bum. And take a shower, Sherwood. May I suggest a cold one?’
CHAPTER NINE
Luella Dawson’s blog:
Anyone who can’t see the sexual tension between Clem and Nick on The Crazy Cs must be deaf, blind or just plain stupid—I keep expecting someone to whip out a fire extinguisher to cool them down every now and again.
THE next evening, on hearing that Nick and Clem had nothing more exciting planned than an early night, Liam and Mdu decided to join the rangers at The Pit for their weekly game of poker. Nick watched them leave and shook his head.
‘They’ll be skinned alive. Those boys are sharks. I’m a pretty good player but Andy nearly cost me my shirt … I bought him beers for about a month.’
Clem placed her elbows on the kitchen counter, her face in her hands. ‘I’m starving.’
‘You’re always starving,’ Nick complained. ‘For someone so skinny you sure do pack it away.’
‘Huge metabolism. But if I don’t watch what I’m eating then I won’t fit into any of the dresses Jessica has organized for me to wear to the ball. I spoke to her today … Thanks for calling her, by the way.’
Nick shrugged, opened the fridge and peered inside. ‘No problem. Do you want to go to the staff canteen for supper or do you fancy steak, baked potato and a salad?’
‘If I don’t have to cook it, then I’d love that.’
‘Like I’d trust you with a steak,’ Nick scoffed.
Clem picked up her mobile and flipped it up and over. ‘I had quite a conversation with your sister.’
Nick sent her a quick searching look. ‘Really?’
‘I felt like a grilled cheese sandwich at the end of the conversation. How are you? Are you seeing someone? Why am I staying with you? Are you happy? Which makes me wonder … when did you last have a proper conversation with her, Nick?’
‘We talk about Two-B, the ball,’ Nick replied in a tight voice. ‘A thousand people, top venue, two bands, gourmet food, fine wine et cetera, et cetera.’
‘Did you know that she w
as mugged three months ago? That she’s broken up with her boyfriend? That she’s thinking of moving to Cape Town?’
Nick sent her a distressed look. ‘Was she hurt?’
‘Bumps, bruises. Why didn’t you know about that, Nick?’
Nick stared out of the window before turning back to her. Clem thought that his eyes looked haunted.
‘Is she sorting out something for you to wear?’ he asked in that voice that did not encourage her to pursue the topic on the table. Clem decided to err on the side of caution—for now—and sidestep the subject.
‘Well, the designers are sending their gowns, size zero to size two—’ Clem pulled a face ‘—to the hotel suite she’s booked for you—us—together with shoes and accessories.’
Clem tested the waters again, using her most neutral voice. ‘Tell me about the rest of your family. You have three brothers?’
Nick turned to the fridge and pulled out ingredients for a salad and pushed them towards her. ‘Make the salad, Red. You can make a salad, can’t you?’
Clem rolled her eyes as she pulled a knife from the cutlery block and proceeded to slice carrots.
‘So … your family?’
Nick narrowed his eyes at her. ‘One older, two younger brothers, doctor, psychiatrist, teacher. Jess.’
‘And your parents?’
‘My father is an artist—sculpture and huge oils—and my mother is a university lecturer—English Lit. Mad as fruit bats, both of them.’ Nick put the potatoes into the oven and watched her make the salad. ‘Growing up, our house was always filled with people. Lots of wine and lots of music. Lots of noise. Now it’s just the same, with the addition of my brother’s kids. Chaotic. Messy. Complicated.’
‘Did they like your wife?’ Clem asked, slicing up cucumber. She stared down at the board and wondered why she was pursuing this subject. Why did she need to know about Nick’s past, his relationship with his wife? Who was this man who’d been married and widowed and now shut himself off from his family, who so obviously loved and worried about him? And why?
Nick stole a piece of carrot and nibbled on it thoughtfully. ‘I think it was more a case of Terra taking her cue from me and she was only able to cope with them in small doses.’
‘I didn’t realize she died. I thought you were divorced.’ Clem flicked at his fingers but Nick still managed to snag a piece of cucumber.
A curtain fell in Nick’s eyes. ‘Yeah. Brain aneurism.’
Clem shrugged. ‘I heard that she was an amazing wife for someone like you to have. She knew the bush, loved the life.’
Nick stood up and walked to the fridge and pulled out a beer. ‘I thought she did but I … it wasn’t enough. Juice? Soda?’
‘Nothing, thanks. What wasn’t enough?’
‘All of it.’ Nick rolled his beer bottle in his hands. Why wasn’t he putting a lid on this conversation, shutting her down to stop her from prying into his past—a past that had nothing to do with his present life or, frankly, with her?
‘Talk to me, Nick.’ Clem smiled ruefully. ‘I won’t judge. After all, nobody has had a relationship quite as messed up as mine.’
He had to admit that she had a point. She’d taken stupid relationships to an art form with Campbell but he suspected that the root of all her insecurities was in her relationship with her parents. Campbell was the result, not the cause.
And maybe if he told her his sob story then she’d be sensible and get that he was a complete waste of emotional energy and back away from whatever they had brewing.
He could only hope.
Nick leaned against the counter and looked out of the window. ‘We met at uni, we were both studying Zoology. She grew up on game farms and in the bush and said she loved the life. We planned all this together—everything. The Lodge, the rehab centre, the reserve.’
Clem winced. ‘So, why didn’t it work?’
Nick shrugged. ‘She battled with the loneliness, the isolation. The eighteen hour days I spent working, the other six I spent sleeping. Living in a shack while I spent millions on the Lodge. I wasn’t paying her enough attention. She wanted to move off the reserve, she wanted friends, a life. I loved the reality of the dream; she hated it.’
‘You said you were the third wheel in your marriage. Why?’ Clem asked.
‘She had an affair. Oh, she said it wasn’t but I know differently. She had this … thing with a guy, on the Internet. She spent hours on-line, chatting. I accused her of having an affair; she denied it. They exchanged these personal e-mails, had cyber sex, photos … I don’t know what it was any more.’
‘She gave her time and directed her energy and her emotions to a man who wasn’t you. I’d call that an affair,’ Clem calmly said.
Nick rubbed his jaw. ‘How come you get that and Terra didn’t?’
‘Maybe it’s because I had a serial adulterer for a partner.’
‘She said she was lonely … that it was all my fault.’
Clem shrugged. ‘Were you going to get divorced?’
‘We didn’t have time to even discuss that. In a week I went from thinking I was reasonably happily married to finding out about the Internet affair to her dying.’
Clem looked horrified. ‘Oh, Nick, that’s dreadful.’
Nick drained his beer. ‘I never told anyone about Internet Guy. Nobody knows that … not even Jabu.’
Clem put her knife down and walked over to him, placing her hands on his pecs and her forehead on his sternum. ‘Oh, sweetie.’
Nick’s voice was laced with pain when he spoke over her head. ‘I had to let the guy know … the one she was talking to. I felt that I had to tell him, face to face. He cried like a child. He loved her so much, far more than I did. He wanted to marry her. She was leaving me—the next week—and I didn’t even know.’
‘Nick …’
Behind him, Nick’s hands clenched the counter tops. ‘I wish that we’d talked more, that I’d realized that she was so unhappy. I also wish she’d left me sooner so that she could’ve been happy for a little while … she deserved to be loved like that.’
‘I’m so so sorry that you had to go through all that.’ Clem wiped her eyes as she stepped away from him.
Nick turned away to grab another beer out of the fridge. Looking at it, he put it back and reached for a Coke instead. He took a deep sip, allowing the tart and sweet liquid to slide down his throat.
Clem reached for his can, sipped and continued making their salad. ‘So, why do I get the idea that your relationship with your family fell apart after that?’
Nick rubbed his hand behind his neck. ‘It did. You’ve got to understand what living with them was like, Clem. I was neutral ground, for everybody. Because I wasn’t emotional, I was the referee in sibling to sibling fights, sibling to parent fights … hell, parent to parent fights.’
Clem winced.
‘After Terra died, they got this crazy idea that I needed one of them to stay with me, on a rotational basis. Because it’s what they would have needed if it had happened to them. I said not a chance in hell, but they didn’t listen. They nagged me until I agreed to stay with my folks for a couple of days. My siblings were always there and they nearly killed me.’
He sipped, swallowed, looked for the words. ‘My family are incredibly intimate people, they want to know everything about you and they didn’t give me a moment’s peace. I just wanted some quiet to work through that last week with Terra—I couldn’t tell them what happened—and I had these people constantly yapping in my ear. I lost it. Thirty years of resentment and anger and I cracked … I hurt them deeply and I can’t go back.’
Clem nodded her agreement. ‘You can’t go back but you can go sideways or up or down. Do you know that it’s the anniversary of my mum’s death in a couple of days?’
‘No, sorry …’
‘Fifteen years ago. I’ve pretty much been independent since then.’ Clem shrugged. ‘I’m going off the point as there’s absolutely no reason why you should know. My poin
t is this: all I’ve ever wanted was a family who loved me as much as yours seems to love you. Don’t throw it away too easily, Nick. No man is an island and all that.’
‘I do pretty OK on my own, Clem. I’m better that way.’ Nick put his arm behind his neck and stretched. ‘I live a hard life. There aren’t many women who can cope with it on an ongoing basis, as Terra proved to me. It’s unending hard work; it’s lonely and it’s isolated. It’s not for everyone.’
He especially didn’t think it was for pampered princesses used to all the luxuries and amenities life had to offer. This, especially, isn’t the life for you, Red. She could see the warning in his eyes, Clem realized, as clearly as if he’d spoken the words.
Nick stood up and his hand drifted over her head.
‘I’m going to work out while those spuds cook. Want to join me?’
Clem looked horrified. ‘No, I think I’ll go and lie on the lounger and look at birds.’
Nick grinned. ‘You mean you’ll nod off.’
‘That too. Wake me up for supper.’
A few nights later, Clem walked into Nick’s room and, placing a hand on his shoulder, shook him awake. Nick bolted up and grabbed her wrist.
‘What? What’s the matter? Is it a storm?’
Clem shook her head. ‘No, not yet.’
‘It can’t be time to get up; it’s still dark.’ Nick yawned.
‘It’s about two in the morning,’ Clem told him. ‘I’ve got something to show you. Come with me.’
‘Unless you’re offering sex, I want to go back to sleep,’ Nick retorted, flopping backwards.
‘Get up and come look. Please?’ Clem pulled back the mosquito net and smiled at Nick’s sulky face as he reached for a pair of shorts.
Thunder rolled and Clem shook her head. ‘I heard the storm; that’s what woke me up and I needed the loo … just come look.’
Clem took his hand and pulled him out of his room and into hers. She tugged him to the window and, pulling back the curtain, pointed to the huge Mopane tree. ‘Male leopard with a baboon carcass halfway up that tree.’
