by Jamie White
“Ah. Maybe another time?”
“Sure. I’ll call you.” Fiona hoped her choice of words registered with him.
He nodded. “Right… I’ll talk to you later then.” He hesitated a moment before turning around and leaving the store.
Fiona leaned against the bookcase and sighed. She hoped she’d get some answers that night.
* * *
Fiona spread a yoga mat in the middle of her bedroom floor. She had a couple of hours home alone and wanted to try something Beatrice had taught her. Despite Fiona’s pleas, the woman had refused to tell her anything more. She insisted Fiona knew all she needed to know; she just had to tap into those answers. In order to help her do that, Beatrice taught Fiona several meditations and insisted she do them every day.
Fiona put on an instrumental CD she’d borrowed from Amy and began setting up for her session. She set three candles on the floor in a circle around the mat and lit them: purple, white, and blue. Beatrice had explained the reasoning behind the colors to her. Purple was for spirituality, while the white candle provided protection. The blue one was meant to be calming. Fiona lit each one and sat down Indian-style in the middle. To complete the setup, she lit a stick of incense with one of the candles and set the incense in a holder sitting directly in front of her.
As the flame began to travel down and the smoke rose, Fiona blew the flame out so that only an ember remained. The sweet aroma of the amber incense Beatrice told her to use filled the air and she couldn’t help taking a moment to allow it to fill her senses. The idea of sitting with the candles surrounding her filled her with panic, but she took a deep breath and scolded herself to get over it. It was part of the whole thing, so she had to deal.
Fiona did as she was taught and said a prayer for protection first, followed by some visualizations to ground her energy. After she’d gone through the simple routine, she took another deep, long breath and pictured a movie screen in front of her. As she continued the chant she’d been taught, she went deeper into her meditation. Fiona felt a strange floating sensation begin, as if she were leaving her body. It was a bit unnerving, but she reminded herself that she’d been warned that might happen and breathed through it. She could see herself sitting in front of the movie screen, watching a scene go by.
Fiona watched as her previous dream about Alice Rose played out in front of her. When Fiona reached the part where she’d woken from her dream, she took another deep breath. Her heart beat a little faster as she waited to see what came next.
* * *
It hadn’t been easy, what with the watchful eye of her family on her often. Still, Alice Rose had managed to stash away provisions in a secret hiding place that would help her on a journey out of the tight-knit community she’d been living in ever since her parents had taken her in at birth. She’d grown bored and restless with the rules that had been set forth since she was a child; she wanted a different kind of life. Now that she was twenty-one, she was ready to declare her independence and renounce the religion and community she’d grown up in. She knew it wasn’t going to be easy; Charles and her mother would be disappointed in her. Not to mention the reaction her father would have. They knew the custom; they just never imagined that Alice Rose would choose to take part in it.
The scene before Fiona changed, and she watched as Alice Rose snuck out of the house. A coat protected the woman from the chill in the air, and she held a small bag in each hand. The crackling of leaves caused Alice Rose to tense. Her gaze darted around to find the source of the noise. She took shelter behind a large tree and attempted to peek around the side.
“Alice Rose?”
The familiar voice carried through the night air, causing Alice Rose to jump. She bit her lip and went still, trying not to confirm her presence. She held her breath as she listened to the approaching footsteps. There was nowhere else to hide. “Alice Rose, what are you doing out here this late?”
Before she could speak, his attention shifted to the bags she’d attempted to hide. “Well?”
Alice Rose glanced from him to the bags, and then down to the ground. “I’m sorry.”
A look of understanding crossed his features. “You weren’t going to tell me?” His tone was harsh. Fiona could see the barely contained rage flashing in his eyes, and it sent a chill down her spine.
“If I had, would you have agreed to go as well?” Her tone was almost as harsh as his had been as she stood straighter, taking on a defiant stance.
He glared at her. “Does that matter? You should have told me, Alice Rose! You were just going to walk away without even a goodbye?”
“Answer the question.” Her voice rose as she fixed him with a glare of her own.
“No.” The answer hung in the air between them a moment as they stood there, glaring at each other.
“I thought as much.” She stood and picked up the bags, turning away and preparing to continue on. Before she got more than a few feet away, she felt a hand wrap around her arm, pulling her back.
“Let go of me.” Alice Rose shouted as she struggled to free herself.
“I’ll let go when you get over this foolishness and return home! How dare you just disappear without telling anyone?”
“Why, so you could try to convince me to stay? You have no right to stop me, and you know that.” Alice Rose spat the words at him, her blood heating as she stepped back from him. “It won’t work; this is something I have to do.”
“You’ll regret this,” he warned.
“Maybe so, but I don’t care!” She finally managed to yank her arm free and began to run away from him. Alice Rose heard him start to follow her, but the footsteps stopped as quickly as they started. She looked back to see him disappearing into the night. Her entire body shook with sobs as the enormity of what she was about to do hit her. This had been her home for as long as she could remember, and Charles had been a part of her life for almost as long. Still, the urge to roam was too strong and she knew they wouldn’t forgive her for leaving. Alice Rose closed her eyes as she took a long, deep breath. Her expression hardened with a renewed resolve as she tightened the grip on her bags and continued on her way.
* * *
Fiona took a few deep breaths to relax. Alice Rose’s pain permeated Fiona’s being; guilt and sadness over the decision to leave radiated off of her, leaving Fiona on the verge of tears. She reminded herself it was only a vision. Even if what she’d seen was true, that didn’t matter. It was in the past, and she had to leave it there. Fiona did another visualization to bring her out of the meditation and back to reality, and the scene vanished from her mind’s eye. She looked around, taking in the familiar surroundings, as her vision cleared. After a couple of minutes, Fiona stood and snuffed out the candles and incense.
What if Charles had backtracked and done something to her? Charles. Ted. The two names and faces merged in her mind as she began to wonder what she might have gotten herself into when she went out with him. No way. That’s ridiculous...isn’t it?
Chapter Thirteen
Fiona busied herself with work and packing in the week following her experiment with the meditation. She was positive the vision she’d had was real—an actual glimpse of her past. She just wasn’t sure what she thought of that. Clearly, she’d made some mistakes, and Fiona needed to process it all. The biggest mistake had been getting involved with Charles to start with, when she’d known there was a possibility of her leaving when she’d reached the proper age, and she tried to understand why she had done something like that. He’d had a strange hold over her, much like now, that she supposed made avoiding him impossible then.
Her mind must have decided she needed a rest, because the dreams had stopped haunting her for the time being. She decided for the moment to be thankful for small favors and not try to read too deeply into anything. She’d also kept her distance from both guys, especially Ted. The idea of what she’d seen being a part of their shared past made her skin crawl. He’d said once he was intuitive. Did he s
ee the same things she did? If so, did he hold a grudge against her? Fiona didn’t know and wouldn’t know how to ask, even if she wanted to. Her lips curved in a smile as she considered the kind of looks she’d get for asking.
When they called, she pretended she had a ton of work to get done. The lies wouldn’t be able to work much longer, but they might buy her a little more time to decide what she wanted to do. Fiona pulled out her notebook and pen and settled into a chair in the corner of the bedroom. Her hands were a blur as she scribbled down everything she’d experienced. The more she wrote, the lighter she felt.
It was strange—despite the terror her dreams and the vision inspired in her, writing it out made it all seem much less foreboding. So what if there had been an argument? She’d certainly deserved one, leaving like she had. Fiona cringed as she remembered how she’d considered doing the same thing to Sloane. It’d been a weak thing to do, and there was no way she’d make that mistake again—no matter what decision she made.
Fiona shook her head as she realized how easily she was accepting that everything she’d seen was real. How even thinking about it was like thinking the sky was blue, or night was dark—it just was and she didn’t question it. Her phone rang, snapping her out of her thoughts. She set the notebook and pen aside and stood to answer. As she glanced down at the screen, her pulse raced. She pressed the talk button, willing her voice not to shake. “Hi, Ted.”
“Long time, no see…”
“Yeah… I had a lot to catch up on. Procrastination’s fun until the to-do list’s breathing down your neck.”
“Tell me about it. Any chance of your schedule opening up tomorrow night? I thought we could go to that carnival that just came to town.”
She couldn’t help but smile at that. How many times had she gone there over the years? Fiona did want to see him again, and she figured a place like that was as good as any—you couldn’t get any safer than a swarm of people around. “Sure, what time?”
“Seven okay?”
Fiona glanced at her clock. “I’ll be ready. I better be going now—I’ve got some stuff to finish up before we go.”
“No problem…see you later.”
“Bye.” Fiona ended the call and tossed the cell onto her bed. Despite everything, her stomach fluttered as she anticipated their date.
Chapter Fourteen
This isn’t so bad. Fiona was enjoying herself much more than she’d anticipated as she and Ted got in line for a ride. She’d almost forgotten about the vision she had as they explored the games and rides the fair had to offer. Her favorite so far had been the roller coaster. She’d screamed the whole time and enjoyed every second of it. There was something exciting about the rush of air going by as they careened to the ground. It took a few minutes after getting off the ride to get her heart rate back down. Ted seemed to enjoy it as well. They’d also gotten some snacks and played a few of the games; she was carrying one of the prizes as they waited. Ted had won it in the game in which he had to knock down a stack of bottles. It took a few tries, but the stuffed bear she held proved his victory.
The car ride there had been another story. Both had been quiet, caught up in their own thoughts. Fiona hadn’t a clue what Ted was thinking of, and a part of her didn’t want to know. She spent most of the ride looking out the window and trying to keep the conversation light.
Once they pulled into the lot, it was like a cloud lifted from over Fiona’s head. The smell of the popcorn and the sound of the merry-go-round filled her senses. There was something about a carnival that made it impossible to be in a bad mood. It was like stepping back into childhood, no worries or stress. All you had to worry about was what ride to try out first, something Fiona needed more than she could say.
Fiona and Ted made it to the front of the line and climbed into the Ferris wheel. As their car lifted into the air, Ted reached for her hand, and they settled back to enjoy the view. Fiona gazed down, looking at the lights of the city below. She loved getting to go on rides like this; it was amazing to be able to see so much at one time. It made everything seem small. She absentmindedly reached for the stone she’d been carrying around in her pocket, rubbing it gently with the index finger and thumb of her free hand. Instinctively, her eyes closed, and she began running through the same visualizations she’d done at home.
A vision hit her with an intensity she hadn’t experienced before, causing her to gasp. It flashed through her mind so fast she barely had time to process it. She was back in the original dream she had of Maria burning at the stake. She was back in that body, feeling the flames rise up around her as her skin prickled and cracked under the heat. This time, she was able to make out the face the girl had seen—a very familiar face. Its detached expression while witnessing her burn made her sick. She could feel the emotional pain it caused her former self as strongly as she could feel the physical pain the fire caused. Fiona pulled her hand back, moving as far away as possible.
“Fi, what’s wrong?” Ted looked at her with a mix of confusion and concern in his eyes.
“I have to get out of here…now!” Her throat constricted as she forced the words out through her terror. She gripped the side of the car tight as the car shook slightly from her movements.
“That’s impossible. We’re only halfway down and we still have another trip to the top before the ride stops. What’s going on?”
Fiona shook her head and closed her eyes. She took a couple of deep breaths, willing the images in her mind to go away. Ted kept trying to get her to talk, but she refused to say anything—she couldn’t. Her mind was a jumble of images and emotions that caused her to shut down inside, at least while in his presence. The very idea of talking to him at the moment caused waves of pain to radiate through her body.
As soon as the ride ended and she was back on solid ground, Fiona began walking through the crowd, intent on getting as far away from there as possible. She broke into a run, Ted following, calling for her to stop. She ignored it and kept going as she made her way through the bustling crowd. Twice, she almost knocked down children racing across her path, but she managed to keep her footing. The sounds of the games and people chatting, laughing, and yelling in delight on the rides vanished under the cloud of terror and hurt she’d found herself in.
All she knew was an overwhelming desire to escape. What had she been thinking when she agreed to go out with him again? That’s the problem, I wasn’t thinking at all. She kept running toward the street, terrified she’d hear a car pulling up behind her any minute with him in it. She’d surprised herself with how fast she’d run. It was like all those stories about people who develop unusual strength and speed when they were in some kind of danger and the adrenaline was pumping.
She was torn between wanting to go home and finding somewhere to hide out for a while. Fiona was leaning toward finding somewhere to hide in case he decided to go by her house looking for her. The same thought made her think going home might be best. Her parents knew she’d left with him, and they would panic if he showed up asking for her. Fiona knew they’d get every neighbor out looking for her, and she didn’t want that.
Her decision made, she veered off in the direction of her house. It didn’t take her long to get there and, when she did, she was relieved to see his car wasn’t in the drive. She walked up the front steps and unlocked the door. She smiled when she saw the kitchen light on; that meant she could slip upstairs without having to talk to them.
“I’m back! Heading up to bed. See you guys in the morning.” Fiona raced upstairs, retreating to the safety of her room. As soon as the door was closed behind her, she leaned against it and dropped to the floor, the tension in her body easing as the idea she was home and safe sunk in. The sensation deepened with each passing moment that didn’t bring a knock at the door. Confident she wasn’t going to be bothered for the time being, Fiona surrendered to the tears that begged for release.
* * *
Fiona was supposed to meet her friends for lunch the
next day, but she canceled on them. She was in too dark a mood for their chatter. It would just make her feel worse and maybe even give her a headache.
She slipped out of the back of the building, heading for a secret hiding spot she’d loved when she was little. It was in a wooded area not far from her home, where a cluster of trees provided a shady place to sit and think alone.
The hard wood of the tree trunk against her back steadied her as she pulled a sandwich out of her bag. Fiona pulled the crust off, tossing the pieces aside without bothering to take a bite. Her appetite was non-existent, and she doubted she’d feel like eating any time soon. The vision she’d had at the carnival still played in her mind, mocking her. Fiona supposed she had her answer now: Ted wasn’t to be trusted. The knowledge crushed her. She’d been having a great time until that vision and thought she knew what her choice was going to be. Now, she had to forget that.
Maybe it was just as well. She’d never wanted to get serious with anyone to start with. It was probably all a big game to him anyway. Her eyes narrowed as she thought of all the cryptic comments he’d made about reading her mind; they were probably his way of messing with her head—trying to hurt her.
The reason why escaped her; she supposed it could be related to any of the things in her dreams or the fact he was just a world-class jerk. Did they really need a reason to act that way? Fiona took a bite of the sandwich and closed her eyes as she tried to erase those eyes from her mind.
Chapter Fifteen
Fiona sat behind the counter of the bookstore, counting out the register. The sound of the rustling paper became almost hypnotic after a while, and she had to shake her head to snap out of it. She finished counting and stuffed the bills into an envelope before scribbling the total on it and shoving it back into the register drawer. A loud click filled the air as she pushed the drawer closed. It was almost time to leave for the day, and she couldn’t wait to go. The endless stream of customers that forced her to smile as if nothing were wrong made her feel even worse than she already did.
In the days following her disaster of a date with Ted, Fiona had done everything possible not to speak to him. She couldn’t—not yet. The hurt was still too raw. She almost laughed at the thought. Why on earth should she care so much? At the very least, the situation had done one thing for her: she knew without a doubt she had to tell Sloane it was over. It was really the only thing to do, considering she really wanted someone else.
