by Susan Renee
I can tell Dr. Fellgud is smiling on the other end of the line. “Yes Mr. Wood, we are definitely going to do our best. As long as this liver is accepted by her body we should see a good future for young Ivy. I’ll see you when you arrive. Please drive carefully.”
“Yes, yes sir. Will do. Goodbye.”
Words cannot explain the emotions going through my head at this very moment. Elation that finally, after such a painstakingly stressful wait, my baby girl is going to get what her body needs to survive. Fear that the girl I love the most, the girl I’ve committed my life to, the girl that my world revolves around is about to undergo a huge surgery that could end with her little cold body left alone on a table.
What if she doesn’t make it?
What if her body doesn’t accept the liver?
What then?
I jump up from my chair and make it just in time to the sink before I lose everything I’ve consumed so far today.
She has to make it.
Lord, please, this has to work.
Don’t take my sunshine away.
On top of the excitement and the fear, there’s the knowledge that my kid is getting an opportunity to live because another set of parents out there just lost their reason for living.
I can’t stop the tears from welling. My baby girl has gone through hell in the last fourteen months and now, now she’s finally going to get a damn fighting chance!
“Daddy, sad?” Ivy walks in holding on to her favorite Minnie Mouse doll. “Daddy, sad? Minnie bettew.”
“No Ivy, Daddy is not sad. Daddy is so happy!” I pick her up and squeeze her little body in my arms. I kiss her cheeks so much that she giggles wildly. She holds Minnie out to me and says “Bettew, daddy. Daddy aaaall bettew.”
Laughing at the ridiculous piece of cute I’m holding in my arms, I grab Minnie Mouse and squeeze her extra tight as well. “Thank you Minnie for making me feel so happy. Minnie, I need your help finding Ivy’s shoes because we have to go for a ride to the big doctor place now.”
She gasps and her eyes grow three sizes before I hear Ivy exclaim “Pwize? Pwize?” She’s referring to the huge toy box filled with toys donated by local area organizations from the area. The nurses make sure that each patient receives the toy of their choice while staying in the hospital; a little something to bring a smile to their faces, when some are there for not-so-happy reasons.
Oh you sure are getting a prize this time.
“Ivy we’re going to go get you the biggest prize of all. Let’s go get your stuff.”
The doctors and my family had always told me to have a bag packed just in case, for the good or the bad. Finding a donor for Ivy means that somewhere out there another family has lost a family member and since nobody knows when that will happen they tell us to be prepared for anything at any time. I keep an extra bag packed in the truck as well, in case we’re out when we get the call. I don’t even have to check them since it’s what I do every night before I go to bed. I help Ivy into her shoes and winter coat, grab her favorite stuffed animals and favorite pink blanket and we’re out the door.
*****
Friday, April 10, 2015
It’s been a week since I’ve gotten to spend time with Savannah. Business is picking up at the bar with the late spring season. Tourists are starting to roll in to visit all the distilleries in the area. Between having to cover hours at the bar and life with Ivy, I haven’t gotten to see her this week at all. We’ve communicated via text a few times, enough times to confirm that today is the day, our first real date. I couldn’t be more nervous but excited at the same time. The music of Blake Shelton is on a constant repeat in my head. “Gonna” is a catchy song and he’s damn right when he says I’m gonna hold her tight all night long, one day, or in my dreams at least. I have no intention of overstepping any boundaries today but damn if I’m not praying that this first date is followed up by a second, and then a third, and then a seventh, and one day, a seventy-seventh. I’m beginning to forget how she felt in my arms when I held her in her apartment. I can’t wait to have her hand in mine for the whole afternoon.
Since Savannah hasn’t really gotten out much in the past few years I decided today will be spent completely outdoors. She’ll either love it or hate it, but it’s supposed to be a beautiful day with plenty of sunshine, so I’m taking advantage of it to show Savannah a nice day with an even nicer guy. I’m just putting my arm through the hole of my t-shirt when I hear the movement of little feet outside my door.
“Daddy!” she exclaims in her biggest princess voice. “You in there?”
With a smile on my face that can’t ever go away when I hear her little voice I reply, “Sure am Princess!” I walk over to the door and in true royal butler fashion open it to see my baby girl all dressed in her sparkly blue Princess Elsa nightgown. Her messy head of curls hangs loosely around her face. It’s probably time for a haircut but I just can’t stand cutting those beautiful curls. She has her mother’s pretty hair but those big greeen eyes are mine. I see myself every time I look at her.
God, she’s just a beautiful little Princess.
Clearing my throat, I try to rid my voice of any country accent I may have to make way for my poor attempt at sounding like Sven, the Reindeer.
“Good morning Ivy-Elsa. I was just heading out to work on the ice.”
Giggling, Ivy bounds into my room leaping onto my bed. “Silly daddy. There’s no ice out there today. Look,” she says, pointing out my bedroom window. “It’s super sunny outside today.”
“Oh. So you don’t want to build a snowman?” I sneak up behind her and tickle her until she falls over in a fit of giggles. “No daddy. I get to see Pappy and Nana today. Pappy said…he said…umm he’s gonna make me pancakes for SUPPER!” I watch as her arms flail out to her sides like she’s showing me the entire world, but then I playfully gasp in horror as if I don’t approve. “He’s what? He didn’t ask me if he could make you pancakes for supper! I’m going to have to have a talk with that man…”
“NO DADDY!” She says covering my mouth with her hand. She whispers, “Conceal, don’t feel! It’ll be ok. Princess Elsa says I can have pancakes for supper.”
Shaking my head in awe of my flesh and blood I grab Ivy and swing her around in my arms. “Well if Princess Elsa says it’s okay, then it must be okay. I hope you have the yummiest pancakes ever. Eat one for me too okay?”
“Okay but Daddy, where are you going?”
“I’m spending some time with an old friend. Her name is Savannah.”
“Subannah…” I watch Ivy’s expression as she thinks about that name. “Is Subannah a boy or a girl?”
“Savannah is a girl. We used to go to school together when Daddy was young.”
“Does Subannah like Princess Elsa, Daddy?”
“Oh…yes! I’m sure she loves Princess Elsa, but just in case you’re not convinced, maybe you can ask her yourself someday.”
“Yeah. Maybe when I’m bigger like you I’ll be friends with Subannah too and we’ll be princesses together.” She jumps up and down on my bed in excitement and even though I shouldn’t let her, she’s so damn cute I can’t stop smiling at her. My heart grows about ten sizes bigger at the thought of Savannah running around my house with Ivy as her princess.
Let’s not get ahead of yourself, cowboy.
“That’s right Princess. Maybe you will be friends with Savannah one day. Now let’s go get your clothes changed and your shoes on so we can go see Pappy and Nana. Pappy’s gonna need your help mixing up those fishcakes.”
“No, pancakes, Daddy! Pancakes!” She giggles.
“Oh yeah. Right. Pancakes. I forgot.” I wink at her as I shuffle her down the hall to her room.
As we walk down the hall to Ivy’s bedroom, she grabs my finger and wraps her hand around it. “Do you love me okay, Daddy?”
I stop walking and crouch down to be at her level so I can look into her beautifully happy eyes. “Princess Ivy Lynn, on a scale of one to four I lov
e you…one hundred and ten! So of course I love you okay! Do you love me okay, Princess?”
Her smile grows larger as she wraps her hands around my neck and places the sweetest wet kiss on my chin. “YES Daddy! I love you one hundred and eleventy nine!”
“Whoa! That’s a lot of love Princess. Are you sure you can handle that much love at one time?”
“Yeah Daddy. Can I wear my Elsa nightgown to Nana’s house for pancakes?” A three-year-old can’t focus on one subject for too long. Her response makes me chuckle.
“Well I think that’s the perfectest idea I ever heard, Princess Ivy-Elsa. Now let’s go get your shoes.”
*****
Once Ivy is easily settled at my mom and dad’s place for the day, I get back in my truck and head back into town to pick up Savannah. My nerves are running wild now with every mile I drive closer to her place.
Do I look alright?
Do I smell okay?
Is my truck clean enough?
It’s been a damn while since I’ve really tried to impress a girl. My past is admittedly splattered with an array of different women over the years. I wouldn’t say I was an addict back then but damn if I didn’t like to fuck a nice piece of ass whenever one walked into my bar. Looking back, I know I should’ve said “no” to Samantha the minute she waltzed into the bar, but something about her just said I wouldn’t have any trouble helping myself so I did, and a month later I received the biggest damn cock block a man’s ever seen. “Pregnant,” she says. “It’s yours,” she says. Fuck.
Who knew that day my biggest nightmare and my wildest dream were all going to come true. I knew one day I wanted to be a daddy and settle down with a family, but I wasn’t ready just yet. Regardless, I wanted to do right by Samantha and my soon-to-be child. I worked my ass off to finish the bar renovations so I would have steady income to help her out with the baby. I wasn’t going to let her be a single parent, even though we both knew marriage wasn’t an option for us. We didn’t love each other and in my future I want to be married to the girl I can’t live without. A girl I’m head over heels for. I want to marry for love, not out of obligation.
I pull into the parking lot of Savannah’s complex and hop out of the truck. It’s mid-morning so there’s still a bit of a chill in the air, but the sun is shining brightly and promising a beautiful afternoon. We should be plenty warm enough by the time we get there but I try to remind myself on the way up the stairs to make sure Savannah brings a sweater or a jacket. I knock on the door three times and wait for her to answer. “Coming!” I hear her yell excitedly from inside. Sweet Jesus, hearing her voice yelling that word does something to my insides.
Maybe not tonight darlin’ but soon, when the time is right, you’ll shout that word for me.
Chapter 14
Savannah
I’ve been ready for an hour. I don’t know why I let him talk me into this, but I couldn’t sleep a wink last night knowing today was coming. I haven’t been out with anyone of the opposite sex since Shawn, and even though our marriage was spectacular, the butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling had dissipated over time. I imagine that’s pretty normal in any long-term marriage, but now, I have to do this all over again. I’ve had butterflies in my stomach all night. No, not butterflies, moths! Big, ugly, obviously nocturnal moths since they wouldn’t go away, and so here I am ready to go way early because…moths.
I see his truck pull into a spot out front but try not to pull the curtain back too much to watch him in case he looks up to my window. I may be anxious about today but I certainly will not be letting him know that. I get to hold the cards today. The moments we shared last week in my apartment were intense, and I never meant for any of it to happen, but it’s been a week. Who knows what he may be thinking now. Maybe he’s the super great guy that he was here last week or maybe as I get to know him he’ll show truer colors and I’ll see the old Bryant Wood emerge, the douchebag looking for a booty call. He’ll be dialing long distance if that’s the case.
Except I almost kissed him a week ago.
I would’ve kissed him back had he followed through.
Will that opportunity come today?
Do I want it to?
As Bryant emerges from his black truck, I watch as he takes a big breath and looks at himself in the driver’s side mirror to make sure he looks okay. It’s cute to watch a guy care about the impression he’s making. He only looks for a second though, so at least I know he’s not too vain.
He’s perfect.
He knocks on the door three times and even though I knew he was on his way up, I still jump at the sound of the knock. I take a step toward the door and then cringe and slap my hand to my forehead.
Stupid girl! Don’t be in such a hurry.
Make him wait!
You’re not desperate.
So that my voice doesn’t come across too clearly I tiptoe as quietly as I can back down the hallway toward my bedroom.
“Coming!” I shout.
One one-thousand, two one-thousand, three one-thousand, four one-thousand…
I take one last look in the bathroom mirror even though I know I look fine. I’ve looked at myself every ten minutes for the past hour. I chose my favorite skinny jeans that are faded, with a few small holes in spots, a pink, blue, purple and yellow plaid button down shirt unbuttoned halfway, layered over a pink tank. Not knowing where we are going today except that I was told to dress casually, I left my layered hair down. I like the way it frames my face but still hangs past my shoulders. I throw a ponytail holder in my pocket just in case I need it later. I’m ready to go. I’m ready to answer the door.
Calmly and quietly I open the door and cast my eyes on Bryant standing in the doorway.
Holy hell.
Looking at him standing in front of me makes me feel like I’m about to fan-girl on the red carpet of some cheesy awards show. He looks like he could be the fourth brother in the family if Ryan Gosling, Bradley Cooper, and Chris Hemsworth were all related. He has the eyes of one, the body of another, and the shit eating smirk of another. He’s dressed perfectly casual in worn denim jeans, a blue t-shirt, with a blue plaid shirt over top. One might think we coordinated outfits. It’s almost ironic how well we complement each other. I remember what he looked like the morning he stood shirtless in my kitchen. Though his shirt sleeves are slightly rolled I can still see his strong arms. They definitely look bigger today even under his clothes...I wonder if he worked out just before coming over.
To impress me?
That thought makes me almost giggle out loud.
“Good morning Seven,” he says with a smirk as if he knows I’m thinking about him naked, which I’m not…okay I might have for just a second, but I absolutely am not now.
I nod my head up to make notice of his face. “You left somethin’ on your face there, Bryant.”
“You like it?” He says rubbing his hand over the stubble on his face.
YES!
Nodding slightly, I respond, “It’s not bad. It suits you.”
“Good. Ivy likes it. She says I have sprinkles on my face and it just so happens that I like sprinkles so I figured what the hell.”
“Sprinkles. That’s cute.” I can’t help but smile at the thought of a little girl telling Bryant he has sprinkles on his face.
“You look great, Seven. Not having the plague suits you.” He winks at me and I smile back, shaking my head.
“Thanks, I think.”
“You ready to go? Do you need anything?”
I shake my head slowly. “Don’t think so. I’m good.” I check to make sure my phone is in my back pocket, grab my small purse and keys off the hook by the door and step out into the hallway.
“Great. Let’s go. It’ll take us a little while to get there.” Bryant watches while I lock the door behind me and then guides me to the stairwell with just the slightest touch of his hand on the small of my back. It’s weird, but not uncomfortable. Uncomfortable should have been Bryant almost kissing
me a week ago in my apartment, but that felt…eerily not uncomfortable.
“Where are we going?”
Bryant turns his head once we’ve reached the ground floor and shrugs. “You’ll see. Hop in.” He holds the door open for me and waits as I grab what I call the ‘Oh Shit’ bar above the door in his truck and hoist myself in. These pickup trucks sit so high up. A trampoline would be a much more fun way to get in.
Within minutes of our drive I see that we’re headed east on I-150. Obviously we’re not going somewhere local, which now has me stumped. Where on earth could he be taking me?
“Are we headed to Springfield?” I ask.
“Well, we’re gonna pass through Springfield eventually, but that’s not where I’m stopping.” He looks over at me through his sunglasses and sees the perplexed look on my face. “Relax, Seven. We’ll be driving for about an hour, but I promise you’ll like it…well…” He turns on his signal to change lanes before looking in his rearview mirror. “At least I hope you’ll like it. I just thought somewhere peaceful and quiet might be nice and it’s supposed to be a beautiful day.”
An hour?
“Sounds great.” I smile shyly…because at this moment I actually am a little apprehensive. It’ll be a long shitty car ride home if today doesn’t go well. I don’t want this hour to be awkward; it would be nice if I could find something to talk about so we don’t sit in silence for the entire ride. I don’t really want to know about all the women Bryant has dated and I don’t particularly want to talk about my dead husband when I’m supposedly on a date with another guy. Ugh! Why is this so hard?
“Hey,” Bryant’s voice causes me to turn my head in his direction. He’s looking back and forth between me and the road.
“Yeah?”
“Where did you go just now?”
“What do you mean?”
He smiles at me. “I mean you haven’t stopped twiddling your thumbs since you got in the car, you look tense and if that doesn’t give you away, I just watched you exhale rather largely looking out your window. Are you okay? Do you not want to do this?”
