by Diana Palmer
“He doesn’t...doesn’t want me anymore,” she said, sobbing. Her body shook with misery. “He never loved me, but now he doesn’t even want me, and I can’t have babies, Mama.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. “They say I’ll never have babies because of the wreck!”
“Oh, Bess.” Gussie wrapped her up tight and cried with her. She didn’t have to be told about Cade’s need for children or what it would mean to him to have to live with a woman who could never satisfy it. She understood everything now. She smoothed Bess’s hair gently. “Just cry until it stops hurting, sweet. Mama’s here. Mama’s right here.”
Afterward Bess made coffee and she and Gussie talked as they never had before, about the past and about the present. It made things so much easier to get it all off her chest. The hurting didn’t stop, but it helped to talk about it.
“Give Cade time,” Gussie said. “He may still come around. He’s lived alone for a long time, and frankly, Bess, I think it was a mistake for him to move you into Lariat when you were just married. Elise thinks so, too. The two of you had no privacy at all. That’s no way to begin a marriage.”
“Cade wouldn’t stay away from Lariat,” she said. “He gave me no choice. But there’s no hope of a reconciliation. You know that. He said so. Donald is proceeding with the divorce.” She sipped black coffee. “It’s what we both want. Cade will be free to find...someone else.”
“I hope he chokes on whomever he finds,” Gussie said with venom. “Love isn’t conditional. If you love someone, you love them regardless of their inadequacies, and he did help you to have that wreck in the first place. He isn’t blameless.”
“He’s never loved me, though,” Bess said, ignoring her mother’s vehement dialogue. “He wanted me, that was all it ever was. He wanted a society woman, a decoration for Lariat. He never even knew the real me. All he saw was the illusion.” She put down the coffee cup. “Well, I’ll get by. There must be men in the world who don’t want children...” Her voice broke and she began to cry again. “But I do! I wanted Cade’s...!”
Gussie patted her shoulder gently, alarmed at the extent of Bess’s emotional outburst. It wasn’t like her to give way to tears, and she looked bad. “Darling, I think you should see a doctor,” she said. “There’s something in your complexion that I don’t like, and you do seem terribly stressed. Will you do that, just for me?”
Bess wiped at her tears angrily. “Nell said that this morning. I’m just overwrought, though. And maybe it’s that virus that’s going around, the one that makes you nauseous. But I’ll go. I’m tired all the time, too. Maybe he can give me something to pep me up. I’ve got to fly to Missouri next week to do an ad presentation for a client, so I really have got to get better.”
“I’ll go with you if you like,” Gussie volunteered.
Bess smiled at her. “Thanks. But I can manage. I’ll call you when I find out what’s wrong.”
“Good girl. How about some more coffee?”
Bess got an appointment and went on her lunch hour the next day. The nausea was worse all the time. That was Cade’s fault, she thought bitterly. He’d upset her so much that her whole system was falling apart.
She told the doctor as much, but he only smiled and began asking the obvious questions, especially about her period. She told him when the last one had been, frowning when she realized how long it had been. She’d had so much emotional stress, and she knew that that could affect her monthly cycle, so she hadn’t worried. But the doctor did a pelvic examination and had samples taken for the lab.
“But I can’t be pregnant,” she said when he told her what he thought her problem was. Her eyes widened. “They told me I couldn’t get pregnant.”
“Yes, I know, I read the report. They didn’t say you couldn’t get pregnant,” he told her. “They said it was unlikely, unless your husband was extremely potent and the timing was perfect. That ovary you have left is quite functional, if erratic. Yes, you can be pregnant. The tests will only confirm my diagnosis, Mrs. Hollister. You’re about three months into pregnancy. At this stage there’s not much guesswork.”
She stared at him with blank eyes. She’d told Cade she couldn’t have a child and he’d thrown her out. Now they were divorcing, all the doors were closing behind her and she was pregnant. It was ironic. It was hilarious.
She began laughing and almost couldn’t stop. Then she buried her face in her hands and started crying.
“It’s all perfectly natural,” the doctor told her with a gentle smile. He patted her shoulder. “I’ll send you right over to Dr. Marlowe. He’s an obstetrician and he loves pregnant women. He’ll take excellent care of you. You need to be on prenatal vitamins and have regular checkups, especially during these first months. Come on, now.”
He led her out to the nurse, who made the appointment for her and took the check from her trembling hands.
The doctor had said he’d call her to verify the diagnosis, but she knew he was right. There wasn’t much doubt.
She went back to the office, wide-eyed and full of conflicting ideas about what she was going to do. She walked into Nell and excused herself and walked right past her into the office without another word.
“What’s happened?” Nell asked, following her inside.
“Nothing. I don’t know. I need to call Cade. Is it all right, do you think?” she asked.
“Of course it’s all right. My gosh, I was wondering if you were ever going to do something.”
Bess stared at her. “How about you, doing something?”
Nell flushed. “I can’t invite the man who owns the company to supper,” she said stiffly. “He’ll think I’m after his money. And if he was interested, he’d have called me. Never mind my problems. Call your husband!”
Bess smiled at her. “Okay.” She lifted the receiver as Nell went out and dialed Lariat’s number with shaking fingers. Everything was going to be all right. She’d tell Cade and they’d laugh at the irony of it, and he’d tell her to come home. It would be all right.
“Hello?”
It was Cade. She hadn’t really expected him to answer the phone himself, so she hesitated until he repeated the greeting more impatiently.
“Hello,” she stammered. “It’s me.”
There was a stiff pause. “I got the divorce papers,” he said with ice in his voice. “Donald had the sheriff serve them this morning. You didn’t waste any time, did you, honey?”
She took a steadying breath. “It was your idea...”
“What difference does it make now? I’m having the rest of your things sent up,” he said coolly. “If I forgot anything, you can call Mother and have her get it to you. I’ll be away for a few weeks. One of my business contacts has a resort in California, and a daughter who’s marriage minded. We might make a merger of it, so I don’t want to waste any more time.”
She felt the breath go out of her. “And you said I couldn’t wait?” she whispered huskily.
“She’s a redhead,” he continued, driving the point home. “A real dish. So don’t think I’m sitting down here in Coleman Springs eating my heart out for you, honey.”
She closed her eyes. “I never thought that,” she said. She touched her stomach, and tears welled up behind her eyelids. “I hope you’ll find what you want.”
“I already have.” He forced the words out, hating them even as he said them. He missed her like hell and he knew he’d made a terrible mistake, but his pride wouldn’t let him beg her to come back. She’d gone ahead with the divorce so quickly that his ego was badly bruised. If she was that anxious to be rid of him, he’d make sure she didn’t think he was mourning her.
“Well...goodbye,” she said.
“Why did you call?” he asked unexpectedly.
She thought of why she’d called, so excited to tell him he was going to be a father, that she was carry
ing that impossible child she never thought she could give him. But what use was it now, when he’d already found someone else?
“Just to see how you were,” she hedged. “I’m glad things are working out for you. Goodbye, Cade.” She put the receiver down and leaned back in her chair. Well, that was that, she thought with a long, tired sigh. She was really on her own now, and how was she going to manage keeping it from his mother and Gussie until Cade was remarried and out of danger of marrying her just for the child’s sake? Maybe if she wore big dresses and said she was getting fat...
“That new client is here,” Nell whispered around the door, her face flushed, “and Mr. Ryker is with him! Have you got a minute to talk to him about that airline ad you’re working up for the Texas commuter service?”
“You bet!” Bess said, forcing brightness into her voice. “Bring him right in.”
The client was a middle-aged man with no hair and a nice smile. Mr. Ryker, big and dark and elegant, deposited him with Bess to talk about ideas for the advertising campaign. Mr. Ryker himself turned and stared down at Nell quietly for a long moment before he suddenly took her by the arm and half dragged her down the hall.
It looked promising, Bess thought, but she had far too much on her tormented mind right now to pursue the idea. She turned her mind back to the task of filling seats on Mr. Hunter’s Texas Air Taxi Service.
Quitting time didn’t come a minute too soon for Bess. She waylaid Nell before the older woman could get out the door, noticing with delight that Nell’s lipstick was smeared and her eyes were unusually bright.
“So that was why he was dragging you down the hall.” Bess grinned, her own problems diminished by the delight in Nell’s face.
Nell flushed. “It was an interesting few minutes,” she murmured, sighing. “He’s taking me dancing tonight.” She put her face in her hands. “He thought he was too old for me, and I thought he was too rich to care about someone like me. I guess we both had fixed ideas about each other.”
“I guess you did.” Bess hugged her. “I’m so happy for you. At least your life is going on a happy medium.”
“Yes, and yours isn’t, is it?” Nell asked, searching Bess’s sad eyes. “Can I do anything to help?”
“Not really, but thanks.” She picked up her purse. “I guess I’ll fix myself a steak and watch some television.”
“Why not invite your husband up to share it with you?”
Bess’s face closed up. “Because he won’t be my husband in a few weeks, and right now he’s on his way to spend some time with a redhead in California who wants to marry him.”
“What?!”
“Oh, it gets better,” Bess assured her with kindling anger. “He wants children, and we didn’t think I could have any. So he’s going to divorce me and marry this redhead so that he can have an heir. But I’m pregnant, and he won’t let me tell him.”
“Bess!” Nell leaned back against the door and caught her breath. “For God’s sake, get down there and make him listen!”
“So he’ll stay married to me out of guilt, or for the baby?” Bess asked with a sad smile. “We married for the wrong reasons in the first place.”
“Well, don’t bother telling me you’ve stopped loving him, because I won’t believe it.”
“I’ll always love him,” Bess said quietly. “And I’ll have the baby.” She smiled, touching her stomach. “Isn’t it incredible?” she breathed, caught up in the beauty of her pregnancy already. “A little human being. They say they’re perfectly formed at two months, you know, like miniature people.” Her eyes grew dreamy. “And he’s three months along. They’ll do an ultrasound and I can see him.” She laughed through tears. “I’m so happy I can’t stand it.”
“I hope the redhead puts your husband in a meat grinder and cooks him with eggs,” Nell said shortly.
“And poison herself?” Bess said indignantly. “God forbid.”
“You really aren’t going to tell him?”
“He’ll find out for himself one day.” She went toward the door. “I’m going to tell Julie, but this has to be top secret for the time being, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Meanwhile, good luck on your date.” Bess grinned at her.
“I’ve got all my fingers crossed. If you need me, call, okay?” she added.
“Okay.” She smiled at Nell with genuine warmth. “Thanks.”
Julie took the news with the same incredulity that Nell had, and asked all the same questions.
“You won’t fire me, will you?” Bess asked, only half-jokingly. “I know I’ve been a strain on the company insurance, but I’ve got two mouths to feed now.”
“No problem there,” Julie assured her. “You’re one of the best ad people we’ve ever had. Even Mr. Ryker said so this afternoon. In fact—” she grinned “—he authorized a raise for you. I was on my way to tell you when you dropped by.”
“Oh, how very nice of him!” she said enthusiastically.
“He’s a nice man. Nell certainly thinks so, smeared lipstick and all,” she added with a gleeful grin. “They’re going to be one hot item around here, and I couldn’t be happier for Nell. She’s mooned over him for years. It’s nice to see people finally get the happiness they deserve.”
“Yes, it is,” Bess agreed quietly, wishing hers had lasted.
“One more thing,” Julie said, frowning as she got up. “Normally I wouldn’t have mentioned this to you because I had no idea you were pregnant. But we’re going to have a fashion agency working with us on a presentation month after next, and it’s going to involve modeling some maternity clothes at a charity benefit at the Paseo del Rio. Would you consider being a model? There’s a bonus for it, and you do look radiant, even under the circumstances.”
Bess smiled. “I’d enjoy it,” she said. “If I get a discount on some of the clothes,” she added.
Julie laughed. “Do it and I’ll give them to you as one of the perks, okay?”
“Okay!”
“Now go home and rest and eat, or whatever pregnant people are supposed to do. I’m sorry about the mess you’re in, but you have friends here, and we’ll look out for you,” she said firmly. “Not to mention that if you need a babysitter...”
“This is one baby who’s hardly ever going to need one, because I don’t think I’ll be able to let him or her out of my sight at first,” Bess said softly. “But I’ll keep you in mind, and I appreciate the offer.”
“Take care of yourself.”
Bess nodded. She went home and put her feet up, dreaming about the future, trying not to think about Cade off at a resort with that redhead. It made her furious that he could slough her off so easily and without so much as an apology. Let him have his stupid redhead. She could get along without Cade Hollister. After all, she’d had to get along without him for most of their married life.
It was so sad, remembering the way they’d begun, the sweetness of loving him, the warmth of his kisses, the anguished pleasure he’d taught her in the privacy of their bedroom. But that hadn’t been enough for him. He’d thrown her away like an old shoe when he’d found out that she was barren. Now here she was pregnant. It was almost comical.
She wanted to call Elise and tell her, or tell Gussie. But something held her back. It was her secret. She wanted to keep it to herself just a little while longer, before it got out and everyone at Lariat knew.
She flew to Saint Louis for her presentation and came home with a big computer-corporation account for the company. Her clothes began to accentuate her image as a successful career woman—tailored suits and sedate accessories. She had her hair styled and wore it in a loose chignon which complemented her radiant face. Pregnancy gave her added color and vitality, rounded her body, and made her look more beautiful than she’d ever been. She even felt great, thanks to the prenatal vita
mins Dr. Marlowe had prescribed. If it hadn’t been for the loneliness and the anguish of losing Cade, her pregnancy would have been the high point of her life.
Even so, at night she sat and read books on infants and how to take care of them and sorted through books of names, trying to decide what to name him or her. She had the ultrasound but not the amniocentesis, which could predict sex. She didn’t really want to know if the baby was a boy or a girl. Not just yet. It was like waiting for a Christmas surprise package, and the uncertainty made it all the sweeter.
She was shopping on her lunch hour a few weeks after she’d left Lariat, when she ran into Robert Hollister.
He stared at her blankly for a long moment, trying to reconcile the woman who’d married his brother with this elegant, lovely creature staring up at him with such soft, startled eyes.
“Bess?” he asked, as if he wasn’t quite sure she was.
CHAPTER TWENTY
BESS WAS GRATEFUL that she was wearing a floppy, fashionably big top, because her condition was visible now at almost five months, and she didn’t want Robert telling Cade.
“Well, hello, Robert,” she said easily. “How are you?”
“Fine, thanks. How about you?” he asked.
She shrugged. “Couldn’t be better.” She smiled. “How are things at Lariat?”
His expression wavered. “Okay, I guess. Gary and Jennifer are getting married at the end of the month, and I’m about to pop the question to my girlfriend. Gary’s leaving the ranch to go to work for an accounting firm in Houston.” He grinned. “I’m going to Los Angeles with a marketing firm. Mama is opening a dress shop in Coleman Springs and plans to live above it with a widow who’s a friend of hers. Cade’s going to have Lariat all to himself,” he added with a certain coldness in his voice. “He’ll finally have exactly what he always wanted, full control. I hope it makes him happy. Lariat’s the only thing he’s ever really loved.”
Bess knew that, but it hurt to hear it out loud. “He’s...all right, then?” she asked, hating herself for voicing that tiny concern.
