by C. F. Harris
One of these days I was going to convince her to bare her top and put on tattoos that were appropriate for her station as my mate, but I didn’t feel like having that argument right now. I carefully shielded those thoughts from her lest she get a hint of what I was thinking and started that argument anew.
“You’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?” she asked. She came around and plopped down on my lap which provided a new set of distractions. Sometimes it felt like the distractions were never ending when she was around.
My eyes narrowed. “How would you know who I was thinking about?”
“The same way you seem to be able to read my mind even when you’re not reading my mind,” Talia said. “It’s pretty damn obvious. You’ve got that mopey look on your face and you’re staring out at the imperial palace.”
“I suppose that is rather obvious,” I finally grudgingly admitted.
“Exactly,” she said. There was a pause and then she seemed more serious. “You know you’re giving your loyalty to a man who hates you, right?”
I sighed. It seemed we were going to get into an argument after all, even if it wasn’t the argument about her clothing I was expecting.
“How the emperor feels about me or how I feel about him is irrelevant,” I said. “He is the emperor. That’s all that matters.”
Talia put a hand on my cheek and pulled me up to face her. She looked down at me with obvious concern.
“I know a lot of people who said the same thing about the admirals in the Combined Fleet,” she said. “There were times when I felt the same way. Maybe I deserved being pushed to some backwater assignment because I’d screwed up, but in the end I think they were wrong. Not listening to that little voice that told me something was terribly wrong is what got me here.”
I smiled and leaned up to kiss her. It was a quick kiss, because the one thing I did not need at the moment was the distraction of a more thorough kiss. That combined with the way she was shifting this way and that on my lap was causing a very distracting situation indeed to develop.
I didn’t need distractions right now. Especially not the kind that Talia provided.
“That may be so, but it’s different on this world. The emperor is the center of our society,” I said.
“Are you sure about that?” she asked. “I seem to recall our historical records showing that the whole emperor thing was only restored about a hundred years ago as we reckon it.”
I frowned. “We do not speak of those times.”
Talia sighed. “If you say so sparkly. I’m just saying that maybe if something isn’t working you should admit it isn’t working rather than trying to force yourself into believing it works.”
I felt anger building inside me. The emperor was the center of life on this world. He was the center of life for everyone in the Ascendency. He was the glorious banner that led our people across star systems and conquered everything he came into contact with.
Well, everything but the humans.
Certainly the man might be flawed, but that didn’t change the fact that he was the emperor. Anger and rage boiled inside me. Conditioning that I’d thought I was long since over came rising to the surface. How dare this simple human try to tell me that the emperor was anything less than our glorious sovereign. How dare she speak about something that she had no experience with!
I pushed her away roughly. She let out a help of surprise as she tumbled to the floor and landed with a grunt. She stared up at me and there was something new on her face. Something I’d never seen before.
Fear.
A part of me hated seeing her like that. Hated that I would ever provoke such a response. But that part of me was very small and very distant at the moment. No, far more interesting was the warrior inside me that was rising to the occasion. Rising to the defense of Livisk society and everything I’d never known and held dear. That part of me wanted to show this human what it was to anger a Livisk general, and that part of me took a perverse pleasure in seeing her staring up at me with such fear.
“You know nothing, human,” I said.
I could feel her mental barriers falling. Good. That was another pesky habit she’d developed that I should have never allowed. It was proof of how soft I’d grown since getting with her, and I would be soft no longer. I would show her who was in control here. I would make her realize that she was the captive and I the captor, and that’s all this was.
Even as that small voice in the back of my mind screamed that this was all a mistake. That she was so very right. That my loyalties were to the wrong person.
“The emperor is the glory of the Ascendency,” I said. “If he chooses to kill me then I will die gladly, just as a soldier ordered to a hopeless attack that will surely result in his death gladly carries out that attack for the glory of the Livisk.”
I thought she would try to pull away from me. I had visions of her crawling back from me on the floor. Crawling like the insect that she was. Only if anything her face firmed up. I felt determination filling her. Determination, anger, and resignation. I got the distinct feeling that there was a part of her that thought of me like this all along. That felt as though I was proving to her once and for all that she’d been right about the Livisk and we were nothing more than savages quick to anger.
I felt shame at that. Shame and anger. If she thought I was a savage then I would show her just how savage a general of the Ascendency could be!
I reached down and picked her up. I wasn’t gentle. Her clothing ripped exposing some of her skin. I wasn’t so angry that I didn’t notice the way her soft pink flesh was exposed to me, and the part of me that had already been aroused from her kiss and from the feel of her sitting on my lap felt that this might be the time to take her, but I didn’t.
I might be enraged, but I couldn’t go that far. The part of me that still saw her as my mate wouldn’t stand for treating her like a common gutter trash slave.
I did carry her across the room though. I needed her out of my sight before I truly did do something we both would regret.
“I’ve indulged you for far too long,” I said. “If the emperor ordered it I would kill and crush every human before me. Every. Human.”
I stared at her to let her know exactly what that meant. I wanted it to be clear to her where my loyalties were even if inside I still wasn’t entirely sure as to the answer to that question. I saw her eyes starting to grow wet around the edges, but still she didn’t say anything. She didn’t respond other than to stare at me with that obvious challenge in her eyes. A challenge filtering through the bond.
She was not to be cowed. A part of me loved that. A part of me was aroused by that. More than anything, though, I was enraged that even now in my full fury she refused to stand down. Didn’t this human know when she was beaten?
I threw her at the doors. She managed to land on her feet and stumbled back as the doors hissed open and then closed in front of her. The last view I had was of her staring defiantly on her two feet. She wasn’t defeated. She never would be.
Talia was gone from my sight, but I could still feel her on the other side of the door. I could feel terror, shock, despair, and ultimately rage filtering through her mind as she came to the realization that I was not what she thought I was.
I masked her mind from mine. I didn’t need to feel anything else from her. It would destroy me to be privy to more of those thoughts. Because in a flash the rage was gone and replaced by something else. Shame. A deeper shame than I’d felt before.
I stumbled back across the room. I felt my chest constricting around my three hearts. I felt anger pulsing through the wall I’d erected between me and Talia, because that’s how intense her emotions were in that moment.
I collapsed in my chair and stared out the window, but I didn’t see anything. All I could do was think about how complicated my life had become. How difficult it was to think of loyalties that had once come so easily to me.
This woman was changing me, and I wasn’t sure
if that was a good thing. And despite my rage and my performance I was fairly certain I already knew where my loyalties would ultimately fall. Perhaps that was the real reason why I lashed out with such anger and fear.
Duty or love. That was the question. I burned with the shame of what I’d just done to the one woman I’d ever truly loved as I went back and forth in my mind.
11: Escape
Talia:
I ran down the hall to my own room. I hadn’t been here very often lately. It felt like every waking moment I had was spent with Jorav.
I was so stupid. I’d allowed myself to be lulled into a false sense of security. I’d allowed myself to think that he was somehow different than the other Livisk. That he would somehow break free of the hold that stupid emperor seemed to have on this entire fucking planet. That he would see the throne for the danger it was to him. To us.
What was it he’d said? That he’d crush every human in his path if the emperor demanded it? Every human had obviously included me. The way he’d stared at me in a rage was proof enough of that.
One thing was for certain. I needed to get the hell out of here, and I needed to get the hell out of her a long time ago. I wasn’t sure where I could go, but I needed to do something. There were Livisk on this world who were sympathetic to humans. Even if that baker wasn’t willing to help I’d surely be able to find someone who would be willing to smuggle me somewhere safe.
I felt something pulsing around the mental wall I’d put up to keep Jorav out of my mind. I wondered if I could ever truly be safe on this world with him nestled in the back of my mind like that. It would be exhausting to constantly try to keep him out of my thoughts. To keep him from knowing where I was. That would endanger anyone who tried to help me.
I had to try, though. After what I’d just seen I had no doubt that I needed to break free. There was no alternative.
I quickly gathered a few things that I’d been keeping hidden for just such an occasion and tossed them in a small bag. I threw a couple of weapons I’d managed to grab from various hiding spots around Jorav’s palace. I threw in some food that was halfway palatable to humans and looked like it wouldn’t spoil.
Everything I needed for a short term escape. All I could hope was that I was able to find someone who’ be able to help me change that short term escape into a long term escape.
“You’re an idiot Talia,” I said.
I wasn’t sure if I meant I was an idiot for thinking Jorav could be different or if I was an idiot for thinking that I could escape on a world that was crawling with the Livisk. Including Livisk whose sole job was to keep human slaves in line. What chance did I have in the heart of a civilization that was organized around enslaving or killing my species?
Damn it. That might be the case, but I had to try.
I stared at the bag, my hands trembling. I needed to reach down and grab the damn thing. Sling it over my shoulder and get the hell out of here. It wasn’t very different from similar bags I’d seen other human slaves carrying. It’s not like I’d stand out unless someone ran a scan and figured out what I was carrying in there, and they seemed so lax about security, so used to the idea that no human would dare rebel, that I wasn’t too worried about that.
Something stopped me from grabbing the bag though. I knew exactly what it was, and I hated that I was hesitating for even a moment.
No. I wasn’t going to be like that anymore. I’d been duped into thinking Jorav was different from the other Livisk out there in the galaxy, and how he’d just acted was proof of how wrong I was. I was a silly little girl allowing a crush to get in the way of my good sense, and I wasn’t going to keep acting like an idiot because I got weak in the knees and tingly between my legs whenever I looked at that muscled blue sparkly asshole.
I grabbed the bag and made my way over to the elevator that led down to the lobby level. I paused for a moment here because I was faced with a conundrum. The thing only ever opened when Jorav hit a button to let me in, but at the same time when I was in there it had no trouble following my commands and taking me down to the bottom level.
So here was the question. Were those buttons like the doors? Did they only work when Jorav wanted them to work? Or was the only security barrier actually getting into the thing, and after that I’d be fine? Only one way to find out.
I pulled out one of the weapons I’d hidden away. Stood back far enough that I wouldn’t get hit by any back blast and fired a couple of shots. My hair stood on end as charged plasma bolts shot out and hit the elevator doors creating a nice little hole in them.
The little button I pushed to open the doors wasn’t nearly as elegant as the little button Jorav pushed to get them to open, but I wasn’t going to argue with effectiveness. I stepped through the smoking hole and looked at all the options available to me on a friendly touch screen that lit up as soon as I was inside.
I smiled. Apparently the doors were the only security arrangement. And thankfully the control panel was set up the same as elevators on earth. I guess good design was good design whether you were on the home world or trapped as a prisoner on some strange alien world. It meant I didn’t have to worry about not being able to read the Livisk script. All I had to do was hit the button at the very bottom and wait for the elevator to get there.
I was even treated to a nice view of the insides of the elevator shaft through the hole I’d conveniently shot in the still locked shut doors.
When I got to the bottom the elevator dinged helpfully to let me know I’d arrived. Not that it was necessary. I could see the entrance hall to Jorav’s palace tower stretching out in front of me. It was nothing like the entrance hall to the imperial palace. Just a long stretch of hall that could presumably be defended against all manner of invader with a soldier at the end doubling as a doorman.
I shrugged. It wasn’t my fault he hadn’t thought to put in anything else to prevent my escape. I’m sure there were all sorts of nasty surprises in these halls for someone foolish enough to try and go up into the tower, but it seemed they’d never thought of trying to stop someone from getting out.
Not my problem.
The doors didn’t open, but that hole was still there so I stepped through and walked down the hall as though I owned the place. I reached into my bag and put my hand around something comforting and metallic that hummed ominously in my hand, but not so loud that it might give away what I had planned.
Predictably the soldier stepped in my way.
“Howdy,” I said with my best smile. “Just going for a quick stroll in the city. Figured the big guy upstairs told you all about it.”
“He did nothing of the sort,” the soldier replied, looking me up and down with obvious suspicion. Damn. This one was going to be difficult.
“Oh, well you can check with Jorav. I’m sure he’ll let you know it’s okay. I’ll just be on my…”
I moved to go around the soldier but his hand shot out and barred my way as surely as though he’d dropped a steel arm right in front of me. He didn’t look angry or upset. He didn’t even look satisfied that he’d stopped me in my tracks. He just had the bored look of a soldier who was doing his job and didn’t care what happened as long as he got his paycheck.
Damn it. I was going to have to do this the hard way too.
“Give me a moment while I check with Jorav,” he said. “If you do have his permission then you’ll have no problem being delayed for a moment.”
I sighed and tried to look irritated. Not that it was too difficult. I was irritated. Why did this sparkly blue asshole have to be suck a stickler for what passed for regulations on this backwater planet?
“I’m sorry,” I said.
The soldier stopped just before he reached a communication panel. I eyed the distance. He didn’t have his hand up or anything so he couldn’t easily raise an alarm if I did what I was about to do. I figured it would be safer to go for him rather than for the panel. Besides, down on the first level I had no way of knowing whether or not that parti
cular security panel had been hardened against just the sort of thing I was about to do.
“You’re sorry? Why?”
“For this,” I said.
I pulled the energy weapon out of my bag and leveled it at the soldier. Before he could react I’d squeezed off several rounds that sent him flying into the panel which showered him in sparks as the transparent material shattered with the impact. Oops. I guess the panel hadn’t been battle hardened in any appreciable way.
I stepped over and leaned down. Checked to see if all the soldier’s hearts were beating. It seemed like everything was okay, though I couldn’t for the life of me tell if they were beating in the right order or pattern. Xenobiology really wasn’t my thing, aside from the crash course in Livisk anatomy Jorav had given me recently.
I blushed thinking about that and then viciously destroyed that thought. If there was a time when it could possibly be worse for me to start thinking of Jorav that way then I couldn’t imagine when it would be. I needed to get out of here before my all too human biology betrayed me and found me going back up to see if we could patch things up.
Talk about the mothership of all intergalactic abusive relationships right there. I wasn’t going to be any part of that bullshit.
I stepped out onto the street not quite sure what I was going to do or where the hell I was going to go. I’d managed to find that one shop that held a Livisk sympathetic to humans, but something about his reaction to finding out I was shacking up with Jorav told me I wasn’t going to get much help from him. Hell, if that was his reaction then there was a good chance I was going to get the same treatment from any sympathetic Livisk I might come across.
It seemed they were only willing to help up to the point that it risked their sparkly blue skin. Maybe that wasn’t an entirely fair thought, I didn’t have to live their lives constantly in fear of being rolled up by the authorities, but I was so pissed off that I didn’t really give a fuck whether or not my thoughts were fair.
