“I’m a glutton for punishment.” Aw hell, that was the truth.
She smiled and shook her head. “I never thought I was before, but I’m thinking I might be now.”
He frowned. “I hurt you?”
“No. But what I feel for you is so overwhelming, it hurts sometimes.”
Her confession sliced through him. That what she felt for him actually brought her pain was…devastating. He didn’t want that sort of responsibility. The ability to hurt her, damage her, tear her apart.
But what they shared wasn’t some sort of casual thing. It was real. Meaningful. And damn it, he was going to do everything he could to prove that to her. Despite her protests and constant withdrawal, he needed to get it through her thick head.
It worked between them. Felt right when it had never been like this with another before.
Grabbing hold of her, he dragged her into his room, the heavy door slamming behind them. He grasped her shoulders and pinned her against the door, stared into her eyes, lost himself for a moment in their depths. “Just give me tonight, Gracie,” he whispered, dipping his head so his mouth hovered above hers. “Give me tonight and let me prove to you just how good we are together.”
“You’ve proved it to me before,” she said shakily.
He brushed his mouth with hers, his belly fluttering when they made connection. “Let me prove it again.”
“What else do you have to prove?”
“It’s a reminder, that’s all.” He kissed her this time, a real, drugging, deep kiss that had her gasping when he broke apart from her. “A reminder of how deep our connection is.”
She wiggled against him, her pelvis brushing against his, and his cock reacted like the randy bastard it was. He went instantly hard, and he breathed deep, tightening his hold on her shoulders. “Stop moving.”
“Or what?” Her words, her expression, were sassy, and he pressed against her harder. Letting her feel exactly what she did to him. “Oh.”
“Yeah.” He smiled grimly. “Oh.”
“You want me to do something about that?”
He frowned. What was she saying? “Don’t tease me,” he growled.
“I’m not teasing. You said one more night, let’s take one more night.” Reaching between them, she drifted her fingers down the length of his cock. “It’s all I think I can give you, though, Hunter. Are you okay with that?”
Pausing, he stared at her, his breathing ragged, his mind awhirl. She constantly put conditions on them, on their time together and he hated it. Despised it with everything that swirled within him, all those ugly, painful emotions he didn’t want to face. “What the hell are you so afraid of that you can’t commit beyond one night at a time?”
“You,” she whispered with a sad little smile. “And what you could do to me when you leave me. Because you will. Everyone always leaves me. I won’t let myself be destroyed again.”
Hunter parted his lips, ready to make the promise that he would never leave her but he realized he couldn’t say it. Didn’t know if it was the truth. And he wasn’t about to spout off meaningless words, empty promises that would destroy her later.
He couldn’t bear it if he ever hurt her.
“Gracie,” he started but she silenced him by pressing her index finger against his mouth.
“Don’t say it. Don’t say things you don’t mean.” She traced his lips with the tip of her finger, as if learning, memorizing their shape. “Just give me this. Tonight. I think it’ll be enough.”
Grasping her wrist, he held her hand to his mouth, kissing her knuckles reverently. One more night, a few measly hours wouldn’t ever be enough, not for him and most likely not for her, either.
But he would take what he could get.
For now.
Chapter Nine
Two weeks had passed, and he realized he was a liar. He didn’t want to take what he could get and settle without her. Why the hell hadn’t he told Gracie that? Why had he let her walk out of his life, not just once but multiple times?
Maybe I’m a coward.
Coming to that realization in the middle of a long, sleepless night hadn’t helped him whatsoever. Lack of decent sleep over a long stretch had left him near delirious. Dealing with a woman who pretended she didn’t give a shit did that to a man.
A man who most definitely gave a shit about her and who she was and what she was feeling.
Hunter scrubbed a hand over his face and glanced at the clock on his nightstand. Again. It was almost five in the morning, and his thoughts made him sound like a wimpy ass, let alone feel like one. But he didn’t care. He was finally going to embrace the truth.
One night, even a handful of nights with Gracie Hayes weren’t enough. He wanted more. He wanted everything.
And she wasn’t willing to give it.
Dull pain ripped through him, and he gave up the fight. Climbing out of bed, he padded into the connecting bathroom and reached inside the shower, flicking on the water. He’d take a shower. Check his email, maybe watch the morning news. He’d eat something if his stomach wasn’t still such a queasy mess, but he doubted that would go away anytime soon.
Unless, by chance, Gracie knocked on his door within the next hour and announced she’d die without him permanently in her life.
He laughed out loud at that thought.
Shedding his underwear, he stepped into the shower and stood under the hot spray of water. Steam rose around him, enveloping him in a warm fog. As usual, his thoughts drifted to that last night in Los Angeles. When she’d given in and allowed him to drag her into his hotel room.
He’d fucked her standing against the doorway. Taking her like a savage beast, losing himself in her because it was so easy. Too easy. She’d let him, encouraged him, had screamed his name when the orgasm he gave her rushed through her. The surge of primal satisfaction he’d felt when they were finished had been so overwhelming, he’d felt like a macho ass.
A macho ass who’d just claimed his woman.
They’d shared his room service meal, playfully feeding each other and he marveled at the change in her. She became loose and free, laughing and joking and filling him with such a bright light he was warmed by it. After they ate, they took a shower together, soaping each other’s bodies, sliding against each other, their mouths fused. Until she’d gone to her knees and sucked him deep. He lost all semblance of control, coming inside her mouth within moments. He’d apologized, feeling like an idiot, and she’d laughed in answer.
He’d fallen a little more in love with her at that very moment.
To relive those memories was both a joy and a punishment. Because just as tangible and recent that those memories were, they were also just that. A reminder of what they shared and how utterly perfect it had been—but only for a fleeting moment he felt he’d forever be chasing.
Their reality was much more disappointing.
Closing his eyes, he pressed his forehead against the cool tile wall, the water tapping an incessant beat against his skin. Women did not do this to him. They just…didn’t. He’d always been able to move on, even if he wasn’t the one who hadn’t ended it first. That was rare but hey, he could admit he wasn’t perfect. He’d been dumped a few times.
But nothing was as devastating, as all-consuming as this. He missed Gracie so much, he ached with it. He saw her five days a week at work, spent a lot of time with her, especially this last week while they planned the launch event for Worthwhile.
It wasn’t the same. She was different at work. Professional, distant and so wicked smart he found himself listening to her in a daze, entranced by her like an idiot. Why she couldn’t let down her guard and really let him in, he didn’t know.
Had a feeling he would never know, and that realization near crushed him.
Straightening, he submerged himself under the shower spray and reached for the shampoo, then lathered up his hair. He needed to buck the hell up and quick. This pining away crap wasn’t like him, and he needed to get back on track.
Slacking at work over a woman would infuriate Alex and give Rhett ammunition to use against him later. The very last thing he wanted to do.
Hunter closed his eyes and rinsed his head. How the hell had Alex dealt with it all? That push and pull intensity of a fledging relationship with someone he worked with? He remembered when Tessa left. How devastated Alex had been, though he’d hidden it well. With lots of blustering and shitty behavior, everyone had just believed he was extra grumpy.
But Hunter had seen the truth. The bleakness in Alex’s gaze, the depression that hung over him like a dark cloud. Guilt had filled Hunter because he’d played a part in Tessa’s leaving. He’d accused her of stealing company secrets when she’d been innocent—Alex had reacted to Hunter’s revelations out of pure instinct.
And it had nearly cost his brother to lose the woman he loved—and their baby—forever.
Gritting his teeth with determination, Hunter forced himself to get through the shower. The mundane morning preparations before he went to work. All of it. He was made of stronger stuff and he needed to prove it.
More than anything, he needed to prove it to himself.
He strode into the building with a feigned confidence that tricked everyone. Head held high, smile pasted on his face, wearing his favorite suit and lucky tie. He clutched a Starbucks cup in his hand, hoping like hell the caffeine would give him the necessary jolt to last through the morning.
The Worth building was quiet since it was still early, but his assistant was there. Sitting behind her desk and typing furiously at her keyboard, she glanced up when he passed by and offered him a glimmer of a smile.
“Messages are on your desk,” she said.
“I already have messages?” It was just after seven. “And what are you doing here so early?”
Gloria smiled. “I have a dentist appointment this afternoon, remember?”
“Right.” He nodded, his gaze wandering around the cubicles. Looking for a distinct dark head bent over her desk. “What time is the appointment?”
“Three-thirty and across town, so I’ll need to leave extra early. I’m not taking a lunch.” Gloria returned her attention to her monitor, her fingers once again clacking on the keyboard. “Oh, Gracie Hayes said she wants to speak with you as soon as you get in.”
His stomach instantly knotted up. “She’s here already?” He didn’t spot her at her desk.
“She was here when I arrived, and that was fifteen minutes ago,” Gloria said wryly. “I think she’s trying to make us all look bad.”
He scowled at his assistant. So Gracie was dedicated, so what? “If you see her, tell her I’m here.”
“She went to grab some coffee real quick. I’ll let her know you’re in when she comes back and send her to your office.”
He went into his office, going straight to the window. Opening the blinds, he gazed down at the busy maze of streets filled with cars below. It was a cold and rainy morning, a perfect gloomy backdrop to his melancholy mood and he took a sip of his coffee. Wished like hell she wasn’t the first thing he had to deal with this morning.
Coward.
Hunter scowled. He was really beginning to hate that word.
A knock sounded on the door, and he turned to see Gracie standing just inside his office. Confident and beautiful, the wariness in her gaze the only thing giving her away.
She was nervous. Great, so was he.
“Can I talk to you?”
“Of course. Come in.” He settled behind his desk, and she sat down as well. In the very chair he’d had sex with her in almost two months ago.
His lips, his emotions flattened at the memory.
“I—I don’t know how to tell you this.” She wrenched her hands together in her lap and bent her head as if afraid to look into his eyes. “I don’t think I’ll be able to go to the Worthwhile spring launch.”
“Why the hell not?” The words left him before he could think and she jerked her head up at his harsh tone, her eyes wide. “I mean. Well—” He cleared his throat, searching for composure. “You’ve worked so hard on this already. Why wouldn’t you want to see the final completion of the project?”
She shrugged and gazed at her lap once more. Docile and timid, completely unlike her usual self, he frowned at her bent head.
What the hell was going on?
“I’ll see this project through to the end, I promise, being I’m in charge of it all. But I don’t think it’s necessary for me to attend the actual event. You’re more than competent to handle everything, as is Rhett. You don’t need me there.”
“I want you there,” he said, his voice low, anger and frustration bubbling inside of him. “You deserve to be there, Gracie. You’ve put in too many long hours to let it go and have Rhett in charge of it, for Christ’s sake.”
She met his gaze once more, her lips pursed, anger radiating off her in subtle waves. “Why do you keep underestimating Rhett? He’s a lot smarter than you give him credit for.”
He literally growled with frustration. She automatically defended Rhett and she had no idea the shit he’d been through with his brother. “I’ll answer your question when you answer mine.” Leaning across his desk, his gaze locked with hers. “Why do you keep avoiding me and playing this game?”
“I don’t avoid you.” She sat up straighter, visibly bristling.
“That’s the reason you don’t want to go to the launch party, right? Fly all the way to California, stay in a hotel for a couple of days—because you’ll have to be with me.” He paused, letting his words sink in. Her lips parted, she gaped at him like a fish and he pushed on. “Plenty of other employees from the New York office will be in attendance as well, including Alex. I’m sure you can use whoever you need to as some sort of buffer between us. I already said I wouldn’t cross that line ever again.” He’d said it only to make her happy and ended up making himself completely miserable in the process.
Her face appeared ready to crumple, and she turned away, glancing over her shoulder as if to make sure no one was in the doorway lurking about before she turned to face him once more. “It’s too hard for me to go, Hunter. I can’t do it and I’m sorry. I don’t mean to disappoint you, but I just…” Her voice trailed off, and she stood, looking ready to run. “I can’t,” she whispered before she darted toward the door.
He leapt from his chair and ran after her, stopping her just before his office door with a firm hold around her upper arm. Sticking his head round the door, he caught sight of Gloria as she looked up, her questioning gaze meeting his. Smiling at her, he slowly shut the door.
And turned to face the most impossible woman he’d ever met.
“Running away isn’t going to solve this, Gracie.”
She pressed herself against the wall and appeared to be holding her breath before she let it out in a shaky exhale. “I’m not running away.”
“Bullshit.”
She glared. “Isn’t this hard for you? All of this pretending? Carrying on like nothing is wrong, like we’re just co-workers and nothing else? Or is your heart made of steel and you’re already over what happened between us?”
That did it. She was the one who moved through life encased in solid steel armor, deflecting everyone and every unwanted emotion that came her way. And she had the gall to accuse him of being the heartless one?
“I can’t even believe you have the nerve to say that to me,” he said, his lips so tight with anger he could barely speak. “You’re the one who shuts down emotionally. You’re the one who constantly pushes me away. You’re the one who asked to keep our relationship strictly professional. So I give you that and you still can’t handle it.”
“Fine. You’re much stronger than me and I’m a big wimp. Is that what you want to hear?” She tossed the words at him and he wondered if she’d come in here looking for a fight.
Perfect. She’d just found one. He’d been walking around in a quiet rage for days.
“I want to hear you tell the truth for once. That’s what I
want. Tell me why you can’t go to California with me, Gracie. It’s the event of a lifetime as far as your career goes and now you’re refusing to go. It makes no damn sense. This isn’t like you, you’re stronger than that. I know it. So give me the real reason you’re trying to bail.”
Gracie braced herself against the wall, wishing like crazy she hadn’t gone with her earlier impulse to talk to Hunter.
He appeared livid, his eyes such a dark blue they were almost black, and his entire body radiated tension. Like he was eaten up with anger, but there was more to it, she could tell. Shadows darkened beneath his eyes, his skin wan and haggard, his mouth pulled into an automatic frown. He was upset. Something was eating at him, and she had the distinct feeling she was the source.
She hated that. Had never wanted it to be like this between them, but he made her feel the same. The mere thought of going to California with him again had gnawed at her for days, and she knew she’d never make it. Despite how hard she’d worked on the Worthwhile launch and how badly she wanted to see it through, she knew emotionally it would be trying, to say the least. Who was she fooling, claiming she could deal with Hunter on a work-only basis after what they’d shared?
Herself, that’s who she’d fooled. Well, it hadn’t lasted long.
Waking up that morning filled with resolve, she’d come into work extra early, hoping he’d show up as well. And he had, luckily enough for her. But the moment she slipped into his office, dread swept through her. He looked so incredibly handsome, smelled so good. She’d wanted to run into his arms and beg him never to let her go.
Instead she’d stammered like a ninny and tried to bail on him. He’d become even more infuriated with her. Now he demanded she be truthful.
Yeah, right. It wasn’t that easy.
“I’m not as strong as you think I am.” She kept her voice soft. Her entire body trembled and she braced herself more firmly against the wall. Needed it to support her before she slid to the floor in a crying, shaking mess.
Hunter nodded once, encouraging her to carry on.
Worth the Risk Page 9
