My Ride is a Bitch (The Kurtherian Gambit Book 13)

by Michael Anderle

  “Evil! Get from me, Satan!” The man made the sign of the cross and climbed into the truck. The young woman stood there for a moment as if making a decision. She turned without a word and climbed into the truck too. They burned rubber out of the parking lot. The trunk was left in the parking lot like a monolith.

  “Good work Aggy, you scared off another one!” Chuck patted me on the back as he walked back to his car.

  “We didn’t need her kind here, anyway. Forget about it, Agatha.”

  All I could do was shake my head in disgust. Paranormals were revealed to the world in the early twentieth century during World War One. Since then we have been accepted by most of the mundane world: except for a few deeply religious sects, and most of the southern United States. It didn’t help that on my first day of school I almost destroyed it. It was just a small misunderstanding, but it got my name in the paper in a negative way. I’m still paying for that one because it was one more reason for my family to insist I stay far away from them. Things may have ended far differently had grandmother not supplied me with her protection spells. I personally do not know how to make bullets bounce off me. Not yet. That is one of my goals this year. Provided I can keep a tutor for more than an hour or two.

  The lobby of my dorm was full of returning and new students. I pushed my way through them carefully. Trying to squeeze past a couple of large beefy men I bumped one rather hard. “Sorry.”

  “Hey, what the hell! Bitch! Why did you just push me?”

  “I bumped you. I apologized, don’t go there.”

  The large man ignored what I said and began to turn belligerent. “I was talking to you!”

  I Ignored him and continued to walk. He was about to step after me when his friends stopped him. “Idiot! Don’t you know who that is?”

  “She’s going to be in a world of hurt when I’m finished!”

  “No, you idiot! That is the school Witch! She could turn you into something.”

  “I already turn into a wolf! Who cares?”

  “She could make you a pink wolf or turn you into a squirrel! Leave her be.”

  I paused at the stairwell and let the fireball in my hand fade. One thing I did have control over are offensive spells. No one touches the Witch. Not ever.

  I began to climb the stairs. There were elevators, but I needed the exercise and it allowed me time to think. I lived on the second floor down at the end. As I stepped out of the stairwell, I could hear music and see my door was open.

  “It smells like Cat in here. Is she back?! You said she was gone!”

  “Fergus, I said she was gone for the winter. School’s back now. Of course Cat is here.” Catherine Moore, or Cat, is my roommate. She is a werecat and Fergus is constantly trying to get rid of her. I stepped into the room through the open door and found Cat spinning about the room singing and dancing to Lady Baba. She was dancing the ‘chicken dance’ as she put her clothes away. Cat was a small woman with a dancer’s body. She, unlike me, was very thin and muscular. I began laughing as she stomped the beats with her feet. I knew next to nothing about modern music until last year. Cat gave me a crash course. Both mundanes and Para’s had our own groups, but they crossed back and forth all the time. Lady Baba was a Russian magical group, and they wore chicken feet when they did the Yaga dance.

  “Agatha! Great to see you! How was magical training?”

  I reached into my pocket and removed Fergus. He stepped off my hand and onto the surface of the desk. He shook himself to get the pocket lint off his coat before commenting drolly. “She broke another one a few minutes ago!”

  “Hello to you too, Fergus. How about we play a game of cat and unicorn later?”

  Fergus was my familiar. Most witches didn’t need the magical boost a familiar can supply. They were very rare in the modern world. Fergus has been with me since my ill-fated seventh birthday party. He used to be full sized and of the non-talking variety. For all that he was indestructible and mostly immune to magic, he was deathly afraid of cats. Grandmother has a very large Savannah Cat named Zeus that thinks he is a toy.

  Fergus shivered and trotted over to my coffee cup and hid behind it.

  “Cat, don’t tease him. You know he gets freaked out easily.” She laughed at that as she gave me a big hug.

  “He’s in the wrong business then. So what did he mean you broke another one?” She plopped down on her bed and pulled me down with her. “Spill it Witch girl!”

  I sighed and explained the whole story about the dozen or so trainers and all the problems I had had with them. Ending with the creature I made today.

  “Interesting. Was it just one or did you make a bunch like those squirrels you told me about?”

  “I don’t know. Hopefully it was just the one. I’m sure I will be visited by the FBI administrator again.”

  “Ouch. He hates you! Ever since you left him hanging upside down up in the air last year.”

  “Yeah, I know. But no, he retired or transferred. Something. We have a new one. A woman this time: SAC Mills. The other agents say she is hell-on-wheels, but I have yet to meet her. I’m pretty sure she will make her presence known before too long.”

  Cat shook her head. “This year will be nothing like last year. We have weapons training, physical fitness training, and law enforcement classes. Fun!”

  “You just want to get all sweaty with the coaches and the other Weres. I know how you operate, Cat. How was your winter?”

  “It was great. There was a pack gathering in the Black Hills. The Native tribes allowed us to use their territory for a mass hunt and cookout. Over twenty packs participated. It was so awesome!”

  “That sounds like fun. How did your pack get permission to use the land? They don’t let just anyone do that.” We had learned all about the tribal system and how reservation law worked in our history classes last term. Cat’s pack was one of the oldest in the country. It didn’t surprise me she used information she learned here.

  She smiled at me. “We made a deal. Father worked it out with them but they seemed happy afterward.”

  Her father was the Beta in the pack. She got much of her business sense and attention to detail from him. “Did you take any pictures?”

  “Of course! How could I not? I know how much you like new places.” She reached into her ever present backpack and pulled out a large fat envelope. We sat and giggled like little girls for over an hour as she related her stories about the trip. The pictures were awesome.

  “Cat, do you have a car this year? I ask because I need to check my lab then get some food. The cafeteria is closed today.”

  She made a face. “I forgot to get snacks. We can borrow Chuck’s car. Dad said I didn’t need it this year, too many opportunities for trouble.” She put the pictures away and picked up her backpack. I stood up and walked over to my desk.

  “Fergus? You coming?” I peered down into his toy barn and stall. I opened the small red door and a sound maker made a mooing noise.

  “Hey! Naked Unicorn here! Can’t a man have a moment’s peace?”

  “Fergus you’re always naked. Are you coming with us or not?”

  “Not; my show’s on and I’m going to watch it in peace.” I had to laugh. We saw the toy barn at a store that Cat took us to. I had never been inside a department store before. Fergus saw it and thought it was perfect for him to live in. When it came time to get a phone, he got one too. He used his as a television in what he called his crib. Already he was watching too much TV. The show he most liked was a cartoon about ponies.

  “Hey, Chuck says get your stuff and he’ll drive us over to your lab.” Cat was standing in the doorway tapping her wrist.

  “See you later, Fergus. I guess I won’t bring you back some of that hybrid hay you like so much.” I smiled; that would get him.

  “Hay? I can watch the girls anytime. Wait for me!” The pocket sized Unicorn opened his barn door to the sound of Mooo! He trotted across the desk and into my hand. I placed him in my shirt pocket. I have
the pockets lined with kevlar to prevent him from filling me with holes. That horn of his is sharp.

  It was the evening before the first day of classes so everyone was out blowing off a little pre-school jitters. Or as much as you can do on a Military base that wasn’t exactly open to FBI students... We could hit the commissary and the PX but that was about it. If you obtained a pass, you could use the small beach facilities, but most of the coastline was for Marine corps training and exercises. Volley ball and frisbee golf seemed to be the games of the evening. Chuck was standing next to his car waiting for us.

  “Hello, again Chuck! Thanks for doing this.”

  “You’re welcome Agatha, but you know how it is. When your boss asks you to do something, you sort of have to do it.”

  That’s true. Cat might be a tiny slip of a girl but her were-form was awesome. She was Alpha material and most of the Weres on campus knew it. Chuck made the mistake of challenging her last term and now he’s her bitch! I had to laugh. That fight was a real eye-opener into the world of the Weres. Many of the big strong men all cringed like little girls when she almost bit off his fun-bits.

  Chuck held open the door, and I climbed into the back seat. I usually ride shotgun, but this was a matter of ranking and position. Cat took that seat. I was just about settled when Fergus started up.

  “By all that is holy! It smells like a Cat-house in here! I gave up pony play for this? Ugh. The smell is in my mouth! Make it stop.”

  “Fergus be quiet. The car belongs to Chuck. You remember Chuck don’t you?”

  “Chuck… Big. Really big cat shifter? That Chuck?”

  “Yes. That Chuck.”

  “Hehehehehe, Chuck. How do the nuts feel, buddy? Glad you still have them?” So much for Fergus’s fear of Cats.

  “Fergus, leave Chuck alone. I think the badminton team still needs a birdie for their next match.” Cat was peeking over the front seat at us.

  “Fine. Whatever. Why is my fun always the one that gets ruined?” He snuggled back into my pocket. I could still hear him bitching. I smiled at Cat and rolled my eyes. She just laughed.

  Chuck got into the car and closed the door. “OK Witchy-Poo, where to?”

  I just shook my head. “Take a right out of the parking lot and head toward the base entrance.”

  My lab was right on the edge of the military reservation - as far away as possible from any inhabited area. The base entrance was ahead of us. “Chuck take a left at the next intersection and go five miles.”

  We had gone about four miles when I saw flashing blue lights in the distance. Uh Oh. Cat looked back at me. “Problems?”

  I took a deep breath and let it out. Not this again. I nodded. “Chuck slow down and pull up to the roadblock.”

  The roadblock covered both sides of the road. My lab was just ahead on the right. From what I could see they were right on top of it, again. One of the MPs stepped up to our car and made a roll down the window motion.

  “This route is closed. You need to turn around and go back that way.”

  “Officer, my name is Agatha Blackmore. My laboratory is just behind your roadblock and to the right. Is it possible for us to go there?” I held out my ID and pass through the window.

  The MP just stared at me for a moment. Then he drew his weapon and aimed it at me!

  Chapter Two

  My first thought was Not Again! I automatically readied both a defensive and an offensive spell. It was Cat who may have saved the man’s life.

  “Officer! Why are you pointing a gun at my friend?” She said it at the top of her voice. It was almost a scream. Several other uniformed MPs came out around the Humvee to see what was happening.

  “Jenkins! Goddammit! Put that weapon away and step away from the car!” The officer still had me locked up and was seconds from being a crispy critter. The Sergeant approached the officer and snatched the gun out of his hands. “What in the hell did you think you were doing? We don’t go around shooting at people unless they start shooting at us first! Now, why did you draw your weapon?”

  The now wild-eyed officer looked at me then back at his superior. He raised his hand and pointed at me. “Witch!”

  Really? I bowed my head. Why does this keep happening to me? I fixed the Sergeant with a smoldering gaze. “Sergeant? My name is Agatha Blackmore and my laboratory is over there behind you. We were on our way there.” I held out my documents again but didn’t let the fireball die.

  The sergeant took a few steps forward and peered at my badge without touching it. His eyebrows went up, and he glanced back at me. “Hmmm. So that is your lab?”

  “Yes. Let me guess. Someone or a group of someones either tried to force their way in or poked where they should not have poked. Am I getting warm?” At his look I knew I was either really close or dead on the money. “Sergeant, this has happened before. Somewhere, there should be orders regarding my lab. I know they posted warning signs after the last time over six months ago.”

  I could see in his eyes when he came to a decision. He grabbed his radio and called it in asking about me and the orders surrounding the lab. There was a very long pause before whoever he called got back to him.

  “Sir, yes. Yes. Yes, she is right here. No, Sir. It was the witch that told me to check into the orders. No, Sir. We never thought to check. Yes. Yes, I understand. Thank you, Sir.”

  Both Cat and I sat transfixed by the expressions traveling across the man’s face as he talked to someone higher. Cat cringed a few times telling me that she could hear the other end of the conversation. Weres.

  “Miss Blackmore? I apologize for Private Jenkins. He overreacted. I have been informed that you can help us with the problem we have.” I had been watching Corporal Jenkins face, and he was now sweating and pale after being called a Private.

  “Jenkins get that barricade moved! Let's get this car through it.” They cleared the barricade and Chuck steered for the hole they created.

  “Uh, why do I smell something burning?”

  Oops. I looked down and my fireball was scorching the back of his seat. I reabsorbed the magic, and it went out. “Sorry Chuck, that was me. I scorched the back of your seat pretty good. Send me the bill and I’ll have it fixed. OK?”

  He laughed. “No way! It gives me something to tell the boys! Were you really going to throw it at him?”

  I thought for a moment. “Pretty much. No one touches the Witch. Been there done that. Never again.”

  We passed through the parked humvees and arrived at the edge of our destination. I could see a large group of what looked like Marines stuck in various poses around the outside of the Lab. A military police unit was stuck halfway in with its officers hanging out of the doors. Several ambulances were standing by as well as a tactical unit. I tried not to laugh.

  Climbing out of the car I told the Weres to stay put. Less confusion that way. As I closed the door, I could sense the sergeant I spoke to approaching. I turned just as he was about to grab my arm. Crossing my arms in front of my body I glared at him. “Now first things first. Why were those Marines trying to break into my lab?”

  “Wait. What?” His head pulled back as I confronted him. I didn’t have time to say more as a Marine Major confronted me backed up by his goon squad.

  “Is this her? Look here, you! How dare you put spells on my men! You are under arrest! Sergeant take her into…” As soon as he said the word arrest I froze him and his goons.

  “You didn’t answer my question. Why were Marines poking around my Lab?”