Everything. The word stopped my heart.
Roman’s nose rested next to mine, his mouth so close I could smell the flames. “You deserve to have everything you want. You deserve…” His voice trailed off.
“To live?”
He nodded. “Yes. You deserve to live.”
I let go of him. “But I won’t.”
His hands slipped from me too, eyes roaming my face again. The anger he’d been trying to snuff out since the day he woke from my dreams came rushing to the surface. But he kept it at bay, his thoughts racing instead of igniting.
“Dr. Banz said that you created all of this. The nightmares, the destruction—it was born from your fears.”
“Which is why my fear of dying from my disease led to my death. I let the fear get so big that it became my reality. I made it happen.”
“So undo it.” Roman’s voice was certain and matter-of-fact, reminding me of how angry I’d been after I’d found out that he and Stassi had meddled with my memories, trying to preserve my body long enough to find a cure.
But there was no cure for death.
“I can’t undo it,” I said, just as certain.
His brow creased. “So, you’re telling me that according to a doctor who has been studying Dreamers his entire life and, most likely, also according to the personal testimony of every single person you’ve ever come in contact with, you are powerful enough to shift parallel dimensions, move time and space, manifest your fears into reality, and bring the world to the brink of total destruction…but you can’t breathe life back into your own body?” He gripped my arms, looking up and forcing my eyes in the same direction. “That is not destruction, Bryn.” Comets shot across the sky, stars blinking in colors I’d never seen while awake. “That is beautiful. Like you.” He smiled. “Like your sculptures.” Stars clustered and fell. Roman let out a stuttering breath. “The world is not falling apart because you were born to destroy it. You were born to mend its brokenness, to make it beautiful.” He pressed my hand to his heart. It was racing. “You started with me. But you’re not finished, Bryn. Not even close.”
I stepped back onto the beach, the colors overhead coaxing me down the shoreline. I put one step in front of the other, trying to imagine an ending to this that didn’t involve more destruction. More death.
Roman stopped me. “Can you just…” his shoulders fell, “try to imagine it?”
“Imagine what?”
“The future.” Roman took my hand. “Your future.”
I was afraid to look at him; even more afraid to play this game. I didn’t want to imagine the future. There was a part of me that wasn’t sure if I even knew how.
“Our future…” Roman pleaded.
No one had told Roman about the Rogues’ curse being broken; that if I didn’t get a future, neither would he. But as he looked into my eyes, every exhale stopping short as he waited for me to speak, I knew that he could feel the tether between us, Fate dragging us both in the same direction.
Unless I convinced her otherwise.
“What do you see?” Roman asked.
We walked, hand in hand, down the length of the beach. From here I could see the stars and the Ferris wheel creeping out of the forest and my grandparent’s farmhouse. On one side the past unfurled like patchwork and on the other the ocean stretched into oblivion. A blank slate.
“I see…”
Roman’s hand knocked against my hip, nudging me on.
A smile broke free before I could stop it. “A sailboat.”
His mouth quirked up too. “A sailboat…”
“For my excursion around the world, remember?”
He hung his head back. “Right…but, wait. Was that before or after I’m supposed to build you multiple mansions in various locations of your choosing?”
“Before you build our two modestly-sized homes and after we go on our hometown food challenge/Mismatched Machine road trip.”
Roman laughed. “And at some point during all of this you’re going to win the lottery.”
“Oh, yes! Thanks for reminding me. I’ll definitely need the money before any traveling takes place.”
“And then maybe we could use the money to just hire someone to build your dream homes…”
My steps crossed, our arms brushing. “But then they’d be missing that personal touch.”
A minute of silence passed. Roman squeezed my hand. “What do you really see?” His voice was low and rough, sounding more like a man than the boy who’d washed up on this beach almost a year ago.
I took a deep breath, forcing out the distractions and the fear, letting my mind settle on the most honest thing it could reach. “I see piles of homework…”
Roman laughed again. “Only you would dream of something that…normal.”
I sighed, still thinking. “I see late nights spent in a dimly lit study room. Lecture halls and stacks of books. Lots and lots of coffee. And none of it will cause me to have a six-week long episode.”
“What else will you do now that you’re not sick?” He was pushing me to dig deeper, to imagine a future almost as boundless as the dream world I’d been living in.
“I don’t know.” It was the truth.
“But you thought about it before. When you were still looking for a cure.”
“I wanted to go to school, to be healthy enough to travel, but also to be in one place long enough to make friends. I wanted to spend more time with my family…to be there for every Thanksgiving and Christmas. I still want those things.” I met his eyes. “And I want you. Not just to share a crappy apartment with you and to get a dog and actually sleep in the same bed.” My voice fell apart. “But to be with you while you do all of the things you dreamed of doing.” I fell apart.
My face was already drenched by the time Roman wrapped his arms around me. This whole time he’d been pushing me to imagine the possibilities, to imagine my future in the hope that I would finally be willing to fight for it. The truth was I could leave him now, I could climb back into my body, and I could live with the pain of that choice. I could live with the regret of never having lived the life I’d always wanted, the one Roman believed I deserved. But I couldn’t handle the pain of robbing him of the same.
“Bryn, look at me.” His thumbs brushed my cheeks. “You can change the future. You can have everything you want. We can be together.” Tears slipped down his face too. “Remember how you felt when Rodrigo told you what he could do.” He pressed his forehead to mine. “Force down the fear and use that instead. Choose hope instead.”
Light burned my eyes, two small moons moving up ahead. The sand was gone, replaced by chipping asphalt and faded white lines. Roman turned at the far-off drone of the engine.
I sifted through memories, trying to recall every pair of headlights and every purring engine—the car we’d hotwired to carry Alma and her sister to safety, the one I’d hurled at Sebastían to stop him from attacking my mom.
“Wait…” Roman’s eyes were closed. “I know that sound.” They flashed open again, reflecting the oncoming headlights. “That’s the car my dad and I restored.” He shuddered. “The one I crashed.”
I looked from one end of the road to the other and then I spotted the drop. We were standing fifty yards from the top of the hill, the tree Roman had crashed his car into waiting somewhere at the bottom.
I stepped into Roman’s line of sight, trying to break whatever stupor had him paralyzed. “You’re right here. With me. You’re not in that car, Roman.”
He stared past me, face twisted. “Yes, I am.”
The car approached, headlights falling low enough for us to see what was behind them. Roman gripped the steering wheel with one hand, the other reaching across to the passenger seat and twirling a piece of my hair. Me. I was laughing, swatting his hand away before reaching for the radio. I kissed him on the cheek before falling back against the seat.
Wind rippled past the car, pushing us off the road as it tore forward.
Roma
n lit up. “No…” And then he started running.
As we reached the top of the hill, headlights careened off of something white. The doe froze, the moment dragging so slowly that I could see the tiny fog escaping from it’s nose. I could hear the stamp of Roman’s foot on the brake. I could see the smoke floating up from the asphalt as the tires stained it black. The car split the trunk of the tree, everything cracked and smoking. And then I saw Sebastían leading the deer back into the trees.
My knees buckled, legs already aching as I tried to force them forward. I couldn’t move. Neither could Roman. Rage forced my thoughts out like a snare, yanking Sebastían out of the forest. He skidded across the asphalt, shredded and bloody by the time he landed at my feet.
He smiled, spitting up blood as he marveled at the mangled car. “Now you have a choice.” His eyelids fluttered closed as he rested his head against the road. “Your future…” His green eyes snapped open again, irises reflecting a swarm of shadows surrounding the clearing. “Or theirs.”
87
Bryn
I didn’t even look back at the car. Smoke swirled in the corner of my eye, Roman glaring at the mess of metal and dust. His jaw tightened, eyes burning. I held out my hand and then he took it.
I didn’t aim for the clearing. I didn’t aim for the shadows. I hooked my thoughts into Sebastían, finding his hiding place among the trees, and then I hurled myself into his arms.
The dreams shot me back, the current still swimming beneath his skin, the barrier like an electric fence. Bright flecks stained my fingertips, the fractured memories barely merging with my own.
Roman charged him next. Sebastían glared, sending him to his knees and igniting a scream that shook the birds from the leaves. Roman clutched his ears, rocking, panting. Back in that wrecked car. Maybe back in the quarry.
Sebastían couldn’t help but gawk, his body trembling as he fought to keep Roman trapped in the nightmare. I threw myself into him, knocking him to the ground and breaking his hold on Roman. My nails carved tiny nicks in his forearms, drawing blood. His dreams pricked the tips of my fingers, the pain striking in flashes. I couldn’t tell if it was a memory or if the dreams were somehow fighting back.
Sebastían let out a scream just as wretched as the one he’d forced from Roman. The scream echoed inside me, his voice igniting my own—the one that hated me; that wanted me to be afraid.
Irrevocably. Disastrously. Wrong.
I blinked, the forest fuzzy and dark.
Broken. Broken. Bryn, you’re broken.
I blinked again, that darkness spilling down around me, pooling like oil.
I broke my hold before my thoughts closed in, Sebastían trying to shift them into cell walls again. The forest returned in beats of black and green, my head throbbing. Sebastían scrambled to his feet, keeping his distance. I waited for the dizziness to let go of me. I waited for Sebastían to slither inside again. His knees quaked as he staggered back and then he broke into a run.
I stared ahead of his steps, ripping a giant root from the soil and sending him to the ground. The anger only sharpened his focus. He turned back, gaze seething.
I flew against the trunk of one of the trees, the light I’d stolen from him stopping at my elbows. My back shredded against the bark as my feet came off the ground. Sebastían’s thoughts gripped my throat, my cheeks burning as I tried to breathe.
“Sebastían!”
Past the drum of my pulse I heard footsteps through the grass. Her voice was muffled, Sebastían’s hold on me tightening before the sound forced him to loosen his grip.
I slid to the ground, bleeding, gasping for air.
Sebastían’s Rogue lit up the forest, his senses reeling at the sight of her. Anso had told him she was dead. That I’d killed her. But there she was, burning as bright as the day they’d first met, reaching for him with the same air of destiny as the heat of their first kiss.
I stared past them both, focusing on one of the low hanging branches, leaves almost grazing Sebastían’s shoulder. I yanked it down, the branch snapping around his waist before pulling him against the trunk. Saplings knotted around his wrists and ankles.
Before Nina could make a move, I forced my fingers into the soil, using Kira’s dreams to find the roots. They carried my touch, syphoning Sebastían’s dreams into the bark of the tree. I reeled them in, slow, gritting my teeth against the strain. Sebastían strained too, the light beneath his skin flaring and sparking as it fought against my pull.
His memories were a lightning storm, pain and anger and grief striking the dark landscape of his mind, leaving him charred and scarred and broken. Pieces of Anso still clung to him like poisonous barbs. His voice. His hands. His dreams. Sebastían’s memories were not honest pieces of his past. They were manufactured, his nightmares bleeding into the real world the same way mine had.
Nina’s flames were replaced by the bright glow of headlights. I retraced Sebastían’s steps back through the trees in my dream-state, those trees leading back to the clearing. I saw the swarm of shadows over the house and then I watched Sebastían summon the nightmares of the people I loved, putting them in cages and nooses and darkness.
He’d searched the destruction for Rodrigo, finding Callum instead and using his dreams as fuel. Charles had fought back and then one of the shadows cored him, leaving him as still and empty as my father’s corpse. I searched Sebastían’s memories for Dani and Felix. But once he’d set the terror in motion, he’d vanished, finding Roman and I in my dreams.
I tried to shove light into every dark corner, to tear down the bars and the walls. I could hear Dani, her voice mingling with other cries and shouts, whispers and last breaths.
Dani, hold on.
Nothing shifted, a barrier still blocking me from the source of Sebastían’s dreams. I reached deeper, past the Dreamers Sebastían had found before me, past the prison, and past the nightmares that had put him there. I searched for the seam between Anso’s lies and the truth.
Sebastían stopped straining, searching for something too. I prodded him in the direction of his past and then I saw her face. Nina. The relief made him limp and I navigated with ease through his life before Anso. When the dream-state was made up of nothing but his memories and Nina was just the girl in the apartment across from his.
Sebastían’s entire life flashed in reverse. Through birthdays and soccer tournaments and skinned knees. Through his grandmother’s funeral and his mother’s miscarriages and the sound of his father’s guitar slipping between the bars of his crib.
When the forest filled my vision again Sebastían was in my arms and Nina was bound by Roman’s, her flames dimming the moment she saw Sebastían blink.
His mouth trembled, exhaustion subduing whatever was trying to claw its way out. Suddenly, he jerked, scars rising to the surface as Anso’s son slipped on his skin. He growled, swiping at my face. Nina snatched his wrist, twisting until he was smoking. She drove the cold from Sebastían’s skin, Anso’s son shuddering as she ripped him out. Her flames ravaged him, ashes littering the ground as Sebastían choked on the emptiness he’d left behind.
“It’s okay,” I said. “You’re okay.”
Nina fell at my side, checking Sebastían for wounds. He grabbed both her hands, the damage too deep for her to reach. He tried to sit up, Nina’s hold forcing him back down. I steadied a hand on him too, driving out the delirium that had plagued the other Dreamers just before waking up.
“Are they awake?” he croaked out.
I looked up at Roman. “He means the others. They were separated and trapped in some kind of nightmare. You have to find them.”
Sebastían faced Nina. “Go with him. Please.”
“I’m not leaving you,” she said.
“What’s happening?” Roman asked.
I shifted my shoulder under Roman’s hand, guiding the translation through his skin.
“I’m staying with you,” Nina said again, more adamant this time.
“Plea
se…” He shook. “I can’t undo it.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “If they die…I can’t undo it.”
“We’ll be okay,” I said, sensing Roman’s hesitation too. “The others might not be.”
Roman and Nina’s footsteps receded, finally breaking into a run.
Sebastían squeezed my hand. “I’m so—”
“Don’t.” I squeezed back. “You don’t have to say anything.”
“I do…” He took a deep breath. “Anso’s madness isn’t caused by the memory of what he did. He’s out of his mind because he’s still living it. He trapped me the same way, the nightmare seeping into reality until I couldn’t tell who was my enemy. Until I couldn’t tell who I was anymore.”
“How do I stop him?” I asked. “How do I end this?”
Sebastían climbed onto his elbows, his strength slowly returning. He steadied himself and then he looked me in the eye. “Wake him up.”
88
Roman
The sight of them slowed my steps. They were wrapped around each other, so tightly I couldn’t tell where Felix ended and Dani began. So close I couldn’t tell whose blood they were covered in. So still I couldn’t tell if they were breathing.
“Are they—?” Nina stopped.
When Felix looked up my heart stopped too.
I fell to my knees in front of Dani, hands hovering over the tiny nicks and holes that covered her skin. She was covered in them, the grass soaked with her blood.
“Are you hurt?” Nina asked Felix.
He shook his head, pushing Dani into my arms. He couldn’t speak.
Nina knelt. “What happened to her?”
My face darkened. “Sebastían…”
She eased back but I couldn’t tell if it was from fear or guilt. I wondered if she’d seen his monster before, if she hated herself for loving him anyway. I guess I couldn’t fault her for that. Fate was in charge of our feelings not logic.
“I couldn’t stop the bleeding.” Felix stuttered, wrenched by a sob. “I couldn’t stop it…”
The Girl In Between series: Books 1-4 Page 140
