When the camera panned back I closed my eyes.
All I could think about was how, while I was down there, I felt like it would’ve been okay if I’d have died.
When it ended the room exploded with deafening applause and whistles and hoots. The screen door to the patio was propped open. People watched from outside. The noise embarrassed me.
“Rewind it!” Rich yelled.
This time the bar in front of me became carpeted with beer bottles and shot glasses. I did shots of Jack the whole time the scene played out again. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking, so I kept putting more and more whiskey down. One way or another I’d learn that bravery and stupidity spoke vastly different languages. The noise died as some people moved back outside after the clip ended. At one point, Alex grabbed my wrist and guided the shot I was about to drink back down to the bar.
My face got hot with embarrassment. I called Duff and Smurf and Alan over to share in my prize. Rich, needing something new to entertain himself, pushed Smurf out of the way and sidled up to Alex. I invited Rich to partake in the booze too, but he claimed he was shunning alcohol in favor of herbal distractions.
And this was how it continued for the next half hour. The folks in the bar enjoying my recklessness over and over. I wondered if they’d like it as much if I told them part of me wanted to die down there. Probably not. Only Alex and Duff knew I buried my sister this winter. The tape replayed and the drinks kept coming.
Guides from later trips came in and folks filled them in on what happened. I needed to get outside, but couldn’t salmon my way to the door. Rockin’ Scott picked up an order of wings and said I was stupid to kill myself for eighty bucks a day. Gayle helped herself to a few bottles of beer, but didn’t stay to watch the clip. Ace snuck up behind me and said, “I would’ve done a swan dive in.”
Chaz came in wearing knee-high Natty Bumpo boots, army fatigues and a Native American choker. He didn’t say anything at all.
“What happened to your hair?” I asked. I hadn’t seen him since Monday. Chaz swiped a bottle from the bar.
“Got it cut for court. That you?” He pointed to the TV, relatively unimpressed. I nodded, gave him my stool, and made my way to the door.
Outside, I swam in the fresh air. At the edge of the patio, I stopped to breathe in as much as I could. All afternoon I had a headache from coughing. Now my head was spinning from whiskey. I never even got buzzed. I went straight to drunk. Alan said he’d ordered food to sober me up, and led me to a table. I rested my head on my hands.
At the bar, I could see Alex laughing and letting Smurf and Rich make a fuss over her. For a second I was going to ask Alan to have her come out here where I could keep an eye on her. Somehow I forgot she was a party-girl. She knew how to handle guys. Duff came through the door with a pint glass of something dark. Dreading a heavy stout, which he loved, I waved my hand to have him take it away.
“It’s Coke, my man. You really think I’m going to let you pour any more alcohol into your body tonight?”
I laughed and peeked around him to see if Alex was okay. The waitress backing through the screen door blocked my view for a moment. When she went into the kitchen I saw Rich had his arm around Alex. She was laughing, telling a story, making letters in the air with her pointer finger. For a second her eyes caught mine. She smiled, then went on with her story. At that moment my heart got really heavy.
“Is this,” Duff pointed at me, then back to Alex, “a thing? A young love in bloom?” “No, man.” I shook my head.
“No way. Nope. Too much gray there. Like, every moment we ever shared replays in some shade of black and white in my head.”
He shook off my defensiveness and said, “Sorry, man. Had me fooled. From now on I’ll just never assume that a beautiful girl, one you can’t stop looking at, who glows whenever she’s within five feet of you, means something to you.” He set his pipe and a pouch of tobacco on the table. Sometimes, when he smoked, he did this crazy accent and told, “So, there I was, in the jungle…” stories that cracked me the hell up.
“Man, do I really have to list the reasons why it wouldn’t work? Some you know about, some would blow your mind.”
“No, man. I know. And I’m sorry if I pushed too hard.” Duff said. “Whatever. Anyway, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something else.”
I kept an eye on the door. More and more people made their way outside. Danny Eddings and the other Lewis Lumber guy came past and I nodded, but they didn’t see me. Running into somebody from home was like sharing a secret.
“Go ahead.” My eyes left Alex. I gulped my Coke. It tasted great with all the whiskey I already had in me.
Duff waved at the waitress for two more. He looked into his beer and swirled it in his glass. “I did it, man. I enlisted. Talked to a recruiter last night.”
“Get the fuck out of here,” I laughed. But I knew he was telling the truth, and the thought of working here without him made me sad. “Why?” That ‘why’ was the most heartfelt and sincere thing I’d ever said to him. “You aren’t exactly a ‘take orders’ kind-of-guy.”
Neither of us said anything. After a few minutes the waitress set her tray down on a picnic table and handed us our drinks. Duff held a ten between his fingertips, but I couldn’t let him. “I got this.”
“No way, brother. It’s the least—” He turned around real fast and stood up.
I tried to see what he was reacting to and it wasn’t until I heard a voice say, “Henry-fucking-Collins,” that my eyes found what they were looking for. It was the guy who was at the pool table with Darren and Danny pushing his way through the crowd. He started unbuttoning his Lewis Lumber shirt.
I laughed, then said, “Lookie here, everybody. It’s Charlie Lewis’s guys. Nice fucking shirts. You know, Ed Abbey said grown men don’t need leaders.”
As he stepped up to me he said to Danny, “Do I have to take this horseshit from him?”
“Danny Eddings, what’s up?” I held my hand out. It was more of a drunken ‘what’s up’ than a real attempt to diffuse his buddy’s anger.
Danny wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. Totally ignoring me, he said, “Levi, you ain’t a farmer. You don’t have to take his shit.”
“Seriously? Danny?” I said, still trying to catch up as Duff pulled me to my feet. All of a sudden it felt like we were the only four people left in the place.
“So she’s with you now? Fuck that spoiled little bitch. I broke her in for you,” Levi said. “But I’m feeling real good and I’m ready to fucking crack somebody wide open tonight. May as well be you.”
“You’re beyond drunk, buddy. And you’re outnumbered.” Duff went chest-to- chest with the smaller guy. I’d never seen him mad. He turned into a bear right before my eyes, getting bigger and everything. The people who had been sitting closest to us backed away.
Danny jabbed a finger at Duff. “This fight ain’t between you and Levi. This is between Levi and Collins, all right?”
Duff turned to Danny and said, “Just makes me want to hit him harder.”
Levi took a few steps toward Duff, but Duff didn't flinch. Levi said, Danny, tell me you got my back."
Danny, perhaps for the first time realizing there wasn't an easy way out of this, shook his head and said, "I got you,” like his heart wasn’t in it the way Levi’s was.
“Do you?” Levi snapped.
“Yeah, I’m not going to let you get arrested out-of-state and on-the-job for some stupid shit like this.” Danny put his beer down and rolled up his sleeves.
Levi poked Duff in the chest. “What if he hits me first?”
Duff exploded in a fit of contempt, grabbed his wrist and said, “I could slap you right down to the fucking dirt and not a single person here’s going to say I took the first shot. Look around.”
“Danny,” I said, finally overwhelmed by the drama that’d been swirling around me all day, “just get him out of here.”
Over my shoulder Rich yelled, “Take a
shot, Henry. All these pussies want to do is dance and talk.”
The screen door slammed and Levi’s gaze shifted to something over my shoulder. I turned and saw Darren Lewis coming through the crowd. He had dark hair and dark little eyes and didn’t look nearly as mean as he was trying to. “Back up or you’ll be the next Collins they bury.” He pulled his jacket aside to show me and Duff his gun.
The whiskey exploded in me like methane in a mine. I leapt at him, swinging, but Duff held me back. “Darren Lewis brought a gun! Fucking drop me then, motherfucker!”
I swung again, but Alan pushed me toward the edge of the patio.
I yelled, “Should’ve brought a dildo, you fucking pussy. If you’re going to bring a gun at least pull that shit out.”
Darren made like he was actually going to do it and ran his thumb along the butt. All the attention I threw his way made him pause.
Not today.
I figured he was about to call my bluff. Fear made my belly flop and my groin pull tight, like my nuts were trying to retreat to higher ground.
I ain’t going to dodge two bullets in one day.
From out of nowhere Chaz wrapped Darren up with a pool cue and lifted him off the ground. Chaz’s mouth curled into a snarl, and he said, “Is this your house? You think you’re king of this fucking castle? Try again. You boys need to get your boss the fuck out of here.”
Darren’s feet shuffled on the flagstone, back pedaling just an inch or two above the ground. His eyes bulged and a stream of hisses and spit fell from his lips. He clutched at Chaz’s ropy arms, arms that wouldn’t let go of a kayak paddle in a flood, let alone a maggot like Darren Lewis.
Danny said, “C’mon, that’s enough,” with his palms raised in a plea.
Chaz said, “Was it enough when this mother fucker was about to start pumping rounds into my boy?” Chaz adjusted his grip on the cue and squeezed even harder.
At that moment, I thought for sure Darren was as good as dead. And I wouldn’t have felt a thing. If I thought for a second Darren was innocent, I would’ve intervened.
Instead, I held my breath.
Danny said, “Let me have a chance to get him out of here.”
As soon as Chaz let go, Darren dropped straight to the ground and didn’t twitch a muscle.
Chaz poked Darren with his boot. “Don’t come back. None of you. I even see one of his trucks up here I’m cutting tires and smashing windows.”
Danny reached down to assist Darren, and Chaz poked him with the cue. “He can get up and walk out of here himself.”
Danny looked at me. I didn’t have anything for him.
Darren slid onto his knees and wobbled for a moment. His eyes were red, and his face looked really flush and swollen from all the blood rushing back in. When he finally got to his feet he stumbled back a few steps. Levi steadied Darren, and led him toward the parking lot. Once they were out of earshot of Chaz, Danny said, “Henry, it ain’t going to be like this next time.”
“I know it won’t.” I put my hands in my pocket. They were still trembling.
He pointed to the Lewis Lumber logo on his chest and shrugged. “Just doing my job. Designated driver. Public relations.” He took out his keys and followed the others into the parking lot.
I was waiting for the music to start, or somebody to crack a joke or buy a round. But that night was over. Duff put his hand on my shoulder and pointed me toward the bar. Alex pushed the screen door open and wiped her eyes on her arm. She’d been crying.
“You all right?” I said, rushing over to her.
She put her head on my shoulder and started crying all over again. Tears warmed my sleeve. I rested my hand on her back, but wasn’t sure what to do with the other. Finally, I put it around her waist and said, “Alex, what’s going on?”
She squeezed me, fully letting herself embrace the little bit of shelter I offered. She sniffed, and said, “He had a gun, Henry. He held it up to my neck.”
“Shit.” I held her as tight as I could. “It’s over. Didn’t you see what just happened?” I pointed to Darren with his head resting against the truck’s toolbox.
She said, “He told me that Charlie Lewis knows now. He said I didn’t run far enough away.”
“Okay,” I said.
Tomorrow after the trip I had to call Katy, maybe have somebody run up and get Alex. My mind ran scenarios, but I never had to do anything like this before. I didn’t know if I was right or wrong, and in the end decided that the river might be the safest place for her.
“He said when they get me home they’re going to skin me.” “That family is fucking poison.”
“My family?”
I said, “You’re not one of them.”
“I am, and that’s how I know it’s not going to stop.”
A cold wind from the river valley brought a fresh infusion of smells to our makeshift hideout. Smells I’d forever associate with Alex and this night. Pine and hay-scented fern, which smelled like peach much more than it smelled like hay. And the clear water running over boulders a thousand feet below us. For a second I closed my eyes and thought of being with her, forever, and I knew I was too young to be thinking about forever.
After the incident with Darren, the party moved into the parking lot then broke up altogether. I wanted it to last forever, because I was afraid of not being able to protect Alex on my own. So I drove her back up past Baughman Rock overlook to where we’d camped last night. Adrenaline and fear had us pretty wired.
The wet air became heavier with dew as we ascended Sugarloaf Mountain. I parked, gathered some things from the Jeep, and led Alex into the dark. The short, rocky trail from the parking lot to the overlook was difficult to negotiate by starlight alone, but somehow we managed. After a few minutes of walking we stepped onto the big rock ledge. The wide-open view was stunning. I spread out a foam backpacking pad and my sleeping bag.
A swarm of stars blistered the dark sky. Crickets and cicadas sang, raising a chorus that pushed tomorrow morning away even further. There were no headlights on the road behind us, no trains on the tracks below. Only the rock, the stars and us. And way up above, like a white road straight to heaven, was the Milky Way.
Alex rested her head on my shoulder. I wanted to kiss her. “You saved that man,” Alex whispered.
“I guess I did.” The incident at Dimple Rock felt like a thousand years ago. “It’s a sign,” she looked up at me.
“A sign of what?” I asked, not really wanting an answer. “It’s a sign you were meant to protect me.”
I shook my head.
She said, “My mom said nobody could hurt me with you because y’all are protected.”
I didn’t want to say anything to her, because the day seemed to be ending on an upswing. Hiding out here behind a wall of trees on a fortress of rocks felt like a retreat, but not a loss. My mind could plan instead of just react. But I couldn’t think about tomorrow or a way out, and one thought ran through my head over and over—If we’re so well-protected, how the fuck did Jane end up dead?
THREE
Birdsong filled the morning air. The night had been far too short. My senses were still partially deadened by alcohol. Despite my best efforts to block it out, sunlight streamed through my closed eyelids. Already awake, Alex waited for me in a fleece and shorts, barefoot and cross-legged on the edge of the rock. She spied me peeking from beneath the covers.
“Morning,” she said. And before I could even get a sense of where I was or what I was doing here, she added, “Bluebirds.”
I rubbed my eyes and tried to see where she was pointing.
“Daddy called me Little Bluebird because I did a report on them in third grade and became obsessed. Like, I would only drink blueberry Slushies and eat blueberry pancakes. There really aren’t that many blue foods, you know, so I gave it up pretty fast.” She suddenly got very earnest, and said, “We going for pancakes?”
I sat up. My back hurt from sleeping on the rock. I thought we could share the sleeping
pad, but Alex, apparently, needed many more square feet than I did. “The perfect cure for a hangover,” I said, mostly to myself.
But it wasn’t the booze, or the rock or the emotional strain of yesterday that made my head spin half as much as the Lewises and the real threat they posed. Yesterday I thought I could hide forever. This morning, I now knew, they were going to force a fight. I had to call Katy as soon as I got off the river.
Back down the mountain, I parked on Grant Street near the outfitter but far from the playground where the rest of the guides parked, so I could take Alex to the state park change house to freshen up. There were showers in there, sinks, mirrors— everything a girl needed to be civilized. I sat in the back of the Jeep and waited. The persistent sun, halfway between rising and noon, stole last night’s coolness little by little. It was going to be a beautiful day.
Town was much busier today than it was yesterday. Out-of-state plates clogged the side streets, ignoring NO PARKING signs. A big RV stopped at the intersection and refused to budge, like a cow on its way to a slaughterhouse. The sound of inflators at the put-in drowned out most of the other sounds. A group of kids from a church group played Frisbee on the big lawn between a row of outfitters and the put- in. Traffic backed up behind the RV, horns blared their disapproval. I kept hoping the Frisbee would end up on the road.
Alex came out looking much fresher, and kind of sad. She’d changed clothes, and carried my fleece jacket that she’d worn to sleep last night. I sat up in the back of the Jeep and smiled at her. She stopped and looked both ways before crossing Sugarloaf Road, even though nothing was coming. She saw me, and tried to smile back.
“All better?” I said.
She smelled my jacket before tossing it back to me. “What do you think?” “Don’t know. Just trying to help, though.” Her tone knocked me down a peg. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail and said, “I know. If you’re getting tired
of me, Smurf said he’d treat me right.” She crossed her arms.
“Alex, we’re going to take care of you. As soon as we’re done today I’ll call my cousin and let her know what’s up. I promise. Then we’ll head down and get you settled in.” I got to my feet and tried to touch her elbow. “I’m off tomorrow. Thought we could wait until then, but after last night with Darren…”
Hellbender (Murder Ballads and Whiskey Book 2) Page 6
