by Frankie Love
"I didn't realize it was going to be so out of control. I just thought it was some guys going down to the lake," Maddox says.
"Like hell you did," Conley says with an angry look in his eyes. "That party happens every year. And it's not just the guys from the Heartlands that show up. It's people from town, folks we don’t know. And it always ends like that. We're trying to be respectable around here. I don't need my boys getting arrested for God knows what out at the fucking Hollow Oak Lake. That's not the kind of reputation we want."
"I'm sorry, sir," I say. "You're right. I shouldn't have gone."
Conley frowns. "You really went out there?" he asks me. "You never go out." He says it like it's a question.
I'm not sure how to answer. "I know, sir," I say.
Maddox goes to the back counter and pours himself a cup of coffee. "You want any?" he hollers to Conley and me.
I shake my head and Conley says, "No, I'm meeting Ranger for breakfast at the bar."
"Ranger?" I say, eyes lifting.
"Yeah. Why?" he asks.
I shrug. "No reason."
"You sure there's no reason? Because he's pissed."
"Why?" I ask, worry getting to me. I don’t want Lydia in any trouble on my account.
"Apparently Lydia went out to the lake too. I'm telling you guys, some people got arrested out there for hard drugs. Not just coke. Meth too."
“Fuck, that's why the cops came? I had no idea about that," I say honestly.
And Maddox seems equally surprised. "I was just down there having a good time. We thought it was a party. Some beer, a fire, people were jumping in the lake. I didn't realize it was going to get so crazy," Maddox says.
Conley scowls. "Yeah, I'm sure you were just there for some pussy," he says to Maddox. "But Jackal, you never go out. Hope it was worth getting on my bad side.”
“Again, I’m sorry, sir. It's the end of summer. Everyone was headed that way. I figured I might as well see what the fuss was about."
"Well, Ranger and I are done with you young guys getting into trouble. It's time to clean up your acts. Why don't you both start thinking about settling down?"
"Settling down?" Maddox says with a laugh. "Dude, I'm 25."
"So? Grow up, Maddox. I heard about your threesome."
"Who told you about last night?"
Conley laughs. "Damn, boy. I was talking about something that happened a week ago. What were you doing last night?"
Maddox laughs. "Sorry, sir. I don't kiss and tell."
"Like hell you don’t. I'm telling you, it's going to get out of control. I'm hearing some stories about the Blue Devils. They're getting messed up in some shit too. There were some arrests of some of their younger members last week. I don't know, maybe it's the heat. Summer can end as far as I'm concerned. People start acting crazy when it gets this hot out here in the desert."
"The Blue Devils?" I say, my heart started to pound, sweat in my palms. “There were a few of them at the lake last night.”
“Fuck,” Conley says, "haven't heard about those guys for years. It's crazy but I don't know, a few buddies out at the California branch of Heartlands were talking about them. And now they are encroaching on our territory. I just wish I knew what they wanted. Maybe I will have Beckham and Chains go do some recon.”
“Be careful,” I say, forcing my voice to stay even. “The Blue Devils are trouble from what I’ve heard.”
“And what have you heard, exactly?” Conley asks.
I shrug it off. "I don't know. I've got to get to work," I say, grabbing the tablet from Maddox's hands. "Enjoy your breakfast and tell Ranger hello."
Conley laughs. "What aren't you saying?"
But I just keep my head down and walk toward my station.
He thinks what I'm holding back is that I was with Lydia last night.
The truth is, I have a past with the Blue Devils that I sure as fuck don't want my motorcycle club president knowing anything about.
Lydia
"I don't know what the big deal is," I say to Ruby as she slams around the kitchen making coffee and eggs, toast. The babies are awake and fussing in their highchairs, and it looks like she didn't sleep very well. "It’s not like I was even out that late. I was home before 11."
"But where were you?" Ruby says. "That's the problem. You show up on a motorcycle. We don't know who the driver was and you won't tell us where you were. Ranger's pissed. He's going to find out who you were with last night. You understand?"
"Oh, is he?" I ask, crossing my arms, glaring at my sister. "Maybe I should just move out so I can start being treated like the adult I am.”
"Maybe you should tell me who you were with, and then it won't be an issue. It's not like you, Lydia, to sneak around like this. If you're seeing someone, let me know. Because the honest truth is a guy on a bike around here could very easily mean bad news."
"You fell in love with a guy on a bike. Why can't I?"
"Oh, so there is a guy that you're in love with?"
Ruby spreads jam on the toast hastily, burns the scrambled eggs, and dishes up our plates. The babies are still fussing, but they calm down when they get bread slathered in jelly. They begin gnawing on it happily, giving their mother time to argue with me.
The toast is dry and it's lodged in my throat. I take a sip of coffee, wishing it were a latte. I need to get out of this house. My sister seems to have forgotten what it is like to fall in love, to act recklessly and with abandon.
I know her past with Ranger. They met and fell in love, and all in one night. And now she's giving me a hard time for having a little bit of fun?
"There was a party at the lake last night," Ruby says, frowning as she adds a lump of sugar, then another to her cup of coffee.
"Oh yeah?" I say. "Sounds fun."
"Well, the cops showed up. It was a whole bunch of people buying and selling drugs out there. It's insanity. That's the kind of thing I'm worried about. You're going to accidentally get caught up with the wrong crowd."
"I went out there with Peaches. She works at the bar. She wouldn't get me into any trouble."
“So you did go there? Gosh, Lydia, what were you thinking?”
I frown, knowing I’m no good at lying, and besides, I don’t want to hide things from my sister. Not after all she has done for me.
“I’m sorry. It was just supposed to be a bit of fun. I'm starting college in a few weeks. Can't you just give me a little bit of breathing room, Ruby, after all we've been through?"
“Well, I know good and well that Peaches doesn’t have a motorcycle, so who brought you home?” Ruby sets down her coffee before even taking a sip and instead takes a bite of her eggs. Immediately, she looks queasy. "Oh God, just a sec." She runs to the bathroom and I hear her throwing up.
"Are you okay?" I ask, one eye on the twins, the other one on the bathroom door. She comes out cringing.
"I'm sick."
"Well, yeah, I just heard, but are you maybe more than sick?" I ask, biting my bottom lip.
She sighs. "Yes. We were going to tell you last night, but then you decided to go off to some freaking drug party so we couldn't."
"Tell me what?"
"We're pregnant," she says, smiling, her hand on her belly. "We're having another baby."
"Oh my God, Ruby," I say, flinging my arms around my big sister. "I'm so happy for you."
Tears are in her eyes. "I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be yelling at you. I just got all stressed out last night. Ranger and I had this whole thing planned. I made cupcakes and dinner and we were going to tell you, and then you didn't come home. And then you were out so late. I was so mad and also so tired. I fell asleep by nine o'clock, so I didn't even hear you come in. And Ranger was pissed when he heard the motorcycle. And then I heard all about it this morning. He and Conley were on the phone at dawn. Apparently, he's going to lay down the law at the next club meeting and well..." Ruby exhales. "I'm sorry. I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed and I'm taking it out on you, which isn't fair. I sh
ouldn't have expected you to be home for dinner when I didn't even tell you we were having a big family announcement."
I smile. "It's okay, sis. And I wish I would have been home to hear the news, but..."
"But," Ruby repeats. "But what?"
"But I was having such a good time.”
"What do you mean, good time?” she asks. "You didn't do any drugs, did you?"
I drop open my mouth, shocked. "No," I say. "God, who do you think I am?"
"I don't know. You are an adult, who's almost off to college. A real grownup," Ruby says, repeating my words. "Sorry," she says, grimacing. "That's not fair. Tell me, who were you with? Please, please, please tell me it's a nice guy. Was it Grant?"
I laugh. "You think Grant has a motorcycle?"
Ruby laughs. "Okay. Fair." She runs a hand over her baby's hair and sits back down at the table, pushing the cup of coffee away but taking a bite of her toast. " You're right. I did run away and fall in love with the first man I ever met. And now I'm having another baby of his." She smiles. "I get it. Things can move quickly. But Lydia, you don't have a lot of experience with—"
I hold up a hand. "And you did? We were basically raised in a cult by our psychotic father, who was willing to sell us off to the highest bidder. We didn't exactly have a normal upbringing or much experience. But I'm a virgin, Ruby, and I don't plan on having sex with just anybody."
Her shoulders fall and I can tell she's visibly relieved. "Oh, thank God. I thought you might've done something dumb last night. Something you'd regret."
"Even if I had slept with someone," I say, "it doesn't mean I would regret it. You didn't regret being with Ranger."
"I know, but Ranger and I were lucky."
"But lots of people are lucky," I say. "You're not the exception."
"We're also not the rule," she says. "Who's the guy, if it isn't Grant? Which by the way, I'm still on Team Grant."
"Really? I say. "Because he's about as opposite of Ranger as you can get."
"Okay, fair enough," Ruby says. "He's probably not our type."
I laugh. "We have a type, huh?"
"I don't know. I fell in love with a guy on a motorcycle and it sounds like you might have too."
"Well, he does have a motorcycle."
"And he's a member of the Heartlands?" Ruby asks.
I nod. "Yes, he is."
Her eyes widen. "Please tell me you did not hook up with Maddox."
I laugh. "No, I didn't. That boy has a reputation and I don't think I could handle it."
"So you're not into the guy who has big bravado and a string of ladies, which means, hmm... Is he under 30?" Eyes widening as she thinks of the single guys in the club. "Oh God, I just can't even picture you with someone who's 30 or older. Oh just tell me, who was it?"
I laugh. "He's not over 30. God, Ruby, not that there's anything wrong with it if he was. I mean, Conley and his wife, Calico, have a really big age difference and they seem perfectly happy."
"Yeah, but Calico had a lot of experience. She'd been through things and that made them a good match."
I swallow. "I've been through things too. Or, at least I nearly did. My whole childhood was a lie. My father wanted to sell my virginity. I'm very aware of the real world, Ruby. I don't need you to protect me from it."
"I know," she says. "You're right. You’re more grown up than I give you credit for. And you're smart too, and kind. And you see the world through a different lens than I do." She smiles. "That's why you're going to be such a great photographer. So… who was it?" she asks with pleading eyes.
I smile. "Jackal."
Her eyebrows lift. "Really, Jackal?"
"You say it like that's a strange thing."
"No, not strange. I'm just surprised."
"Why?"
"Jackal, he doesn't really talk, does he?"
I laugh. "He talks enough."
She twists her lip. "I know, but doesn't he seem like the kind of boy who's seen so much pain? And you’re so… bright.”
“Doesn't the quote go, ‘You need the darkness to see the light?’ Maybe I'm his light."
Ruby shakes her head. "I don't know. Sometimes when someone's so dark, when they've gone through so much pain, they don't have hope."
I think about the way Jackal pushed me away last night, how he made it clear that it was over, whatever we'd started. "I really care about him," I tell my sister.
She bites her bottom lip. "I don't think this is going to end well."
I push away from the table, disappointed. "I just want your support, Ruby."
"I don't know if I can give that to you,” she says softly. “Look, I don't know what secrets Jackal has, but you can just tell by the way he carries himself that he hasn't dealt with his issues. And I'm not saying he can't or he won't, I'm just saying he hasn't."
"Maybe I can help him with that."
"Maybe," she says. "But falling in love shouldn't be about rescuing someone else."
"Didn't Ranger rescue you?"
She looks at me, defeated. "Maybe you're right. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones making me emotional and I’m not thinking straight. The fact is, I love you, Lydia. You're my little sister and it's my job to protect you. I don't want to see you hurt. And usually guys in motorcycle clubs, they have baggage, and it might be too much for you to carry."
"Because it would be my first relationship?" I ask her.
Ruby nods. "Yeah, exactly. A guy like Grant, who's going to go off to a four-year university and whose parents are going to pad the way and make his life cush and comfortable, maybe that's the kind of guy you should get your toes wet with. Who you should have some fun with in the summer, a fling. A guy who is uncomplicated. You have the rest of your life for complicated."
"I know," I say, "I do. I really do hear what you're saying, but..." I swallow, looking for the words.
But Ruby already found them for me. "But the heart wants what it wants, doesn't it?" She sets her hand on top of mine.
I nod. "And my heart, it wants Jackal."
Jackal
It's late afternoon when Ranger comes into the shop.
Maddox chats him up at the front desk, but I keep my head down. The last thing I want to do is get in a confrontation with him. And I have no idea what Lydia has said or not said to her sister today. To be honest, I'll be surprised if she can keep where she was last night a secret, especially when the party ended up being so damn dangerous. So as far as I can guess, Ranger is already in on the secret and knows that I was the one who drove his sister-in-law home last night.
I need to get some damn courage and have this conversation. I care about Lydia more than she knows and I need to get this right if I want a chance with her — even if I can’t see why she’d want me. Wiping my hands off on a rag, I decide now’s the time. I know Ranger isn't here to talk to Maddox. He's here to talk to me.
"What can I do you for?" I ask Ranger, walking to the front of the shop. He is the manager over at the Ride or Die bar, and we've been friendly in the year I've lived here, but things change when the club’s sweetheart is involved, and everybody adores Lydia. I'm not sure anyone would say the same for me.
"Mind if I have a word with you, son?" he asks.
I set my jaw tight. Son. He's not that much older than me, but I don't hold it against him. Truth is Ranger has made a good life for himself here. He has a good reputation and a beautiful bride and a family to boot. I don't hold any ill will against him. I guess if I'm going to be completely honest about our road captain, I'll say I'm jealous that he has had it so damn easy. Story goes he picked up Ruby on the side of the road and a few weeks later they were married. I'm not sure many people get that sort of happily ever after. My mom sure didn't.
"What do you need?" I ask him. We head outside to the parking lot. It's dusty and dry out here, and the sun is blazing hot.
"You want to go grab a beer?" he asks me. I think about the car still in the shop and I look at my watch. There's an hour before closing
time. "I should really get back. I'm trying to fix this carburetor before the end of the working day."
Ranger nods. "You're a good man," he says, "and you have a good work ethic. I appreciate that."
"Thank you, sir."
"You don't need to call me sir."
"I know, but…”
"But you're planning on sleeping with my wife's sister, so you feel like you need to give me more respect than you did yesterday?" he asks, running a hand over his beard.
I push my hands into my pocket. "Look, I'm not trying to argue or fight or stir up anything. I know I'm not the guy for Lydia."
"Is that so?" Ranger asks. "Because I've been talking to my wife today and she seems to think that's not the case. She thinks Lydia has her heart set on you. Is she mistaken?"
I swallow hard. "Look, I'm not going to put words in Lydia's mouth. Yeah, I care about her. I do, but I'm not the kind of guy she needs."
Ranger frowns. "What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?" he asks.
"It means, um. Shit. I don't have much to offer her is all."
"You have a job, don't you?"
"Yeah, but I don't have family."
"You have the Heartlands."
"What are you trying to say?"
"Are you not really committed to us? To the brotherhood?”
"Oh, I'm committed. I just, fuck. I've been through hell, Ranger, and I'm not sure Lydia is really up for that, up for a man like me."
"When you say hell, what do you mean?"
"I did some time,” I tell him.
"So did half the men in this club. What makes you so damn special?"
I don't want to tell Ranger the truth before I have a chance to tell Lydia. If anyone's going to know my whole damn sob story, I want it to be the girl I care about, the girl I love.
"Look, you may have shit you need to overcome, but deal with it. And you need to let Lydia know your intentions because I love that girl and I don’t want to see you break her heart. That’s all I'm going to say."
"I don't intend to."
"Good. Because if I hear otherwise, there'll be trouble."
"Just to be clear," I say, "are you saying I should date her or not? I don't know what you're getting at."
