by Diana Palmer
“Well, there’s plenty of time,” he murmured. But he didn’t mean it. He wanted a child with Bess. Now was the time, while they were both young enough to cope. Too, a child would cement their relationship, a child born of her love for him and his deep, hungry affection for her. It might make all the difference. His arm contracted. “Plenty of time,” he repeated.
But was there? Bess wondered miserably. She felt his lips on her forehead, but he didn’t try to kiss her deeply again. He left early that night to go back to his hotel room, and he seemed preoccupied. Bess hoped that he hadn’t intuitively picked up anything from her. She knew she’d frozen when he mentioned the little boy, and he seemed vaguely disturbed by her attitude. She did want children so badly, but how could she tell him the truth without losing him? It was selfish, she told herself, horribly selfish to put her happiness before his. But she was so much in love that she couldn’t force herself to say a word.
Love had a lot to answer for in her life, she thought miserably. She’d given in to Cade once before they were married, something she’d sworn to herself that she could never do. She hadn’t counted on how heady it was to indulge in all those fantasies she’d had about him. She hadn’t been able to draw back any more than he had. Well, at least he hadn’t been stringing her along just to get her into bed, she thought ruefully. He was an honorable man, and she knew instinctively that he’d never have let it go so far if he hadn’t meant to marry her. She frowned, wondering at his continued persistence about children. Had he seduced her with the idea of getting her pregnant, to coax her into marriage? Or was it just his usual hunger for a child that he felt safe to indulge now? She remembered the way he’d been with that little boy and she felt uneasy. She was going to be cheating him when they married.
She only prayed that her love for him would be enough to make their marriage work.
They hadn’t called Lariat to tell Elise and the boys about their wedding plans, and Bess hadn’t called Gussie. They were going to wait until they got the license and phone everyone Tuesday night.
Bess did have regrets about not having a conventional wedding night, but Cade had suffered three years of abstinence and she couldn’t blame him for wanting to go ahead and get married now. She felt the same way herself. The excitement kept her going as she tried to imagine what it was going to be like as Cade’s wife.
* * *
MONDAY MORNING NELL was quiet and introspective, hardly communicative. Julie and Bess couldn’t worm a word out of her about what had happened at the company picnic. She flushed and found excuses to go to other parts of the building every time it was mentioned.
Bess finally hemmed her up just before lunch, locking the door to her own office and staring the older woman down.
“I can’t stand it anymore. I have got to know what happened!” Bess exclaimed.
Nell blushed to the roots of her hair. “Nothing,” she muttered, her lower lip trembling and tears in her huge blue eyes. “He asked me how I was, then he mentioned that the weather sure looked fine. He looked at a bird, he lit a cigar and put it out and then he invited me to go for a walk with him.”
Bess was all eyes. “And...?”
Nell rested her chin in her hands on the desk, looking bewildered and unsettled. “He...sort of kissed me.”
“Sort of?”
Nell lifted her head. “Well, it was hard to tell,” she muttered. “He aimed and missed and then I tripped over his feet and...” She covered her face with her hands.
“And...?”
“Knocked him into the river,” she groaned. “I was too ashamed to stay and face the music. He climbed out all dripping, and I just panicked and ran. I know he’ll never speak to me again. I was so embarrassed! All those years of hoping he’d say something to me, and he finally does and I try to drown him!”
Bess got up and hugged her. “Hasn’t it occurred to you that he doesn’t know much about women?” she asked gently. “That he’s awkward and maybe a little ungraceful because he’s feeling this way? He told me the night Mother and I had dinner with the Rykers that he’s not much of a ladies’ man.”
“And I knocked him into the river!” Nell was shaking. “Oh, what will I do?” She sat down heavily, her face in her hands. “I never dreamed...!”
“So I see. May I make a suggestion? Stop worrying and let things take care of themselves. Believe me—” she grinned “—if Mr. Ryker feels the way you do, a little thing like near-drowning isn’t even going to slow him down. Just take into consideration that he’s as backward as you are with the opposite sex and don’t expect a playboy.”
“What a morning,” Nell whispered huskily. “I hope I last through the afternoon.”
“Me, too. Cade is out getting a marriage license.” She grinned. “I can hardly wait until Thursday. You and Julie have to come.” She pursed her lips. “And Mr. Ryker. I can’t not invite him.”
Nell colored prettily. “That would be...nice.”
“Just what I thought. Please, for heaven’s sake, don’t get him between you and the water this time,” she pleaded.
Nell’s face burned bright, but she laughed. “If I get another chance, you’d better believe I won’t mess it up. He liked me.” She went out, shaking her head. “He really liked me. He thought I was engag—oof!”
She walked right into Cade, who caught her before she fell.
“Thank God there aren’t any bodies of water in here,” she said absently, giving him a pleasantly blank look as she went out.
Cade opened his mouth to question Bess, but she just shook her head. “Never mind,” she told him. “It’s better not to ask. Did you apply for the license?”
“I did,” he murmured smugly. “Now we get blood tests. I’ve found a place that can do them in twenty-four hours. Let’s go.”
“All right!” She grabbed her purse and his hand and followed him out. Everything, she thought, was falling into place gloriously!
They were married Thursday afternoon on the Paseo del Rio, on a boat, with a minister officiating and all the members of their respective families and friends gathered on the riverbank, along with some photographers and local reporters from the print and broadcast media. It was something of an event even for festive San Antonio, and Cade’s recent wins at the rodeo made him more newsworthy than ever.
Bess hadn’t considered that anyone might connect her with her father. But just as the ceremony began, one of the reporters barged through the crowd and asked her how it felt to be marrying the man her father had almost ruined financially with that crooked investment scheme.
Bess never got a chance to answer. While she stood there trembling in Señora Lopez’s beautiful white wedding gown, Cade’s big fist shot out, and the reporter went into the river.
Jordan Ryker caught Nell’s little hand in his and pulled her back protectively, smiling down at her. “At least it wasn’t me this time,” he murmured wryly, and looked delighted when she flushed and turned her face against his jacket.
“You snake in the grass.” Gussie came out of the crowd like a gray-suited avenging angel. The reporter tried to climb back out of the river, and she helped him right back in, to the amusement of the crowd. “This is a wedding, not a news event. You stay there until it’s over!”
The other reporters only grinned as the minister performed the ceremony. Cade slid the small white-gold band onto Bess’s third finger, next to the small silver engagement ring. His dark eyes met hers as the minister had them recite the rest of the wedding service, and then he bent to lift her mantilla and kiss her for the first time as her husband.
Tears rolled down Bess’s flushed cheeks. She looked up at him with her whole heart in her face.
“I love you,” she whispered so that only he could hear.
He didn’t return the words, but his eyes were very soft. He smiled at her, but before he cou
ld speak, even if he’d meant to, they were suddenly surrounded by well-wishers.
Bess had hoped that he might give the words back, if only for the sake of her pride. She didn’t know how Cade really felt about her. She knew that he wanted her and that he liked her. He’d said often enough in the past that love wasn’t a word he knew. But Bess was going to teach it to him, somehow.
Cade looked down at her with a new kind of possessiveness. His wife, he thought proudly. She looked happy, but the reporter had managed to put a blight on the ceremony. He wished he’d hit the man harder. It only emphasized the life she’d led before and what she was going to have to endure as his wife. He hoped that she could cope with the lack of luxuries at Lariat and get used to having his family around all the time. Now that they’d made it all legal, there were a lot of problems cropping up that he hadn’t foreseen. Now that he had her, he was wondering if her love was going to be strong enough to endure the hardships of his lifestyle. She couldn’t know that it had been a terrible strain on Lariat’s budget to have even this small wedding. The minister, the mariachis and the owner of the boat had to be paid. There had been the ring and the license—things she would have taken for granted. But Cade had lost plenty of money through that investment disaster. The rodeo money he’d won was a help, but it didn’t get them far out of debt. He sighed. Bess could never be told just how badly off they were. She’d offer those damned pearls again, and he couldn’t take them from her. He’d told her they should go to their children, and he meant it. He’d support her properly, somehow.
He remembered her voice at the end of the ceremony, whispering that she loved him. His chest swelled. Her love was part of his strength in some odd way. And he cared about her, too. She was pretty and smart and accomplished, and she had the breeding he lacked.
He knew it was going to take time to adjust to being married, for her as well as for him, but they’d make it. He sighed and drew her close while they endured the congratulations and the press of reporters. He’d keep her happy somehow, he thought doggedly. And when the children came along, he’d be more than content. A child would make up for everything. She might even now be carrying their son. A faint smile touched his hard mouth as he looked down at her. Yes. A son. His chest swelled. And he’d be twice the father his own had been. He’d give his child love and attention, and he’d never turn his back on him. His arm tightened around Bess. Bess would be a good mother, too, once she had this independent streak of hers cured by some warm loving. She was class all the way, a real lady. Her family lineage would give his children a social acceptability that he’d never had. It would open doors for them and give them pride in their heritage. She’d teach them the beautiful manners that she had, and the shame of poverty he’d always felt so keenly wouldn’t exist for them. They’d never have to apologize for being low-class and rough, he thought bitterly. Even if they didn’t have great wealth, they’d have respectability.
He looked down at her, smiling at his new wife. Miss Samson of Spanish House, he thought absently, and of all the men in Texas she could have had, she’d wanted him. That made him proud.
He lifted his chin. It would be a good marriage. He’d make her happy and she’d give him children. She’d help bring a new, better generation to Lariat, a more cultured and educated class of heirs. She’d come home and have babies and they’d live happily ever after. That settled, he reached out and hugged Robert and Gary and his mother. As an afterthought he even hugged Gussie. Life was looking up.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
THEY SPENT THEIR wedding night at Bess’s apartment. Cade had wanted their married life to begin at Lariat, but he was mindful of Bess’s feelings. It would have been embarrassing for her, with his brothers and his mother in residence and everyone giving them knowing looks. He could hardly ask the family to leave the house to give them privacy. Besides, he told himself, he and Bess had the rest of their lives.
He took her out to supper at the most expensive restaurant in town, mindful of his rented dinner jacket and her terribly expensive dress. It seemed more than anything to point up the vast differences between them and put a damper on his mood.
Bess touched the crepe de chine fabric of her cocktail dress when she saw his eyes on it, and instinctively she knew that he was thinking back. He didn’t even own a dinner jacket and had had to rent one. Besides that, she thought guiltily, this meal was costing him an arm and a leg. If only she’d used her mind and protested, but even now it was difficult to get used to not going to the most expensive restaurants, the most expensive shops. Her whole life had been spent with wealth. Now she was still learning how to do without it, even though she loved Cade enough to live in a cave with him.
She touched his hand gently where it rested beside his water glass and smiled at him. “Can we afford this ritzy place?” she mused, with a twinkle in her eyes. “Or should I order a salad and make us a nice chicken casserole back at the apartment?”
Her matter-of-fact remark took the lines out of his face. His hand curled around hers and he smiled. “Is that how I looked? I’m only planning to get married once in my life, Mrs. Hollister. I think we’re entitled to a fancy meal.”
She sighed. “It was a beautiful wedding,” she said. “And thank you especially for removing the one blight from the landscape. I hope he catches cold,” she said, remembering the pushy reporter.
He chuckled. “The river’s not that warm even in summer,” he agreed. “I’m sorry he did that. Nothing should have spoiled today for you.”
“It isn’t spoiled. I’m going to love you until I die, Cade Hollister,” she said huskily, her smile fading as all the long years caught up with her and her eyes misted. “I never dreamed I’d be married to you, that I could live with you and...” She wiped away the tears, aware of his concerned gaze. “Sorry. All my dreams came true today, and I’m shaky.”
His fingers linked with hers. “I’ll take care of you,” he said quietly. “We’ll have a good life together.” He rubbed his fingers against hers. “At least our kids won’t have the childhood I did,” he remarked with faint bitterness. “They won’t be looked down on and made to feel worthless because they don’t have breeding.” His dark eyes met hers. “You’ll teach them manners. They’ll have all the advantages that my brothers and I didn’t.”
She stared at him for a long moment, a little unnerved by what he was saying. “Is that important?” she asked, feeling her way.
“Breeding? Of course it is.” He let go of her hand and picked up his water glass, taking a sip. “I know I’m rough around the edges. I’ve got the biggest part of Lariat, but I’m still not much more than a glorified cowboy. But you’re class, Mrs. Hollister,” he said, eyeing her with pride of possession. “You’re upper-crust all the way, a debutante with a rich background and excellent manners.”
She’d always known that it was as much the illusion of what she was that Cade saw, even through the desire he felt for her. But it was rather shocking to have him put it into words and in such a way. Was that why he’d married her? To give him respectability? To improve the family bloodlines? She felt a twinge of fear.
“I’m just a woman,” she said unsteadily. “Like other women. And I’m not a rich debutante anymore.”
He scowled. Her tone disturbed him. “I know that.”
She looked down at the table and slowly pulled her hand from under his. “I hope you didn’t marry me for a status symbol,” she said, laughing nervously. “Because I don’t have much mileage in that respect. Whatever I was, now I’m just a copywriter for an ad agency.”
He’d put it badly. He caught her hand back and held it. “Listen. I married you because I can’t seem to get through the day without you anymore,” he said, forcing the words out. “I want you. I want to have children with you. I’m not into status symbols, even if I made it sound that way. I’m proud of what you are. I’m proud that of all the men you c
ould have had you wanted me.”
She colored. It wasn’t the speech she wanted, but it would do. She’d known that he didn’t love her the way she loved him. Perhaps someday he would.
“I’ve never wanted anyone else,” she said quietly. A long, tense silence fell between them, and it didn’t ease even when the waiter brought their order. They ate in silence and left the restaurant in silence. Bess felt like crying.
Cade sensed the sadness he’d caused and could have crushed his impulsive tongue. He shouldn’t have been thinking out loud. A woman wouldn’t want to hear on her wedding day that her husband married her because she was well-bred. He hadn’t meant it like that, but he had a hard time expressing emotion in words. He looked down at her, and his body began to burn. Well, he thought, there were other ways to let her know how he felt. Better ones.
But once they were back in her apartment, she shied away from him nervously, and his temper got away from him.
“Is that how it’s going to be from now on?” he asked icily. “Now that the ring’s on your finger, you’re going to have nerves and headaches?”
“Don’t,” she groaned. Her wide, hurt eyes held his. “I’m nervous. It’s been a long few weeks, and then all the excitement of this week... I’ve been living on my nerves. And then tonight, you don’t say that you love me or that you want to cherish me—you tell me that I’m a nice asset to the breeding program at Lariat. You made it sound as if you only wanted me because I had superior bloodlines and a classy background—just the way you’d buy a purebred heifer to breed to your best bull!”
His face paled. He couldn’t have made it sound that way, could he? He started to speak, but she was in tears. She ran into the bedroom and threw herself across the bed, crumpling her black dress as she cried into the white coverlet.
He’d been clumsy. He muttered as he sat down beside her, his hand smoothing her long, disheveled hair. His eyes ran over the soft curves of her body, down to the elegant long legs in black hose that were so nicely revealed where the dress was pulled up. She was the prettiest woman he’d ever seen, and her body made him go taut with sudden need.
