by Diana Palmer
“I don’t care,” she said, and she meant it. “I love you. We can get married in a bus, for all it matters to me.”
He smiled unsteadily. “Okay. A bus it is. How about on the Paseo del Rio?” he asked. “In a boat, with mariachis playing and flowers everywhere?”
She gasped. “Could we?”
He shrugged. “Why not?”
“Oh, Cade, that would be wonderful!”
“I’ll make the arrangements.” He framed her face in his hands and kissed her softly. “Let’s go. I’ll take you out to dinner and then we’ll go to your apartment, where I’ll say good night like a gentleman and swim back up to my hotel.”
“Swim?”
“By then I’ll need either a swim or a cold shower.” He groaned, kissing her again. “Thursday can’t come quickly enough to suit me.”
She smiled under his mouth, because he sounded desperate. Where there was smoke, there was fire, didn’t they say? Well, if he wanted her that badly and missed her so much, he had to care. She’d be the best wife in the whole world, and maybe then he wouldn’t hate her when she finally told him the truth...
* * *
IT WAS A magical night. They ate on the Paseo del Rio, the River Walk that bordered the San Antonio River as it wound its way through the tree-lined city. They sat watching the river while they dined on steak and potatoes, with a mile-high strawberry pie and whipped cream dessert afterward. Cade looked at her with soft dark eyes that fed on her face, and her hands shook so badly from the scrutiny that she turned over her water glass and dropped her fork twice. It made her feel better that Cade’s hands trembled when he tried to light his cigarette. If she was affected, so was he.
“Did you come just to see me?” she asked.
“In a way. I’m here for the rodeo. I have to go back when we finish and check my equipment. I’m staying over tonight so that I can get an early start in the morning. I’ve only signed up for two events, so I’ll be through by tomorrow night. We can go to that picnic if you want to,” he said with a smile.
“I’d like that,” she said. “I can show you off to everybody.”
He smiled as he linked her fingers with his. “You can show off your ring to Ryker,” he said, lifting the hand that wore it. “Yes, I know, Nell’s sweet on him. I just want him to know who you belong to. In case he had any ideas.”
She smiled at his show of jealousy. She liked that possessive streak in him very much. “I don’t know that I can bear to watch, but can I go with you to the rodeo tomorrow?”
“Sure. You can save me from the bronc if I fall under his hooves.” He laughed at her expression. “I was kidding. Listen, honey, I’ve been doing this for a lot of years. It’s dangerous, yes, but you can cut the risk if you’re responsible and don’t play around with your equipment or tempt fate. I’ll be fine. There’s a big purse. I can’t afford to miss out.”
“I’d give you back the pearls,” she offered.
He shook his head. “You can keep those for our kids,” he said and his eyes darkened and softened with the hunger for them.
Bess dropped her gaze to the table. Tell him, she thought. Tell him now, before it goes further. Be sure. But she looked back up, and the expression on his face stopped her dead. She couldn’t lose him now. She couldn’t!
“Are you going back to Lariat Sunday?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Gary and Robert are looking out for things while I’m gone. These few days are ours. Yours and mine. I want to spend as much time as possible with you. I planned to be away a few days because I thought I might have to convince you to marry me,” he added with a slow smile. “I had a long night in mind if you said no.”
“Cade!”
“A man has to use whatever weapons he has.” He sighed. “I couldn’t have stood it much longer.” His dark eyes blazed as he looked at her. “Amazing how vivid memories get as you move away from them,” he said. “I can’t sleep at night for remembering how it was.”
She lowered her embarrassed eyes because she remembered, too. “I don’t sleep very well either,” she confessed. Her fingers tightened in his grasp. “I thought I’d go crazy...!”
“That makes two of us.” His jaw tightened as he searched her face. “Let’s get out of here,” he said huskily.
She lifted her face. She wanted to protest, to tell him that she couldn’t do that with him again. But the look on his face made it impossible to say no. She got up from the table and followed him to the checkout counter. They walked to the car, hand in hand, without a word as the tension built to flash point between them. By the time they got back to Bess’s apartment, she was trembling with it.
He closed the door behind them and leaned back against it, studying her with a gaze that made her knees tremble.
“While I can still think straight,” he managed, “we’d better set some limits. Do you want to wait until we’re married?”
He didn’t have to put it into words. She knew what he was asking. She put her purse down and leaned against the back of the sofa, looking at him. “Yes,” she said quietly.
“So do I,” he said, surprising her. “We jumped the gun, and I’ve regretted that a lot. The only good thing about it is that we’ve got the worst part out of the way. I’ll never have to hurt you a second time. Our wedding night will be new for you because of that. I’m sorry I cheated you out of all of it.”
She smiled softly. “I couldn’t have stopped either,” she confessed. “And like you said, Cade, we weren’t playing games or making some casual entertainment out of it. We were committed, even then.”
“And still are.” He shouldered away from the door and moved toward her. “More than ever.”
She stiffened a little as his lean hands slid past her hips to rest on the high back of the sofa. His body moved closer, so that she could feel the warmth and strength of his muscles, smell the cologne he wore, feel his coffee-scented breath on her lips as he searched her eyes.
“You said you’d tell me the story of this ring you gave me,” she managed huskily.
He smiled. “I’ll tell you on our wedding night,” he replied. “It’s a pretty special tale.”
“Do...you want some more coffee?” she whispered, because his mouth was coming closer, and despite his assurances she wasn’t sure that she could trust either one of them.
“Not really,” he murmured just above her lips. “I want to lay you down on the sofa and ease my body on top of you.” She blushed, and he chuckled softly. “Yes, you want it, too. But we won’t. However,” he murmured, one hand going to the buttons of her jacket, “don’t expect to get away from me as neat as you are right now.” He pulled the jacket sensuously off her arms and studied the delicate, white lace-edged satin of her camisole. Under it she was bare, and he could see that her nipples were rigid with desire.
His hand turned, so that just the backs of his fingers ran lightly over the fabric, deliciously abrasive against that tautness. She gasped, and he did it again, loving the way she clutched at his hard arms.
“On the sofa or on the bed, Bess?” he said breathily. “Because I’ve got to have more than this.”
“The sofa...then.” She gulped as he lifted her easily in his hard arms and moved away from the sofa. “It’s...safer.”
“Do you think so, little one?” His mouth settled softly on hers, teasing it, as he sat down on the cushions with Bess across his lap. “I’ll bet you money that it’s every bit as dangerous as the bed once we start touching.”
She couldn’t manage an answer. His hands were under the camisole, without much room to maneuver, but they were expert and sensuous all the same, rising up and down the soft slopes of her bare breasts without even coming close to the hard arousal of them.
“Oh, yes, that aches, doesn’t it?” he asked with faint malice, his eyes dancing with pride
as he watched her headlong reaction to him.
“I wish I could make you...ache as badly,” she choked, arching as her body betrayed her will and she tried to force his hands the rest of the way.
“You’ll learn,” he murmured. “In the meantime I like you just the way you are. It’s exciting to teach you how to do this.”
She gathered that from the wildness she saw glittering in his dark eyes. It was just as exciting to be taught, but she couldn’t get the words out. He paused long enough to strip off his jacket and tie and unbutton his shirt. He drew her fingers inside, against damp hair and hard muscle, easing them along his chest. Her fingers moved involuntarily and suddenly discovered that a man’s body was equally vulnerable to the same torment a woman’s was.
It gave her a slight edge. She sighed and laid her cheek against his bare skin, liking the faint abrasion of all that hair covering him, smelling the soap and pure man scent of his powerful body as she returned his caresses.
She arched back, wanting the barriers out of the way, wanting his eyes on her. He seemed to sense it. His hands slowly eased the hem up, giving her plenty of time to refuse if she wanted to. But she was drowning in the same fire he was. She moved, but only to help him.
He stripped off the camisole and stared down at her with eyes blazing with desire. “It’s been a long time since I’ve looked at you like this,” he said quietly. His fingers trailed over the pale pink of her skin, up to the dark mauve aureoles with their hard tips. “You’re firm. You don’t even need to wear a bra, do you?”
She moved under his hand. “No. But it feels...uncomfortable without one. Men...men stare at me, so I wear jackets... Cade!”
His head had bent and his mouth was taking her inside, into the warm, moist suction of his lips while one hand supported her back and the other cupped the breast he was savoring.
Her hands clenched his thick, black hair. “Oh, don’t stop,” she wailed. “It feels...so good, Cade!”
She tasted of petals, cool and firm and sweet in his mouth. He lifted her so that her other breast was lying cool and soft against his bare chest, and he groaned at the intimate contact. His body was hardening already, coming alive with need for her.
She let him lay her down, her eyes open, dark and soft, looking up into his as he poised over her. She was trembling slightly, her trusting eyes telling him that he could do anything he wanted to her and she’d welcome him.
It gave him a sense of power, complicated by a sense of terrible responsibility. She’d already said that she didn’t want to sleep with him until they were married.
His hands slid to her hips, cradling them, his eyes fell on her trembling legs as he caressed her slowly.
She could see his need. It was blatantly visible. “If you need to,” she whispered, “I won’t stop you.”
He drew in a harsh breath. “You said you didn’t want it tonight,” he reminded them both.
“You’re hurting,” she whispered brokenly.
He groaned at the look in her eyes, the knowing compassion. He dragged her hand up his body and pressed it against him, shuddering with pleasure. “Yes, I’m hurting,” he whispered. His fingers pressed harder over hers, and he saw her fascination even while he gloried in her shy acknowledgment of his capability. “But that’s the best reason in the world to stop while I can. This kind of desire is violent, not like that long, slow session we had together in bed. I want you enough to throw you against the pillows and ravish you. That isn’t what you need.”
Her eyes widened. “Ravish...me?” she whispered.
He laughed helplessly at the look on her face when she said it. The laughter helped him defuse what they were feeling. He fell beside her, rolling over onto his back to hold her gently at his side while he fumbled above his head for a cigarette and lighter and ashtray on the coffee table.
“You’re really going to stop?” she asked.
“If you could have seen your eyes,” he said, chuckling as he lit the cigarette and placed the ashtray on his chest. “My God.”
“Well, nobody ever threatened to ravish me before, not even you,” she pointed out. She sat up, all too aware of her bare breasts and his warm, appreciative eyes on them. She liked that, so she didn’t try to cover herself. “What is it like to be ravished?”
“When you’re a little more used to me, I’ll show you,” he murmured. “My God, they’re beautiful,” he whispered, involuntarily pressing his lips reverently to the soft swell of her breast, delighting in her gasp and the way she leaned closer. “All of you is beautiful.”
“So are you,” she replied, love dancing in her eyes.
“All of me?” he murmured dryly, his gaze falling to the place he’d made her touch.
She hid her face in his hairy chest with a laugh. “Stop that. It’s too new to joke about. I’ve never touched anyone...!”
“Yes, I know. When we’re married, I’ll teach you how to do it properly, and without two layers of fabric in the way.”
She knew her face was scarlet. It felt blazing hot, as well. “And...and you’ll touch me like that?” she whispered.
His arm contracted. “And in other ways,” he replied quietly. “We’ve barely scratched the surface.”
“I can’t imagine anything more perfect than it was that day, Cade,” she said softly. “Even if it did hurt at first.”
“You were very much a virgin,” he murmured. “And I had to push harder than I wanted to.”
She gasped and clutched at him, remembering, shivering.
He lifted his head and looked down into her eyes. “I watched your face. I saw you become a woman.”
She opened her mouth to the hard exploration of his. As the fevers began to burn again, she sighed, not protesting when he moved, so that his hips were square over hers, his arousal hard against her belly, his long legs entwined with hers, his bare chest faintly abrasive on her breasts. She moaned at the depth and ferocity of the kiss.
For one long, sweet minute she gave in completely. And then his mouth lifted and he moved back beside her, shuddering a little as he fought for control. He raised his cigarette to his mouth and took a long draw, reached for the ashtray, and tapped the cigarette against the clear glass edge.
“Are you all right?” she asked softly.
“Yes.” He pulled her cheek to his chest, gently holding her there. His heartbeat all but shook him. “We’re so good together, honey,” he said huskily.
She brushed her lips over his shirt, one soft hand teasing him around the opening of it where thick hair curled out. But his fingers caught hers and stilled them.
“Don’t,” he said softly. “I’m too aroused already.”
“Sorry.” She flushed and then smiled at her own lack of knowledge. “I’m still learning.”
“So am I,” he murmured. He sighed heavily. “Bess, I’ve got to get out of here before something happens. I want you like hell.” He got up with obvious reluctance and pulled her up with him. His dark eyes slid over her face possessively. “I’ll pick you up at six if you want to come to the rodeo with me. We’ll get breakfast on the way.”
Her heartbeat shook her. It was new and fascinating to have Cade offering to take her anywhere, wanting to be with her. Such a change from the old days that she could hardly believe it was happening.
“Do you really want to marry me before we find out about...” she began.
“Yes.” He bent and kissed her softly. “I’ve missed you so,” he whispered huskily. “And judging by your reactions, you haven’t been celebrating since we’ve been apart. We’ll let the future take care of itself. Anyway, honey, if you aren’t pregnant now, you will be before many more weeks,” he added with a gentle laugh, and then he kissed her, not seeing the pain in her eyes.
She let him out, watching him go with anguish. She didn’t know how she was
going to go through with it and live with her conscience. She owed him the truth. But she couldn’t tell him. She didn’t know how.
He picked her up just after daylight the next morning and had the misfortune to be seen by Señora Lopez next door, who was opening her living room curtains. She immediately closed them back, her expression eloquent.
“I’ll have to tell her that we didn’t spend the night together,” Bess murmured, disturbed to have her favorite neighbor think ill of her. “I know it’s the 1990s, but the señora is a devout Catholic and she doesn’t move with the times.” She sighed. “Until just now she didn’t think I did either.”
He chuckled, wrapping his long arm around her. “She can be forgiven for thinking the worst—it’s early.” He looked down at her with a rueful smile. “And it’s true enough. You and I have slept together.”
She colored prettily, pressing close to his side as they walked. “Oh, yes, we have,” she whispered huskily.
His hand tightened roughly on her shoulder. “The sweetest memory of my life, Bess, right or wrong,” he replied and brushed his lips against her forehead. “The next time I’ll make it all come right for you.”
She knew what he meant and her heart went wild. “You did that already,” she whispered.
“Not the way I’m going to.” He drew her along to the pickup truck and put her into the cab. “We’d better talk about something else.” He chuckled, watching his hands shake as he lit a cigarette. His dancing eyes met hers. “You affect me pretty strongly these days. A man on a starvation diet gets nerves.”
She laughed delightedly. It was incredible to see Cade admitting to nerves. And nice. She gave him an adoring look and fastened her seat belt. For once her conscience let her alone.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CADE TOOK BESS to the rodeo, and she sat in the stands and watched him bronc riding and calf roping with her heart in her throat. He looked so at home on a horse, so lean and powerful, that she could see other women eyeing him covetously. She smiled, because he was hers. He’d given nothing to any other woman for three years. That proved he was capable of fidelity. Even if he didn’t love her, he wanted her enough to remain true to her. That spoke volumes about his character.
