After putting on a reflective vest and hardhat with floodlight, Hope and I set off to find the missing toddler. Usually, after getting a scent off of an exemplar, Hope is pretty confident about what direction to go in, but tonight she seems to be going around in aimless circles. I’m trying not to project my frustration through my commands or through her tension in her lead, but as time wears on, it becomes increasingly difficult to keep my body language neutral. As we take one last pass along a low-lying creek bed a sick feeling overtakes me when I see a flash of red. I don’t even have to consult the victim description to know Sebian was last seen wearing Spiderman pajamas.
Dammit all to Hell! Why didn’t I bring both dogs? I should’ve brought Lexicon with me just in case. If I had, as soon as Hope started acting squirrelly, I could’ve switched dogs and maybe we could have found Sebian faster.
I mark my location on GPS and send it to the rest of the rescue team. I radio for backup and then run to Sebian. When I see that he is completely submerged facedown in the water, I have to repeat the mantra in my head ‘cold and not breathing is not dead’. They drum that into us in EMT training. It’s not necessarily too late and we might still be able to help him if we can get him to a trauma center. I have to keep myself calm and thinking even though it looks dire.
As gently as I can, I scoop him out of the water in put him on his back on the shore and begin the procedures that I’ve been taught. I have barely begun when the fully trained rescue team comes and takes over for me. After the toddler has been rushed away with full lights and sound, Sheriff Foster comes over to my rig to debrief. He is visibly pale when he updates me on Sebian’s unresponsive state. “It’s a really good thing that Susan was on call. If that little guy stands any chance at all tonight, it will be due to her.”
“Susan?” I ask, totally confused.
“She worked in Portland at one of those big teaching hospitals and flew on the crew of a Life Flight helicopter before she got married and her husband got transferred here; she’s some fancy trauma nurse, you know the kind they write movies about.”
“That’s good because this little guy is going to need a classic Hollywood ending with a miracle or two thrown in for good measure.”
Unfortunately, little Sebian didn’t get his happy ending either at the local hospital or when they, in a last-ditch effort, tried to life flight him to an advanced trauma center.
Somehow, I’ve found myself over at the Totter place again. I don’t know, there’s just something about this place that draws me like a magnet even as dilapidated as it is. I didn’t intentionally come over here today but my mind is so full that I need a safe place to empty it. I’m sitting on the dilapidated porch watching a mama barn cat play with a litter of kittens. I can’t help but think how much a little boy like Sebian would enjoy playing with a bunch of little kittens like this.
I can’t stop running last night’s call in my head over and over. If I had thought about it more carefully, I probably shouldn’t have relied on Hope to be rock solid in that kind of environment. I knew that she had been burned. Sure, I had put her in fire rich environments before but nothing that big and smoky. It likely triggered some bad memories for her when paired with a loud arguing family. I have had her in loud environments as well but never the two together. I should have had the foresight to combine both environments. I worked Hope in training environments that contained fire trucks and fire, but never with both darkness and distraught family members. I think it just overwhelmed her. Had I been thinking ahead, I should have thought to bring all of those elements together and maybe taken her on a few actual fires.
What if all this is my fault because I didn’t thoroughly test her enough? I’ll never know whether a child lost his life because I didn’t run every single scenario by my dog in advance. I can’t go back and test whether Lexicon would have performed better under pressure. He might not have collapsed emotionally, but his talking skills aren’t quite as good as Hope’s. Either way, in retrospect, I should’ve had both dogs there. There’s just no way to escape that conclusion.
I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t hear Walter approach. “You can’t let the bad days eat you,” Walter advises, as he lays a hand on my shoulder. “I’ve been through enough farming accidents and counseled enough grieving families to know that you’ll find enough would’ve, should’ve, could’ves to last a lifetime, but they won’t change the outcome.”
“But what if I should have done things differently?” I argue.
“You’ll do them differently next time, but you gotta forgive yourself,” Walter declares softly. “The Lord knows you tried your best. As long as you don’t ignore what you’ve learned, that’s all anyone can ask of you, including yourself.”
“What if I’m not ready for all of this?”
“If you truly believe that, you do what it takes to get ready. After my granddaughter brought you home with stars in her eyes, I did some research about what it is you do and from what I understand, you were facing about the worst conditions you could face that night with wind, fire and rain. It’s possible that no decision you made or didn’t make would’ve changed the outcome. That little boy could’ve already been resting in God’s arms before you ever got the call from Sheriff Foster.”
“You know what, Walter? I’m beginning to understand why my fiancé thinks you’re one of the smartest men she knows. Thank you for the words of support. I’ll work on the whole self forgiveness thing, unfortunately it doesn’t come very easily for me.”
“Well, you’re worth it. Anybody who loves my granddaughter as much as you do deserves to be given the benefit of the doubt. By the way, I’ve noticed how much you like this place. You know, the banks in this town kind of like me. They make a lot of money off of me. They probably wouldn’t bat an eyelash if I were to say, sign a home improvement loan for you to fix this place up and Tristan’s family have done a right fine job with the old parsonage and sanctuary.
You know, I was all kinds of skeptical. I already had one place lie to me so much they practically set their britches on fire, so I wasn’t holding out any great hope that I was going to be treated any better by this out of state company, especially when they claimed to be friends of Buttercup’s. Not to be mean or anything but that girl’s got a heart as soft as butter so I worry about people taking advantage of her. I was tickled pink to find that Tristan and his family are good people. If you want to use them to fix up the Totter place, I would fully support that and I’d be happy to help you kids get that done.”
I give the mama cat a scratch as I try to formulate a polite response that won’t offend Walter, “I really appreciate your offer, I don’t want you to feel like I can’t carry my own weight and with the uncertainty of Hope’s Haven, a house might be to much for me to tackle right now,” I admit.
“Since I already own the place and a lot of it’s going to be reimbursed by insurance for the tornado that swung through a couple-o-years back, I’m not terribly concerned about your ability to pay me back right now. I consider the fact that you brought my Jessica home to me to be the most priceless thing you could’ve ever done, so if anything, I owe you a big favor. The bottom line is I trust it all to work out in the end. The fact that you guys are here at all is the answer to hundreds of prayers. The rest of it is all just a matter of paperwork between us and the bank.”
PLACING FRESH CANDLES IN THE votives along the edge of the altar, I can’t help but marvel at how much has changed in just a few months. My little humble church doesn’t look so humble anymore. Even though Tristan’s dad and his brother worked really hard to keep the original character of the old church house, if you look hard enough, there are modern touches everywhere from the eco-friendly recessed lighting to the additional outlets to accommodate modern electronics. I guess the biggest surprise has been the high degree of historical accuracy. Isaac went as far as bringing in members of his wood crafting guild to carve some replacement pieces to fix some of the damaged crown molding. After
the nightmarish experience with the other company, the town was relieved and amazed when Tristan hired Janice to help his dad with all the historical research to make sure that everything was restored correctly. The result is the stunning environment that I’m currently decorating for Ivy and Rogue as a trial run for the real thing in a few months since it’s only May now.
When they told me that they were both getting married on Thanksgiving, I was really surprised. As far as I know, from the moment Ivy found out that she had a twin, she was dead set against having a stereotypical twin wedding. Last I heard, Rogue and Tristan were going to get married in Paris like Isaac and Rosa did. I haven’t really had a chance to clear up my confusion because we’ve been trying to figure out all of the wedding stuff over Skype. Skype might be fine for business meetings, but have you ever tried to pick out a bridesmaids dress over Skype? It’s a little insane. Still, flying all the way to Kansas just to check out the decor and eat some cupcakes seems a little extreme to me, but I guess that’s the lifestyle they lead now. Mitch opens the back door of the sanctuary and about scares me to death. “What are you doing here? I thought you had a meeting with your new board of directors.”
“I thought so, too. Apparently, the Chairperson contracted a wicked case of the Norwalk virus and wisely decided not to expose everyone. It’s been rescheduled for next month.”
“That sounds terrible,” I empathize, remembering the reports I’ve seen on the news.
“What are you doing?” he asks, looking around.
“I’m just trying to do last minute stuff. I still can’t believe they want me to set all this up as a trial run, but they do. They want to see what it looks like in the church. I guess I don’t blame them because it’s hard to see custom ordered samples over Skype. There’s not really much more I can do. I’ve tied up all the tasks I can think of. It’s not as if I can taste the cake and order desserts for them.”
“Wait a second, don’t orders have to be ordered like, months in advance. When my mama ordered one for her class reunion, she had to order three months in advance. How can they taste cake they haven’t ordered yet?”
I shrug as I respond, “I’m guessing that this is probably Rogue’s influence on the situation because she’s pretty laid-back and casual.”
“What’s her influence, Red?” Mitch asked, still baffled by my strange ramblings.
“Oh, I thought you knew that they’re having different kinds of cupcakes instead of one big cake. That reminds me, I need to stop by the bakery and make sure that she has samples of everything available for when everyone comes in tonight.”
Mitch removes the candles from my hands and escorts me out into the sunshine as he says, “Come on, you need to get out a little more. Even though it’s been snowing, it’s still nice out here. See, the sun is shining. I don’t know about you but I miss the thought of warm sun. Although, snow is cool, too.”
“Where are we going?” I ask with trepidation in my voice. Yet, there is a bigger part of me that pokes fun at myself. It’s so funny how our lives have kind of switched places. I used to be the one who would go anywhere, anytime with questions asked. Now, I’m the one with the calm, sedate office job and Mitch is the one working outside with the dogs, traveling around the country, giving demonstrations. There’s something inherently funny about that. I felt compelled to laugh at myself.
Apparently, Mitch’s thoughts are running along the same vein as he comments, “Wow, look at me doing something impulsive and off-the-cuff. I hardly know what to do myself — maybe I’ve earned the right to throw myself a little happy parade. Anyway, I just wanted to show you something that Tristan’s brother, Elliot built. Do you want to stop by the bakery before or after?”
I stick my hands in my pockets to warm them as I decide, “I don’t think I need to come back here, I’ve done about everything that I can do. Let’s stop by Sally’s on the way and then I’m done for the day. For once, I think I’m totally free to play hooky with you.”
I dressed in layers today, but I didn’t dress in enough layers to be traipsing around outside. Even though I was raised here, being in Florida has made me spoiled to the cold weather. I had forgotten how cold it still is in May. However, watching Hope, Lexicon and the newest member of the group, Remington, frolic around with Mitch makes me forget about how cold I am. After Sabien died, I was beginning to wonder if Mitch would ever wear a carefree smile again. It’s almost as if the little boy’s tragic death was a ripple in the pond that caused Mitch to question everything he ever believed about himself or anyone else. It was a profoundly scary time for me. I didn’t know if I was going to be able to reach him and find the man I fell in love with again; nothing I said or did seems to make any difference. During his lowest time, he barely even seemed to notice that I was there beside him.
Eventually, my inability to help him started to stress me out. Surprisingly, it was my grandma that came to my rescue. She pulled me aside one day as we were trimming flowers in her rose garden. Apparently, she runs into the same problem with my grandpa when he has to help a parishioner through a difficult illness or a suicide. Even as a pastor with all the faith in the world, it’s sometimes difficult for him to absorb all the pain of his congregation and it can affect him. My grandma looked me in the eye and said, “Make sure your heart is coming from the right place so that you can be strong when they are not, so that you can provide shelter for their heart when it feels like weeping.”
My grandpa is really well known for being a person who knows what to say, but those words from my grandma have had a profound impact on me. As hard as it’s been, I’ve taken a step back and just stood by Mitch’s side and waited for him to find his stride again. Little by little, he’s been able to do that with the help of his friends and family; he seems to be rebuilding his life and his confidence.
I was incredibly proud of Mitch when he finally went to the doctor and admitted he was struggling with the pain of losing Sabien on his watch. Once Mitch started reaching out to me and others while working through his pain, we started talking about deeper, more important things. We talked about fear and pain and loss. We both have a lot of issues around guilt and fear of failure in being left behind. It’s incredible how much more we learned about each other after we fell in love.
One really big part of Mitch’s new success has been the hiring of Devon as a new trainer at Hope’s Haven. Devon’s specialty is training dogs to work with veterans returning from overseas with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Swapping stories about successes and failures within the dog training world has helped to give Mitch some much-needed perspective about where his responsibility begins and ends and helped him realize that every dog training team feels some sense of guilt over a failed rescue whether it’s misplaced or not. Devon and Mitch play the same kind of video games as well, so they’ve done some socializing outside of work. Although Mitch reports that it’s not quite the same as having Stuart around because Devon is really a health food nut and won’t let sugar pass over his lips so Mitch doesn’t have to play the role of food police. In fact, the roles are often reversed and Devon is often trying to get him to drink kale smoothies.
I’m trying to hold my phone still as I’m videoing the antics of the dogs with Mitch and suddenly all three dogs gang up on Mitch and knock him over onto his backside. I start to laugh so hard that I can’t hold my phone still. Mitch looks up at the sound, “You think that’s funny? Do you want to join the fun?” he threatens.
“No, that’s fine, thank you very much. I’m not dressed for baptism by snow,” I reply primly
“Lucky for you, I have other plans for you. Otherwise, you would be making snow angels with the puppies,” he threatens.
“If you’re trying to scare me, Mitchell Carver Campbell, you’re going to have to try harder than that because I really like to make snow angels,” I tease as I stick my tongue out and run around to the other side of the wraparound porch. I can do that now because Tristan and his dad replaced it.
&nb
sp; The house is starting to look like something out of one of those southern architecture magazines now from the outside, it just seems like it’s merely waiting for a coat of paint but, it doesn’t take very much imagination for me to envision what it’s going to look like finished. Actually, it does take a little bit of an imagination because I love colors so much that I can’t settle on a paint color. It’s driving Mitch crazy. I keep looking at historical references to trying to determine what is appropriate. It’s the downside of being a History minor. I want to be accurate for once in my life, but every time I come up with a new source, I change my mind. Mitch has been living in a little apartment above the veterinarian’s office, so he just wants me to make some decisions and get on with life so that we can start our lives together.
I start to run away from Mitch and the dogs as a fun game of chase, but as I round the corner, I stop dead in my tracks. I gasp before I blurt, “Is it too late for me to be in love with Tristan’s brother?”
Behind me, I hear Mitch choke back a startled laugh as he responds, “Yes, Jessica Lynn, it is very much too late for you to fall in love with Elliot. If I remember correctly, I think he might even still be in high school. Besides that, there’s the teeny tiny technicality of the engagement ring on your finger!”
I swing around to look at Mitch as I point to the object of my awe. “Yeah but he can build that —” I counter with a starry-eyed gaze toward the gleaming white gazebo with upholstered cushions with a brightly colored batik pattern that mimics my necklace. There are hummingbird feeders hung all the way around the gazebo just like the ones I left behind in Florida.
Sheltered Hearts (A Hidden Hearts Novel Book 2) Page 20
