by Susan Renee
“I’m right here, Bryant. What do you need to tell me that’s so important?” She kisses my chest and my shoulder before rolling up towards me and softly kissing my lips. She leans back and watches me in anticipation.
“It’s about Ivy.”
“Okay.”
I swallow slowly, “And Peyton.”
She smiles endearingly like I’m about to tell her a story of what great friends they are. “Okay. What is it? Tell me.”
“Well, umm, you know how I told you that I hadn’t been in contact with Ivy’s liver donor? How I had never written them to say thanks or to give an update on Ivy or anything like that?”
She smiles again, which is unnerving. “Yes. I remember. You really should find her donor though, Bryant. I’m sure the other family would want to know that their child’s life benefited someone else’s.”
“Savannah…”
“What, Bryant?” She chuckles softly smoothing her fingers down my cheek. “What is it you need to tell me?”
“I’m uh…I’m telling you now, Savannah.”
“Telling me what?”
“I’m telling you now…that um…Peyton’s life…” I hold Savannah’s arms in my hands so I can help her when she hears the news. “It benefited someone else’s.”
She laughs.
What the fuck?
Why is she laughing?
“Of course it did, Bryant. I received several letters last year…”
“Not from me, Savannah.” I shake my head adamantly. “You didn’t receive one from me.”
She stops laughing and looks at me, her head tilting in confusion.
“I don’t understand.”
Closing my eyes quickly I inhale one last big breath before simply spitting it out so she understands. “Savannah, you didn’t receive a letter from me because I was way too afraid to write one. I didn’t know how to tell you that Ivy was the recipient of Peyton’s liver. I didn’t know how to tell you because I’m in love with you, but the guilt of not telling you is eating me alive so I’m sorry you didn’t receive a letter from me but please, Savannah. Please know that Peyton’s life…it means more than the world to me. It meant life for my child and for that I will be forever and ever grateful.”
I look at Savannah’s face as she sits astride me in my bed. Her face soft but void of expression. We’re both vulnerable in this state…naked, together in bed. I’m not sure what she’s thinking. If only her face would give me a clue as to what she’s thinking I would know which way to go but damn, if she isn’t just starting at me.
“Savannah…”
“It’s okay, Bryant. I love you,” she says softly.
I release a breath and wrap her in my arms, relieved that she didn’t just chop off my balls for keeping the truth from her. When I open my eyes I’m shivering. Confused as to why I’m suddenly so cold, I let go of Savannah and lean back slightly.
“WHAT THE?” I shout as I jump from my bed. I feel guilty for a quick second that I just threw Savannah off of me except that what I tossed wasn’t Savannah at all. When I leaned back I was hugging Olaf the snowman.
What the ever-loving fuck?
I watch in shock as his head rolls to the side and he giggles. “True love means telling the truth…let it go, Bryant. Let it go.”
*****
I startle awake, gasping for air.
I look around the room and remember that I moved out to the living room this morning to lay on the couch in case Ivy woke up early.
Damnit.
It was just a dream.
I haven’t told her yet.
Shaking the absurdity from my head I put my face in my hands and am rubbing my temples when I hear her singing. I must’ve heard it in my head while I was dreaming.
“Let it gooo…let it goooo…Subanna slept ova last niiiight.” I smile at the cute voice that I recognize as Ivy’s and am surprised to hear the laughter of Savannah’s voice right along with her.
Ivy must’ve woken up Savannah.
Shit. I hope she doesn’t mind.
I should go get her in case Savannah wants to sleep.
But listening to them giggle is a nice way to wake up.
That was a fucked up dream if I ever had one but I understand it now that I’ve had a moment to process it. I love this girl, I’ve wanted her for so long, but the guilt I have for keeping the truth from her is constantly on my mind. I have no idea how she’ll really react. I’m not convinced she’ll be the same Savannah from my dream when I tell her…and I’m not sure I would want her to be.
Quietly I make my way back down the hall toward my bedroom where I hear my two ladies singing and giggling. I stand outside the door and listen for a while as Ivy tells Savannah all about her love of Elsa and Ana and all things Frozen. As much as I would love to join them, they sound like they’re having a great time together. I make my way back down the hall to the kitchen. I promised a certain little girl I would make pancakes for breakfast.
It’s not ten minutes later that I hear the pitter patter of little feet hopping down the hallway toward the kitchen.
“Come on! Come on Subanna! I smell PANCAKES!”
“Mmm! I love pancakes!” Savannah laughs. I can see her smile in my head. The gorgeous curve of her lips and the blush in her cheeks when she smiles is forever ingrained in my brain. I like to make her smile. That one little expression can warm my body every single time I see it on her face.
She deserves to smile.
She deserves to be happy.
The picture of Savannah in my brain is an exact reflection of her as she turns the corner into the kitchen, Ivy’s hand in hers. My little princess is tugging Savannah’s arm excitedly toward the kitchen island where I’m preparing breakfast. Our eyes finally meet and my world stops. It just freezes. Holding my spatula in mid-air, I stop what I’m doing at the stove and stare at her, trying to memorize this moment in time. The moment when the woman of my dreams walks into my kitchen, looking carefree and gorgeously sexy. No makeup, unkempt hair pulled haphazardly to the top of her head, she’s confidently stunning. When I left her last night she was naked in my bed. She obviously found her bag I brought in from her car last night, though the grey cotton t-shirt she’s wearing is still mine. Damn she looks hot in my clothes, and her holding the hand of the most important other female of my life makes an indelible impression on me. The picture in this kitchen right now is like that of a normal Saturday morning with any other normal family.
But this isn’t our normal.
I have to tell her.
My dream…it hits me like an arrow to my heart and I gasp audibly causing Savannah’s expression to change to one of worry.
Fuck! My dream…
I can’t tell her.
I don’t want to lose her.
“Are you okay? Did you just burn yourself?” Savannah asks as she helps Ivy up to her stool in front of the island counter where I have our place settings ready.
“Uhh, yeah.” I lie. “Just touched the pan accidentally. I’m good.” I try to play it off and hope that Savannah doesn’t pick up on my distraction. I smile at her and Ivy both sitting across from me. I want so badly to kiss Savannah but I haven’t done anything like that in front of Ivy yet…I’m not sure how she’ll react to that. She’s never seen me kiss a girl before. Instead I clear my thoughts from my head, and offer up some morning beverages.
“Would you lovely ladies like a drink? Milk? OJ? Coffee?” I direct that last suggestion to Savannah.
“Pwincesses Daddy! We’re Pwincesses!”
“Ohhh, well excuse me then beautiful princesses.” I try to use my best British butler voice. “Would either of you care for a cold, or hot, beverage to go with your pancakes this morning hmm?”
Ivy scrunches up her nose and giggles before lifting her chin to respond in her version of a British accent, “I fink I will have miwk Mista Daddy if you pwease.”
“Perfect darling. Yes of course Princess Ivy needs a healthy glass of milk with her
pancakes. How about you, Princess Savannah? What can I get for you to drink Madame?”
As if she’s played this role a thousand times Savannah turns on her dramatic British charm. If I didn’t know better, I would swear I was standing in the middle of an episode of Downton Abbey. “Coffee in England, are you mad? Everyone knows it’s tea we drink, but I’ll settle for a tall glass of milk to go with my flapjacks. Cheers.” She looks to Ivy as they both break into a fit of giggles.
How does she do it?
Perfectly fits into our little family dynamic?
Shaking my head in humorous defeat, I pour my girls their milk before walking around the island to hand Ivy her sippy cup, and Savannah her glass.
“Cheers darling,” she says, smiling. Quickly she kisses me once on my right cheek and then again on my left. I’m frozen in place having not expected that display of affection. What I also don’t expect is the look of passion in Savannah’s eyes as they stare back at me. Like pancakes is the last thing she wants for breakfast.
I clear my throat and swallow before speaking. “Hungry?” I ask her softly.
Blinking slowly, she holds my gaze. “Mmm hmm.”
I watch as she takes another sip of her milk and licks her bottom lip just lazily enough to hold my attention.
Have mercy.
If I could just take her back to my…
My eyes quickly divert to where Ivy is sitting.
Shit.
Don’t do anything stupid, Wood. Your kid is in the room.
I try to smirk in triumph knowing that as hungry as she is, she now has to wait. Little does she know that I’m not the triumphant one at all. She’s already won.
“Pancakes are coming right up...would you like…sausage with that?” I wink at her when I ask so that she knows I’m not talking about Jimmy Dean.
Wearing her best shit-eating grin, she chuckles softly. “I do enjoy the taste of a good strong sausage.”
Good Lord she can make my dick twitch.
Immediately I turn around and walk back to the stovetop to continue my work with our breakfast. “Coming right up.”
Fuck if it isn’t.
Control yourself Wood.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned for sure in the past few weeks, it’s that Savannah Turner is my kryptonite. She’s caught me hook, line, and sinker and damn if I don’t want to swim in her waters for the rest of my days.
But I have to tell her. I have to tell her about Peyton and Ivy before whatever it is we have gets any tighter. I vow to myself that I will tell Savannah the truth when it’s time, although, who the hell knows when that might be. I’m hoping it’ll just come to me and she’ll be okay when the truth comes out.
The truth sets you free right?
Will I ever be free from the guilt?
Chapter 24
Savannah
“Holy shit you spent the night there? At his house? With Ivy?” Rachel hammers me with questions one after the other.
“Yes, yes, and yes,” I say, trying to remain as nonchalant as humanly possible. I’m sure she can see through me. She’s always good at picking up on my feelings.
“Well how was it then? Did you guys...you know…with Ivy there?” Her eyebrows raise in excited suspense.
I continue washing my combs and brushes as I think back to Friday, playing with Ivy, putting her to sleep with Bryant, the time we shared together afterwards. “It was…” My anxiety attack floats through my brain and my stomach turns, wiping the smile off of my face.
“It was what?” Rachel asks noticing my mood change.
“It was nice. I had a great time.”
Rachel’s eyes narrow. She knows something is off. “No, no, no, no, no.” She waves her finger at me. “You don’t get to tell me that it was just nice. A minute ago you were all smiles and now you’re not so what the fuck happened and how badly do I need to kick Wood’s ass?”
“Not at all…that’s not…”
“Then what is it? Did he hurt you?”
“No,” I say immediately. “He didn’t hurt me at all Rache. I just…had this moment on Friday night that I can’t explain.”
“Okay…try,” she prompts.
I dry off the combs and brushes I was washing and place them back in my drawer so that I’m ready for the day. The clock on the wall tells me we’re opening in about five minutes so I take a second to sit in my chair as Rachel takes her cue from me and sits in hers right next to me. I can tell she’s concerned.
“Okay, Ivy wanted me to help put her to bed which I did. I kissed her good night and left Bryant alone with her so that they could have their regular nightly routine together. I didn’t want to be in the way, so I excused myself to the kitchen.”
“Alright, I can understand that. Then what?”
“So I’m standing in the kitchen and all of a sudden I hear Bryant start singing to Ivy. I didn’t know there was a monitor in the kitchen and I heard it all loud and clear.”
Rachel tilts her head slightly. “I don’t get it. Why is that a bad thing? Did he sing some sort of inappropriate song or something?”
My head turns to the top of the mirror at my station. Above the mirror is a small painted canvas that reads “You Are My Sunshine.” I’ve had it there since the day I started. It brings me peace on those days when I just miss my family. Rachel sees me looking at the canvas and a lightbulb flashes in her head.
She gasps softly. “Savannah did he sing that song to Ivy? ‘You Are My Sunshine’?”
I nod.
“Did he know?” She asks.
“Know what?”
“Did he know that was your special song for…Peyton?”
“No. He didn’t know. He found out really quick though when he found me outside on his porch doubled over in tears.”
“What? Oh God! Savannah, you poor thing!”
“I can’t even tell you how it happened Rache. One minute, I was standing in his kitchen, and the next moment I couldn’t breathe. I had tears pouring down my face and didn’t even know it. It’s the weirdest thing to happen to me in a long time.”
“So what did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything. Bryant found me like that, picked me up and carried me to his room, held me, talked to me, you know. He felt terrible. I felt terrible for causing him to feel that way. I should’ve just gone home but he didn’t want me to be alone and to be honest, I didn’t want to go.”
“Girl, I’ve heard that grief hits you when you least expect it. Sounds like that song just triggered something for you. Are you okay now? Do you need some time off?”
“No, no, no. I’m totally fine. Thanks though, I’m good, I promise. After that, our weekend was fantastic. Really.”
“Okay good.” Rachel’s eyes fall to the door when the bell rings and Audrey walks in.
“Mornin’ ladies!” Audrey says in her usual perky tone.
“Good morning Audrey,” I reply.
“Well ladies…” Rachel looks down at her watch. “I hope you’re ready for what this day has to throw at us so early this morning. Just don’t hate me alright?”
Detecting a bit of trepidation in Rachel’s voice I have a bad feeling I know what’s about to happen. “Why would we hate you so early in the morning Rachel?” I ask sternly.
I no sooner ask the question than three ladies waltz into the salon, all looking every bit the bitches I know them to be. Jamie Henders, Jody Westin, and Brooke Lilt, three best friends from high school who never left town to grow up. They’re the same now as they were back then, spoiled rich girls always sticking their precious noses in other people’s business. If there were a cast for The Real Housewives of Bardstown, these girls would be the stars.
I turn quickly to Rachel before the ladies have a chance to see my expression. “Make ya a deal, Rache. I won’t hate you if you don’t hate me for accidentally knocking my fist into one of their beautiful sets of perfect teeth.”
Rachel chokes on her coffee but tries to hide her smile. She dese
rves it for starting my day this way. These girls were the bane of my existence in high school and I can’t stand them now. They walk in dressed to the nines on a Monday morning wearing their perfect designer jeans, high heeled pumps and carrying their Coach purses. Even Brooke, who is at least seven months pregnant, is sporting designer maternity clothes. They definitely put my black leggings and yellow tunic to shame.
Seriously, does she know one day her water is going to break and ruin those pants?
Maybe I should ask her about her mucus plug.
This isn’t Rodeo Drive ladies.
Nevertheless, I plaster a brilliantly fake smile on my face and welcome them in with open arms. “Good morning ladies! How are you all this morning?”
Jody eyes me up from head to toe before answering sympathetically in her best southern twang. “That’s right. I forgot you were working here now. My mom told me you were back in town. It’s good to see you.” Ugh, the way she drags out the word ‘you’ with her southern accent makes me really want to punch her in the teeth. She sounds like a two-faced church girl trying to be nice to the devil.
“Yes. I’ve been here for a few months now. It’s good to be back. What are we doing for you today?”
“Oh yes, well umm, I definitely need to have my eyebrows waxed and then I’m thinking just a cut and style. No need to go overboard today.”
“Okay. That’s no problem. Let’s head back to the sink and we’ll get started on those brows.”
As I lead Jody to the back of the shop Audrey and Rachel both make their plans with the other two girls. These bitches always seem to travel in packs. I would like to think that alone, one wouldn’t be so irritatingly pompous, but then again, getting one of them alone for any length of time is next to impossible. Jody and I used to be relatively friendly with each other growing up. She lived near me in my neighborhood and we often rode the bus together. As we grew up though, we definitely started growing apart, she became a high school cheerleader and I was the school nerd. I had goals and ambition, a passion for the arts. From what I heard she and her little besties had a passion for penis and every guy knew it.
